[Roads] [Editorial] Modernize hyphenation and spelling

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vr8hub 2019-10-27 13:14:42 -05:00
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22 changed files with 235 additions and 235 deletions

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<p>The moustache of the marquis curled nearer to his eyes.</p>
<p>“How do you live?”</p>
<p>“I am also a shepherd; I guarded my fathers flock,” David answered, with his head high, but a flush upon his cheek.</p>
<p>“Then listen, master shepherd and poet, to the fortune you have blundered upon to-night. This lady is my niece, Mademoiselle Lucie de Varennes. She is of noble descent and is possessed of ten thousand francs a year in her own right. As to her charms, you have but to observe for yourself. If the inventory pleases your shepherds heart, she becomes your wife at a word. Do not interrupt me. To-night I conveyed her to the <i>château</i> of the Comte de Villemaur, to whom her hand had been promised. Guests were present; the priest was waiting; her marriage to one eligible in rank and fortune was ready to be accomplished. At the alter this demoiselle, so meek and dutiful, turned upon me like a leopardess, charged me with cruelty and crimes, and broke, before the gaping priest, the troth I had plighted for her. I swore there and then, by ten thousand devils, that she should marry the first man we met after leaving the <i>château</i>, be he prince, charcoal-burner, or thief. You, shepherd, are the first. Mademoiselle must be wed this night. If not you, then another. You have ten minutes in which to make your decision. Do not vex me with words or questions. Ten minutes, shepherd; and they are speeding.”</p>
<p>“Then listen, master shepherd and poet, to the fortune you have blundered upon tonight. This lady is my niece, Mademoiselle Lucie de Varennes. She is of noble descent and is possessed of ten thousand francs a year in her own right. As to her charms, you have but to observe for yourself. If the inventory pleases your shepherds heart, she becomes your wife at a word. Do not interrupt me. Tonight I conveyed her to the <i>château</i> of the Comte de Villemaur, to whom her hand had been promised. Guests were present; the priest was waiting; her marriage to one eligible in rank and fortune was ready to be accomplished. At the alter this demoiselle, so meek and dutiful, turned upon me like a leopardess, charged me with cruelty and crimes, and broke, before the gaping priest, the troth I had plighted for her. I swore there and then, by ten thousand devils, that she should marry the first man we met after leaving the <i>château</i>, be he prince, charcoal-burner, or thief. You, shepherd, are the first. Mademoiselle must be wed this night. If not you, then another. You have ten minutes in which to make your decision. Do not vex me with words or questions. Ten minutes, shepherd; and they are speeding.”</p>
<p>The marquis drummed loudly with his white fingers upon the table. He sank into a veiled attitude of waiting. It was as if some great house had shut its doors and windows against approach. David would have spoken, but the huge mans bearing stopped his tongue. Instead, he stood by the ladys chair and bowed.</p>
<p>“Mademoiselle,” he said, and he marvelled to find his words flowing easily before so much elegance and beauty. “You have heard me say I was a shepherd. I have also had the fancy, at times, that I am a poet. If it be the test of a poet to adore and cherish the beautiful, that fancy is now strengthened. Can I serve you in any way, mademoiselle?”</p>
<p>The young woman looked up at him with eyes dry and mournful. His frank, glowing face, made serious by the gravity of the adventure, his strong, straight figure and the liquid sympathy in his blue eyes, perhaps, also, her imminent need of long-denied help and kindness, thawed her to sudden tears.</p>
<p>“Monsieur,” she said, in low tones, “you look to be true and kind. He is my uncle, the brother of my father, and my only relative. He loved my mother, and he hates me because I am like her. He has made my life one long terror. I am afraid of his very looks, and never before dared to disobey him. But to-night he would have married me to a man three times my age. You will forgive me for bringing this vexation upon you, monsieur. You will, of course, decline this mad act he tries to force upon you. But let me thank you for your generous words, at least. I have had none spoken to me in so long.”</p>
<p>“Monsieur,” she said, in low tones, “you look to be true and kind. He is my uncle, the brother of my father, and my only relative. He loved my mother, and he hates me because I am like her. He has made my life one long terror. I am afraid of his very looks, and never before dared to disobey him. But tonight he would have married me to a man three times my age. You will forgive me for bringing this vexation upon you, monsieur. You will, of course, decline this mad act he tries to force upon you. But let me thank you for your generous words, at least. I have had none spoken to me in so long.”</p>
<p>There was now something more than generosity in the poets eyes. Poet he must have been, for Yvonne was forgotten; this fine, new loveliness held him with its freshness and grace. The subtle perfume from her filled him with strange emotions. His tender look fell warmly upon her. She leaned to it, thirstily.</p>
<p>“Ten minutes,” said David, “is given me in which to do what I would devote years to achieve. I will not say I pity you, mademoiselle; it would not be true—I love you. I cannot ask love from you yet, but let me rescue you from this cruel man, and, in time, love may come. I think I have a future; I will not always be a shepherd. For the present I will cherish you with all my heart and make your life less sad. Will you trust your fate to me, mademoiselle?”</p>
<p>“Ah, you would sacrifice yourself from pity!”</p>
@ -76,8 +76,8 @@
<p>“You may hope, shepherd,” sneered the marquis.</p>
<p>“Then,” said David, dashing his glass of wine into the contemptuous eyes that mocked him, “perhaps you will condescend to fight me.”</p>
<p>The fury of the great lord outbroke in one sudden curse like a blast from a horn. He tore his sword from its black sheath; he called to the hovering landlord: “A sword there, for this lout!” He turned to the lady, with a laugh that chilled her heart, and said: “You put much labour upon me, madame. It seems I must find you a husband and make you a widow in the same night.”</p>
<p>“I know not sword-play,” said David. He flushed to make the confession before his lady.</p>
<p>I know not sword-play,’ ” mimicked the marquis. “Shall we fight like peasants with oaken cudgels? <i>Hola!</i> François, my pistols!”</p>
<p>“I know not swordplay,” said David. He flushed to make the confession before his lady.</p>
<p>I know not swordplay,’ ” mimicked the marquis. “Shall we fight like peasants with oaken cudgels? <i>Hola!</i> François, my pistols!”</p>
<p>A postilion brought two shining great pistols ornamented with carven silver, from the carriage holsters. The marquis tossed one upon the table near Davids hand. “To the other end of the table,” he cried; “even a shepherd may pull a trigger. Few of them attain the honour to die by the weapon of a De Beaupertuys.”</p>
<p>The shepherd and the marquis faced each other from the ends of the long table. The landlord, in an ague of terror, clutched the air and stammered: “M-M-Monseigneur, for the love of Christ! not in my house!—do not spill blood—it will ruin my custom—” The look of the marquis, threatening him, paralyzed his tongue.</p>
<p>“Coward,” cried the lord of Beaupertuys, “cease chattering your teeth long enough to give the word for us, if you can.”</p>
@ -120,10 +120,10 @@
<p>Poet he must have been, for Yvonne was forgotten; this fine, new loveliness held him with its freshness and grace. The subtle perfume about her filled him with strange emotions.</p>
<p>On a certain night three persons were gathered about a table in a room on the third floor of the same house. Three chairs and the table and a lighted candle upon it was all the furniture. One of the persons was a huge man, dressed in black. His expression was one of sneering pride. The ends of his upturned moustache reached nearly to his mocking eyes. Another was a lady, young and beautiful, with eyes that could be round and artless, as a childs, or long and cozening, like a gypsys, but were now keen and ambitious, like any other conspirators. The third was a man of action, a combatant, a bold and impatient executive, breathing fire and steel. He was addressed by the others as Captain Desrolles.</p>
<p>This man struck the table with his fist, and said, with controlled violence:</p>
<p>“To-night. To-night as he goes to midnight mass. I am tired of the plotting that gets nowhere. I am sick of signals and ciphers and secret meetings and such <i>baragouin</i>. Let us be honest traitors. If France is to be rid of him, let us kill in the open, and not hunt with snares and traps. To-night, I say. I back my words. My hand will do the deed. To-night, as he goes to mass.”</p>
<p>“Tonight. Tonight as he goes to midnight mass. I am tired of the plotting that gets nowhere. I am sick of signals and ciphers and secret meetings and such <i>baragouin</i>. Let us be honest traitors. If France is to be rid of him, let us kill in the open, and not hunt with snares and traps. Tonight, I say. I back my words. My hand will do the deed. Tonight, as he goes to mass.”</p>
<p>The lady turned upon him a cordial look. Woman, however wedded to plots, must ever thus bow to rash courage. The big man stroked his upturned moustache.</p>
<p>“Dear captain,” he said, in a great voice, softened by habit, “this time I agree with you. Nothing is to be gained by waiting. Enough of the palace guards belong to us to make the endeavour a safe one.”</p>
<p>“To-night,” repeated Captain Desrolles, again striking the table. “You have heard me, marquis; my hand will do the deed.”</p>
<p>“Tonight,” repeated Captain Desrolles, again striking the table. “You have heard me, marquis; my hand will do the deed.”</p>
<p>“But now,” said the huge man, softly, “comes a question. Word must be sent to our partisans in the palace, and a signal agreed upon. Our stanchest men must accompany the royal carriage. At this hour what messenger can penetrate so far as the south doorway? Ribouet is stationed there; once a message is placed in his hands, all will go well.”</p>
<p>“I will send the message,” said the lady.</p>
<p>“You, countess?” said the marquis, raising his eyebrows. “Your devotion is great, we know, but—”</p>
@ -141,7 +141,7 @@
<p>“He is gone,” she said, “as fleet and stupid as one of his own sheep, to deliver it.”</p>
<p>The table shook again from the batter of Captain Desrolless fist.</p>
<p>“Sacred name!” he cried; “I have left my pistols behind! I can trust no others.”</p>
<p>“Take this,” said the marquis, drawing from beneath his cloak a shining, great weapon, ornamented with carven silver. “There are none truer. But guard it closely, for it bears my arms and crest, and already I am suspected. Me, I must put many leagues between myself and Paris this night. To-morrow must find me in my <i>château</i>. After you, dear countess.”</p>
<p>“Take this,” said the marquis, drawing from beneath his cloak a shining, great weapon, ornamented with carven silver. “There are none truer. But guard it closely, for it bears my arms and crest, and already I am suspected. Me, I must put many leagues between myself and Paris this night. Tomorrow must find me in my <i>château</i>. After you, dear countess.”</p>
<p>The marquis puffed out the candle. The lady, well cloaked, and the two gentlemen softly descended the stairway and flowed into the crowd that roamed along the narrow pavements of the Rue Conti.</p>
<p>David sped. At the south gate of the kings residence a halberd was laid to his breast, but he turned its point with the words; “The falcon has left his nest.”</p>
<p>“Pass, brother,” said the guard, “and go quickly.”</p>
@ -166,14 +166,14 @@
<p>“They run this way, sire,” said David, with respectful ardour:</p>
<blockquote>
<blockquote>
<p class="noindent">Lazy shepherd, see your lambkins<br/> <span class="ind2">Skip, ecstatic, on the mead;</span><br/> See the firs dance in the breezes,<br/> <span class="ind2">Hear Pan blowing at his reed.</span><br/> <br/> “Hear us calling from the tree-tops,<br/> <span class="ind2">See us swoop upon your flock;</span><br/> Yield us wool to make our nests warm<br/> <span class="ind2">In the branches of the</span></p>
<p class="noindent">Lazy shepherd, see your lambkins<br/> <span class="ind2">Skip, ecstatic, on the mead;</span><br/> See the firs dance in the breezes,<br/> <span class="ind2">Hear Pan blowing at his reed.</span><br/> <br/> “Hear us calling from the treetops,<br/> <span class="ind2">See us swoop upon your flock;</span><br/> Yield us wool to make our nests warm<br/> <span class="ind2">In the branches of the</span></p>
</blockquote>
</blockquote>
<p>“If it please your majesty,” interrupted a harsh voice, “I will ask a question or two of this rhymester. There is little time to spare. I crave pardon, sire, if my anxiety for your safety offends.”</p>
<p>“The loyalty,” said the king, “of the Duke dAumale is too well proven to give offence.” He sank into his chair, and the film came again over his eyes.</p>
<p>“First,” said the duke, “I will read you the letter he brought:</p>
<blockquote class="med">
<p>To-night is the anniversary of the dauphins death. If he goes, as is his custom, to midnight mass to pray for the soul of his son, the falcon will strike, at the corner of the Rue Esplanade. If this be his intention, set a red light in the upper room at the southwest corner of the palace, that the falcon may take heed.</p>
<p>Tonight is the anniversary of the dauphins death. If he goes, as is his custom, to midnight mass to pray for the soul of his son, the falcon will strike, at the corner of the Rue Esplanade. If this be his intention, set a red light in the upper room at the southwest corner of the palace, that the falcon may take heed.</p>
</blockquote>
<p>“Peasant,” said the duke, sternly, “you have heard these words. Who gave you this message to bring?”</p>
<p>“My lord duke,” said David, sincerely, “I will tell you. A lady gave it me. She said her mother was ill, and that this writing would fetch her uncle to her bedside. I do not know the meaning of the letter, but I will swear that she is beautiful and good.”</p>

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<p>“Me?” said Jimmy, in surprise. “Why, I never cracked a safe in my life.”</p>
<p>“Oh, no,” laughed the warden. “Of course not. Lets see, now. How was it you happened to get sent up on that Springfield job? Was it because you wouldnt prove an alibi for fear of compromising somebody in extremely high-toned society? Or was it simply a case of a mean old jury that had it in for you? Its always one or the other with you innocent victims.”</p>
<p>“Me?” said Jimmy, still blankly virtuous. “Why, warden, I never was in Springfield in my life!”</p>
<p>“Take him back, Cronin!” said the warden, “and fix him up with outgoing clothes. Unlock him at seven in the morning, and let him come to the bull-pen. Better think over my advice, Valentine.”</p>
<p>“Take him back, Cronin!” said the warden, “and fix him up with outgoing clothes. Unlock him at seven in the morning, and let him come to the bullpen. Better think over my advice, Valentine.”</p>
<p>At a quarter past seven on the next morning Jimmy stood in the wardens outer office. He had on a suit of the villainously fitting, ready-made clothes and a pair of the stiff, squeaky shoes that the state furnishes to its discharged compulsory guests.</p>
<p>The clerk handed him a railroad ticket and the five-dollar bill with which the law expected him to rehabilitate himself into good citizenship and prosperity. The warden gave him a cigar, and shook hands. Valentine, 9762, was chronicled on the books, “Pardoned by Governor,” and <abbr>Mr.</abbr> James Valentine walked out into the sunshine.</p>
<p>Disregarding the song of the birds, the waving green trees, and the smell of the flowers, Jimmy headed straight for a restaurant. There he tasted the first sweet joys of liberty in the shape of a broiled chicken and a bottle of white wine—followed by a cigar a grade better than the one the warden had given him. From there he proceeded leisurely to the depot. He tossed a quarter into the hat of a blind man sitting by the door, and boarded his train. Three hours set him down in a little town near the state line. He went to the café of one Mike Dolan and shook hands with Mike, who was alone behind the bar.</p>
<p>“Sorry we couldnt make it sooner, Jimmy, me boy,” said Mike. “But we had that protest from Springfield to buck against, and the governor nearly balked. Feeling all right?”</p>
<p>“Fine,” said Jimmy. “Got my key?”</p>
<p>He got his key and went upstairs, unlocking the door of a room at the rear. Everything was just as he had left it. There on the floor was still Ben Prices collar-button that had been torn from that eminent detectives shirt-band when they had overpowered Jimmy to arrest him.</p>
<p>Pulling out from the wall a folding-bed, Jimmy slid back a panel in the wall and dragged out a dust-covered suit-case. He opened this and gazed fondly at the finest set of burglars tools in the East. It was a complete set, made of specially tempered steel, the latest designs in drills, punches, braces and bits, jimmies, clamps, and augers, with two or three novelties, invented by Jimmy himself, in which he took pride. Over nine hundred dollars they had cost him to have made at, a place where they make such things for the profession.</p>
<p>In half an hour Jimmy went down stairs and through the café. He was now dressed in tasteful and well-fitting clothes, and carried his dusted and cleaned suit-case in his hand.</p>
<p>Pulling out from the wall a folding-bed, Jimmy slid back a panel in the wall and dragged out a dust-covered suitcase. He opened this and gazed fondly at the finest set of burglars tools in the East. It was a complete set, made of specially tempered steel, the latest designs in drills, punches, braces and bits, jimmies, clamps, and augers, with two or three novelties, invented by Jimmy himself, in which he took pride. Over nine hundred dollars they had cost him to have made at, a place where they make such things for the profession.</p>
<p>In half an hour Jimmy went down stairs and through the café. He was now dressed in tasteful and well-fitting clothes, and carried his dusted and cleaned suitcase in his hand.</p>
<p>“Got anything on?” asked Mike Dolan, genially.</p>
<p>“Me?” said Jimmy, in a puzzled tone. “I dont understand. Im representing the New York Amalgamated Short Snap Biscuit Cracker and Frazzled Wheat Company.”</p>
<p>This statement delighted Mike to such an extent that Jimmy had to take a seltzer-and-milk on the spot. He never touched “hard” drinks.</p>
<p>A week after the release of Valentine, 9762, there was a neat job of safe-burglary done in Richmond, Indiana, with no clue to the author. A scant eight hundred dollars was all that was secured. Two weeks after that a patented, improved, burglar-proof safe in Logansport was opened like a cheese to the tune of fifteen hundred dollars, currency; securities and silver untouched. That began to interest the rogue-catchers. Then an old-fashioned bank-safe in Jefferson City became active and threw out of its crater an eruption of bank-notes amounting to five thousand dollars. The losses were now high enough to bring the matter up into Ben Prices class of work. By comparing notes, a remarkable similarity in the methods of the burglaries was noticed. Ben Price investigated the scenes of the robberies, and was heard to remark:</p>
<p>A week after the release of Valentine, 9762, there was a neat job of safe-burglary done in Richmond, Indiana, with no clue to the author. A scant eight hundred dollars was all that was secured. Two weeks after that a patented, improved, burglarproof safe in Logansport was opened like a cheese to the tune of fifteen hundred dollars, currency; securities and silver untouched. That began to interest the rogue-catchers. Then an old-fashioned bank-safe in Jefferson City became active and threw out of its crater an eruption of banknotes amounting to five thousand dollars. The losses were now high enough to bring the matter up into Ben Prices class of work. By comparing notes, a remarkable similarity in the methods of the burglaries was noticed. Ben Price investigated the scenes of the robberies, and was heard to remark:</p>
<p>“Thats Dandy Jim Valentines autograph. Hes resumed business. Look at that combination knob—jerked out as easy as pulling up a radish in wet weather. Hes got the only clamps that can do it. And look how clean those tumblers were punched out! Jimmy never has to drill but one hole. Yes, I guess I want <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Valentine. Hell do his bit next time without any short-time or clemency foolishness.”</p>
<p>Ben Price knew Jimmys habits. He had learned them while working up the Springfield case. Long jumps, quick get-aways, no confederates, and a taste for good society—these ways had helped <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Valentine to become noted as a successful dodger of retribution. It was given out that Ben Price had taken up the trail of the elusive cracksman, and other people with burglar-proof safes felt more at ease.</p>
<p>One afternoon Jimmy Valentine and his suit-case climbed out of the mail-hack in Elmore, a little town five miles off the railroad down in the black-jack country of Arkansas. Jimmy, looking like an athletic young senior just home from college, went down the board side-walk toward the hotel.</p>
<p>Ben Price knew Jimmys habits. He had learned them while working up the Springfield case. Long jumps, quick getaways, no confederates, and a taste for good society—these ways had helped <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Valentine to become noted as a successful dodger of retribution. It was given out that Ben Price had taken up the trail of the elusive cracksman, and other people with burglarproof safes felt more at ease.</p>
<p>One afternoon Jimmy Valentine and his suitcase climbed out of the mail-hack in Elmore, a little town five miles off the railroad down in the blackjack country of Arkansas. Jimmy, looking like an athletic young senior just home from college, went down the board sidewalk toward the hotel.</p>
<p>A young lady crossed the street, passed him at the corner and entered a door over which was the sign, “The Elmore Bank.” Jimmy Valentine looked into her eyes, forgot what he was, and became another man. She lowered her eyes and coloured slightly. Young men of Jimmys style and looks were scarce in Elmore.</p>
<p>Jimmy collared a boy that was loafing on the steps of the bank as if he were one of the stockholders, and began to ask him questions about the town, feeding him dimes at intervals. By and by the young lady came out, looking royally unconscious of the young man with the suit-case, and went her way.</p>
<p>Jimmy collared a boy that was loafing on the steps of the bank as if he were one of the stockholders, and began to ask him questions about the town, feeding him dimes at intervals. By and by the young lady came out, looking royally unconscious of the young man with the suitcase, and went her way.</p>
<p>“Isnt that young lady Polly Simpson?” asked Jimmy, with specious guile.</p>
<p>“Naw,” said the boy. “Shes Annabel Adams. Her pa owns this bank. Whatd you come to Elmore for? Is that a gold watch-chain? Im going to get a bulldog. Got any more dimes?”</p>
<p>Jimmy went to the Planters Hotel, registered as Ralph D. Spencer, and engaged a room. He leaned on the desk and declared his platform to the clerk. He said he had come to Elmore to look for a location to go into business. How was the shoe business, now, in the town? He had thought of the shoe business. Was there an opening?</p>
<p>The clerk was impressed by the clothes and manner of Jimmy. He, himself, was something of a pattern of fashion to the thinly gilded youth of Elmore, but he now perceived his shortcomings. While trying to figure out Jimmys manner of tying his four-in-hand he cordially gave information.</p>
<p>Yes, there ought to be a good opening in the shoe line. There wasnt an exclusive shoe-store in the place. The dry-goods and general stores handled them. Business in all lines was fairly good. Hoped <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Spencer would decide to locate in Elmore. He would find it a pleasant town to live in, and the people very sociable.</p>
<p><abbr>Mr.</abbr> Spencer thought he would stop over in the town a few days and look over the situation. No, the clerk neednt call the boy. He would carry up his suit-case, himself; it was rather heavy.</p>
<p><abbr>Mr.</abbr> Spencer thought he would stop over in the town a few days and look over the situation. No, the clerk neednt call the boy. He would carry up his suitcase, himself; it was rather heavy.</p>
<p><abbr>Mr.</abbr> Ralph Spencer, the phœnix that arose from Jimmy Valentines ashes—ashes left by the flame of a sudden and alterative attack of love—remained in Elmore, and prospered. He opened a shoe-store and secured a good run of trade.</p>
<p>Socially he was also a success, and made many friends. And he accomplished the wish of his heart. He met Miss Annabel Adams, and became more and more captivated by her charms.</p>
<p>At the end of a year the situation of <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Ralph Spencer was this: he had won the respect of the community, his shoe-store was flourishing, and he and Annabel were engaged to be married in two weeks. <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Adams, the typical, plodding, country banker, approved of Spencer. Annabels pride in him almost equalled her affection. He was as much at home in the family of <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Adams and that of Annabels married sister as if he were already a member.</p>
@ -51,12 +51,12 @@
<p class="ind15"><span class="smallcaps">Jimmy</span>.</p>
</blockquote>
</blockquote>
<p>On the Monday night after Jimmy wrote this letter, Ben Price jogged unobtrusively into Elmore in a livery buggy. He lounged about town in his quiet way until he found out what he wanted to know. From the drug-store across the street from Spencers shoe-store he got a good look at Ralph D. Spencer.</p>
<p>On the Monday night after Jimmy wrote this letter, Ben Price jogged unobtrusively into Elmore in a livery buggy. He lounged about town in his quiet way until he found out what he wanted to know. From the drugstore across the street from Spencers shoe-store he got a good look at Ralph D. Spencer.</p>
<p>“Going to marry the bankers daughter are you, Jimmy?” said Ben to himself, softly. “Well, I dont know!”</p>
<p>The next morning Jimmy took breakfast at the Adamses. He was going to Little Rock that day to order his wedding-suit and buy something nice for Annabel. That would be the first time he had left town since he came to Elmore. It had been more than a year now since those last professional “jobs,” and he thought he could safely venture out.</p>
<p>After breakfast quite a family party went downtown together<abbr>Mr.</abbr> Adams, Annabel, Jimmy, and Annabels married sister with her two little girls, aged five and nine. They came by the hotel where Jimmy still boarded, and he ran up to his room and brought along his suit-case. Then they went on to the bank. There stood Jimmys horse and buggy and Dolph Gibson, who was going to drive him over to the railroad station.</p>
<p>All went inside the high, carved oak railings into the banking-room—Jimmy included, for <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Adamss future son-in-law was welcome anywhere. The clerks were pleased to be greeted by the good-looking, agreeable young man who was going to marry Miss Annabel. Jimmy set his suit-case down. Annabel, whose heart was bubbling with happiness and lively youth, put on Jimmys hat, and picked up the suit-case. “Wouldnt I make a nice drummer?” said Annabel. “My! Ralph, how heavy it is? Feels like it was full of gold bricks.”</p>
<p>“Lot of nickel-plated shoe-horns in there,” said Jimmy, coolly, “that Im going to return. Thought Id save express charges by taking them up. Im getting awfully economical.”</p>
<p>After breakfast quite a family party went downtown together<abbr>Mr.</abbr> Adams, Annabel, Jimmy, and Annabels married sister with her two little girls, aged five and nine. They came by the hotel where Jimmy still boarded, and he ran up to his room and brought along his suitcase. Then they went on to the bank. There stood Jimmys horse and buggy and Dolph Gibson, who was going to drive him over to the railroad station.</p>
<p>All went inside the high, carved oak railings into the banking-room—Jimmy included, for <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Adamss future son-in-law was welcome anywhere. The clerks were pleased to be greeted by the good-looking, agreeable young man who was going to marry Miss Annabel. Jimmy set his suitcase down. Annabel, whose heart was bubbling with happiness and lively youth, put on Jimmys hat, and picked up the suitcase. “Wouldnt I make a nice drummer?” said Annabel. “My! Ralph, how heavy it is? Feels like it was full of gold bricks.”</p>
<p>“Lot of nickel-plated shoehorns in there,” said Jimmy, coolly, “that Im going to return. Thought Id save express charges by taking them up. Im getting awfully economical.”</p>
<p>The Elmore Bank had just put in a new safe and vault. <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Adams was very proud of it, and insisted on an inspection by every one. The vault was a small one, but it had a new, patented door. It fastened with three solid steel bolts thrown simultaneously with a single handle, and had a time-lock. <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Adams beamingly explained its workings to <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Spencer, who showed a courteous but not too intelligent interest. The two children, May and Agatha, were delighted by the shining metal and funny clock and knobs.</p>
<p>While they were thus engaged Ben Price sauntered in and leaned on his elbow, looking casually inside between the railings. He told the teller that he didnt want anything; he was just waiting for a man he knew.</p>
<p>Suddenly there was a scream or two from the women, and a commotion. Unperceived by the elders, May, the nine-year-old girl, in a spirit of play, had shut Agatha in the vault. She had then shot the bolts and turned the knob of the combination as she had seen <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Adams do.</p>
@ -69,12 +69,12 @@
<p>“Cant you do something, Ralph<i>try</i>, wont you?”</p>
<p>He looked at her with a queer, soft smile on his lips and in his keen eyes.</p>
<p>“Annabel,” he said, “give me that rose you are wearing, will you?”</p>
<p>Hardly believing that she heard him aright, she unpinned the bud from the bosom of her dress, and placed it in his hand. Jimmy stuffed it into his vest-pocket, threw off his coat and pulled up his shirt-sleeves. With that act Ralph D. Spencer passed away and Jimmy Valentine took his place.</p>
<p>Hardly believing that she heard him aright, she unpinned the bud from the bosom of her dress, and placed it in his hand. Jimmy stuffed it into his vest-pocket, threw off his coat and pulled up his shirtsleeves. With that act Ralph D. Spencer passed away and Jimmy Valentine took his place.</p>
<p>“Get away from the door, all of you,” he commanded, shortly.</p>
<p>He set his suit-case on the table, and opened it out flat. From that time on he seemed to be unconscious of the presence of any one else. He laid out the shining, queer implements swiftly and orderly, whistling softly to himself as he always did when at work. In a deep silence and immovable, the others watched him as if under a spell.</p>
<p>He set his suitcase on the table, and opened it out flat. From that time on he seemed to be unconscious of the presence of any one else. He laid out the shining, queer implements swiftly and orderly, whistling softly to himself as he always did when at work. In a deep silence and immovable, the others watched him as if under a spell.</p>
<p>In a minute Jimmys pet drill was biting smoothly into the steel door. In ten minutes—breaking his own burglarious record—he threw back the bolts and opened the door.</p>
<p>Agatha, almost collapsed, but safe, was gathered into her mothers arms.</p>
<p>Jimmy Valentine put on his coat, and walked outside the railings towards the front door. As he went he thought he heard a far-away voice that he once knew call “Ralph!” But he never hesitated.</p>
<p>Jimmy Valentine put on his coat, and walked outside the railings towards the front door. As he went he thought he heard a faraway voice that he once knew call “Ralph!” But he never hesitated.</p>
<p>At the door a big man stood somewhat in his way.</p>
<p>“Hello, Ben!” said Jimmy, still with his strange smile. “Got around at last, have you? Well, lets go. I dont know that it makes much difference, now.”</p>
<p>And then Ben Price acted rather strangely.</p>

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<section id="chapter-11" epub:type="chapter">
<h2>CHERCHEZ LA FEMME</h2>
<p>Robbins, reporter for the <i>Picayune</i>, and Dumars, of <i>LAbeille</i>—the old French newspaper that has buzzed for nearly a century—were good friends, well proven by years of ups and downs together. They were seated where they had a habit of meeting—in the little, Creole-haunted café of Madame Tibault, in Dumaine Street. If you know the place, you will experience a thrill of pleasure in recalling it to mind. It is small and dark, with six little polished tables, at which you may sit and drink the best coffee in New Orleans, and concoctions of absinthe equal to Sazeracs best. Madame Tibault, fat and indulgent, presides at the desk, and takes your money. Nicolette and Mémé, madames nieces, in charming bib aprons, bring the desirable beverages.</p>
<p>Dumars, with true Creole luxury, was sipping his absinthe, with half-closed eyes, in a swirl of cigarette smoke. Robbins was looking over the morning <i>Pic.</i>, detecting, as young reporters will, the gross blunders in the make-up, and the envious blue-pencilling his own stuff had received. This item, in the advertising columns, caught his eye, and with an exclamation of sudden interest he read it aloud to his friend.</p>
<p>Dumars, with true Creole luxury, was sipping his absinthe, with half-closed eyes, in a swirl of cigarette smoke. Robbins was looking over the morning <i>Pic.</i>, detecting, as young reporters will, the gross blunders in the makeup, and the envious blue-pencilling his own stuff had received. This item, in the advertising columns, caught his eye, and with an exclamation of sudden interest he read it aloud to his friend.</p>
<blockquote>
<blockquote class="med">
<p class="noindent"><span class="smallcaps">Public Auction</span>.—At three oclock this afternoon there will be sold to the highest bidder all the common property of the Little Sisters of Samaria, at the home of the Sisterhood, in Bonhomme Street. The sale will dispose of the building, ground, and the complete furnishings of the house and chapel, without reserve.</p>
@ -27,11 +27,11 @@
<p>Then it was that Robbins and Dumars, representing their respective journals, began one of those pertinacious private investigations which, of late years, the press has adopted as a means to glory and the satisfaction of public curiosity.</p>
<p><i>Cherchez la femme</i>,” said Dumars.</p>
<p>“Thats the ticket!” agreed Robbins. “All roads lead to the eternal feminine. We will find the woman.”</p>
<p>They exhausted the knowledge of the staff of <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Morins hotel, from the bell-boy down to the proprietor. They gently, but inflexibly, pumped the family of the deceased as far as his cousins twice removed. They artfully sounded the employees of the late jeweller, and dogged his customers for information concerning his habits. Like bloodhounds they traced every step of the supposed defaulter, as nearly as might be, for years along the limited and monotonous paths he had trodden.</p>
<p>They exhausted the knowledge of the staff of <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Morins hotel, from the bellboy down to the proprietor. They gently, but inflexibly, pumped the family of the deceased as far as his cousins twice removed. They artfully sounded the employees of the late jeweller, and dogged his customers for information concerning his habits. Like bloodhounds they traced every step of the supposed defaulter, as nearly as might be, for years along the limited and monotonous paths he had trodden.</p>
<p>At the end of their labours, <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Morin stood, an immaculate man. Not one weakness that might be served up as a criminal tendency, not one deviation from the path of rectitude, not even a hint of a predilection for the opposite sex, was found to be placed in his debit. His life had been as regular and austere as a monks; his habits, simple and unconcealed. Generous, charitable, and a model in propriety, was the verdict of all who knew him.</p>
<p>“What, now?” asked Robbins, fingering his empty notebook.</p>
<p><i>Cherchez la femme</i>,” said Dumars, lighting a cigarette. “Try Lady Bellairs.”</p>
<p>This piece of femininity was the race-track favourite of the season. Being feminine, she was erratic in her gaits, and there were a few heavy losers about town who had believed she could be true. The reporters applied for information.</p>
<p>This piece of femininity was the racetrack favourite of the season. Being feminine, she was erratic in her gaits, and there were a few heavy losers about town who had believed she could be true. The reporters applied for information.</p>
<p><abbr>Mr.</abbr> Morin? Certainly not. He was never even a spectator at the races. Not that kind of a man. Surprised the gentlemen should ask.</p>
<p>“Shall we throw it up?” suggested Robbins, “and let the puzzle department have a try?”</p>
<p><i>Cherchez la femme</i>,” hummed Dumars, reaching for a match. “Try the Little Sisters of What-d-you-call-em.”</p>
@ -66,7 +66,7 @@
<p>“Agreed!” said Dumars, coolly. “I couldnt raise three hundred and fifty dollars with a search-warrant, but I can stand half. What you come bidding against me for?”</p>
<p>“I thought I was the only fool in the crowd,” explained Robbins.</p>
<p>No one else bidding, the statue was knocked down to the syndicate at their last offer. Dumars remained with the prize, while Robbins hurried forth to wring from the resources and credit of both the price. He soon returned with the money, and the two musketeers loaded their precious package into a carriage and drove with it to Dumarss room, in old Chartres Street, nearby. They lugged it, covered with a cloth, up the stairs, and deposited it on a table. A hundred pounds it weighed, if an ounce, and at that estimate, according to their calculation, if their daring theory were correct, it stood there, worth twenty thousand golden dollars.</p>
<p>Robbins removed the covering, and opened his pocket-knife.</p>
<p>Robbins removed the covering, and opened his pocketknife.</p>
<p><i>Sacré!</i>” muttered Dumars, shuddering. “It is the Mother of Christ. What would you do?”</p>
<p>“Shut up, Judas!” said Robbins, coldly. “Its too late for you to be saved now.”</p>
<p>With a firm hand, he chipped a slice from the shoulder of the image. The cut showed a dull, grayish metal, with a thin coating of gold leaf.</p>
@ -79,7 +79,7 @@
<p>It was the first time the reporters had been honoured with admission to the sacred precincts. The room was in dusky twilight, flecked with gleams of the polished, fine woods and burnished glass and metal that the Creoles love. From the little courtyard a tiny fountain sent in an insinuating sound of trickling waters, to which a banana plant by the window kept time with its tremulous leaves.</p>
<p>Robbins, an investigator by nature, sent a curious glance roving about the room. From some barbaric ancestor, madame had inherited a <i>penchant</i> for the crude in decoration.</p>
<p>The walls were adorned with cheap lithographs—florid libels upon nature, addressed to the taste of the <i>bourgeoisie</i>—birthday cards, garish newspaper supplements, and specimens of art-advertising calculated to reduce the optic nerve to stunned submission. A patch of something unintelligible in the midst of the more candid display puzzled Robbins, and he rose and took a step nearer, to interrogate it at closer range. Then he leaned weakly against the wall, and called out:</p>
<p>“Madame Tibault! Oh, madame! Since when—oh! since when have you been in the habit of papering your walls with five thousand dollar United States four per cent. gold bonds? Tell me—is this a Grimms fairy tale, or should I consult an oculist?”</p>
<p>“Madame Tibault! Oh, madame! Since when—oh! since when have you been in the habit of papering your walls with five thousand dollar United States four percent gold bonds? Tell me—is this a Grimms fairy tale, or should I consult an oculist?”</p>
<p>At his words, Madame Tibault and Dumars approached.</p>
<p>“Hwhat you say?” said madame, cheerily. “Hwhat you say, Msieur Robbin? <i>Bon!</i> Ah! those nize lil peezes papier! One tam I think those wat you call calendair, wiz ze lil day of mont below. But, no. Those wall is broke in those plaze, Msieur Robbin, and I plaze those lil peezes papier to conceal ze crack. I did think the couleur harmnize so well with the wall papier. Where I get them from? Ah, yes, I remem ver well. One day Msieur Morin, he come at my houze—thass bout one mont before he shall die—thass long bout tam he promise fo inves those money fo me. Msieur Morin, he leave thoze lil peezes papier in those table, and say ver much bout money thass hard for me to ondstan. <i>Mais</i> I never see those money again. Thass ver wicked man, Msieur Morin. Hwhat you call those peezes papier, Msieur Robbin<i>bon!</i></p>
<p>Robbins explained.</p>

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<body epub:type="bodymatter z3998:fiction">
<section id="chapter-12" epub:type="chapter">
<h2>FRIENDS IN SAN ROSARIO</h2>
<p>The west-bound train stopped at San Rosario on time at 8.20 <span class="smallcaps"><abbr class="time">a.m.</abbr></span> A man with a thick black-leather wallet under his arm left the train and walked rapidly up the main street of the town. There were other passengers who also got off at San Rosario, but they either slouched limberly over to the railroad eating-house or the Silver Dollar saloon, or joined the groups of idlers about the station.</p>
<p>The westbound train stopped at San Rosario on time at 8.20 <span class="smallcaps"><abbr class="time">a.m.</abbr></span> A man with a thick black-leather wallet under his arm left the train and walked rapidly up the main street of the town. There were other passengers who also got off at San Rosario, but they either slouched limberly over to the railroad eating-house or the Silver Dollar saloon, or joined the groups of idlers about the station.</p>
<p>Indecision had no part in the movements of the man with the wallet. He was short in stature, but strongly built, with very light, closely-trimmed hair, smooth, determined face, and aggressive, gold-rimmed nose glasses. He was well dressed in the prevailing Eastern style. His air denoted a quiet but conscious reserve force, if not actual authority.</p>
<p>After walking a distance of three squares he came to the centre of the towns business area. Here another street of importance crossed the main one, forming the hub of San Rosarios life and commerce. Upon one corner stood the post-office. Upon another Rubenskys Clothing Emporium. The other two diagonally opposing corners were occupied by the towns two banks, the First National and the Stockmens National. Into the First National Bank of San Rosario the newcomer walked, never slowing his brisk step until he stood at the cashiers window. The bank opened for business at nine, and the working force was already assembled, each member preparing his department for the days business. The cashier was examining the mail when he noticed the stranger standing at his window.</p>
<p>“Bank doesnt open til nine,” he remarked curtly, but without feeling. He had had to make that statement so often to early birds since San Rosario adopted city banking hours.</p>
@ -31,7 +31,7 @@
<p><abbr>Mr.</abbr> Nettlewick first seized the currency, and with a rapid, almost juggling motion, counted it by packages. Then he spun the sponge cup toward him and verified the count by bills. His thin, white fingers flew like some expert musicians upon the keys of a piano. He dumped the gold upon the counter with a crash, and the coins whined and sang as they skimmed across the marble slab from the tips of his nimble digits. The air was full of fractional currency when he came to the halves and quarters. He counted the last nickle and dime. He had the scales brought, and he weighed every sack of silver in the vault. He questioned Dorsey concerning each of the cash memoranda—certain checks, charge slips, <abbr>etc.</abbr>, carried over from the previous days work—with unimpeachable courtesy, yet with something so mysteriously momentous in his frigid manner, that the teller was reduced to pink cheeks and a stammering tongue.</p>
<p>This newly-imported examiner was so different from Sam Turner. It had been Sams way to enter the bank with a shout, pass the cigars, and tell the latest stories he had picked up on his rounds. His customary greeting to Dorsey had been, “Hello, Perry! Havent skipped out with the boodle yet, I see.” Turners way of counting the cash had been different, too. He would finger the packages of bills in a tired kind of way, and then go into the vault and kick over a few sacks of silver, and the thing was done. Halves and quarters and dimes? Not for Sam Turner. “No chicken feed for me,” he would say when they were set before him. “Im not in the agricultural department.” But, then, Turner was a Texan, an old friend of the banks president, and had known Dorsey since he was a baby.</p>
<p>While the examiner was counting the cash, Major Thomas B. Kingman—known to every one as “Major Tom”—the president of the First National, drove up to the side door with his old dun horse and buggy, and came inside. He saw the examiner busy with the money, and, going into the little “pony corral,” as he called it, in which his desk was railed off, he began to look over his letters.</p>
<p>Earlier, a little incident had occurred that even the sharp eyes of the examiner had failed to notice. When he had begun his work at the cash counter, <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Edlinger had winked significantly at Roy Wilson, the youthful bank messenger, and nodded his head slightly toward the front door. Roy understood, got his hat, and walked leisurely out, with his collectors book under his arm. Once outside, he made a bee-line for the Stockmens National. That bank was also getting ready to open. No customers had, as yet, presented themselves.</p>
<p>Earlier, a little incident had occurred that even the sharp eyes of the examiner had failed to notice. When he had begun his work at the cash counter, <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Edlinger had winked significantly at Roy Wilson, the youthful bank messenger, and nodded his head slightly toward the front door. Roy understood, got his hat, and walked leisurely out, with his collectors book under his arm. Once outside, he made a beeline for the Stockmens National. That bank was also getting ready to open. No customers had, as yet, presented themselves.</p>
<p>“Say, you people!” cried Roy, with the familiarity of youth and long acquaintance, “you want to get a move on you. Theres a new bank examiner over at the First, and hes a stem-winder. Hes counting nickles on Perry, and hes got the whole outfit bluffed. <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Edlinger gave me the tip to let you know.”</p>
<p><abbr>Mr.</abbr> Buckley, president of the Stockmens National—a stout, elderly man, looking like a farmer dressed for Sunday—heard Roy from his private office at the rear and called him.</p>
<p>“Has Major Kingman come down to the bank yet?” he asked of the boy.</p>
@ -41,16 +41,16 @@
<p>Roy returned and handed to Major Kingman the envelope containing the note. The major read it, folded it, and slipped it into his vest pocket. He leaned back in his chair for a few moments as if he were meditating deeply, and then rose and went into the vault. He came out with the bulky, old-fashioned leather note case stamped on the back in gilt letters, “Bills Discounted.” In this were the notes due the bank with their attached securities, and the major, in his rough way, dumped the lot upon his desk and began to sort them over.</p>
<p>By this time Nettlewick had finished his count of the cash. His pencil fluttered like a swallow over the sheet of paper on which he had set his figures. He opened his black wallet, which seemed to be also a kind of secret memorandum book, made a few rapid figures in it, wheeled and transfixed Dorsey with the glare of his spectacles. That look seemed to say: “Youre safe this time, but—”</p>
<p>“Cash all correct,” snapped the examiner. He made a dash for the individual bookkeeper, and, for a few minutes there was a fluttering of ledger leaves and a sailing of balance sheets through the air.</p>
<p>“How often do you balance your pass-books?” he demanded, suddenly.</p>
<p>“How often do you balance your passbooks?” he demanded, suddenly.</p>
<p>“Er—once a month,” faltered the individual bookkeeper, wondering how many years they would give him.</p>
<p>“All right,” said the examiner, turning and charging upon the general bookkeeper, who had the statements of his foreign banks and their reconcilement memoranda ready. Everything there was found to be all right. Then the stub book of the certificates of deposit. Flutter—flutter—zip—zip—check! All right. List of over-drafts, please. Thanks. Hm-m. Unsigned bills of the bank, next. All right.</p>
<p>Then came the cashiers turn, and easy-going <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Edlinger rubbed his nose and polished his glasses nervously under the quick fire of questions concerning the circulation, undivided profits, bank real estate, and stock ownership.</p>
<p>“All right,” said the examiner, turning and charging upon the general bookkeeper, who had the statements of his foreign banks and their reconcilement memoranda ready. Everything there was found to be all right. Then the stub book of the certificates of deposit. Flutter—flutter—zip—zip—check! All right. List of overdrafts, please. Thanks. Hm-m. Unsigned bills of the bank, next. All right.</p>
<p>Then came the cashiers turn, and easygoing <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Edlinger rubbed his nose and polished his glasses nervously under the quick fire of questions concerning the circulation, undivided profits, bank real estate, and stock ownership.</p>
<p>Presently Nettlewick was aware of a big man towering above him at his elbow—a man sixty years of age, rugged and hale, with a rough, grizzled beard, a mass of gray hair, and a pair of penetrating blue eyes that confronted the formidable glasses of the examiner without a flicker.</p>
<p>“Er—Major Kingman, our president—er<abbr>Mr.</abbr> Nettlewick,” said the cashier.</p>
<p>Two men of very different types shook hands. One was a finished product of the world of straight lines, conventional methods, and formal affairs. The other was something freer, wider, and nearer to nature. Tom Kingman had not been cut to any pattern. He had been mule-driver, cowboy, ranger, soldier, sheriff, prospector, and cattleman. Now, when he was bank president, his old comrades from the prairies, of the saddle, tent, and trail found no change in him. He had made his fortune when Texas cattle were at the high tide of value, and had organized the First National Bank of San Rosario. In spite of his largeness of heart and sometimes unwise generosity toward his old friends, the bank had prospered, for Major Tom Kingman knew men as well as he knew cattle. Of late years the cattle business had known a depression, and the majors bank was one of the few whose losses had not been great.</p>
<p>“And now,” said the examiner, briskly, pulling out his watch, “the last thing is the loans. We will take them up now, if you please.”</p>
<p>He had gone through the First National at almost record-breaking speed—but thoroughly, as he did everything. The running order of the bank was smooth and clean, and that had facilitated his work. There was but one other bank in the town. He received from the Government a fee of twenty-five dollars for each bank that he examined. He should be able to go over those loans and discounts in half an hour. If so, he could examine the other bank immediately afterward, and catch the 11.45, the only other train that day in the direction he was working. Otherwise, he would have to spend the night and Sunday in this uninteresting Western town. That was why <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Nettlewick was rushing matters.</p>
<p>“Come with me, sir,” said Major Kingman, in his deep voice, that united the Southern drawl with the rhythmic twang of the West; “We will go over them together. Nobody in the bank knows those notes as I do. Some of em are a little wobbly on their legs, and some are mavericks without extra many brands on their backs, but theyll most all pay out at the round-up.”</p>
<p>“Come with me, sir,” said Major Kingman, in his deep voice, that united the Southern drawl with the rhythmic twang of the West; “We will go over them together. Nobody in the bank knows those notes as I do. Some of em are a little wobbly on their legs, and some are mavericks without extra many brands on their backs, but theyll most all pay out at the roundup.”</p>
<p>The two sat down at the presidents desk. First, the examiner went through the notes at lightning speed, and added up their total, finding it to agree with the amount of loans carried on the book of daily balances. Next, he took up the larger loans, inquiring scrupulously into the condition of their endorsers or securities. The new examiners mind seemed to course and turn and make unexpected dashes hither and thither like a bloodhound seeking a trail. Finally he pushed aside all the notes except a few, which he arranged in a neat pile before him, and began a dry, formal little speech.</p>
<p>“I find, sir, the condition of your bank to be very good, considering the poor crops and the depression in the cattle interests of your state. The clerical work seems to be done accurately and punctually. Your past-due paper is moderate in amount, and promises only a small loss. I would recommend the calling in of your large loans, and the making of only sixty and ninety day or call loans until general business revives. And now, there is one thing more, and I will have finished with the bank. Here are six notes aggregating something like $40,000. They are secured, according to their faces, by various stocks, bonds, shares, <abbr>etc.</abbr> to the value of $70,000. Those securities are missing from the notes to which they should be attached. I suppose you have them in the safe or vault. You will permit me to examine them.”</p>
<p>Major Toms light-blue eyes turned unflinchingly toward the examiner.</p>
@ -69,8 +69,8 @@
<p>“Twenty years ago I was sheriff of this county, and I made Bob my chief deputy. That was before the boom in cattle when we both made our stake. I was sheriff and collector, and it was a big thing for me then. I was married, and we had a boy and a girl—a four and a six year old. There was a comfortable house next to the courthouse, furnished by the county, rent free, and I was saving some money. Bob did most of the office work. Both of us had seen rough times and plenty of rustling and danger, and I tell you it was great to hear the rain and the sleet dashing against the windows of nights, and be warm and safe and comfortable, and know you could get up in the morning and be shaved and have folks call you mister. And then, I had the finest wife and kids that ever struck the range, and my old friend with me enjoying the first fruits of prosperity and white shirts, and I guess I was happy. Yes, I was happy about that time.”</p>
<p>The major sighed and glanced casually out of the window. The bank examiner changed his position, and leaned his chin upon his other hand.</p>
<p>“One winter,” continued the major, “the money for the county taxes came pouring in so fast that I didnt have time to take the stuff to the bank for a week. I just shoved the checks into a cigar box and the money into a sack, and locked them in the big safe that belonged to the sheriffs office.</p>
<p>“I had been overworked that week, and was about sick, anyway. My nerves were out of order, and my sleep at night didnt seem to rest me. The doctor had some scientific name for it, and I was taking medicine. And so, added to the rest, I went to bed at night with that money on my mind. Not that there was much need of being worried, for the safe was a good one, and nobody but Bob and I knew the combination. On Friday night there was about $6,500 in cash in the bag. On Saturday morning I went to the office as usual. The safe was locked, and Bob was writing at his desk. I opened the safe, and the money was gone. I called Bob, and roused everybody in the court-house to announce the robbery. It struck me that Bob took it pretty quiet, considering how much it reflected upon both him and me.</p>
<p>“Two days went by and we never got a clew. It couldnt have been burglars, for the safe had been opened by the combination in the proper way. People must have begun to talk, for one afternoon in comes Alice—thats my wife—and the boy and girl, and Alice stamps her foot, and her eyes flash, and she cries out, The lying wretches—Tom, Tom! and I catch her in a faint, and bring her round little by little, and she lays her head down and cries and cries for the first time since she took Tom Kingmans name and fortunes. And Jack and Zilla—the youngsters—they were always wild as tiger cubs to rush at Bob and climb all over him whenever they were allowed to come to the court-house—they stood and kicked their little shoes, and herded together like scared partridges. They were having their first trip down into the shadows of life. Bob was working at his desk, and he got up and went out without a word. The grand jury was in session then, and the next morning Bob went before them and confessed that he stole the money. He said he lost it in a poker game. In fifteen minutes they had found a true bill and sent me the warrant to arrest the man with whom Id been closer than a thousand brothers for many a year.</p>
<p>“I had been overworked that week, and was about sick, anyway. My nerves were out of order, and my sleep at night didnt seem to rest me. The doctor had some scientific name for it, and I was taking medicine. And so, added to the rest, I went to bed at night with that money on my mind. Not that there was much need of being worried, for the safe was a good one, and nobody but Bob and I knew the combination. On Friday night there was about $6,500 in cash in the bag. On Saturday morning I went to the office as usual. The safe was locked, and Bob was writing at his desk. I opened the safe, and the money was gone. I called Bob, and roused everybody in the courthouse to announce the robbery. It struck me that Bob took it pretty quiet, considering how much it reflected upon both him and me.</p>
<p>“Two days went by and we never got a clue. It couldnt have been burglars, for the safe had been opened by the combination in the proper way. People must have begun to talk, for one afternoon in comes Alice—thats my wife—and the boy and girl, and Alice stamps her foot, and her eyes flash, and she cries out, The lying wretches—Tom, Tom! and I catch her in a faint, and bring her round little by little, and she lays her head down and cries and cries for the first time since she took Tom Kingmans name and fortunes. And Jack and Zilla—the youngsters—they were always wild as tiger cubs to rush at Bob and climb all over him whenever they were allowed to come to the courthouse—they stood and kicked their little shoes, and herded together like scared partridges. They were having their first trip down into the shadows of life. Bob was working at his desk, and he got up and went out without a word. The grand jury was in session then, and the next morning Bob went before them and confessed that he stole the money. He said he lost it in a poker game. In fifteen minutes they had found a true bill and sent me the warrant to arrest the man with whom Id been closer than a thousand brothers for many a year.</p>
<p>“I did it, and then I said to Bob, pointing: Theres my house, and heres my office, and up theres Maine, and out that way is California, and over there is Florida—and thats your range til court meets. Youre in my charge, and I take the responsibility. You be here when youre wanted.</p>
<p>Thanks, Tom, he said, kind of carelessly; I was sort of hoping you wouldnt lock me up. Court meets next Monday, so, if you dont object, Ill just loaf around the office until then. Ive got one favour to ask, if it isnt too much. If youd let the kids come out in the yard once in a while and have a romp Id like it.</p>
<p>Why not? I answered him. Theyre welcome, and so are you. And come to my house, the same as ever. You see, <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Nettlewick, you cant make a friend of a thief, but neither can you make a thief of a friend, all at once.”</p>
@ -80,8 +80,8 @@
<p>Tom, says he, its harder than standing off redskins; its harder than lying in the lava desert forty miles from water; but Im going to stick it out to the end. You know thats been my style. But if youd tip me the smallest kind of a sign—if youd just say, “Bob I understand,” why, it would make it lots easier.</p>
<p>“I was surprised. I dont know what you mean, Bob, I said. Of course, you know that Id do anything under the sun to help you that I could. But youve got me guessing.</p>
<p>All right, Tom, was all he said, and he went back to his newspaper and lit another cigar.</p>
<p>“It was the night before court met when I found out what he meant. I went to bed that night with that same old, light-headed, nervous feeling come back upon me. I dropped off to sleep about midnight. When I awoke I was standing half dressed in one of the court-house corridors. Bob was holding one of my arms, our family doctor the other, and Alice was shaking me and half crying. She had sent for the doctor without my knowing it, and when he came they had found me out of bed and missing, and had begun a search.</p>
<p>Sleep-walking, said the doctor.</p>
<p>“It was the night before court met when I found out what he meant. I went to bed that night with that same old, lightheaded, nervous feeling come back upon me. I dropped off to sleep about midnight. When I awoke I was standing half dressed in one of the courthouse corridors. Bob was holding one of my arms, our family doctor the other, and Alice was shaking me and half crying. She had sent for the doctor without my knowing it, and when he came they had found me out of bed and missing, and had begun a search.</p>
<p>Sleepwalking, said the doctor.</p>
<p>“All of us went back to the house, and the doctor told us some remarkable stories about the strange things people had done while in that condition. I was feeling rather chilly after my trip out, and, as my wife was out of the room at the time, I pulled open the door of an old wardrobe that stood in the room and dragged out a big quilt I had seen in there. With it tumbled out the bag of money for stealing which Bob was to be tried—and convicted—in the morning.</p>
<p>How the jumping rattlesnakes did that get there? I yelled, and all hands must have seen how surprised I was. Bob knew in a flash.</p>
<p>You darned old snoozer, he said, with the old-time look on his face, I saw you put it there. I watched you open the safe and take it out, and I followed you. I looked through the window and saw you hide it in that wardrobe.</p>
@ -89,7 +89,7 @@
<p>Because, said Bob, simply, I didnt know you were asleep.</p>
<p>“I saw him glance toward the door of the room where Jack and Zilla were, and I knew then what it meant to be a mans friend from Bobs point of view.”</p>
<p>Major Tom paused, and again directed his glance out of the window. He saw some one in the Stockmens National Bank reach and draw a yellow shade down the whole length of its plate-glass, big front window, although the position of the sun did not seem to warrant such a defensive movement against its rays.</p>
<p>Nettlewick sat up straight in his chair. He had listened patiently, but without consuming interest, to the majors story. It had impressed him as irrelevant to the situation, and it could certainly have no effect upon the consequences. Those Western people, he thought, had an exaggerated sentimentality. They were not business-like. They needed to be protected from their friends. Evidently the major had concluded. And what he had said amounted to nothing.</p>
<p>Nettlewick sat up straight in his chair. He had listened patiently, but without consuming interest, to the majors story. It had impressed him as irrelevant to the situation, and it could certainly have no effect upon the consequences. Those Western people, he thought, had an exaggerated sentimentality. They were not businesslike. They needed to be protected from their friends. Evidently the major had concluded. And what he had said amounted to nothing.</p>
<p>“May I ask,” said the examiner, “if you have anything further to say that bears directly upon the question of those abstracted securities?”</p>
<p>“Abstracted securities, sir!” Major Tom turned suddenly in his chair, his blue eyes flashing upon the examiner. “What do you mean, sir?”</p>
<p>He drew from his coat pocket a batch of folded papers held together by a rubber band, tossed them into Nettlewicks hands, and rose to his feet.</p>

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@ -9,7 +9,7 @@
<section id="chapter-13" epub:type="chapter">
<h2>THE FOURTH IN SALVADOR</h2>
<p>On a summers day, while the city was rocking with the din and red uproar of patriotism, Billy Casparis told me this story.</p>
<p>In his way, Billy is Ulysses, Jr. Like Satan, he comes from going to and fro upon the earth and walking up and down in it. To-morrow morning while you are cracking your breakfast egg he may be off with his little alligator grip to boom a town site in the middle of Lake Okeechobee or to trade horses with the Patagonians.</p>
<p>In his way, Billy is Ulysses, Jr. Like Satan, he comes from going to and fro upon the earth and walking up and down in it. Tomorrow morning while you are cracking your breakfast egg he may be off with his little alligator grip to boom a town site in the middle of Lake Okeechobee or to trade horses with the Patagonians.</p>
<p>We sat at a little, round table, and between us were glasses holding big lumps of ice, and above us leaned an artificial palm. And because our scene was set with the properties of the one they recalled to his mind, Billy was stirred to narrative.</p>
<p>“It reminds me,” said he, “of a Fourth I helped to celebrate down in Salvador. Twas while I was running an ice factory down there, after I unloaded that silver mine I had in Colorado. I had what they called a conditional concession. They made me put up a thousand dollars cash forfeit that I would make ice continuously for six months. If I did that I could draw down my ante. If I failed to do so the government took the pot. So the inspectors kept dropping in, trying to catch me without the goods.</p>
<p>“One day when the thermometer was at 110, the clock at half-past one, and the calendar at July third, two of the little, brown, oily nosers in red trousers slid in to make an inspection. Now, the factory hadnt turned out a pound of ice in three weeks, for a couple of reasons. The Salvador heathen wouldnt buy it; they said it made things cold they put it in. And I couldnt make any more, because I was broke. All I was holding on for was to get down my thousand so I could leave the country. The six months would be up on the sixth of July.</p>
@ -22,14 +22,14 @@
<p>It must be the heat, says Jones, stopping in at the door, amazed. Poor Billy. Hes got bugs. Sitting on ice, and calling his best friends pseudonyms. Hi!⁠—<i>muchacho!</i> Jones called my force of employees, who was sitting in the sun, playing with his toes, and told him to put on his trousers and run for the doctor.</p>
<p>Come back, says I. Sit down, Maxy, and forget it. Tis not ice you see, nor a lunatic upon it. Tis only an exile full of homesickness sitting on a lump of glass thats just cost him a thousand dollars. Now, what was it Johnny said to the widow first? Id like to hear it again, Maxy—honest. Dont mind what I said.</p>
<p>“Maximilian Jones and I sat down and talked. He was about as sick of the country as I was, for the grafters were squeezing him for half the profits of his rosewood and rubber. Down in the bottom of a tank of water I had a dozen bottles of sticky Frisco beer; and I fished these up, and we fell to talking about home and the flag and Hail Columbia and home-fried potatoes; and the drivel we contributed would have sickened any man enjoying those blessings. But at that time we were out of em. You cant appreciate home till youve left it, money till its spent, your wife till shes joined a womans club, nor Old Glory till you see it hanging on a broomstick on the shanty of a consul in a foreign town.</p>
<p>“And sitting there me and Maximilian Jones, scratching at our prickly heat and kicking at the lizards on the floor, became afflicted with a dose of patriotism and affection for our country. There was me, Billy Casparis, reduced from a capitalist to a pauper by over-addiction to my glass (in the lump), declares my troubles off for the present and myself to be an uncrowned sovereign of the greatest country on earth. And Maximilian Jones pours out whole drug stores of his wrath on oligarchies and potentates in red trousers and calico shoes. And we issues a declaration of interference in which we guarantee that the fourth day of July shall be celebrated in Salvador with all the kinds of salutes, explosions, honours of war, oratory, and liquids known to tradition. Yes, neither me nor Jones breathed with soul so dead. There shall be rucuses in Salvador, we say, and the monkeys had better climb the tallest cocoanut trees and the fire department get out its red sashes and two tin buckets.</p>
<p>“And sitting there me and Maximilian Jones, scratching at our prickly heat and kicking at the lizards on the floor, became afflicted with a dose of patriotism and affection for our country. There was me, Billy Casparis, reduced from a capitalist to a pauper by over-addiction to my glass (in the lump), declares my troubles off for the present and myself to be an uncrowned sovereign of the greatest country on earth. And Maximilian Jones pours out whole drug stores of his wrath on oligarchies and potentates in red trousers and calico shoes. And we issues a declaration of interference in which we guarantee that the fourth day of July shall be celebrated in Salvador with all the kinds of salutes, explosions, honours of war, oratory, and liquids known to tradition. Yes, neither me nor Jones breathed with soul so dead. There shall be rucuses in Salvador, we say, and the monkeys had better climb the tallest coconut trees and the fire department get out its red sashes and two tin buckets.</p>
<p>“About this time into the factory steps a native man incriminated by the name of General Mary Esperanza Dingo. He was some pumpkin both in politics and colour, and the friend of me and Jones. He was full of politeness and a kind of intelligence, having picked up the latter and managed to preserve the former during a two years residence in Philadelphia studying medicine. For a Salvadorian he was not such a calamitous little man, though he always would play jack, queen, king, ace, deuce for a straight.</p>
<p>“General Mary sits with us and has a bottle. While he was in the States he had acquired a synopsis of the English language and the art of admiring our institutions. By and by the General gets up and tiptoes to the doors and windows and other stage entrances, remarking Hist! at each one. They all do that in Salvador before they ask for a drink of water or the time of day, being conspirators from the cradle and matinee idols by proclamation.</p>
<p>Hist! says General Dingo again, and then he lays his chest on the table quite like Gaspard the Miser. Good friends, señores, to-morrow will be the great day of Liberty and Independence. The hearts of Americans and Salvadorians should beat together. Of your history and your great Washington I know. Is it not so?</p>
<p>Hist! says General Dingo again, and then he lays his chest on the table quite like Gaspard the Miser. Good friends, señores, tomorrow will be the great day of Liberty and Independence. The hearts of Americans and Salvadorians should beat together. Of your history and your great Washington I know. Is it not so?</p>
<p>“Now, me and Jones thought that nice of the General to remember when the Fourth came. It made us feel good. He must have heard the news going round in Philadelphia about that disturbance we had with England.</p>
<p>Yes, says me and Maxy together, we knew it. We were talking about it when you came in. And you can bet your bottom concession that therell be fuss and feathers in the air to-morrow. We are few in numbers, but the welkin may as well reach out to push the button, for its got to ring.</p>
<p>I, too, shall assist, says the General, thumping his collar-bone. I, too, am on the side of Liberty. Noble Americans, we will make the day one to be never forgotten.</p>
<p>For us American whisky, says Jonesnone of your Scotch smoke or anisada or Three Star Hennessey to-morrow. Well borrow the consuls flag; old man Billfinger shall make orations, and well have a barbecue on the plaza.</p>
<p>Yes, says me and Maxy together, we knew it. We were talking about it when you came in. And you can bet your bottom concession that therell be fuss and feathers in the air tomorrow. We are few in numbers, but the welkin may as well reach out to push the button, for its got to ring.</p>
<p>I, too, shall assist, says the General, thumping his collarbone. I, too, am on the side of Liberty. Noble Americans, we will make the day one to be never forgotten.</p>
<p>For us American whisky, says Jonesnone of your Scotch smoke or anisada or Three Star Hennessey tomorrow. Well borrow the consuls flag; old man Billfinger shall make orations, and well have a barbecue on the plaza.</p>
<p>Fireworks, says I, will be scarce; but well have all the cartridges in the shops for our guns. Ive got two navy sixes I brought from Denver.</p>
<p>There is one cannon, said the General; one big cannon that will go “BOOM!” And three hundred men with rifles to shoot.</p>
<p>Oh, say! says Jones, Generalissimo, youre the real silk elastic. Well make it a joint international celebration. Please, General, get a white horse and a blue sash and be grand marshal.</p>
@ -39,9 +39,9 @@
<p>“We made all the arrangements that afternoon. There was a buck coon from Georgia in Salvador who had drifted down there from a busted-up coloured colony that had been started on some possumless land in Mexico. As soon as he heard us say barbecue he wept for joy and groveled on the ground. He dug his trench on the plaza, and got half a beef on the coals for an all-night roast. Me and Maxy went to see the rest of the Americans in the town and they all sizzled like a seidlitz with joy at the idea of solemnizing an old-time Fourth.</p>
<p>“There were six of us all together—Martin Dillard, a coffee planter; Henry Barnes, a railroad man; old man Billfinger, an educated tintype taker; me and Jonesy, and Jerry, the boss of the barbecue. There was also an Englishman in town named Sterrett, who was there to write a book on Domestic Architecture of the Insect World. We felt some bashfulness about inviting a Britisher to help crow over his own country, but we decided to risk it, out of our personal regard for him.</p>
<p>“We found Sterrett in pajamas working at his manuscript with a bottle of brandy for a paper weight.</p>
<p>Englishman, says Jones, let us interrupt your disquisition on bug houses for a moment. To-morrow is the Fourth of July. We dont want to hurt your feelings, but were going to commemorate the day when we licked you by a little refined debauchery and nonsense—something that can be heard above five miles off. If you are broad-gauged enough to taste whisky at your own wake, wed be pleased to have you join us.</p>
<p>Englishman, says Jones, let us interrupt your disquisition on bug houses for a moment. Tomorrow is the Fourth of July. We dont want to hurt your feelings, but were going to commemorate the day when we licked you by a little refined debauchery and nonsense—something that can be heard above five miles off. If you are broad-gauged enough to taste whisky at your own wake, wed be pleased to have you join us.</p>
<p>Do you know, says Sterrett, setting his glasses on his nose, I like your cheek in asking me if Ill join you; blast me if I dont. You might have known I would, without asking. Not as a traitor to my own country, but for the intrinsic joy of a blooming row.</p>
<p>“On the morning of the Fourth I woke up in that old shanty of an ice factory feeling sore. I looked around at the wreck of all I possessed, and my heart was full of bile. From where I lay on my cot I could look through the window and see the consuls old ragged Stars and Stripes hanging over his shack. Youre all kinds of a fool, Billy Casparis, I says to myself; and of all your crimes against sense it does look like this idea of celebrating the Fourth should receive the award of demerit. Your business is busted up, your thousand dollars is gone into the kitty of this corrupt country on that last bluff you made, youve got just fifteen Chili dollars left, worth forty-six cents each at bedtime last night and steadily going down. To-day youll blow in your last cent hurrahing for that flag, and to-morrow youll be living on bananas from the stalk and screwing your drinks out of your friends. Whats the flag done for you? While you were under it you worked for what you got. You wore your finger nails down skinning suckers, and salting mines, and driving bears and alligators off your town lot additions. How much does patriotism count for on deposit when the little man with the green eye-shade in the savings-bank adds up your book? Suppose you were to get pinched over here in this irreligious country for some little crime or other, and appealed to your country for protection—what would it do for you? Turn your appeal over to a committee of one railroad man, an army officer, a member of each labour union, and a coloured man to investigate whether any of your ancestors were ever related to a cousin of Mark Hanna, and then file the papers in the Smithsonian Institution until after the next election. Thats the kind of a sidetrack the Stars and Stripes would switch you onto.</p>
<p>“On the morning of the Fourth I woke up in that old shanty of an ice factory feeling sore. I looked around at the wreck of all I possessed, and my heart was full of bile. From where I lay on my cot I could look through the window and see the consuls old ragged Stars and Stripes hanging over his shack. Youre all kinds of a fool, Billy Casparis, I says to myself; and of all your crimes against sense it does look like this idea of celebrating the Fourth should receive the award of demerit. Your business is busted up, your thousand dollars is gone into the kitty of this corrupt country on that last bluff you made, youve got just fifteen Chili dollars left, worth forty-six cents each at bedtime last night and steadily going down. Today youll blow in your last cent hurrahing for that flag, and tomorrow youll be living on bananas from the stalk and screwing your drinks out of your friends. Whats the flag done for you? While you were under it you worked for what you got. You wore your finger nails down skinning suckers, and salting mines, and driving bears and alligators off your town lot additions. How much does patriotism count for on deposit when the little man with the green eyeshade in the savings-bank adds up your book? Suppose you were to get pinched over here in this irreligious country for some little crime or other, and appealed to your country for protection—what would it do for you? Turn your appeal over to a committee of one railroad man, an army officer, a member of each labour union, and a coloured man to investigate whether any of your ancestors were ever related to a cousin of Mark Hanna, and then file the papers in the Smithsonian Institution until after the next election. Thats the kind of a sidetrack the Stars and Stripes would switch you onto.</p>
<p>“You can see that I was feeling like an indigo plant; but after I washed my face in some cool water, and got out my navys and ammunition, and started up to the Saloon of the Immaculate Saints where we were to meet, I felt better. And when I saw those other American boys come swaggering into the trysting place—cool, easy, conspicuous fellows, ready to risk any kind of a one-card draw, or to fight grizzlies, fire, or extradition, I began to feel glad I was one of em. So, I says to myself again: Billy, youve got fifteen dollars and a country left this morning—blow in the dollars and blow up the town as an American gentleman should on Independence Day.</p>
<p>“It is my recollection that we began the day along conventional lines. The six of us—for Sterrett was along—made progress among the cantinas, divesting the bars as we went of all strong drink bearing American labels. We kept informing the atmosphere as to the glory and preeminence of the United States and its ability to subdue, outjump, and eradicate the other nations of the earth. And, as the findings of American labels grew more plentiful, we became more contaminated with patriotism. Maximilian Jones hopes that our late foe, <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Sterrett, will not take offense at our enthusiasm. He sets down his bottle and shakes Sterretts hand. As white man to white man, says he, denude our uproar of the slightest taint of personality. Excuse us for Bunker Hill, Patrick Henry, and Waldorf Astor, and such grievances as might lie between us as nations.</p>
<p>Fellow hoodlums, says Sterrett, on behalf of the Queen I ask you to cheese it. It is an honour to be a guest at disturbing the peace under the American flag. Let us chant the passionate strains of “Yankee Doodle” while the señor behind the bar mitigates the occasion with another round of cochineal and aqua fortis.</p>
@ -55,11 +55,11 @@
<p>Thanks, says Sterrett. The next rounds mine. All in to the bar. Army, too.</p>
<p>“But we were deprived of Sterretts treat by a lot of gunshots several squares sway, which General Dingo seemed to think he ought to look after. He spurred his old white plug up that way, and the soldiers scuttled along after him.</p>
<p>Mary is a real tropical bird, says Jones. Hes turned out the infantry to help us do honour to the Fourth. Well get that cannon he spoke of after a while and fire some window-breakers with it. But just now I want some of that barbecued beef. Let us on to the plaza.</p>
<p>“There we found the meat gloriously done, and Jerry waiting, anxious. We sat around on the grass, and got hunks of it on our tin plates. Maximilian Jones, always made tender-hearted by drink, cried some because George Washington couldnt be there to enjoy the day. There was a man I love, Billy, he says, weeping on my shoulder. Poor George! To think hes gone, and missed the fireworks. A little more salt, please, Jerry.</p>
<p>“There we found the meat gloriously done, and Jerry waiting, anxious. We sat around on the grass, and got hunks of it on our tin plates. Maximilian Jones, always made tenderhearted by drink, cried some because George Washington couldnt be there to enjoy the day. There was a man I love, Billy, he says, weeping on my shoulder. Poor George! To think hes gone, and missed the fireworks. A little more salt, please, Jerry.</p>
<p>“From what we could hear, General Dingo seemed to be kindly contributing some noise while we feasted. There were guns going off around town, and pretty soon we heard that cannon go BOOM! just as he said it would. And then men began to skim along the edge of the plaza, dodging in among the orange trees and houses. We certainly had things stirred up in Salvador. We felt proud of the occasion and grateful to General Dingo. Sterrett was about to take a bite off a juicy piece of rib when a bullet took it away from his mouth.</p>
<p>Somebodys celebrating with ball cartridges, says he, reaching for another piece. Little over-zealous for a non-resident patriot, isnt it?</p>
<p>Somebodys celebrating with ball cartridges, says he, reaching for another piece. Little overzealous for a nonresident patriot, isnt it?</p>
<p>Dont mind it, I says to him. ”Twas an accident. They happen, you know, on the Fourth. After one reading of the Declaration of Independence in New York Ive known the S. R. O. sign to be hung out at all the hospitals and police stations.</p>
<p>“But then Jerry gives a howl and jumps up with one hand clapped to the back of his leg where another bullet has acted over-zealous. And then comes a quantity of yells, and round a corner and across the plaza gallops General Mary Esperanza Dingo embracing the neck of his horse, with his men running behind him, mostly dropping their guns by way of discharging ballast. And chasing em all is a company of feverish little warriors wearing blue trousers and caps.</p>
<p>“But then Jerry gives a howl and jumps up with one hand clapped to the back of his leg where another bullet has acted overzealous. And then comes a quantity of yells, and round a corner and across the plaza gallops General Mary Esperanza Dingo embracing the neck of his horse, with his men running behind him, mostly dropping their guns by way of discharging ballast. And chasing em all is a company of feverish little warriors wearing blue trousers and caps.</p>
<p>Assistance, amigos, the General shouts, trying to stop his horse. Assistance, in the name of Liberty!</p>
<p>Thats the Compañia Azul, the Presidents bodyguard, says Jones. What a shame! Theyve jumped on poor old Mary just because he was helping us to celebrate. Come on, boys, its our Fourth;—do we let that little squad of <abbr class="era">AD</abbr>.Ts break it up?</p>
<p>I vote No, says Martin Dillard, gathering his Winchester. Its the privilege of an American citizen to drink, drill, dress up, and be dreadful on the Fourth of July, no matter whose country hes in.</p>
@ -75,7 +75,7 @@
<p>Señor Casparis is modest, says General Dingo. He led his brave compadres into the thickest of the fearful conflict. Yes. Without their aid the revolution would have failed.</p>
<p>Why, now, says I, dont tell me there was a revolution yesterday. That was only a Fourth of</p>
<p>“But right there I abbreviated. It seemed to me it might be best.</p>
<p>After the terrible struggle, says the bay man, President Bolano was forced to fly. To-day Caballo is President by proclamation. Ah, yes. Beneath the new administration I am the head of the Department of Mercantile Concessions. On my file I find one report, Señor Casparis, that you have not made ice in accord with your contract. And here the bay man smiles at me, cute.</p>
<p>After the terrible struggle, says the bay man, President Bolano was forced to fly. Today Caballo is President by proclamation. Ah, yes. Beneath the new administration I am the head of the Department of Mercantile Concessions. On my file I find one report, Señor Casparis, that you have not made ice in accord with your contract. And here the bay man smiles at me, cute.</p>
<p>Oh, well, says I, I guess the reports straight. I know they caught me. Thats all there is to it.</p>
<p>Do not say so, says the bay man. He pulls off a glove and goes over and lays his hand on that chunk of glass.</p>
<p>Ice, says he, nodding his head, solemn.</p>

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<p>Upon reaching the corner of the second square from the mansion, the Governor would pause. Another street crossed the venue there, and traffic, to the extent of several farmers wagons and a peddlers cart or two, would rage about the junction. Then the falcon eye of General Deffenbaugh would perceive the situation, and the General would hasten, with ponderous solicitude, from his office in the First National Bank building to the assistance of his old friend.</p>
<p>When the two exchanged greetings the decay of modern manners would become accusingly apparent. The Generals bulky and commanding figure would bend lissomely at a point where you would have regarded its ability to do so with incredulity. The Governor would take the Generals arm and be piloted safely between the hay-wagons and the sprinkling-cart to the other side of the street. Proceeding to the post-office in the care of his friend, the esteemed statesmen would there hold an informal levee among the citizens who were come for their morning mail. Here, gathering two or three prominent in law, politics, or family, the pageant would make a stately progress along the Avenue, stopping at the Palace Hotel, where, perhaps, would be found upon the register the name of some guest deemed worthy of an introduction to the states venerable and illustrious son. If any such were found, an hour or two would be spent in recalling the faded glories of the Governors long-vanished administration.</p>
<p>On the return march the General would invariably suggest that, His Excellency being no doubt fatigued, it would be wise to recuperate for a few minutes at the Drug Emporium of <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Appleby R. Fentress (an elegant gentleman, sir—one of the Chatham County Fentresses—so many of our best-blooded families have had to go into trade, sir, since the war).</p>
<p><abbr>Mr.</abbr> Appleby R. Fentress was a <i>connoisseur</i> in fatigue. Indeed, if he had not been, his memory alone should have enabled him to prescribe, for the majestic invasion of his pharmacy was a casual happening that had surprised him almost daily for years. <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Fentress knew the formula of, and possessed the skill to compound, a certain potion antagonistic to fatigue, the salient ingredient of which he described (no doubt in pharmaceutical terms) as “genuine old hand-made Clover Leaf 59, Private Stock.”</p>
<p><abbr>Mr.</abbr> Appleby R. Fentress was a <i>connoisseur</i> in fatigue. Indeed, if he had not been, his memory alone should have enabled him to prescribe, for the majestic invasion of his pharmacy was a casual happening that had surprised him almost daily for years. <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Fentress knew the formula of, and possessed the skill to compound, a certain potion antagonistic to fatigue, the salient ingredient of which he described (no doubt in pharmaceutical terms) as “genuine old handmade Clover Leaf 59, Private Stock.”</p>
<p>Nor did the ceremony of administering the potion ever vary. <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Fentress would first compound two of the celebrated mixtures—one for the Governor, and the other for the General to “sample.” Then the Governor would make this little speech in his high, piping, quavering voice:</p>
<p>“No, sir—not one drop until you have prepared one for yourself and join us, <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Fentress. Your father, sir, was one of my most valued supporters and friends during My Administration, and any mark of esteem I can confer upon his son is not only a pleasure but a duty, sir.”</p>
<p>Blushing with delight at the royal condescension, the druggist would obey, and all would drink to the Generals toast: “The prosperity of our grand old state, gentlemen—the memory of her glorious past—the health of her Favourite Son.”</p>
@ -28,24 +28,24 @@
<p>The formalities concluded, the little man would go back to his table, heaped with law books and papers, while the procession would proceed.</p>
<p>Billy Pemberton was, as his sign declared, a lawyer by profession. By occupation and common consent he was the Son of his Father. This was the shadow in which Billy lived, the pit out of which he had unsuccessfully striven for years to climb and, he had come to believe, the grave in which his ambitions were destined to be buried. Filial respect and duty he paid beyond the habit of most sons, but he aspired to be known and appraised by his own deeds and worth.</p>
<p>After many years of tireless labour he had become known in certain quarters far from Elmville as a master of the principles of the law. Twice he had gone to Washington and argued cases before the highest tribunal with such acute logic and learning that the silken gowns on the bench had rustled from the force of it. His income from his practice had grown until he was able to support his father, in the old family mansion (which neither of them would have thought of abandoning, rickety as it was) in the comfort and almost the luxury of the old extravagant days. Yet, he remained to Elmville as only “Billy” Pemberton, the son of our distinguished and honoured fellow-townsman, “ex-Governor Pemberton.” Thus was he introduced at public gatherings where he sometimes spoke, haltingly and prosily, for his talents were too serious and deep for extempore brilliancy; thus was he presented to strangers and to the lawyers who made the circuit of the courts; and so the <i>Daily Banner</i> referred to him in print. To be “the son of” was his doom. What ever he should accomplish would have to be sacrificed upon the altar of this magnificent but fatal parental precedence.</p>
<p>The peculiarity and the saddest thing about Billys ambition was that the only world he thirsted to conquer was Elmville. His nature was diffident and unassuming. National or State honours might have oppressed him. But, above all things, he hungered for the appreciation of the friends among whom he had been born and raised. He would not have plucked one leaf from the garlands that were so lavishly bestowed upon his father, he merely rebelled against having his own wreathes woven from those dried and self-same branches. But Elmville “Billied” and “sonned” him to his concealed but lasting chagrin, until at length he grew more reserved and formal and studious than ever.</p>
<p>The peculiarity and the saddest thing about Billys ambition was that the only world he thirsted to conquer was Elmville. His nature was diffident and unassuming. National or State honours might have oppressed him. But, above all things, he hungered for the appreciation of the friends among whom he had been born and raised. He would not have plucked one leaf from the garlands that were so lavishly bestowed upon his father, he merely rebelled against having his own wreathes woven from those dried and selfsame branches. But Elmville “Billied” and “sonned” him to his concealed but lasting chagrin, until at length he grew more reserved and formal and studious than ever.</p>
<p>There came a morning when Billy found among his mail a letter from a very high source, tendering him the appointment to an important judicial position in the new island possessions of our country. The honour was a distinguished one, for the entire nation had discussed the probable recipients of these positions, and had agreed that the situation demanded only men of the highest character, ripe learning, and evenly balanced mind.</p>
<p>Billy could not subdue a certain exultation at this token of the success of his long and arduous labours, but, at the same time, a whimsical smile lingered around his mouth, for he foresaw in which column Elmville would place the credit. “We congratulate Governor Pemberton upon the mark of appreciation conferred upon his son”—“Elmville rejoices with our honoured citizen, Governor Pemberton, at his sons success”—“Put her there, Billy!”—“Judge Billy Pemberton, sir; son of our States war hero and the peoples pride!”—these were the phrases, printed and oral, conjured up by Billys prophetic fancy. Grandson of his State, and stepchild to Elmville—thus had fate fixed his kinship to the body politic.</p>
<p>Billy lived with his father in the old mansion. The two and an elderly lady—a distant relative—comprised the family. Perhaps, though, old Jeff, the Governors ancient coloured body-servant, should be included. Without doubt, he could have claimed the honour. There were other servants, but Thomas Jefferson Pemberton, sah, was a member of “de fambly.”</p>
<p>Jeff was the one Elmvillian who gave to Billy the gold of approval unmixed with the alloy of paternalism. To him “Mars William” was the greatest man in Talbot County. Beaten upon though he was by the shining light that emanates from an ex-war governor, and loyal as he remained to the old <i>régime</i>, his faith and admiration were Billys. As valet to a hero, and a member of the family, he may have had superior opportunities for judging.</p>
<p>Jeff was the one Elmvillian who gave to Billy the gold of approval unmixed with the alloy of paternalism. To him “Mars William” was the greatest man in Talbot County. Beaten upon though he was by the shining light that emanates from an ex-war governor, and loyal as he remained to the old <i>regime</i>, his faith and admiration were Billys. As valet to a hero, and a member of the family, he may have had superior opportunities for judging.</p>
<p>Jeff was the first one to whom Bill revealed the news. When he reached home for supper Jeff took his “plug” hat and smoothed it before hanging it upon the hall-rack.</p>
<p>“Dar now!” said the old man: “I knowed it was er comin. I knowed it was gwine ter happen. Er Judge, you says, Mars William? Dem Yankees done made you er judge? Its high time, sah, dey was doin somepn to make up for dey rascality endurin de war. I boun dey holds a confab and says: Les make Mars William Pemberton er judge, and datll settle it. Does you have to go way down to dem Fillypines, Mars William, or kin you judge em from here?”</p>
<p>“Id have to live there most of the time, of course,” said Billy.</p>
<p>“I wonder what de Gubnor gwine say bout dat,” speculated Jeff.</p>
<p>Billy wondered too.</p>
<p>After supper, when the two sat in the library, according to their habit, the Governor smoking his clay pipe and Billy his cigar, the son dutifully confessed to having been tendered the appointment.</p>
<p>For a long time the Governor sat, smoking, without making any comment. Billy reclined in his favourite rocker, waiting, perhaps still flushed with satisfaction over the tender that had come to him, unsolicited, in his dingy little office, above the heads of the intriguing, time-serving, clamorous multitude.</p>
<p>For a long time the Governor sat, smoking, without making any comment. Billy reclined in his favourite rocker, waiting, perhaps still flushed with satisfaction over the tender that had come to him, unsolicited, in his dingy little office, above the heads of the intriguing, timeserving, clamorous multitude.</p>
<p>At last the Governor spoke; and, though his words were seemingly irrelevant, they were to the point. His voice had a note of martyrdom running through its senile quaver.</p>
<p>“My rheumatism has been growing steadily worse these past months, William.”</p>
<p>“I am sorry, father,” said Billy, gently.</p>
<p>“And I am nearly seventy-eight. I am getting to be an old man. I can recall the names of but two or three who were in public life during My Administration. What did you say is the nature of this position that is offered you, William?”</p>
<p>“A Federal Judgeship, father. I believe it is considered to be a somewhat flattering tender. It is outside of politics and wire-pulling, you know.”</p>
<p>“No doubt, no doubt. Few of the Pembertons have engaged in professional life for nearly a century. None of them have ever held Federal positions. They have been land-holders, slave-owners, and planters on a large scale. One of two of the Derwents—your mothers family—were in the law. Have you decided to accept this appointment, William?”</p>
<p>“No doubt, no doubt. Few of the Pembertons have engaged in professional life for nearly a century. None of them have ever held Federal positions. They have been landholders, slave-owners, and planters on a large scale. One of two of the Derwents—your mothers family—were in the law. Have you decided to accept this appointment, William?”</p>
<p>“I am thinking it over,” said Billy, slowly, regarding the ash of his cigar.</p>
<p>“You have been a good son to me,” continued the Governor, stirring his pipe with the handle of a penholder.</p>
<p>“Ive been your son all my life,” said Billy, darkly.</p>
@ -54,10 +54,10 @@
<p>“Whatever prestige,” pursued the parent, “I may be possessed of, by virtue of my name and services to the state, has been yours to draw upon freely. I have not hesitated to exert it in your behalf whenever opportunity offered. And you have deserved it, William. Youve been the best of sons. And now this appointment comes to take you away from me. I have but a few years left to live. I am almost dependent upon others now, even in walking and dressing. What would I do without you, my son?”</p>
<p>The Governors pipe dropped to the floor. A tear trickled from his eye. His voice had risen, and crumbled to a weakling falsetto, and ceased. He was an old, old man about to be bereft of a son that cherished him.</p>
<p>Billy rose, and laid his hand upon the Governors shoulder.</p>
<p>“Dont worry, father,” he said, cheerfully. “Im not going to accept. Elmville is good enough for me. Ill write to-night and decline it.”</p>
<p>“Dont worry, father,” he said, cheerfully. “Im not going to accept. Elmville is good enough for me. Ill write tonight and decline it.”</p>
<p>At the next interchange of devoirs between the Governor and General Deffenbaugh on Lee Avenue, His Excellency, with a comfortable air of self-satisfaction, spoke of the appointment that had been tendered to Billy.</p>
<p>The General whistled.</p>
<p>“Thats a plum for Billy,” he shouted. “Whod have thought that Billy—but, confound it, its been in him all the time. Its a boost for Elmville. Itll send real estate up. Its an honour to our state. Its a compliment to the South. Weve all been blind about Billy. When does he leave? We must have a reception. Great Gatlings! that jobs eight thousand a year! Theres been a car-load of lead-pencils worn to stubs figuring on those appointments. Think of it! Our little, wood-sawing, mealy-mouthed Billy! Angel unawares doesnt begin to express it. Elmville is disgraced forever until she lines up in a hurry for ratification and apology.”</p>
<p>“Thats a plum for Billy,” he shouted. “Whod have thought that Billy—but, confound it, its been in him all the time. Its a boost for Elmville. Itll send real estate up. Its an honour to our state. Its a compliment to the South. Weve all been blind about Billy. When does he leave? We must have a reception. Great Gatlings! that jobs eight thousand a year! Theres been a carload of lead-pencils worn to stubs figuring on those appointments. Think of it! Our little, wood-sawing, mealymouthed Billy! Angel unawares doesnt begin to express it. Elmville is disgraced forever until she lines up in a hurry for ratification and apology.”</p>
<p>The venerable Moloch smiled fatuously. He carried the fire with which to consume all these tributes to Billy, the smoke of which would ascend as an incense to himself.</p>
<p>“William,” said the Governor, with modest pride, “has declined the appointment. He refuses to leave me in my old age. He is a good son.”</p>
<p>The General swung round, and laid a large forefinger upon the bosom of his friend. Much of the Generals success had been due to his dexterity in establishing swift lines of communication between cause and effect.</p>
@ -65,7 +65,7 @@
<p>“My dear General,” replied the Governor, stiffly, “my son is forty-two. He is quite capable of deciding such questions for himself. And I, as his parent, feel it my duty to state that your remark about—er—rheumatism is a mighty poor shot from a very small bore, sir, aimed at a purely personal and private affliction.”</p>
<p>“If you will allow me,” retorted the General, “youve afflicted the public with it for some time; and twas no small bore, at that.”</p>
<p>This first tiff between the two old comrades might have grown into something more serious, but for the fortunate interruption caused by the ostentatious approach of Colonel Titus and another one of the court retinue from the right county, to whom the General confided the coddled statesman and went his way.</p>
<p>After Billy had so effectually entombed his ambitions, and taken the veil, so to speak, in a sonnery, he was surprised to discover how much lighter of heart and happier he felt. He realized what a long, restless struggle he had maintained, and how much he had lost by failing to cull the simple but wholesome pleasures by the way. His heart warmed now to Elmville and the friends who had refused to set him upon a pedestal. It was better, he began to think, to be “Billy” and his fathers son, and to be hailed familiarly by cheery neighbours and grown-up playmates, than to be “Your Honour,” and sit among strangers, hearing, maybe, through the arguments of learned counsel, that old mans feeble voice crying: “What would I do without you, my son?”</p>
<p>After Billy had so effectually entombed his ambitions, and taken the veil, so to speak, in a sonnery, he was surprised to discover how much lighter of heart and happier he felt. He realized what a long, restless struggle he had maintained, and how much he had lost by failing to cull the simple but wholesome pleasures by the way. His heart warmed now to Elmville and the friends who had refused to set him upon a pedestal. It was better, he began to think, to be “Billy” and his fathers son, and to be hailed familiarly by cheery neighbours and grownup playmates, than to be “Your Honour,” and sit among strangers, hearing, maybe, through the arguments of learned counsel, that old mans feeble voice crying: “What would I do without you, my son?”</p>
<p>Billy began to surprise his acquaintances by whistling as he walked up the street; others he astounded by slapping them disrespectfully upon their backs and raking up old anecdotes he had not had the time to recollect for years. Though he hammered away at his law cases as thoroughly as ever, he found more time for relaxation and the company of his friends. Some of the younger set were actually after him to join the golf club. A striking proof of his abandonment to obscurity was his adoption of a most undignified, rakish, little soft hat, reserving the “plug” for Sundays and state occasions. Billy was beginning to enjoy Elmville, though that irreverent burgh had neglected to crown him with bay and myrtle.</p>
<p>All the while uneventful peace pervaded Elmville. The Governor continued to make his triumphal parades to the post-office with the General as chief marshal, for the slight squall that had rippled their friendship had, to all indications, been forgotten by both.</p>
<p>But one day Elmville woke to sudden excitement. The news had come that a touring presidential party would honour Elmville by a twenty-minute stop. The Executive had promised a five-minute address from the balcony of the Palace Hotel.</p>

View File

@ -9,17 +9,17 @@
<section id="chapter-15" epub:type="chapter">
<h2>THE ENCHANTED KISS</h2>
<p>But a clerk in the Cut-rate Drug Store was Samuel Tansey, yet his slender frame was a pad that enfolded the passion of Romeo, the gloom of Laura, the romance of DArtagnan, and the desperate inspiration of Melnotte. Pity, then, that he had been denied expression, that he was doomed to the burden of utter timidity and diffidence, that Fate had set him tongue-tied and scarlet before the muslin-clad angels whom he adored and vainly longed to rescue, clasp, comfort, and subdue.</p>
<p>The clocks hands were pointing close upon the hour of ten while Tansey was playing billiards with a number of his friends. On alternate evenings he was released from duty at the store after seven oclock. Even among his fellow-men Tansey was timorous and constrained. In his imagination he had done valiant deeds and performed acts of distinguished gallantry; but in fact he was a sallow youth of twenty-three, with an over-modest demeanour and scant vocabulary.</p>
<p>When the clock struck ten, Tansey hastily laid down his cue and struck sharply upon the show-case with a coin for the attendant to come and receive the pay for his score.</p>
<p>The clocks hands were pointing close upon the hour of ten while Tansey was playing billiards with a number of his friends. On alternate evenings he was released from duty at the store after seven oclock. Even among his fellow-men Tansey was timorous and constrained. In his imagination he had done valiant deeds and performed acts of distinguished gallantry; but in fact he was a sallow youth of twenty-three, with an overmodest demeanour and scant vocabulary.</p>
<p>When the clock struck ten, Tansey hastily laid down his cue and struck sharply upon the showcase with a coin for the attendant to come and receive the pay for his score.</p>
<p>“Whats your hurry, Tansey?” called one. “Got another engagement?”</p>
<p>“Tansey got an engagement!” echoed another. “Not on your life. Tanseys got to get home at Motten by her Peeks orders.”</p>
<p>“Its no such thing,” chimed in a pale youth, taking a large cigar from his mouth; “Tanseys afraid to be late because Miss Katie might come down stairs to unlock the door, and kiss him in the hall.”</p>
<p>This delicate piece of raillery sent a fiery tingle into Tanseys blood, for the indictment was true—barring the kiss. That was a thing to dream of; to wildly hope for; but too remote and sacred a thing to think of lightly.</p>
<p>Casting a cold and contemptuous look at the speaker—a punishment commensurate with his own diffident spirit—Tansey left the room, descending the stairs into the street.</p>
<p>For two years he had silently adored Miss Peek, worshipping her from a spiritual distance through which her attractions took on stellar brightness and mystery. <abbr>Mrs.</abbr> Peek kept a few choice boarders, among whom was Tansey. The other young men romped with Katie, chased her with crickets in their fingers, and “jollied” her with an irreverent freedom that turned Tanseys heart into cold lead in his bosom. The signs of his adoration were few—a tremulous “Good morning,” stealthy glances at her during meals, and occasionally (Oh, rapture!) a blushing, delirious game of cribbage with her in the parlour on some rare evening when a miraculous lack of engagement kept her at home. Kiss him in the hall! Aye, he feared it, but it was an ecstatic fear such as Elijah must have felt when the chariot lifted him into the unknown.</p>
<p>But to-night the gibes of his associates had stung him to a feeling of forward, lawless mutiny; a defiant, challenging, atavistic recklessness. Spirit of corsair, adventurer, lover, poet, bohemian, possessed him. The stars he saw above him seemed no more unattainable, no less high, than the favour of Miss Peek or the fearsome sweetness of her delectable lips. His fate seemed to him strangely dramatic and pathetic, and to call for a solace consonant with its extremity. A saloon was near by, and to this he flitted, calling for absinthe—beyond doubt the drink most adequate to his mood—the tipple of the roué, the abandoned, the vainly sighing lover.</p>
<p>Once he drank of it, and again, and then again until he felt a strange, exalted sense of non-participation in worldly affairs pervade him. Tansey was no drinker; his consumption of three absinthe anisettes within almost as few minutes proclaimed his unproficiency in the art; Tansey was merely flooding with unproven liquor his sorrows; which record and tradition alleged to be drownable.</p>
<p>Coming out upon the sidewalk, he snapped his fingers defiantly in the direction of the Peek homestead, turned the other way, and voyaged, Columbus-like into the wilds of an enchanted street. Nor is the figure exorbitant, for, beyond his store the foot of Tansey had scarcely been set for years—store and boarding-house; between these ports he was chartered to run, and contrary currents had rarely deflected his prow.</p>
<p>But tonight the gibes of his associates had stung him to a feeling of forward, lawless mutiny; a defiant, challenging, atavistic recklessness. Spirit of corsair, adventurer, lover, poet, bohemian, possessed him. The stars he saw above him seemed no more unattainable, no less high, than the favour of Miss Peek or the fearsome sweetness of her delectable lips. His fate seemed to him strangely dramatic and pathetic, and to call for a solace consonant with its extremity. A saloon was near by, and to this he flitted, calling for absinthe—beyond doubt the drink most adequate to his mood—the tipple of the roué, the abandoned, the vainly sighing lover.</p>
<p>Once he drank of it, and again, and then again until he felt a strange, exalted sense of nonparticipation in worldly affairs pervade him. Tansey was no drinker; his consumption of three absinthe anisettes within almost as few minutes proclaimed his unproficiency in the art; Tansey was merely flooding with unproven liquor his sorrows; which record and tradition alleged to be drownable.</p>
<p>Coming out upon the sidewalk, he snapped his fingers defiantly in the direction of the Peek homestead, turned the other way, and voyaged, Columbus-like into the wilds of an enchanted street. Nor is the figure exorbitant, for, beyond his store the foot of Tansey had scarcely been set for years—store and boardinghouse; between these ports he was chartered to run, and contrary currents had rarely deflected his prow.</p>
<p>Tansey aimlessly protracted his walk, and, whether it was his unfamiliarity with the district, his recent accession of audacious errantry, or the sophistical whisper of a certain green-eyed fairy, he came at last to tread a shuttered, blank, and echoing thoroughfare, dark and unpeopled. And, suddenly, this way came to an end (as many streets do in the Spanish-built, archaic town of San Antone), butting its head against an imminent, high, brick wall. No—the street still lived! To the right and to the left it breathed through slender tubes of exit—narrow, somnolent ravines, cobble paved and unlighted. Accommodating a rise in the street to the right was reared a phantom flight of five luminous steps of limestone, flanked by a wall of the same height and of the same material.</p>
<p>Upon one of these steps Tansey seated himself and bethought him of his love, and how she might never know she was his love. And of Mother Peek, fat, vigilant and kind; not unpleased, Tansey thought, that he and Katie should play cribbage in the parlour together. For the Cut-rate had not cut his salary, which, sordidly speaking, ranked him star boarder at the Peeks. And he thought of Captain Peek, Katies father, a man he dreaded and abhorred; a genteel loafer and spendthrift, battening upon the labour of his women-folk; a very queer fish, and, according to repute, not of the freshest.</p>
<p>The night had turned chill and foggy. The heart of the town, with its noises, was left behind. Reflected from the high vapours, its distant lights were manifest in quivering, cone-shaped streamers, in questionable blushes of unnamed colours, in unstable, ghostly waves of far, electric flashes. Now that the darkness was become more friendly, the wall against which the street splintered developed a stone coping topped with an armature of spikes. Beyond it loomed what appeared to be the acute angles of mountain peaks, pierced here and there by little lambent parallelograms. Considering this vista, Tansey at length persuaded himself that the seeming mountains were, in fact, the convent of Santa Mercedes, with which ancient and bulky pile he was better familiar from different coigns of view. A pleasant note of singing in his ears reinforced his opinion. High, sweet, holy carolling, far and harmonious and uprising, as of sanctified nuns at their responses. At what hour did the Sisters sing? He tried to think—was it six, eight, twelve? Tansey leaned his back against the limestone wall and wondered. Strange things followed. The air was full of white, fluttering pigeons that circled about, and settled upon the convent wall. The wall blossomed with a quantity of shining green eyes that blinked and peered at him from the solid masonry. A pink, classic nymph came from an excavation in the cavernous road and danced, barefoot and airy, upon the ragged flints. The sky was traversed by a company of beribboned cats, marching in stupendous, aërial procession. The noise of singing grew louder; an illumination of unseasonable fireflies danced past, and strange whispers came out of the dark without meaning or excuse.</p>
@ -34,11 +34,11 @@
<p class="noindent">serving notice upon those mysterious agencies that if it should come to a face-to-face encounter</p>
<blockquote>
<blockquote>
<p class="noindent">“Therell be a hot time<br/> In the old town<br/> To-night!”</p>
<p class="noindent">“Therell be a hot time<br/> In the old town<br/> Tonight!”</p>
</blockquote>
</blockquote>
<p>How long Tansey consumed in treading this haunted byway was not clear to him, but in time he emerged into a more commodious avenue. When within a few yards of the corner he perceived, through a window, that a small confectionary of mean appearance was set in the angle. His same glance that estimated its meagre equipment, its cheap soda-water fountain and stock of tobacco and sweets, took cognizance of Captain Peek within lighting a cigar at a swinging gaslight.</p>
<p>As Tansey rounded the corner Captain Peek came out, and they met <i>vis-a-vis</i>. An exultant joy filled Tansey when he found himself sustaining the encounter with implicit courage. Peek, indeed! He raised his hand, and snapped his fingers loudly.</p>
<p>As Tansey rounded the corner Captain Peek came out, and they met <i>vis-à-vis</i>. An exultant joy filled Tansey when he found himself sustaining the encounter with implicit courage. Peek, indeed! He raised his hand, and snapped his fingers loudly.</p>
<p>It was Peek himself who quailed guiltily before the valiant mien of the drug clerk. Sharp surprise and a palpable fear bourgeoned upon the Captains face. And, verily, that face was one to rather call up such expressions on the faces of others. The face of a libidinous heathen idol, small eyed, with carven folds in the heavy jowls, and a consuming, pagan license in its expression. In the gutter just beyond the store Tansey saw a closed carriage standing with its back toward him and a motionless driver perched in his place.</p>
<p>“Why, its Tansey!” exclaimed Captain Peek. “How are you, Tansey? H-have a cigar, Tansey?”</p>
<p>“Why, its Peek!” cried Tansey, jubilant at his own temerity. “What deviltry are you up to now, Peek? Back streets and a closed carriage! Fie! Peek!”</p>
@ -53,17 +53,17 @@
<p>“Eat you!” said Tansey, after pondering a moment. “That cant be; theres no plates.”</p>
<p>But a sudden noise warned him to turn. Down upon him were bearing the Captain and a monstrous long-bearded dwarf in a spangled cloak and red trunk-hose. The dwarf leaped twenty feet and clutched them. The Captain seized Katie and hurled her, shrieking, back into the carriage, himself followed, and the vehicle dashed away. The dwarf lifted Tansey high above his head and ran with him into the store. Holding him with one hand, he raised the lid of an enormous chest half filled with cakes of ice, flung Tansey inside, and closed down the cover.</p>
<p>The force of the fall must have been great, for Tansey lost consciousness. When his faculties revived his first sensation was one of severe cold along his back and limbs. Opening his eyes, he found himself to be seated upon the limestone steps still facing the wall and convent of Santa Mercedes. His first thought was of the ecstatic kiss from Katie. The outrageous villainy of Captain Peek, the unnatural mystery of the situation, his preposterous conflict with the improbable dwarf—these things roused and angered him, but left no impression of the unreal.</p>
<p>“Ill go back there to-morrow,” he grumbled aloud, “and knock the head off that comic-opera squab. Running out and picking up perfect strangers, and shoving them into cold storage!”</p>
<p>“Ill go back there tomorrow,” he grumbled aloud, “and knock the head off that comic-opera squab. Running out and picking up perfect strangers, and shoving them into cold storage!”</p>
<p>But the kiss remained uppermost in his mind. “I might have done that long ago,” he mused. “She liked it, too. She called me Sam four times. Ill not go up that street again. Too much scrapping. Guess Ill move down the other way. Wonder what she meant by saying they were going to eat her!”</p>
<p>Tansey began to feel sleepy, but after a while he decided to move along again. This time he ventured into the street to his left. It ran level for a distance, and then dipped gently downward, opening into a vast, dim, barren space—the old Military Plaza. To his left, some hundred yards distant, he saw a cluster of flickering lights along the Plazas border. He knew the locality at once.</p>
<p>Huddled within narrow confines were the remnants of the once-famous purveyors of the celebrated Mexican national cookery. A few years before, their nightly encampments upon the historic Alamo Plaza, in the heart of the city, had been a carnival, a saturnalia that was renowned throughout the land. Then the caterers numbered hundreds; the patrons thousands. Drawn by the coquettish <i>señoritas</i>, the music of the weird Spanish minstrels, and the strange piquant Mexican dishes served at a hundred competing tables, crowds thronged the Alamo Plaza all night. Travellers, rancheros, family parties, gay gasconading rounders, sightseers and prowlers of polyglot, owlish San Antone mingled there at the centre of the citys fun and frolic. The popping of corks, pistols, and questions; the glitter of eyes, jewels and daggers; the ring of laughter and coin—these were the order of the night.</p>
<p>But now no longer. To some half-dozen tents, fires, and tables had dwindled the picturesque festival, and these had been relegated to an ancient disused plaza.</p>
<p>Often had Tansey strolled down to these stands at night to partake of the delectable <i>chili-con-carne</i>, a dish evolved by the genius of Mexico, composed of delicate meats minced with aromatic herbs and the poignant <i>chili colorado</i>—a compound full of singular flavour and a fiery zest delightful to the Southrons palate.</p>
<p>The titillating odour of this concoction came now, on the breeze, to the nostrils of Tansey, awakening in him hunger for it. As he turned in that direction he saw a carriage dash up to the Mexicans tents out of the gloom of the Plaza. Some figures moved back and forward in the uncertain light of the lanterns, and then the carriage was driven swiftly away.</p>
<p>Tansey approached, and sat at one of the tables covered with gaudy oil-cloth. Traffic was dull at the moment. A few half-grown boys noisily fared at another table; the Mexicans hung listless and phlegmatic about their wares. And it was still. The night hum of the city crowded to the wall of dark buildings surrounding the Plaza, and subsided to an indefinite buzz through which sharply perforated the crackle of the languid fires and the rattle of fork and spoon. A sedative wind blew from the southeast. The starless firmament pressed down upon the earth like a leaden cover.</p>
<p>Tansey approached, and sat at one of the tables covered with gaudy oilcloth. Traffic was dull at the moment. A few half-grown boys noisily fared at another table; the Mexicans hung listless and phlegmatic about their wares. And it was still. The night hum of the city crowded to the wall of dark buildings surrounding the Plaza, and subsided to an indefinite buzz through which sharply perforated the crackle of the languid fires and the rattle of fork and spoon. A sedative wind blew from the southeast. The starless firmament pressed down upon the earth like a leaden cover.</p>
<p>In all that quiet Tansey turned his head suddenly, and saw, without disquietude, a troop of spectral horsemen deploy into the Plaza and charge a luminous line of infantry that advanced to sustain the shock. He saw the fierce flame of cannon and small arms, but heard no sound. The careless victuallers lounged vacantly, not deigning to view the conflict. Tansey mildly wondered to what nations these mute combatants might belong; turned his back to them and ordered his chili and coffee from the Mexican woman who advanced to serve him. This woman was old and careworn; her face was lined like the rind of a cantaloupe. She fetched the viands from a vessel set by the smouldering fire, and then retired to a tent, dark within, that stood near by.</p>
<p>Presently Tansey heard a turmoil in the tent; a wailing, broken-hearted pleading in the harmonious Spanish tongue, and then two figures tumbled out into the light of the lanterns. One was the old woman; the other was a man clothed with a sumptuous and flashing splendour. The woman seemed to clutch and beseech from him something against his will. The man broke from her and struck her brutally back into the tent, where she lay, whimpering and invisible. Observing Tansey, he walked rapidly to the table where he sat. Tansey recognized him to be Ramon Torres, a Mexican, the proprietor of the stand he was patronizing.</p>
<p>Torres was a handsome, nearly full-blooded descendant of the Spanish, seemingly about thirty years of age, and of a haughty, but extremely courteous demeanour. To-night he was dressed with signal magnificence. His costume was that of a triumphant <i>matador</i>, made of purple velvet almost hidden by jeweled embroidery. Diamonds of enormous size flashed upon his garb and his hands. He reached for a chair, and, seating himself at the opposite side of the table, began to roll a finical cigarette.</p>
<p>Presently Tansey heard a turmoil in the tent; a wailing, brokenhearted pleading in the harmonious Spanish tongue, and then two figures tumbled out into the light of the lanterns. One was the old woman; the other was a man clothed with a sumptuous and flashing splendour. The woman seemed to clutch and beseech from him something against his will. The man broke from her and struck her brutally back into the tent, where she lay, whimpering and invisible. Observing Tansey, he walked rapidly to the table where he sat. Tansey recognized him to be Ramon Torres, a Mexican, the proprietor of the stand he was patronizing.</p>
<p>Torres was a handsome, nearly full-blooded descendant of the Spanish, seemingly about thirty years of age, and of a haughty, but extremely courteous demeanour. Tonight he was dressed with signal magnificence. His costume was that of a triumphant <i>matador</i>, made of purple velvet almost hidden by jeweled embroidery. Diamonds of enormous size flashed upon his garb and his hands. He reached for a chair, and, seating himself at the opposite side of the table, began to roll a finical cigarette.</p>
<p>“Ah, Meester Tansee,” he said, with a sultry fire in his silky, black eyes, “I give myself pleasure to see you this evening. Meester Tansee, you have many times come to eat at my table. I theenk you a safe man—a verree good friend. How much would it please you to leeve forever?”</p>
<p>“Not come back any more?” inquired Tansey.</p>
<p>“No; not leave<i>leeve</i>; the not-to-die.”</p>
@ -71,13 +71,13 @@
<p>Torres leaned his elbows upon the table, swallowed a mouthful of smoke, and spake—each word being projected in a little puff of gray.</p>
<p>“How old do you theenk I am, Meester Tansee?”</p>
<p>“Oh, twenty-eight or thirty.”</p>
<p>“Thees day,” said the Mexican, “ees my birthday. I am four hundred and three years of old to-day.”</p>
<p>“Thees day,” said the Mexican, “ees my birthday. I am four hundred and three years of old today.”</p>
<p>“Another proof,” said Tansey, airily, “of the healthfulness of our climate.”</p>
<p>“Eet is not the air. I am to relate to you a secret of verree fine value. Listen me, Meester Tansee. At the age of twenty-three I arrive in Mexico from Spain. When? In the year fifteen hundred nineteen, with the <i>soldados</i> of Hernando Cortez. I come to thees country seventeen fifteen. I saw your Alamo reduced. It was like yesterday to me. Three hundred ninety-six year ago I learn the secret always to leeve. Look at these clothes I war—at these <i>diamantes</i>. Do you theenk I buy them with the money I make with selling the <i>chili-con-carne</i>, Meester Tansee?”</p>
<p>“I should think not,” said Tansey, promptly. Torres laughed loudly.</p>
<p><i>Valgame Dios!</i> but I do. But it not the kind you eating now. I make a deeferent kind, the eating of which makes men to always leeve. What do you think! One thousand people I supply<i>diez pesos</i> each one pays me the month. You see! ten thousand <i>pesos</i> everee month! <i>Que diable!</i> how not I wear the fine <i>ropa</i>! You see that old woman try to hold me back a little while ago? That ees my wife. When I marry her she is young—seventeen year<i>bonita</i>. Like the rest she ees become old and—what you say!—tough? I am the same—young all the time. To-night I resolve to dress myself and find another wife befitting my age. This old woman try to scr-r-ratch my face. Ha! ha! Meester Tansee—same way they do <i>entre los Americanos</i>.”</p>
<p><i>Valgame Dios!</i> but I do. But it not the kind you eating now. I make a deeferent kind, the eating of which makes men to always leeve. What do you think! One thousand people I supply<i>diez pesos</i> each one pays me the month. You see! ten thousand <i>pesos</i> everee month! <i>Que diable!</i> how not I wear the fine <i>ropa</i>! You see that old woman try to hold me back a little while ago? That ees my wife. When I marry her she is young—seventeen year<i>bonita</i>. Like the rest she ees become old and—what you say!—tough? I am the same—young all the time. Tonight I resolve to dress myself and find another wife befitting my age. This old woman try to scr-r-ratch my face. Ha! ha! Meester Tansee—same way they do <i>entre los Americanos</i>.”</p>
<p>“And this health-food you spoke of?” said Tansey.</p>
<p>“Hear me,” said Torres, leaning over the table until he lay flat upon it; “eet is the <i>chili-con-carne</i> made not from the beef or the chicken, but from the flesh of the <i>señorita</i>—young and tender. That ees the secret. Everee month you must eat of it, having care to do so before the moon is full, and you will not die any times. See how I trust you, friend Tansee! To-night I have bought one young ladee—verree pretty—so <i>fina, gorda, blandita!</i> To-morrow the <i>chili</i> will be ready. <i>Ahora si!</i> One thousand dollars I pay for thees young ladee. From an <i>Americano</i> I have bought—a verree tip-top man<i>el Capitan Peek</i>⁠—<i>que es, Señor?</i></p>
<p>“Hear me,” said Torres, leaning over the table until he lay flat upon it; “eet is the <i>chili-con-carne</i> made not from the beef or the chicken, but from the flesh of the <i>señorita</i>—young and tender. That ees the secret. Everee month you must eat of it, having care to do so before the moon is full, and you will not die any times. See how I trust you, friend Tansee! Tonight I have bought one young ladee—verree pretty—so <i>fina, gorda, blandita!</i> Tomorrow the <i>chili</i> will be ready. <i>Ahora si!</i> One thousand dollars I pay for thees young ladee. From an <i>Americano</i> I have bought—a verree tip-top man<i>el Capitan Peek</i>⁠—<i>que es, Señor?</i></p>
<p>For Tansey had sprung to his feet, upsetting the chair. The words of Katie reverberated in his ears: “Theyre going to eat me, Sam.” This, then, was the monstrous fate to which she had been delivered by her unnatural parent. The carriage he had seen drive up from the Plaza was Captain Peeks. Where was Katie? Perhaps already</p>
<p>Before he could decide what to do a loud scream came from the tent. The old Mexican woman ran out, a flashing knife in her hand. “I have released her,” she cried. “You shall kill no more. They will hang you<i>ingrato</i>⁠—<i>encatador!</i></p>
<p>Torres, with a hissing exclamation, sprang at her.</p>
@ -86,18 +86,18 @@
<p>Another scream; the flaps of the tent were flung aside, and there stood Katie, white with fear, her wrists still bound with a cruel cord.</p>
<p>“Sam!” she cried, “save me again!”</p>
<p>Tansey rounded the table, and flung himself, with superb nerve, upon the Mexican. Just then a clangour began; the clocks of the city were tolling the midnight hour. Tansey clutched at Torres, and, for a moment, felt in his grasp the crunch of velvet and the cold facets of the glittering gems. The next instant, the bedecked caballero turned in his hands to a shrunken, leather-visaged, white-bearded, old, old, screaming mummy, sandalled, ragged, and four hundred and three. The Mexican woman was crawling to her feet, and laughing. She shook her brown hand in the face of the whining <i>viejo</i>.</p>
<p>“Go, now,” she cried, “and seek your señorita. It was I, Ramoncito, who brought you to this. Within each moon you eat of the life-giving <i>chili</i>. It was I that kept the wrong time for you. You should have eaten <i>yesterday</i> instead of <i>to-morrow</i>. It is too late. Off with you, <i>hombre</i>! You are too old for me!”</p>
<p>“This,” decided Tansey, releasing his hold of the gray-beard, “is a private family matter concerning age, and no business of mine.”</p>
<p>“Go, now,” she cried, “and seek your señorita. It was I, Ramoncito, who brought you to this. Within each moon you eat of the life-giving <i>chili</i>. It was I that kept the wrong time for you. You should have eaten <i>yesterday</i> instead of <i>tomorrow</i>. It is too late. Off with you, <i>hombre</i>! You are too old for me!”</p>
<p>“This,” decided Tansey, releasing his hold of the graybeard, “is a private family matter concerning age, and no business of mine.”</p>
<p>With one of the table knives he hastened to saw asunder the fetters of the fair captive; and then, for the second time that night he kissed Katie Peek—tasted again the sweetness, the wonder, the thrill of it, attained once more the maximum of his incessant dreams.</p>
<p>The next instant an icy blade was driven deep between his shoulders; he felt his blood slowly congeal; heard the senile cackle of the perennial Spaniard; saw the Plaza rise and reel till the zenith crashed into the horizon—and knew no more.</p>
<p>When Tansey opened his eyes again he was sitting upon those self-same steps gazing upon the dark bulk of the sleeping convent. In the middle of his back was still the acute, chilling pain. How had he been conveyed back there again? He got stiffly to his feet and stretched his cramped limbs. Supporting himself against the stonework he revolved in his mind the extravagant adventures that had befallen him each time he had strayed from the steps that night. In reviewing them certain features strained his credulity. Had he really met Captain Peek or Katie or the unparalleled Mexican in his wanderings—had he really encountered them under commonplace conditions and his over-stimulated brain had supplied the incongruities? However that might be, a sudden, elating thought caused him an intense joy. Nearly all of us have, at some point in our lives—either to excuse our own stupidity or to placate our consciences—promulgated some theory of fatalism. We have set up an intelligent Fate that works by codes and signals. Tansey had done likewise; and now he read, through the nights incidents, the finger-prints of destiny. Each excursion that he had made had led to the one paramount finale—to Katie and that kiss, which survived and grew strong and intoxicating in his memory. Clearly, Fate was holding up to him the mirror that night, calling him to observe what awaited him at the end of whichever road he might take. He immediately turned, and hurried homeward.</p>
<p>When Tansey opened his eyes again he was sitting upon those selfsame steps gazing upon the dark bulk of the sleeping convent. In the middle of his back was still the acute, chilling pain. How had he been conveyed back there again? He got stiffly to his feet and stretched his cramped limbs. Supporting himself against the stonework he revolved in his mind the extravagant adventures that had befallen him each time he had strayed from the steps that night. In reviewing them certain features strained his credulity. Had he really met Captain Peek or Katie or the unparalleled Mexican in his wanderings—had he really encountered them under commonplace conditions and his over-stimulated brain had supplied the incongruities? However that might be, a sudden, elating thought caused him an intense joy. Nearly all of us have, at some point in our lives—either to excuse our own stupidity or to placate our consciences—promulgated some theory of fatalism. We have set up an intelligent Fate that works by codes and signals. Tansey had done likewise; and now he read, through the nights incidents, the fingerprints of destiny. Each excursion that he had made had led to the one paramount finale—to Katie and that kiss, which survived and grew strong and intoxicating in his memory. Clearly, Fate was holding up to him the mirror that night, calling him to observe what awaited him at the end of whichever road he might take. He immediately turned, and hurried homeward.</p>
<p>Clothed in an elaborate, pale blue wrapper, cut to fit, Miss Katie Peek reclined in an armchair before a waning fire in her room. Her little, bare feet were thrust into house-shoes rimmed with swans down. By the light of a small lamp she was attacking the society news of the latest Sunday paper. Some happy substance, seemingly indestructible, was being rhythmically crushed between her small white teeth. Miss Katie read of functions and furbelows, but she kept a vigilant ear for outside sounds and a frequent eye upon the clock over the mantel. At every footstep upon the asphalt sidewalk her smooth, round chin would cease for a moment its regular rise and fall, and a frown of listening would pucker her pretty brows.</p>
<p>At last she heard the latch of the iron gate click. She sprang up, tripped softly to the mirror, where she made a few of those feminine, flickering passes at her front hair and throat which are warranted to hypnotize the approaching guest.</p>
<p>The door-bell rang. Miss Katie, in her haste, turned the blaze of the lamp lower instead of higher, and hastened noiselessly down stairs into the hall. She turned the key, the door opened, and <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Tansey side-stepped in.</p>
<p>The doorbell rang. Miss Katie, in her haste, turned the blaze of the lamp lower instead of higher, and hastened noiselessly down stairs into the hall. She turned the key, the door opened, and <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Tansey sidestepped in.</p>
<p>“Why, the i-de-a!” exclaimed Miss Katie, “is this you, <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Tansey? Its after midnight. Arent you ashamed to wake me up at such an hour to let you in? Youre just <i>awful</i>!”</p>
<p>“I was late,” said Tansey, brilliantly.</p>
<p>“I should think you were! Ma was awfully worried about you. When you werent in by ten, that hateful Tom McGill said you were out calling on another—said you were out calling on some young lady. I just despise <abbr>Mr.</abbr> McGill. Well, Im not going to scold you any more, <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Tansey, if it <i>is</i> a little late—Oh! I turned it the wrong way!”</p>
<p>Miss Katie gave a little scream. Absent-mindedly she had turned the blaze of the lamp entirely out instead of higher. It was very dark.</p>
<p>Miss Katie gave a little scream. Absentmindedly she had turned the blaze of the lamp entirely out instead of higher. It was very dark.</p>
<p>Tansey heard a musical, soft giggle, and breathed an entrancing odour of heliotrope. A groping light hand touched his arm.</p>
<p>“How awkward I was! Can you find your way—Sam?”</p>
<p>“I—I think I have a match, Miss K-Katie.”</p>

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<body epub:type="bodymatter z3998:fiction">
<section id="chapter-16" epub:type="chapter">
<h2>A DEPARTMENTAL CASE</h2>
<p>In Texas you may travel a thousand miles in a straight line. If your course is a crooked one, it is likely that both the distance and your rate of speed may be vastly increased. Clouds there sail serenely against the wind. The whip-poor-will delivers its disconsolate cry with the notes exactly reversed from those of his Northern brother. Given a drought and a subsequently lively rain, and lo! from a glazed and stony soil will spring in a single night blossomed lilies, miraculously fair. Tom Green County was once the standard of measurement. I have forgotten how many New Jerseys and Rhode Islands it was that could have been stowed away and lost in its chaparral. But the legislative axe has slashed Tom Green into a handful of counties hardly larger than European kingdoms. The legislature convenes at Austin, near the centre of the state; and, while the representative from the Rio Grande country is gathering his palm-leaf fan and his linen duster to set out for the capital, the Pan-handle solon winds his muffler above his well-buttoned overcoat and kicks the snow from his well-greased boots ready for the same journey. All this merely to hint that the big ex-republic of the Southwest forms a sizable star on the flag, and to prepare for the corollary that things sometimes happen there uncut to pattern and unfettered by metes and bounds.</p>
<p>In Texas you may travel a thousand miles in a straight line. If your course is a crooked one, it is likely that both the distance and your rate of speed may be vastly increased. Clouds there sail serenely against the wind. The whip-poor-will delivers its disconsolate cry with the notes exactly reversed from those of his Northern brother. Given a drought and a subsequently lively rain, and lo! from a glazed and stony soil will spring in a single night blossomed lilies, miraculously fair. Tom Green County was once the standard of measurement. I have forgotten how many New Jerseys and Rhode Islands it was that could have been stowed away and lost in its chaparral. But the legislative axe has slashed Tom Green into a handful of counties hardly larger than European kingdoms. The legislature convenes at Austin, near the centre of the state; and, while the representative from the Rio Grande country is gathering his palm-leaf fan and his linen duster to set out for the capital, the Panhandle solon winds his muffler above his well-buttoned overcoat and kicks the snow from his well-greased boots ready for the same journey. All this merely to hint that the big ex-republic of the Southwest forms a sizable star on the flag, and to prepare for the corollary that things sometimes happen there uncut to pattern and unfettered by metes and bounds.</p>
<p>The Commissioner of Insurance, Statistics, and History of the State of Texas was an official of no very great or very small importance. The past tense is used, for now he is Commissioner of Insurance alone. Statistics and history are no longer proper nouns in the government records.</p>
<p>In the year 188, the governor appointed Luke Coonrod Standifer to be the head of this department. Standifer was then fifty-five years of age, and a Texan to the core. His father had been one of the states earliest settlers and pioneers. Standifer himself had served the commonwealth as Indian fighter, soldier, ranger, and legislator. Much learning he did not claim, but he had drank pretty deep of the spring of experience.</p>
<p>If other grounds were less abundant, Texas should be well up in the lists of glory as the grateful republic. For both as republic and state, it has busily heaped honours and solid rewards upon its sons who rescued it from the wilderness.</p>
<p>Wherefore and therefore, Luke Coonrod Standifer, son of Ezra Standifer, ex-Terry ranger, simon-pure democrat, and lucky dweller in an unrepresented portion of the politico-geographical map, was appointed Commissioner of Insurance, Statistics, and History.</p>
<p>Standifer accepted the honour with some doubt as to the nature of the office he was to fill and his capacity for filling it—but he accepted, and by wire. He immediately set out from the little country town where he maintained (and was scarcely maintained by) a somnolent and unfruitful office of surveying and map-drawing. Before departing, he had looked up under the Is, Ss and Hs in the “Encyclopædia Britannica” what information and preparation toward his official duties that those weighty volumes afforded.</p>
<p>A few weeks of incumbency diminished the new commissioners awe of the great and important office he had been called upon to conduct. An increasing familiarity with its workings soon restored him to his accustomed placid course of life. In his office was an old, spectacled clerk—a consecrated, informed, able machine, who held his desk regardless of changes of administrative heads. Old Kauffman instructed his new chief gradually in the knowledge of the department without seeming to do so, and kept the wheels revolving without the slip of a cog.</p>
<p>Indeed, the Department of Insurance, Statistics, and History carried no great heft of the burden of state. Its main work was the regulating of the business done in the state by foreign insurance companies, and the letter of the law was its guide. As for statistics—well, you wrote letters to county officers, and scissored other peoples reports, and each year you got out a report of your own about the corn crop and the cotton crop and pecans and pigs and black and white population, and a great many columns of figures headed “bushels” and “acres” and “square miles,” <abbr>etc.</abbr>—and there you were. History? The branch was purely a receptive one. Old ladies interested in the science bothered you some with long reports of proceedings of their historical societies. Some twenty or thirty people would write you each year that they had secured Sam Houstons pocket-knife or Santa Anas whisky-flask or Davy Crocketts rifle—all absolutely authenticated—and demanded legislative appropriation to purchase. Most of the work in the history branch went into pigeon-holes.</p>
<p>Indeed, the Department of Insurance, Statistics, and History carried no great heft of the burden of state. Its main work was the regulating of the business done in the state by foreign insurance companies, and the letter of the law was its guide. As for statistics—well, you wrote letters to county officers, and scissored other peoples reports, and each year you got out a report of your own about the corn crop and the cotton crop and pecans and pigs and black and white population, and a great many columns of figures headed “bushels” and “acres” and “square miles,” <abbr>etc.</abbr>—and there you were. History? The branch was purely a receptive one. Old ladies interested in the science bothered you some with long reports of proceedings of their historical societies. Some twenty or thirty people would write you each year that they had secured Sam Houstons pocketknife or Santa Anas whisky-flask or Davy Crocketts rifle—all absolutely authenticated—and demanded legislative appropriation to purchase. Most of the work in the history branch went into pigeonholes.</p>
<p>One sizzling August afternoon the commissioner reclined in his office chair, with his feet upon the long, official table covered with green billiard cloth. The commissioner was smoking a cigar, and dreamily regarding the quivering landscape framed by the window that looked upon the treeless capitol grounds. Perhaps he was thinking of the rough and ready life he had led, of the old days of breathless adventure and movement, of the comrades who now trod other paths or had ceased to tread any, of the changes civilization and peace had brought, and, maybe, complacently, of the snug and comfortable camp pitched for him under the dome of the capitol of the state that had not forgotten his services.</p>
<p>The business of the department was lax. Insurance was easy. Statistics were not in demand. History was dead. Old Kauffman, the efficient and perpetual clerk, had requested an infrequent half-holiday, incited to the unusual dissipation by the joy of having successfully twisted the tail of a Connecticut insurance company that was trying to do business contrary to the edicts of the great Lone Star State.</p>
<p>The office was very still. A few subdued noises trickled in through the open door from the other departments—a dull tinkling crash from the treasurers office adjoining, as a clerk tossed a bag of silver to the floor of the vault—the vague, intermittent clatter of a dilatory typewriter—a dull tapping from the state geologists quarters as if some woodpecker had flown in to bore for his prey in the cool of the massive building—and then a faint rustle and the light shuffling of the well-worn shoes along the hall, the sounds ceasing at the door toward which the commissioners lethargic back was presented. Following this, the sound of a gentle voice speaking words unintelligible to the commissioners somewhat dormant comprehension, but giving evidence of bewilderment and hesitation.</p>
<p>The voice was feminine; the commissioner was of the race of cavaliers who make salaam before the trail of a skirt without considering the quality of its cloth.</p>
<p>There stood in the door a faded woman, one of the numerous sisterhood of the unhappy. She was dressed all in black—povertys perpetual mourning for lost joys. Her face had the contours of twenty and the lines of forty. She may have lived that intervening score of years in a twelve-month. There was about her yet an aurum of indignant, unappeased, protesting youth that shone faintly through the premature veil of unearned decline.</p>
<p>There stood in the door a faded woman, one of the numerous sisterhood of the unhappy. She was dressed all in black—povertys perpetual mourning for lost joys. Her face had the contours of twenty and the lines of forty. She may have lived that intervening score of years in a twelvemonth. There was about her yet an aurum of indignant, unappeased, protesting youth that shone faintly through the premature veil of unearned decline.</p>
<p>“I beg your pardon, maam,” said the commissioner, gaining his feet to the accompaniment of a great creaking and sliding of his chair.</p>
<p>“Are you the governor, sir?” asked the vision of melancholy.</p>
<p>The commissioner hesitated at the end of his best bow, with his hand in the bosom of his double-breasted “frock.” Truth at last conquered.</p>
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<p>The lady subsided into the chair handed her, probably from purely physical reasons. She wielded a cheap fan—last token of gentility to be abandoned. Her clothing seemed to indicate a reduction almost to extreme poverty. She looked at the man who was not the governor, and saw kindliness and simplicity and a rugged, unadorned courtliness emanating from a countenance tanned and toughened by forty years of outdoor life. Also, she saw that his eyes were clear and strong and blue. Just so they had been when he used them to skim the horizon for raiding Kiowas and Sioux. His mouth was as set and firm as it had been on that day when he bearded the old Lion Sam Houston himself, and defied him during that season when secession was the theme. Now, in bearing and dress, Luke Coonrod Sandifer endeavoured to do credit to the important arts and sciences of Insurance, Statistics, and History. He had abandoned the careless dress of his country home. Now, his broad-brimmed black slouch hat, and his long-tailed “frock” made him not the least imposing of the official family, even if his office was reckoned to stand at the tail of the list.</p>
<p>“You wanted to see the governor, maam?” asked the commissioner, with a deferential manner he always used toward the fair sex.</p>
<p>“I hardly know,” said the lady, hesitatingly. “I suppose so.” And then, suddenly drawn by the sympathetic look of the other, she poured forth the story of her need.</p>
<p>It was a story so common that the public has come to look at its monotony instead of its pity. The old tale of an unhappy married life—made so by a brutal, conscienceless husband, a robber, a spendthrift, a moral coward and a bully, who failed to provide even the means of the barest existence. Yes, he had come down in the scale so low as to strike her. It happened only the day before—there was the bruise on one temple—she had offended his highness by asking for a little money to live on. And yet she must needs, woman-like, append a plea for her tyrant—he was drinking; he had rarely abused her thus when sober.</p>
<p>It was a story so common that the public has come to look at its monotony instead of its pity. The old tale of an unhappy married life—made so by a brutal, conscienceless husband, a robber, a spendthrift, a moral coward and a bully, who failed to provide even the means of the barest existence. Yes, he had come down in the scale so low as to strike her. It happened only the day before—there was the bruise on one temple—she had offended his highness by asking for a little money to live on. And yet she must needs, womanlike, append a plea for her tyrant—he was drinking; he had rarely abused her thus when sober.</p>
<p>“I thought,” mourned this pale sister of sorrow, “that maybe the state might be willing to give me some relief. Ive heard of such things being done for the families of old settlers. Ive heard tell that the state used to give land to the men who fought for it against Mexico, and settled up the country, and helped drive out the Indians. My father did all of that, and he never received anything. He never would take it. I thought the governor would be the one to see, and thats why I came. If father was entitled to anything, they might let it come to me.”</p>
<p>“Its possible, maam,” said Standifer, “that such might be the case. But most all the veterans and settlers got their land certificates issued, and located long ago. Still, we can look that up in the land office, and be sure. Your fathers name, now, was—”</p>
<p>“Amos Colvin, sir.”</p>
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<p>“To the devil with the legislature,” said Standifer, turning away.</p>
<p>The treasurer called him back.</p>
<p>“Id be glad, Standifer, to contribute a hundred dollars personally toward the immediate expenses of Colvins daughter.” He reached for his pocketbook.</p>
<p>“Never mind, Uncle Frank,” said the commissioner, in a softer tone. “Theres no need of that. She hasnt asked for anything of that sort yet. Besides, her case is in my hands. I see now what a little, rag-tag, bob-tail, gotch-eared department Ive been put in charge of. It seems to be about as important as an almanac or a hotel register. But while Im running it, it wont turn away any daughters of Amos Colvin without stretching its jurisdiction to cover, if possible. You want to keep your eye on the Department of Insurance, Statistics, and History.”</p>
<p>“Never mind, Uncle Frank,” said the commissioner, in a softer tone. “Theres no need of that. She hasnt asked for anything of that sort yet. Besides, her case is in my hands. I see now what a little, ragtag, bobtail, gotch-eared department Ive been put in charge of. It seems to be about as important as an almanac or a hotel register. But while Im running it, it wont turn away any daughters of Amos Colvin without stretching its jurisdiction to cover, if possible. You want to keep your eye on the Department of Insurance, Statistics, and History.”</p>
<p>The commissioner returned to his office, looking thoughtful. He opened and closed an inkstand on his desk many times with extreme and undue attention. “Why dont you get a divorce?” he asked, suddenly.</p>
<p>“I havent the money to pay for it,” answered the lady.</p>
<p>“Just at present,” announced the commissioner, in a formal tone, “the powers of my department appear to be considerably string-halted. Statistics seem to be overdrawn at the bank, and History isnt good for a square meal. But youve come to the right place, maam. The department will see you through. Where did you say your husband is, maam?”</p>
@ -70,10 +70,10 @@
<p>“I thought so. Ive heard your dad say it often enough. Well, Amanda, heres your fathers best friend, the head of a big office in the state government, thats going to help you out of your troubles. And heres the old bushwhacker and cowpuncher that your father has helped out of scrapes time and time again wants to ask you a question. Amanda, have you got money enough to run you for the next two or three days?”</p>
<p><abbr>Mrs.</abbr> Sharps white face flushed the least bit.</p>
<p>“Plenty, sir—for a few days.”</p>
<p>“All right, then, maam. Now you go back where you are stopping here, and you come to the office again the day after to-morrow at four oclock in the afternoon. Very likely by that time there will be something definite to report to you.” The commissioner hesitated, and looked a trifle embarrassed. “You said your husband had insured his life for $5,000. Do you know whether the premiums have been kept paid upon it or not?”</p>
<p>“All right, then, maam. Now you go back where you are stopping here, and you come to the office again the day after tomorrow at four oclock in the afternoon. Very likely by that time there will be something definite to report to you.” The commissioner hesitated, and looked a trifle embarrassed. “You said your husband had insured his life for $5,000. Do you know whether the premiums have been kept paid upon it or not?”</p>
<p>“He paid for a whole year in advance about five months ago,” said <abbr>Mrs.</abbr> Sharp. “I have the policy and receipts in my trunk.”</p>
<p>“Oh, thats all right, then,” said Standifer. “Its best to look after things of that sort. Some day they may come in handy.”</p>
<p><abbr>Mrs.</abbr> Sharp departed, and soon afterward Luke Standifer went down to the little hotel where he boarded and looked up the railroad time-table in the daily paper. Half an hour later he removed his coat and vest, and strapped a peculiarly constructed pistol holster across his shoulders, leaving the receptacle close under his left armpit. Into the holster he shoved a short-barrelled .44 calibre revolver. Putting on his clothes again, he strolled to the station and caught the five-twenty afternoon train for San Antonio.</p>
<p><abbr>Mrs.</abbr> Sharp departed, and soon afterward Luke Standifer went down to the little hotel where he boarded and looked up the railroad timetable in the daily paper. Half an hour later he removed his coat and vest, and strapped a peculiarly constructed pistol holster across his shoulders, leaving the receptacle close under his left armpit. Into the holster he shoved a short-barrelled .44 calibre revolver. Putting on his clothes again, he strolled to the station and caught the five-twenty afternoon train for San Antonio.</p>
<p>The San Antonio <i>Express</i> of the following morning contained this sensational piece of news:</p>
<h4>BENTON SHARP MEETS HIS MATCH</h4>
<blockquote>
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<p>Last night about eleven oclock Benton Sharp, with two other men, entered the Gold Front Restaurant and seated themselves at a table. Sharp had been drinking, and was loud and boisterous, as he always was when under the influence of liquor. Five minutes after the party was seated a tall, well-dressed, elderly gentleman entered the restaurant. Few present recognized the Honourable Luke Standifer, the recently appointed Commissioner of Insurance, Statistics, and History.</p>
<p>Going over to the same side where Sharp was, <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Standifer prepared to take a seat at the next table. In hanging his hat upon one of the hooks along the wall he let it fall upon Sharps head. Sharp turned, being in an especially ugly humour, and cursed the other roundly. <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Standifer apologized calmly for the accident, but Sharp continued his vituperations. <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Standifer was observed to draw near and speak a few sentences to the desperado in so low a tone that no one else caught the words. Sharp sprang up, wild with rage. In the meantime Standifer had stepped some yards away, and was standing quietly with his arms folded across the breast of his loosely hanging coat.</p>
<p>With that impetuous and deadly rapidity that made Sharp so dreaded, he reached for the gun he always carried in his hip pocket—a movement that has preceded the death of at least a dozen men at his hands. Quick as the motion was, the bystanders assert that it was met by the most beautiful exhibition of lightning gun-pulling ever witnessed in the Southwest. As Sharps pistol was being raised—and the act was really quicker than the eye could follow—a glittering .44 appeared as if by some conjuring trick in the right hand of <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Standifer, who, without a perceptible movement of his arm, shot Benton Sharp through the heart. It seems that the new Commissioner of Insurance, Statistics, and History has been an old-time Indian fighter and ranger for many years, which accounts for the happy knack he has of handling a .44.</p>
<p>It is not believed that <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Standifer will be put to any inconvenience beyond a necessary formal hearing to-day, as all the witnesses who were present unite in declaring that the deed was done in self-defence.</p>
<p>It is not believed that <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Standifer will be put to any inconvenience beyond a necessary formal hearing today, as all the witnesses who were present unite in declaring that the deed was done in self-defence.</p>
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<p>When <abbr>Mrs.</abbr> Sharp appeared at the office of the commissioner, according to appointment, she found that gentleman calmly eating a golden russet apple. He greeted her without embarrassment and without hesitation at approaching the subject that was the topic of the day.</p>

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<p>Somehow, though five times thus rejected, his heart was not so heavy when he left. She had not denied that she loved. Upon what shallow waters can the bark of passion remain afloat! Or, shall we play the doctrinaire, and hint that at thirty-four the tides of life are calmer and cognizant of many sources instead of but one—as at four-and-twenty?</p>
<p>Victor Fauquier would never be found. In those early days of his disappearance there was money to the Charles name, and Grandemont had spent the dollars as if they were picayunes in trying to find the lost youth. Even then he had had small hope of success, for the Mississippi gives up a victim from its oily tangles only at the whim of its malign will.</p>
<p>A thousand times had Grandemont conned in his mind the scene of Victors disappearance. And, at each time that Adèle had set her stubborn but pitiful alternative against his suit, still clearer it repeated itself in his brain.</p>
<p>The boy had been the family favourite; daring, winning, reckless. His unwise fancy had been captured by a girl on the plantation—the daughter of an overseer. Victors family was in ignorance of the intrigue, as far as it had gone. To save them the inevitable pain that his course promised, Grandemont strove to prevent it. Omnipotent money smoothed the way. The overseer and his daughter left, between a sunset and dawn, for an undesignated bourne. Grandemont was confident that this stroke would bring the boy to reason. He rode over to Meade dOr to talk with him. The two strolled out of the house and grounds, crossed the road, and, mounting the levee, walked its broad path while they conversed. A thunder-cloud was hanging, imminent, above, but, as yet, no rain fell. At Grandemonts disclosure of his interference in the clandestine romance, Victor attacked him, in a wild and sudden fury. Grandemont, though of slight frame, possessed muscles of iron. He caught the wrists amid a shower of blows descending upon him, bent the lad backward and stretched him upon the levee path. In a little while the gust of passion was spent, and he was allowed to rise. Calm now, but a powder mine where he had been but a whiff of the tantrums, Victor extended his hand toward the dwelling house of Meade dOr.</p>
<p>The boy had been the family favourite; daring, winning, reckless. His unwise fancy had been captured by a girl on the plantation—the daughter of an overseer. Victors family was in ignorance of the intrigue, as far as it had gone. To save them the inevitable pain that his course promised, Grandemont strove to prevent it. Omnipotent money smoothed the way. The overseer and his daughter left, between a sunset and dawn, for an undesignated bourne. Grandemont was confident that this stroke would bring the boy to reason. He rode over to Meade dOr to talk with him. The two strolled out of the house and grounds, crossed the road, and, mounting the levee, walked its broad path while they conversed. A thundercloud was hanging, imminent, above, but, as yet, no rain fell. At Grandemonts disclosure of his interference in the clandestine romance, Victor attacked him, in a wild and sudden fury. Grandemont, though of slight frame, possessed muscles of iron. He caught the wrists amid a shower of blows descending upon him, bent the lad backward and stretched him upon the levee path. In a little while the gust of passion was spent, and he was allowed to rise. Calm now, but a powder mine where he had been but a whiff of the tantrums, Victor extended his hand toward the dwelling house of Meade dOr.</p>
<p>“You and they,” he cried, “have conspired to destroy my happiness. None of you shall ever look upon my face again.”</p>
<p>Turning, he ran swiftly down the levee, disappearing in the darkness. Grandemont followed as well as he could, calling to him, but in vain. For longer than an hour he pursued the search. Descending the side of the levee, he penetrated the rank density of weeds and willows that undergrew the trees until the rivers edge, shouting Victors name. There was never an answer, though once he thought he heard a bubbling scream from the dun waters sliding past. Then the storm broke, and he returned to the house drenched and dejected.</p>
<p>There he explained the boys absence sufficiently, he thought, not speaking of the tangle that had led to it, for he hoped that Victor would return as soon as his anger had cooled. Afterward, when the threat was made good and they saw his face no more, he found it difficult to alter his explanations of that night, and there clung a certain mystery to the boys reasons for vanishing as well as to the manner of it.</p>
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<p>Charleroi was the old family plantation, lying some twenty miles down the river. Years ago the estate had been sold to discharge the debts of its too-bountiful owners. Once again it had changed hands, and now the must and mildew of litigation had settled upon it. A question of heirship was in the courts, and the dwelling house of Charleroi, unless the tales told of ghostly powdered and laced Charleses haunting its unechoing chambers were true, stood uninhabited.</p>
<p>Grandemont found the solicitor in chancery who held the keys pending the decision. He proved to be an old friend of the family. Grandemont explained briefly that he desired to rent the house for two or three days. He wanted to give a dinner at his old home to a few friends. That was all.</p>
<p>“Take it for a week—a month, if you will,” said the solicitor; “but do not speak to me of rental.” With a sigh he concluded: “The dinners I have eaten under that roof, <i>mon fils</i>!”</p>
<p>There came to many of the old, established dealers in furniture, china, silverware, decorations and household fittings at their stores on Canal, Chartres, <abbr>St.</abbr> Charles, and Royal Streets, a quiet young man with a little bald spot on the top of his head, distinguished manners, and the eye of a <i>connoisseur</i>, who explained what he wanted. To hire the complete and elegant equipment of a dining-room, hall, reception-room, and cloak-rooms. The goods were to be packed and sent, by boat, to the Charleroi landing, and would be returned within three or four days. All damage or loss to be promptly paid for.</p>
<p>There came to many of the old, established dealers in furniture, china, silverware, decorations and household fittings at their stores on Canal, Chartres, <abbr>St.</abbr> Charles, and Royal Streets, a quiet young man with a little bald spot on the top of his head, distinguished manners, and the eye of a <i>connoisseur</i>, who explained what he wanted. To hire the complete and elegant equipment of a dining-room, hall, reception-room, and cloakrooms. The goods were to be packed and sent, by boat, to the Charleroi landing, and would be returned within three or four days. All damage or loss to be promptly paid for.</p>
<p>Many of those old merchants knew Grandemont by sight, and the Charleses of old by association. Some of them were of Creole stock and felt a thrill of responsive sympathy with the magnificently indiscreet design of this impoverished clerk who would revive but for a moment the ancient flame of glory with the fuel of his savings.</p>
<p>“Choose what you want,” they said to him. “Handle everything carefully. See that the damage bill is kept low, and the charges for the loan will not oppress you.”</p>
<p>To the wine merchants next; and here a doleful slice was lopped from the six hundred. It was an exquisite pleasure to Grandemont once more to pick among the precious vintages. The champagne bins lured him like the abodes of sirens, but these he was forced to pass. With his six hundred he stood before them as a child with a penny stands before a French doll. But he bought with taste and discretion of other wines—Chablis, Moselle, Château dOr, Hochheimer, and port of right age and pedigree.</p>
@ -39,13 +39,13 @@
<p>Yes, André was still there; his wool a little grayer; his mouth as wide; his laughter as ready as ever. Grandemont told him of his plan, and the old <i>chef</i> swayed with pride and delight. With a sigh of relief, knowing that he need have no further concern until the serving of that dinner was announced, he placed in Andrés hands a liberal sum for the cost of it, giving <i>carte blanche</i> for its creation.</p>
<p>Among the blacks were also a number of the old house servants. Absalom, the former major domo, and a half-dozen of the younger men, once waiters and attachés of the kitchen, pantry, and other domestic departments crowded around to greet “Mshi Grande.” Absalom guaranteed to marshal, of these, a corps of assistants that would perform with credit the serving of the dinner.</p>
<p>After distributing a liberal largesse among the faithful, Grandemont rode back to town well pleased. There were many other smaller details to think of and provide for, but eventually the scheme was complete, and now there remained only the issuance of the invitations to his guests.</p>
<p>Along the river within the scope of a score of miles dwelt some half-dozen families with whose princely hospitality that of the Charleses had been contemporaneous. They were the proudest and most august of the old régime. Their small circle had been a brilliant one; their social relations close and warm; their houses full of rare welcome and discriminating bounty. Those friends, said Grandemont, should once more, if never again, sit at Charleroi on a nineteenth of January to celebrate the festal day of his house.</p>
<p>Along the river within the scope of a score of miles dwelt some half-dozen families with whose princely hospitality that of the Charleses had been contemporaneous. They were the proudest and most august of the old regime. Their small circle had been a brilliant one; their social relations close and warm; their houses full of rare welcome and discriminating bounty. Those friends, said Grandemont, should once more, if never again, sit at Charleroi on a nineteenth of January to celebrate the festal day of his house.</p>
<p>Grandemont had his cards of invitation engraved. They were expensive, but beautiful. In one particular their good taste might have been disputed; but the Creole allowed himself that one feather in the cap of his fugacious splendour. Might he not be allowed, for the one day of the <i>renaissance</i>, to be “Grandemont du Puy Charles, of Charleroi”? He sent the invitations out early in January so that the guests might not fail to receive due notice.</p>
<p>At eight oclock in the morning of the nineteenth, the lower coast steamboat <i>River Belle</i> gingerly approached the long unused landing at Charleroi. The bridge was lowered, and a swarm of the plantation hands streamed along the rotting pier, bearing ashore a strange assortment of freight. Great shapeless bundles and bales and packets swathed in cloth and bound with ropes; tubs and urns of palms, evergreens, and tropical flowers; tables, mirrors, chairs, couches, carpets, and pictures—all carefully bound and padded against the dangers of transit.</p>
<p>Grandemont was among them, the busiest there. To the safe conveyance of certain large hampers eloquent with printed cautions to delicate handling he gave his superintendence, for they contained the fragile china and glassware. The dropping of one of those hampers would have cost him more than he could have saved in a year.</p>
<p>The last article unloaded, the <i>River Belle</i> backed off and continued her course down stream. In less than an hour everything had been conveyed to the house. And came then Absaloms task, directing the placing of the furniture and wares. There was plenty of help, for that day was always a holiday at Charleroi, and the Negroes did not suffer the old traditions to lapse. Almost the entire population of the quarters volunteered their aid. A score of piccaninnies were sweeping at the leaves in the yard. In the big kitchen at the rear André was lording it with his old-time magnificence over his numerous sub-cooks and scullions. Shutters were flung wide; dust spun in clouds; the house echoed to voices and the tread of busy feet. The prince had come again, and Charleroi woke from its long sleep.</p>
<p>The full moon, as she rose across the river that night and peeped above the levee saw a sight that had long been missing from her orbit. The old plantation house shed a soft and alluring radiance from every window. Of its two-score rooms only four had been refurnished—the larger reception chamber, the dining hall, and two smaller rooms for the convenience of the expected guests. But lighted wax candles were set in the windows of every room.</p>
<p>The dining-hall was the <i>chef dœuvre</i>. The long table, set with twenty-five covers, sparkled like a winter landscape with its snowy napery and china and the icy gleam of crystal. The chaste beauty of the room had required small adornment. The polished floor burned to a glowing ruby with the reflection of candle light. The rich wainscoting reached half way to the ceiling. Along and above this had been set the relieving lightness of a few water-colour sketches of fruit and flower.</p>
<p>The dining-hall was the <i>chef dœuvre</i>. The long table, set with twenty-five covers, sparkled like a winter landscape with its snowy napery and china and the icy gleam of crystal. The chaste beauty of the room had required small adornment. The polished floor burned to a glowing ruby with the reflection of candle light. The rich wainscoting reached half way to the ceiling. Along and above this had been set the relieving lightness of a few watercolour sketches of fruit and flower.</p>
<p>The reception chamber was fitted in a simple but elegant style. Its arrangement suggested nothing of the fact that on the morrow the room would again be cleared and abandoned to the dust and the spider. The entrance hall was imposing with palms and ferns and the light of an immense candelabrum.</p>
<p>At seven oclock Grandemont, in evening dress, with pearls—a family passion—in his spotless linen, emerged from somewhere. The invitations had specified eight as the dining hour. He drew an armchair upon the porch, and sat there, smoking cigarettes and half dreaming.</p>
<p>The moon was an hour high. Fifty years back from the gate stood the house, under its noble grove. The road ran in front, and then came the grass-grown levee and the insatiate river beyond. Just above the levee top a tiny red light was creeping down and a tiny green one was creeping up. Then the passing steamers saluted, and the hoarse din startled the drowsy silence of the melancholy lowlands. The stillness returned, save for the little voices of the night—the owls recitative, the capriccio of the crickets, the concerto of the frogs in the grass. The piccaninnies and the dawdlers from the quarters had been dismissed to their confines, and the melée of the day was reduced to an orderly and intelligent silence. The six coloured waiters, in their white jackets, paced, cat-footed, about the table, pretending to arrange where all was beyond betterment. Absalom, in black and shining pumps posed, superior, here and there where the lights set off his grandeur. And Grandemont rested in his chair, waiting for his guests.</p>
@ -90,8 +90,8 @@
<p><i>My sister Adèle</i>!”</p>
<p>The vagrants voice rang loud and sudden through the room. He started to his feet, but Grandemonts arms were about him, and Grandemont was calling him “Victor!—Victor Fauquier! <i>Merci, merci, mon Dieu!</i></p>
<p>Too far overcome by sleep and fatigue was the lost one to talk that night. Days afterward, when the tropic <i>calentura</i> had cooled in his veins, the disordered fragments he had spoken were completed in shape and sequence. He told the story of his angry flight, of toils and calamities on sea and shore, of his ebbing and flowing fortune in southern lands, and of his latest peril when, held a captive, he served menially in a stronghold of bandits in the Sonora Mountains of Mexico. And of the fever that seized him there and his escape and delirium, during which he strayed, perhaps led by some marvellous instinct, back to the river on whose bank he had been born. And of the proud and stubborn thing in his blood that had kept him silent through all those years, clouding the honour of one, though he knew it not, and keeping apart two loving hearts. “What a thing is love!” you may say. And if I grant it, you shall say, with me: “What a thing is pride!”</p>
<p>On a couch in the reception chamber Victor lay, with a dawning understanding in his heavy eyes and peace in his softened countenance. Absalom was preparing a lounge for the transient master of Charleroi, who, to-morrow, would be again the clerk of a cotton-broker, but also</p>
<p>“To-morrow,” Grandemont was saying, as he stood by the couch of his guest, speaking the words with his face shining as must have shone the face of Elijahs charioteer when he announced the glories of that heavenly journey—“To-morrow I will take you to Her.”</p>
<p>On a couch in the reception chamber Victor lay, with a dawning understanding in his heavy eyes and peace in his softened countenance. Absalom was preparing a lounge for the transient master of Charleroi, who, tomorrow, would be again the clerk of a cotton-broker, but also</p>
<p>“Tomorrow,” Grandemont was saying, as he stood by the couch of his guest, speaking the words with his face shining as must have shone the face of Elijahs charioteer when he announced the glories of that heavenly journey—“Tomorrow I will take you to Her.”</p>
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<p>This is the story of the man manager, and how he held his own until the very last paragraph.</p>
<p>I had it from Sully Magoon, <i>viva voce</i>. The words are indeed his; and if they do not constitute truthful fiction my memory should be taxed with the blame.</p>
<p>It is not deemed amiss to point out, in the beginning, the stress that is laid upon the masculinity of the manager. For, according to Sully, the term when applied to the feminine division of mankind has precisely an opposite meaning. The woman manager (he says) economizes, saves, oppresses her household with bargains and contrivances, and looks sourly upon any pence that are cast to the fiddler for even a single jig-step on lifes arid march. Wherefore her men-folk call her blessed, and praise her; and then sneak out the backdoor to see the Gilhooly Sisters do a buck-and-wing dance.</p>
<p>Now, the man manager (I still quote Sully) is a Cæsar without a Brutus. He is an autocrat without responsibility, a player who imperils no stake of his own. His office is to enact, to reverberate, to boom, to expand, to out-coruscate—profitably, if he can. Bill-paying and growing gray hairs over results belong to his principals. It is his to guide the risk, to be the Apotheosis of Front, the three-tailed Bashaw of Bluff, the Essential Oil of Razzle-Dazzle.</p>
<p>Now, the man manager (I still quote Sully) is a Caesar without a Brutus. He is an autocrat without responsibility, a player who imperils no stake of his own. His office is to enact, to reverberate, to boom, to expand, to out-coruscate—profitably, if he can. Bill-paying and growing gray hairs over results belong to his principals. It is his to guide the risk, to be the Apotheosis of Front, the three-tailed Bashaw of Bluff, the Essential Oil of Razzle-Dazzle.</p>
<p>We sat at luncheon, and Sully Magoon told me. I asked for particulars.</p>
<p>“My old friend Denver Galloway was a born manager,” said Sully. He first saw the light of day in New York at three years of age. He was born in Pittsburg, but his parents moved East the third summer afterward.</p>
<p>“When Denver grew up, he went into the managing business. At the age of eight he managed a news-stand for the Dago that owned it. After that he was manager at different times of a skating-rink, a livery-stable, a policy game, a restaurant, a dancing academy, a walking match, a burlesque company, a dry-goods store, a dozen hotels and summer resorts, an insurance company, and a district leaders campaign. That campaign, when Coughlin was elected on the East Side, gave Denver a boost. It got him a job as manager of a Broadway hotel, and for a while he managed Senator OGradys campaign in the nineteenth.</p>
<p>“When Denver grew up, he went into the managing business. At the age of eight he managed a newsstand for the Dago that owned it. After that he was manager at different times of a skating-rink, a livery-stable, a policy game, a restaurant, a dancing academy, a walking match, a burlesque company, a dry-goods store, a dozen hotels and summer resorts, an insurance company, and a district leaders campaign. That campaign, when Coughlin was elected on the East Side, gave Denver a boost. It got him a job as manager of a Broadway hotel, and for a while he managed Senator OGradys campaign in the nineteenth.</p>
<p>“Denver was a New Yorker all over. I think he was out of the city just twice before the time Im going to tell you about. Once he went rabbit-shooting in Yonkers. The other time I met him just landing from a North River ferry. Been out West on a big trip, Sully, old boy, says he. Gad! Sully, I had no idea we had such a big country. Its immense. Never conceived of the magnificence of the West before. Its gorgeous and glorious and infinite. Makes the East seemed cramped and little. Its a grand thing to travel and get an idea of the extent and resources of our country.</p>
<p>“Id made several little runs out to California and down to Mexico and up through Alaska, so I sits down with Denver for a chat about the things he saw.</p>
<p>Took in the Yosemite, out there, of course? I asks.</p>
<p>Well—no, says Denver, I dont think so. At least, I dont recollect it. You see, I only had three days, and I didnt get any farther west than Youngstown, Ohio.</p>
<p>“About two years ago I dropped into New York with a little fly-paper proposition about a Tennessee mica mine that I wanted to spread out in a nice, sunny window, in the hopes of catching a few. I was coming out of a printing-shop one afternoon with a batch of fine, sticky prospectuses when I ran against Denver coming round a corner. I never saw him looking so much like a tiger-lily. He was as beautiful and new as a trellis of sweet peas, and as rollicking as a clarinet solo. We shook hands, and he asked me what I was doing, and I gave him the outlines of the scandal I was trying to create in mica.</p>
<p>“About two years ago I dropped into New York with a little flypaper proposition about a Tennessee mica mine that I wanted to spread out in a nice, sunny window, in the hopes of catching a few. I was coming out of a printing-shop one afternoon with a batch of fine, sticky prospectuses when I ran against Denver coming round a corner. I never saw him looking so much like a tiger-lily. He was as beautiful and new as a trellis of sweet peas, and as rollicking as a clarinet solo. We shook hands, and he asked me what I was doing, and I gave him the outlines of the scandal I was trying to create in mica.</p>
<p>Pooh, pooh! for your mica, says Denver. Dont you know better, Sully, than to bump up against the coffers of little old New York with anything as transparent as mica? Now, you come with me over to the Hotel Brunswick. Youre just the man I was hoping for. Ive got something there in sepia and curled hair that I want you to look at.</p>
<p>You putting up at the Brunswick? I asks.</p>
<p>Not a cent, says Denver, cheerful. The syndicate that owns the hotel puts up. Im manager.</p>
<p>“The Brunswick wasnt one of them Broadway pot-houses all full of palms and hyphens and flowers and costumes—kind of a mixture of lawns and laundries. It was on one of the East Side avenues; but it was a solid, old-time caravansary such as the Mayor of Skaneateles or the Governor of Missouri might stop at. Eight stories high it stalked up, with new striped awnings, and the electrics had it as light as day.</p>
<p>“The Brunswick wasnt one of them Broadway pothouses all full of palms and hyphens and flowers and costumes—kind of a mixture of lawns and laundries. It was on one of the East Side avenues; but it was a solid, old-time caravansary such as the Mayor of Skaneateles or the Governor of Missouri might stop at. Eight stories high it stalked up, with new striped awnings, and the electrics had it as light as day.</p>
<p>Ive been manager here for a year, says Denver, as we drew nigh. When I took charge, says he, nobody nor nothing ever stopped at the Brunswick. The clock over the clerks desk used to run for weeks without winding. A man fell dead with heart-disease on the sidewalk in front of it one day, and when they went to pick him up he was two blocks away. I figured out a scheme to catch the West Indies and South American trade. I persuaded the owners to invest a few more thousands, and I put every cent of it in electric lights, cayenne pepper, gold-leaf, and garlic. I got a Spanish-speaking force of employees and a string band; and there was talk going round of a cockfight in the basement every Sunday. Maybe I didnt catch the nut-brown gang! From Havana to Patagonia the Don Señors knew about the Brunswick. We get the highfliers from Cuba and Mexico and the couple of Americas farther south; and theyve simply got the boodle to bombard every bulfinch in the bush with.</p>
<p>“When we got to the hotel, Denver stops me at the door.</p>
<p>Theres a little liver-coloured man, says he, sitting in a big leather chair to your right, inside. You sit down and watch him for a few minutes, and then tell me what you think.</p>
<p>“I took a chair, while Denver circulates around in the big rotunda. The room was about full of curly-headed Cubans and South American brunettes of different shades; and the atmosphere was international with cigarette smoke, lit up by diamond rings and edged off with a whisper of garlic.</p>
<p>“That Denver Galloway was sure a relief to the eye. Six feet two he was, red-headed and pink-gilled as a sun-perch. And the air he had! Court of Saint James, Chauncy Olcott, Kentucky colonels, Count of Monte Cristo, grand opera—all these things he reminded you of when he was doing the honours. When he raised his finger the hotel porters and bell-boys skated across the floor like cockroaches, and even the clerk behind the desk looked as meek and unimportant as Andy Carnegie.</p>
<p>“That Denver Galloway was sure a relief to the eye. Six feet two he was, redheaded and pink-gilled as a sun-perch. And the air he had! Court of Saint James, Chauncy Olcott, Kentucky colonels, Count of Monte Cristo, grand opera—all these things he reminded you of when he was doing the honours. When he raised his finger the hotel porters and bellboys skated across the floor like cockroaches, and even the clerk behind the desk looked as meek and unimportant as Andy Carnegie.</p>
<p>“Denver passed around, shaking hands with his guests, and saying over the two or three Spanish words he knew until it was like a coronation rehearsal or a Bryan barbecue in Texas.</p>
<p>“I watched the little man he told me to. Twas a little foreign person in a double-breasted frock-coat, trying to touch the floor with his toes. He was the colour of vici kid, and his whiskers was like excelsior made out of mahogany wood. He breathed hard, and he never once took his eyes off of Denver. There was a look of admiration and respect on his face like you see on a boy thats following a champion base-ball team, or the Kaiser William looking at himself in a glass.</p>
<p>“I watched the little man he told me to. Twas a little foreign person in a double-breasted frock-coat, trying to touch the floor with his toes. He was the colour of vici kid, and his whiskers was like excelsior made out of mahogany wood. He breathed hard, and he never once took his eyes off of Denver. There was a look of admiration and respect on his face like you see on a boy thats following a champion baseball team, or the Kaiser William looking at himself in a glass.</p>
<p>“After Denver goes his rounds he takes me into his private office.</p>
<p>Whats your report on the dingy I told you to watch? he asks.</p>
<p>Well, says I, if you was as big a man as he takes you to be, nine rooms and bath in the Hall of Fame, rent free till October 1st, would be about your size.</p>
<p>Youve caught the idea, says Denver. Ive given him the wizard grip and the cabalistic eye. The glamour that emanates from yours truly has enveloped him like a North River fog. He seems to think that Señor Galloway is the man who. I guess they dont raise 74-inch sorrel-tops with romping ways down in his precinct. Now, Sully, goes on Denver, if you was asked, what would you take the little man to be?</p>
<p>Why, says I, the barber around the corner; or, if hes royal, the king of the boot-blacks.</p>
<p>Why, says I, the barber around the corner; or, if hes royal, the king of the bootblacks.</p>
<p>Never judge by looks, says Denver; hes the dark-horse candidate for president of a South American republic.</p>
<p>Well, says I, he didnt look quite that bad to me.</p>
<p>“Then Denver draws his chair up close and gives out his scheme.</p>
<p>Sully, says he, with seriousness and levity, Ive been a manager of one thing and another for over twenty years. Thats what I was cut out for—to have somebody else to put up the money and look after the repairs and the police and taxes while I run the business. I never had a dollar of my own invested in my life. I wouldnt know how it felt to have the dealer rake in a coin of mine. But I can handle other peoples stuff and manage other peoples enterprises. Ive had an ambition to get hold of something big—something higher than hotels and lumber-yards and local politics. I want to be manager of something way up—like a railroad or a diamond trust or an automobile factory. Now here comes this little man from the tropics with just what I want, and hes offered me the job.</p>
<p>Sully, says he, with seriousness and levity, Ive been a manager of one thing and another for over twenty years. Thats what I was cut out for—to have somebody else to put up the money and look after the repairs and the police and taxes while I run the business. I never had a dollar of my own invested in my life. I wouldnt know how it felt to have the dealer rake in a coin of mine. But I can handle other peoples stuff and manage other peoples enterprises. Ive had an ambition to get hold of something big—something higher than hotels and lumberyards and local politics. I want to be manager of something way up—like a railroad or a diamond trust or an automobile factory. Now here comes this little man from the tropics with just what I want, and hes offered me the job.</p>
<p>What job? I asks. Is he going to revive the Georgia Minstrels or open a cigar store?</p>
<p>Hes no coon, says Denver. Hes General Rompiro—General Josey Alfonso Sapolio Jew-Ann Rompiro—he has his cards printed by a news-ticker. Hes the real thing, Sully, and he wants me to manage his campaign—he wants Denver C. Galloway for a president-maker. Think of that, Sully! Old Denver romping down to the tropics, plucking lotus-flowers and pineapples with one hand and making presidents with the other! Wont it make Uncle Mark Hanna mad? And I want you to go too, Sully. You can help me more than any man I know. Ive been herding that brown man for a month in the hotel so he wouldnt stray down Fourteenth Street and get roped in by that crowd of refugee tamale-eaters down there. And hes landed, and D. C. G. is manager of General J. A. S. J. Rompiros presidential campaign in the great republic of—whats its name?</p>
<p>“Denver gets down an atlas from a shelf, and we have a look at the afflicted country. Twas a dark blue one, on the west coast, about the size of a special delivery stamp.</p>
@ -48,7 +48,7 @@
<p>You dont understand South American politics, says Denver, getting out the cigars. Its this way. General Rompiro had the misfortune of becoming a popular idol. He distinguished himself by leading the army in pursuit of a couple of sailors who had stolen the plaza—or the carramba, or something belonging to the government. The people called him a hero and the government got jealous. The president sends for the chief of the Department of Public Edifices. “Find me a nice, clean adobe wall,” says he, “and send Señor Rompiro up against it. Then call out a file of soldiers and—then let him be up against it.” Something, goes on Denver, like the way theyve treated Hobson and Carrie Nation in our country. So the General had to flee. But he was thoughtful enough to bring along his roll. Hes got sinews of war enough to buy a battleship and float her off in the christening fluid.</p>
<p>What chance has he got to be president?</p>
<p>Wasnt I just giving you his rating? says Denver. His country is one of the few in South America where the presidents are elected by popular ballot. The General cant go there just now. It hurts to be shot against a wall. He needs a campaign manager to go down and whoop things up for him—to get the boys in line and the new two-dollar bills afloat and the babies kissed and the machine in running order. Sully, I dont want to brag, but you remember how I brought Coughlin under the wire for leader of the nineteenth? Ours was the banner district. Dont you suppose I know how to manage a little monkey-cage of a country like that? Why, with the dough the Generals willing to turn loose I could put two more coats of Japan varnish on him and have him elected Governor of Georgia. New York has got the finest lot of campaign managers in the world, Sully, and you give me a feeling of hauteur when you cast doubts on my ability to handle the political situation in a country so small that they have to print the names of the towns in the appendix and footnotes.</p>
<p>“I argued with Denver some. I told him that politics down in that tropical atmosphere was bound to be different from the nineteenth district; but I might just as well have been a Congressman from North Dakota trying to get an appropriation for a lighthouse and a coast survey. Denver Galloway had ambitions in the manager line, and what I said didnt amount to as much as a fig-leaf at the National Dressmakers Convention. Ill give you three days to cogitate about going, says Denver; and Ill introduce you to General Rompiro to-morrow, so you can get his ideas drawn right from the rose wood.</p>
<p>“I argued with Denver some. I told him that politics down in that tropical atmosphere was bound to be different from the nineteenth district; but I might just as well have been a Congressman from North Dakota trying to get an appropriation for a lighthouse and a coast survey. Denver Galloway had ambitions in the manager line, and what I said didnt amount to as much as a fig-leaf at the National Dressmakers Convention. Ill give you three days to cogitate about going, says Denver; and Ill introduce you to General Rompiro tomorrow, so you can get his ideas drawn right from the rose wood.</p>
<p>“I put on my best reception-to-Booker-Washington manner the next day and tapped the distinguished rubber-plant for what he knew.</p>
<p>“General Rompiro wasnt so gloomy inside as he appeared on the surface. He was polite enough; and he exuded a number of sounds that made a fair stagger at arranging themselves into language. It was English he aimed at, and when his system of syntax reached your mind it wasnt past you to understand it. If you took a college professors magazine essay and a Chinese laundrymans explanation of a lost shirt and jumbled em together, youd have about what the General handed you out for conversation. He told me all about his bleeding country, and what they were trying to do for it before the doctor came. But he mostly talked of Denver C. Galloway.</p>
<p>Ah, señor, says he, that is the most fine of mans. Never I have seen one man so magnifico, so gr-r-rand, so conformable to make done things so swiftly by other mans. He shall make other mans do the acts and himself to order and regulate, until we arrive at seeing accomplishments of a suddenly. Oh, yes, señor. In my countree there is not such mans of so beegness, so good talk, so compliments, so strongness of sense and such. Ah, that Señor Galloway!</p>
@ -61,17 +61,17 @@
<p>Does he want to be tattooed, would you think? asks Denver, wrinkling up his eyes.</p>
<p>Stupid! says I. He wants you to draw on him for election expenses. Itll be worse than tattooing. More like an autopsy.</p>
<p>“Me and Denver steamed down to Panama, and then hiked across the Isthmus, and then by steamer again down to the town of Espiritu on the coast of the Generals country.</p>
<p>“That was a town to send J. Howard Payne to the growler. Ill tell you how you could make one like it. Take a lot of Filipino huts and a couple of hundred brick-kilns and arrange em in squares in a cemetery. Cart down all the conservatory plants in the Astor and Vanderbilt greenhouses, and stick em about wherever theres room. Turn all the Bellevue patients and the barbers convention and the Tuskegee school loose in the streets, and run the thermometer up to 120 in the shade. Set a fringe of the Rocky Mountains around the rear, let it rain, and set the whole business on Rockaway Beach in the middle of January—and youd have a good imitation of Espiritu.</p>
<p>“That was a town to send J. Howard Payne to the growler. Ill tell you how you could make one like it. Take a lot of Filipino huts and a couple of hundred brickkilns and arrange em in squares in a cemetery. Cart down all the conservatory plants in the Astor and Vanderbilt greenhouses, and stick em about wherever theres room. Turn all the Bellevue patients and the barbers convention and the Tuskegee school loose in the streets, and run the thermometer up to 120 in the shade. Set a fringe of the Rocky Mountains around the rear, let it rain, and set the whole business on Rockaway Beach in the middle of January—and youd have a good imitation of Espiritu.</p>
<p>“It took me and Denver about a week to get acclimated. Denver sent out the letters the General had given him, and notified the rest of the gang that there was something doing at the captains office. We set up headquarters in an old dobe house on a side street where the grass was waist high. The election was only four weeks off; but there wasnt any excitement. The home candidate for president was named Roadrickeys. This town of Esperitu wasnt the capital any more than Cleveland, Ohio, is the capital of the United States, but it was the political centre where they cooked up revolutions, and made up the slates.</p>
<p>“At the end of the week Denver says the machine is started running.</p>
<p>Sully, says he, weve got a walkover. Just because General Rompiro aint Don Juan-on-the-spot the other crowd aint at work. Theyre as full of apathy as a territorial delegate during the chaplains prayer. Now, we want to introduce a little hot stuff in the way of campaigning, and well surprise em at the polls.</p>
<p>How are you going to go about it? I asks.</p>
<p>Why, the usual way, says Denver, surprised. Well get the orators on our side out every night to make speeches in the native lingo, and have torch-light parades under the shade of the palms, and free drinks, and buy up all the brass bands, of course, and—well, Ill turn the baby-kissing over to you, Sully—Ive seen a lot of em.</p>
<p>Why, the usual way, says Denver, surprised. Well get the orators on our side out every night to make speeches in the native lingo, and have torchlight parades under the shade of the palms, and free drinks, and buy up all the brass bands, of course, and—well, Ill turn the baby-kissing over to you, Sully—Ive seen a lot of em.</p>
<p>What else? says I.</p>
<p>Why, you know, says Denver. We get the heelers out with the crackly two-spots, and coal-tickets, and orders for groceries, and have a couple of picnics out under the banyan-trees, and dances in the Firemens Hall—and the usual things. But first of all, Sully, Im going to have the biggest clam-bake down on the beach that was ever seen south of the tropic of Capricorn. I figured that out from the start. Well stuff the whole town and the jungle folk for miles around with clams. Thats the first thing on the programme. Suppose you go out now, and make the arrangements for that. I want to look over the estimates the General made of the vote in the coast districts.</p>
<p>Why, you know, says Denver. We get the heelers out with the crackly two-spots, and coal-tickets, and orders for groceries, and have a couple of picnics out under the banyan-trees, and dances in the Firemens Hall—and the usual things. But first of all, Sully, Im going to have the biggest clambake down on the beach that was ever seen south of the tropic of Capricorn. I figured that out from the start. Well stuff the whole town and the jungle folk for miles around with clams. Thats the first thing on the programme. Suppose you go out now, and make the arrangements for that. I want to look over the estimates the General made of the vote in the coast districts.</p>
<p>“I had learned some Spanish in Mexico, so I goes out, as Denver says, and in fifteen minutes I come back to headquarters.</p>
<p>If there ever was a clam in this country nobody ever saw it, I says.</p>
<p>Great sky-rockets! says Denver, with his mouth and eyes open. No clams? How in the—who ever saw a country without clams? What kind of a—hows an election to be pulled off without a clam-bake, Id like to know? Are you sure theres no clams, Sully?</p>
<p>Great skyrockets! says Denver, with his mouth and eyes open. No clams? How in the—who ever saw a country without clams? What kind of a—hows an election to be pulled off without a clambake, Id like to know? Are you sure theres no clams, Sully?</p>
<p>Not even a can, says I.</p>
<p>Then for Gods sake go out and try to find what the people here do eat. Weve got to fill em up with grub of some kind.</p>
<p>“I went out again. Denver was manager. In half an hour I gets back.</p>
@ -85,8 +85,8 @@
<p>Well, says Hicks, if I was you Id be a little slower about it. Youve got a long time ahead of you, you know.</p>
<p>Not any longer than I need, says Denver.</p>
<p>“Denver went ahead and worked things smooth. He dealt out money on the quiet to his lieutenants, and they were always coming after it. There was free drinks for everybody in town, and bands playing every night, and fireworks, and there was a lot of heelers going around buying up votes day and night for the new style of politics in Espiritu, and everybody liked it.</p>
<p>“The day set for the election was November 4th. On the night before Denver and me were smoking our pipes in headquarters, and in comes Hicks and unjoints himself, and sits in a chair, mournful. Denver is cheerful and confident. Rompiro will win in a romp, says he. Well carry the country by 10,000. Its all over but the vivas. To-morrow will tell the tale.</p>
<p>Whats going to happen to-morrow? asks Hicks.</p>
<p>“The day set for the election was November 4th. On the night before Denver and me were smoking our pipes in headquarters, and in comes Hicks and unjoints himself, and sits in a chair, mournful. Denver is cheerful and confident. Rompiro will win in a romp, says he. Well carry the country by 10,000. Its all over but the vivas. Tomorrow will tell the tale.</p>
<p>Whats going to happen tomorrow? asks Hicks.</p>
<p>Why, the presidential election, of course, says Denver.</p>
<p>Say, says Hicks, looking kind of funny, didnt anybody tell you fellows that the election was held a week before you came? Congress changed the date to July 27th. Roadrickeys was elected by 17,000. I thought you was booming old Rompiro for next term, two years from now. Wondered if you was going to keep up such a hot lick that long.</p>
<p>“I dropped my pipe on the floor. Denver bit the stem off of his. Neither of us said anything.</p>

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@ -8,7 +8,7 @@
<body epub:type="bodymatter z3998:fiction">
<section id="chapter-19" epub:type="chapter">
<h2>WHISTLING DICKS CHRISTMAS STOCKING</h2>
<p>It was with much caution that Whistling Dick slid back the door of the box-car, for Article 5716, City Ordinances, authorized (perhaps unconstitutionally) arrest on suspicion, and he was familiar of old with this ordinance. So, before climbing out, he surveyed the field with all the care of a good general.</p>
<p>It was with much caution that Whistling Dick slid back the door of the boxcar, for Article 5716, City Ordinances, authorized (perhaps unconstitutionally) arrest on suspicion, and he was familiar of old with this ordinance. So, before climbing out, he surveyed the field with all the care of a good general.</p>
<p>He saw no change since his last visit to this big, alms-giving, long-suffering city of the South, the cold weather paradise of the tramps. The levee where his freight-car stood was pimpled with dark bulks of merchandise. The breeze reeked with the well-remembered, sickening smell of the old tarpaulins that covered bales and barrels. The dun river slipped along among the shipping with an oily gurgle. Far down toward Chalmette he could see the great bend in the stream, outlined by the row of electric lights. Across the river Algiers lay, a long, irregular blot, made darker by the dawn which lightened the sky beyond. An industrious tug or two, coming for some early sailing ship, gave a few appalling toots, that seemed to be the signal for breaking day. The Italian luggers were creeping nearer their landing, laden with early vegetables and shellfish. A vague roar, subterranean in quality, from dray wheels and street cars, began to make itself heard and felt; and the ferryboats, the Mary Anns of water craft, stirred sullenly to their menial morning tasks.</p>
<p>Whistling Dicks red head popped suddenly back into the car. A sight too imposing and magnificent for his gaze had been added to the scene. A vast, incomparable policeman rounded a pile of rice sacks and stood within twenty yards of the car. The daily miracle of the dawn, now being performed above Algiers, received the flattering attention of this specimen of municipal official splendour. He gazed with unbiased dignity at the faintly glowing colours until, at last, he turned to them his broad back, as if convinced that legal interference was not needed, and the sunrise might proceed unchecked. So he turned his face to the rice bags, and, drawing a flat flask from an inside pocket, he placed it to his lips and regarded the firmament.</p>
<p>Whistling Dick, professional tramp, possessed a half-friendly acquaintance with this officer. They had met several times before on the levee at night, for the officer, himself a lover of music, had been attracted by the exquisite whistling of the shiftless vagabond. Still, he did not care, under the present circumstances, to renew the acquaintance. There is a difference between meeting a policeman on a lonely wharf and whistling a few operatic airs with him, and being caught by him crawling out of a freight-car. So Dick waited, as even a New Orleans policeman must move on some time—perhaps it is a retributive law of nature—and before long “Big Fritz” majestically disappeared between the trains of cars.</p>
@ -26,32 +26,32 @@
<p>“Is dat straight, or a game you givin me?”</p>
<p>“Its der pest tip you efer had. I gif it to you pecause I pelief you are not so bad as der rest. Und pecause you gan visl Der Freischütz bezzer dan I myself gan. Dont run against any more bolicemans aroundt der corners, but go away from town a few tays. Good-pye.”</p>
<p>So Madame Orleans had at last grown weary of the strange and ruffled brood that came yearly to nestle beneath her charitable pinions.</p>
<p>After the big policeman had departed, Whistling Dick stood for an irresolute minute, feeling all the outraged indignation of a delinquent tenant who is ordered to vacate his premises. He had pictured to himself a day of dreamful ease when he should have joined his pal; a day of lounging on the wharf, munching the bananas and cocoanuts scattered in unloading the fruit steamers; and then a feast along the free-lunch counters from which the easy-going owners were too good-natured or too generous to drive him away, and afterward a pipe in one of the little flowery parks and a snooze in some shady corner of the wharf. But here was a stern order to exile, and one that he knew must be obeyed. So, with a wary eye open for the gleam of brass buttons, he began his retreat toward a rural refuge. A few days in the country need not necessarily prove disastrous. Beyond the possibility of a slight nip of frost, there was no formidable evil to be looked for.</p>
<p>After the big policeman had departed, Whistling Dick stood for an irresolute minute, feeling all the outraged indignation of a delinquent tenant who is ordered to vacate his premises. He had pictured to himself a day of dreamful ease when he should have joined his pal; a day of lounging on the wharf, munching the bananas and coconuts scattered in unloading the fruit steamers; and then a feast along the free-lunch counters from which the easygoing owners were too good-natured or too generous to drive him away, and afterward a pipe in one of the little flowery parks and a snooze in some shady corner of the wharf. But here was a stern order to exile, and one that he knew must be obeyed. So, with a wary eye open for the gleam of brass buttons, he began his retreat toward a rural refuge. A few days in the country need not necessarily prove disastrous. Beyond the possibility of a slight nip of frost, there was no formidable evil to be looked for.</p>
<p>However, it was with a depressed spirit that Whistling Dick passed the old French market on his chosen route down the river. For safetys sake he still presented to the world his portrayal of the part of the worthy artisan on his way to labour. A stall-keeper in the market, undeceived, hailed him by the generic name of his ilk, and “Jack” halted, taken by surprise. The vender, melted by this proof of his own acuteness, bestowed a foot of Frankfurter and half a loaf, and thus the problem of breakfast was solved.</p>
<p>When the streets, from topographical reasons, began to shun the river bank the exile mounted to the top of the levee, and on its well-trodden path pursued his way. The suburban eye regarded him with cold suspicion, individuals reflected the stern spirit of the citys heartless edict. He missed the seclusion of the crowded town and the safety he could always find in the multitude.</p>
<p>At Chalmette, six miles upon his desultory way, there suddenly menaced him a vast and bewildering industry. A new port was being established; the dock was being built, compresses were going up; picks and shovels and barrows struck at him like serpents from every side. An arrogant foreman bore down upon him, estimating his muscles with the eye of a recruiting-sergeant. Brown men and black men all about him were toiling away. He fled in terror.</p>
<p>By noon he had reached the country of the plantations, the great, sad, silent levels bordering the mighty river. He overlooked fields of sugar-cane so vast that their farthest limits melted into the sky. The sugar-making season was well advanced, and the cutters were at work; the waggons creaked drearily after them; the Negro teamsters inspired the mules to greater speed with mellow and sonorous imprecations. Dark-green groves, blurred by the blue of distance, showed where the plantation-houses stood. The tall chimneys of the sugar-mills caught the eye miles distant, like lighthouses at sea.</p>
<p>By noon he had reached the country of the plantations, the great, sad, silent levels bordering the mighty river. He overlooked fields of sugarcane so vast that their farthest limits melted into the sky. The sugar-making season was well advanced, and the cutters were at work; the wagons creaked drearily after them; the Negro teamsters inspired the mules to greater speed with mellow and sonorous imprecations. Dark-green groves, blurred by the blue of distance, showed where the plantation-houses stood. The tall chimneys of the sugar-mills caught the eye miles distant, like lighthouses at sea.</p>
<p>At a certain point Whistling Dicks unerring nose caught the scent of frying fish. Like a pointer to a quail, he made his way down the levee side straight to the camp of a credulous and ancient fisherman, whom he charmed with song and story, so that he dined like an admiral, and then like a philosopher annihilated the worst three hours of the day by a nap under the trees.</p>
<p>When he awoke and again continued his hegira, a frosty sparkle in the air had succeeded the drowsy warmth of the day, and as this portent of a chilly night translated itself to the brain of Sir Peregrine, he lengthened his stride and bethought him of shelter. He travelled a road that faithfully followed the convolutions of the levee, running along its base, but whither he knew not. Bushes and rank grass crowded it to the wheel ruts, and out of this ambuscade the pests of the lowlands swarmed after him, humming a keen, vicious soprano. And as the night grew nearer, although colder, the whine of the mosquitoes became a greedy, petulant snarl that shut out all other sounds. To his right, against the heavens, he saw a green light moving, and, accompanying it, the masts and funnels of a big incoming steamer, moving as upon a screen at a magic-lantern show. And there were mysterious marshes at his left, out of which came queer gurgling cries and a choked croaking. The whistling vagrant struck up a merry warble to offset these melancholy influences, and it is likely that never before, since Pan himself jigged it on his reeds, had such sounds been heard in those depressing solitudes.</p>
<p>A distant clatter in the rear quickly developed into the swift beat of horses hoofs, and Whistling Dick stepped aside into the dew-wet grass to clear the track. Turning his head, he saw approaching a fine team of stylish grays drawing a double surrey. A stout man with a white moustache occupied the front seat, giving all his attention to the rigid lines in his hands. Behind him sat a placid, middle-aged lady and a brilliant-looking girl hardly arrived at young ladyhood. The lap-robe had slipped partly from the knees of the gentleman driving, and Whistling Dick saw two stout canvas bags between his feet—bags such as, while loafing in cities, he had seen warily transferred between express waggons and bank doors. The remaining space in the vehicle was filled with parcels of various sizes and shapes.</p>
<p>As the surrey swept even with the sidetracked tramp, the bright-eyed girl, seized by some merry, madcap impulse, leaned out toward him with a sweet, dazzling smile, and cried, “Mer-ry Christ-mas!” in a shrill, plaintive treble.</p>
<p>A distant clatter in the rear quickly developed into the swift beat of horses hoofs, and Whistling Dick stepped aside into the dew-wet grass to clear the track. Turning his head, he saw approaching a fine team of stylish grays drawing a double surrey. A stout man with a white moustache occupied the front seat, giving all his attention to the rigid lines in his hands. Behind him sat a placid, middle-aged lady and a brilliant-looking girl hardly arrived at young ladyhood. The lap-robe had slipped partly from the knees of the gentleman driving, and Whistling Dick saw two stout canvas bags between his feet—bags such as, while loafing in cities, he had seen warily transferred between express wagons and bank doors. The remaining space in the vehicle was filled with parcels of various sizes and shapes.</p>
<p>As the surrey swept even with the sidetracked tramp, the bright-eyed girl, seized by some merry, madcap impulse, leaned out toward him with a sweet, dazzling smile, and cried, “Merry Christmas!” in a shrill, plaintive treble.</p>
<p>Such a thing had not often happened to Whistling Dick, and he felt handicapped in devising the correct response. But lacking time for reflection, he let his instinct decide, and snatching off his battered derby, he rapidly extended it at arms length, and drew it back with a continuous motion, and shouted a loud, but ceremonious, “Ah, there!” after the flying surrey.</p>
<p>The sudden movement of the girl had caused one of the parcels to become unwrapped, and something limp and black fell from it into the road. The tramp picked it up, and found it to be a new black silk stocking, long and fine and slender. It crunched crisply, and yet with a luxurious softness, between his fingers.</p>
<p>“Ther bloomin little skeezicks!” said Whistling Dick, with a broad grin bisecting his freckled face. “Wot d yer think of dat, now! Mer-ry Chris-mus! Sounded like a cuckoo clock, dats what she did. Dem guys is swells, too, bet yer life, an der old un stacks dem sacks of dough down under his trotters like dey was common as dried apples. Been shoppin for Chrismus, and de kids lost one of her new socks wot she was goin to hold up Santy wid. De bloomin little skeezicks! Wit her Mer-ry Chris-mus! Wot d yer tink! Same as to say, Hello, Jack, how goes it? and as swell as Fift Avnoo, and as easy as a blowout in Cincinnat.”</p>
<p>“Ther bloomin little skeezicks!” said Whistling Dick, with a broad grin bisecting his freckled face. “Wot d yer think of dat, now! Merry Chris-mus! Sounded like a cuckoo clock, dats what she did. Dem guys is swells, too, bet yer life, an der old un stacks dem sacks of dough down under his trotters like dey was common as dried apples. Been shoppin for Chrismus, and de kids lost one of her new socks wot she was goin to hold up Santy wid. De bloomin little skeezicks! Wit her Merry Chris-mus! Wot d yer tink! Same as to say, Hello, Jack, how goes it? and as swell as Fift Avnoo, and as easy as a blowout in Cincinnat.”</p>
<p>Whistling Dick folded the stocking carefully, and stuffed it into his pocket.</p>
<p>It was nearly two hours later when he came upon signs of habitation. The buildings of an extensive plantation were brought into view by a turn in the road. He easily selected the planters residence in a large square building with two wings, with numerous good-sized, well-lighted windows, and broad verandas running around its full extent. It was set upon a smooth lawn, which was faintly lit by the far-reaching rays of the lamps within. A noble grove surrounded it, and old-fashioned shrubbery grew thickly about the walks and fences. The quarters of the hands and the mill buildings were situated at a distance in the rear.</p>
<p>The road was now enclosed on each side by a fence, and presently, as Whistling Dick drew nearer the house, he suddenly stopped and sniffed the air.</p>
<p>“If dere aint a hobo stew cookin somewhere in dis immediate precinct,” he said to himself, “me nose has quit tellin de trut.”</p>
<p>Without hesitation he climbed the fence to windward. He found himself in an apparently disused lot, where piles of old bricks were stacked, and rejected, decaying lumber. In a corner he saw the faint glow of a fire that had become little more than a bed of living coals, and he thought he could see some dim human forms sitting or lying about it. He drew nearer, and by the light of a little blaze that suddenly flared up he saw plainly the fat figure of a ragged man in an old brown sweater and cap.</p>
<p>“Dat man,” said Whistling Dick to himself softly, “is a dead ringer for Boston Harry. Ill try him wit de high sign.”</p>
<p>He whistled one or two bars of a rag-time melody, and the air was immediately taken up, and then quickly ended with a peculiar run. The first whistler walked confidently up to the fire. The fat man looked up, and spake in a loud, asthmatic wheeze:</p>
<p>He whistled one or two bars of a ragtime melody, and the air was immediately taken up, and then quickly ended with a peculiar run. The first whistler walked confidently up to the fire. The fat man looked up, and spake in a loud, asthmatic wheeze:</p>
<p>“Gents, the unexpected but welcome addition to our circle is <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Whistling Dick, an old friend of mine for whom I fully vouches. The waiter will lay another cover at once. <abbr>Mr.</abbr> W. D. will join us at supper, during which function he will enlighten us in regard to the circumstances that gave us the pleasure of his company.”</p>
<p>“Chewin de stuffin out n de dictionary, as usual, Boston,” said Whistling Dick; “but tanks all de same for de invitashun. I guess I finds meself here about de same way as yous guys. A cop gimme de tip dis mornin. Yous workin on dis farm?”</p>
<p>“A guest,” said Boston, sternly, “shouldnt never insult his entertainers until hes filled up wid grub. Taint good business sense. Workin!—but I will restrain myself. We five—me, Deaf Pete, Blinky, Goggles, and Indiana Tom—got put on to this scheme of Noo Orleans to work visiting gentlemen upon her dirty streets, and we hit the road last evening just as the tender hues of twilight had flopped down upon the daisies and things. Blinky, pass the empty oyster-can at your left to the empty gentleman at your right.”</p>
<p>For the next ten minutes the gang of roadsters paid their undivided attention to the supper. In an old five-gallon kerosene can they had cooked a stew of potatoes, meat, and onions, which they partook of from smaller cans they had found scattered about the vacant lot.</p>
<p>Whistling Dick had known Boston Harry of old, and knew him to be one of the shrewdest and most successful of his brotherhood. He looked like a prosperous stock-drover or solid merchant from some country village. He was stout and hale, with a ruddy, always smoothly shaven face. His clothes were strong and neat, and he gave special attention to his decent-appearing shoes. During the past ten years he had acquired a reputation for working a larger number of successfully managed confidence games than any of his acquaintances, and he had not a days work to be counted against him. It was rumoured among his associates that he had saved a considerable amount of money. The four other men were fair specimens of the slinking, ill-clad, noisome genus who carried their labels of “suspicious” in plain view.</p>
<p>After the bottom of the large can had been scraped, and pipes lit at the coals, two of the men called Boston aside and spake with him lowly and mysteriously. He nodded decisively, and then said aloud to Whistling Dick:</p>
<p>“Listen, sonny, to some plain talky-talk. We five are on a lay. Ive guaranteed you to be square, and youre to come in on the profits equal with the boys, and youve got to help. Two hundred hands on this plantation are expecting to be paid a weeks wages to-morrow morning. To-morrows Christmas, and they want to lay off. Says the boss: Work from five to nine in the morning to get a train load of sugar off, and Ill pay every man cash down for the week and a day extra. They say: Hooray for the boss! It goes. He drives to Noo Orleans to-day, and fetches back the cold dollars. Two thousand and seventy-four fifty is the amount. I got the figures from a man who talks too much, who got em from the bookkeeper. The boss of this plantation thinks hes going to pay this wealth to the hands. Hes got it down wrong; hes going to pay it to us. Its going to stay in the leisure class, where it belongs. Now, half of this haul goes to me, and the other half the rest of you may divide. Why the difference? I represent the brains. Its my scheme. Heres the way were going to get it. Theres some company at supper in the house, but theyll leave about nine. Theyve just happened in for an hour or so. If they dont go pretty soon, well work the scheme anyhow. We want all night to get away good with the dollars. Theyre heavy. About nine oclock Deaf Pete and Blinkyll go down the road about a quarter beyond the house, and set fire to a big cane-field there that the cutters havent touched yet. The winds just right to have it roaring in two minutes. The alarmll be given, and every man Jack about the place will be down there in ten minutes, fighting fire. Thatll leave the money sacks and the women alone in the house for us to handle. Youve heard cane burn? Well, theres mighty few women can screech loud enough to be heard above its crackling. The things dead safe. The only danger is in being caught before we can get far enough away with the money. Now, if you—”</p>
<p>“Listen, sonny, to some plain talky-talk. We five are on a lay. Ive guaranteed you to be square, and youre to come in on the profits equal with the boys, and youve got to help. Two hundred hands on this plantation are expecting to be paid a weeks wages tomorrow morning. Tomorrows Christmas, and they want to lay off. Says the boss: Work from five to nine in the morning to get a train load of sugar off, and Ill pay every man cash down for the week and a day extra. They say: Hooray for the boss! It goes. He drives to Noo Orleans today, and fetches back the cold dollars. Two thousand and seventy-four fifty is the amount. I got the figures from a man who talks too much, who got em from the bookkeeper. The boss of this plantation thinks hes going to pay this wealth to the hands. Hes got it down wrong; hes going to pay it to us. Its going to stay in the leisure class, where it belongs. Now, half of this haul goes to me, and the other half the rest of you may divide. Why the difference? I represent the brains. Its my scheme. Heres the way were going to get it. Theres some company at supper in the house, but theyll leave about nine. Theyve just happened in for an hour or so. If they dont go pretty soon, well work the scheme anyhow. We want all night to get away good with the dollars. Theyre heavy. About nine oclock Deaf Pete and Blinkyll go down the road about a quarter beyond the house, and set fire to a big cane-field there that the cutters havent touched yet. The winds just right to have it roaring in two minutes. The alarmll be given, and every man Jack about the place will be down there in ten minutes, fighting fire. Thatll leave the money sacks and the women alone in the house for us to handle. Youve heard cane burn? Well, theres mighty few women can screech loud enough to be heard above its crackling. The things dead safe. The only danger is in being caught before we can get far enough away with the money. Now, if you—”</p>
<p>“Boston,” interrupted Whistling Dick, rising to his feet, “Tanks for the grub yous fellers has given me, but Ill be movin on now.”</p>
<p>“What do you mean?” asked Boston, also rising.</p>
<p>“Wy, you can count me outer dis deal. You oughter know that. Im on de bum all right enough, but dat other ting dont go wit me. Burglary is no good. Ill say good night and many tanks fer—”</p>
@ -64,7 +64,7 @@
<p>The two surly tramps made a collection of all the matches in the party, Whistling Dick contributing his quota with propitiatory alacrity, and then they departed in the dim starlight in the direction of the road.</p>
<p>Of the three remaining vagrants, two, Goggles and Indiana Tom, reclined lazily upon convenient lumber and regarded Whistling Dick with undisguised disfavour. Boston, observing that the dissenting recruit was disposed to remain peaceably, relaxed a little of his vigilance. Whistling Dick arose presently and strolled leisurely up and down keeping carefully within the territory assigned him.</p>
<p>“Dis planter chap,” he said, pausing before Boston Harry, “wot makes yer tink hes got de tin in de house wit im?”</p>
<p>“Im advised of the facts in the case,” said Boston. “He drove to Noo Orleans and got it, I say, to-day. Want to change your mind now and come in?”</p>
<p>“Im advised of the facts in the case,” said Boston. “He drove to Noo Orleans and got it, I say, today. Want to change your mind now and come in?”</p>
<p>“Naw, I was just askin. Wot kind o team did de boss drive?”</p>
<p>“Pair of grays.”</p>
<p>“Double surrey?”</p>
@ -77,18 +77,18 @@
<p>As he walked up and down he could see, through a sort of natural opening or lane among the trees, the planters residence some seventy-five yards distant. The side of the house toward him exhibited spacious, well-lighted windows through which a soft radiance streamed, illuminating the broad veranda and some extent of the lawn beneath.</p>
<p>“Whats that you said?” asked Boston, sharply.</p>
<p>“Oh, nuttin t all,” said Whistling Dick, lounging carelessly, and kicking meditatively at a little stone on the ground.</p>
<p>“Just as easy,” continued the warbling vagrant softly to himself, “an sociable an swell an sassy, wit her Mer-ry Chris-mus, Wot dyer tink, now!”</p>
<p>“Just as easy,” continued the warbling vagrant softly to himself, “an sociable an swell an sassy, wit her Merry Chris-mus, Wot dyer tink, now!”</p>
<p>Dinner, two hours late, was being served in the Bellemeade plantation dining-room.</p>
<p>The dining-room and all its appurtenances spoke of an old regime that was here continued rather than suggested to the memory. The plate was rich to the extent that its age and quaintness alone saved it from being showy; there were interesting names signed in the corners of the pictures on the walls; the viands were of the kind that bring a shine into the eyes of gourmets. The service was swift, silent, lavish, as in the days when the waiters were assets like the plate. The names by which the planters family and their visitors addressed one another were historic in the annals of two nations. Their manners and conversation had that most difficult kind of ease—the kind that still preserves punctilio. The planter himself seemed to be the dynamo that generated the larger portion of the gaiety and wit. The younger ones at the board found it more than difficult to turn back on him his guns of raillery and banter. It is true, the young men attempted to storm his works repeatedly, incited by the hope of gaining the approbation of their fair companions; but even when they sped a well-aimed shaft, the planter forced them to feel defeat by the tremendous discomfiting thunder of the laughter with which he accompanied his retorts. At the head of the table, serene, matronly, benevolent, reigned the mistress of the house, placing here and there the right smile, the right word, the encouraging glance.</p>
<p>The talk of the party was too desultory, too evanescent to follow, but at last they came to the subject of the tramp nuisance, one that had of late vexed the plantations for many miles around. The planter seized the occasion to direct his good-natured fire of raillery at the mistress, accusing her of encouraging the plague. “They swarm up and down the river every winter,” he said. “They overrun New Orleans, and we catch the surplus, which is generally the worst part. And, a day or two ago, Madame New Orleans, suddenly discovering that she cant go shopping without brushing her skirts against great rows of the vagabonds sunning themselves on the banquettes, says to the police: Catch em all, and the police catch a dozen or two, and the remaining three or four thousand overflow up and down the levee, and madame there,”—pointing tragically with the carving-knife at her—“feeds them. They wont work; they defy my overseers, and they make friends with my dogs; and you, madame, feed them before my eyes, and intimidate me when I would interfere. Tell us, please, how many to-day did you thus incite to future laziness and depredation?”</p>
<p>The talk of the party was too desultory, too evanescent to follow, but at last they came to the subject of the tramp nuisance, one that had of late vexed the plantations for many miles around. The planter seized the occasion to direct his good-natured fire of raillery at the mistress, accusing her of encouraging the plague. “They swarm up and down the river every winter,” he said. “They overrun New Orleans, and we catch the surplus, which is generally the worst part. And, a day or two ago, Madame New Orleans, suddenly discovering that she cant go shopping without brushing her skirts against great rows of the vagabonds sunning themselves on the banquettes, says to the police: Catch em all, and the police catch a dozen or two, and the remaining three or four thousand overflow up and down the levee, and madame there,”—pointing tragically with the carving-knife at her—“feeds them. They wont work; they defy my overseers, and they make friends with my dogs; and you, madame, feed them before my eyes, and intimidate me when I would interfere. Tell us, please, how many today did you thus incite to future laziness and depredation?”</p>
<p>“Six, I think,” said madame, with a reflective smile; “but you know two of them offered to work, for you heard them yourself.”</p>
<p>The planters disconcerting laugh rang out again.</p>
<p>“Yes, at their own trades. And one was an artificial-flower maker, and the other a glass-blower. Oh, they were looking for work! Not a hand would they consent to lift to labour of any other kind.”</p>
<p>“And another one,” continued the soft-hearted mistress, “used quite good language. It was really extraordinary for one of his class. And he carried a watch. And had lived in Boston. I dont believe they are all bad. They have always seemed to me to rather lack development. I always look upon them as children with whom wisdom has remained at a standstill while whiskers have continued to grow. We passed one this evening as we were driving home who had a face as good as it was incompetent. He was whistling the intermezzo from Cavalleria and blowing the spirit of Mascagni himself into it.”</p>
<p>“Yes, at their own trades. And one was an artificial-flower maker, and the other a glassblower. Oh, they were looking for work! Not a hand would they consent to lift to labour of any other kind.”</p>
<p>“And another one,” continued the softhearted mistress, “used quite good language. It was really extraordinary for one of his class. And he carried a watch. And had lived in Boston. I dont believe they are all bad. They have always seemed to me to rather lack development. I always look upon them as children with whom wisdom has remained at a standstill while whiskers have continued to grow. We passed one this evening as we were driving home who had a face as good as it was incompetent. He was whistling the intermezzo from Cavalleria and blowing the spirit of Mascagni himself into it.”</p>
<p>A bright eyed young girl who sat at the left of the mistress leaned over, and said in a confidential undertone:</p>
<p>“I wonder, mamma, if that tramp we passed on the road found my stocking, and do you think he will hang it up to-night? Now I can hang up but one. Do you know why I wanted a new pair of silk stockings when I have plenty? Well, old Aunt Judy says, if you hang up two that have never been worn, Santa Claus will fill one with good things, and Monsieur Pambe will place in the other payment for all the words you have spoken—good or bad—on the day before Christmas. Thats why Ive been unusually nice and polite to everyone to-day. Monsieur Pambe, you know, is a witch gentleman; he—”</p>
<p>“I wonder, mamma, if that tramp we passed on the road found my stocking, and do you think he will hang it up tonight? Now I can hang up but one. Do you know why I wanted a new pair of silk stockings when I have plenty? Well, old Aunt Judy says, if you hang up two that have never been worn, Santa Claus will fill one with good things, and Monsieur Pambe will place in the other payment for all the words you have spoken—good or bad—on the day before Christmas. Thats why Ive been unusually nice and polite to everyone today. Monsieur Pambe, you know, is a witch gentleman; he—”</p>
<p>The words of the young girl were interrupted by a startling thing.</p>
<p>Like the wraith of some burned-out shooting star, a black streak came crashing through the window-pane and upon the table, where it shivered into fragments a dozen pieces of crystal and china ware, and then glanced between the heads of the guests to the wall, imprinting therein a deep, round indentation, at which, to-day, the visitor to Bellemeade marvels as he gazes upon it and listens to this tale as it is told.</p>
<p>Like the wraith of some burned-out shooting star, a black streak came crashing through the windowpane and upon the table, where it shivered into fragments a dozen pieces of crystal and china ware, and then glanced between the heads of the guests to the wall, imprinting therein a deep, round indentation, at which, today, the visitor to Bellemeade marvels as he gazes upon it and listens to this tale as it is told.</p>
<p>The women screamed in many keys, and the men sprang to their feet, and would have laid their hands upon their swords had not the verities of chronology forbidden.</p>
<p>The planter was the first to act; he sprang to the intruding missile, and held it up to view.</p>
<p>“By Jupiter!” he cried. “A meteoric shower of hosiery! Has communication at last been established with Mars?”</p>
@ -107,14 +107,14 @@
<p>But now, they said, he must be weary, and the immediate thing to consider was rest and sleep. So the mistress spoke to a servant, and Whistling Dick was conducted to a room in the wing of the house occupied by the servants. To this room, in a few minutes, was brought a portable tin bathtub filled with water, which was placed on a piece of oiled cloth upon the floor. There the vagrant was left to pass the night.</p>
<p>By the light of a candle he examined the room. A bed, with the covers neatly turned back, revealed snowy pillows and sheets. A worn, but clean, red carpet covered the floor. There was a dresser with a beveled mirror, a washstand with a flowered bowl and pitcher; the two or three chairs were softly upholstered. A little table held books, papers, and a day-old cluster of roses in a jar. There were towels on a rack and soap in a white dish.</p>
<p>Whistling Dick set his candle on a chair and placed his hat carefully under the table. After satisfying what we must suppose to have been his curiosity by a sober scrutiny, he removed his coat, folded it, and laid it upon the floor, near the wall, as far as possible from the unused bathtub. Taking his coat for a pillow, he stretched himself luxuriously upon the carpet.</p>
<p>When, on Christmas morning, the first streaks of dawn broke above the marshes, Whistling Dick awoke, and reached instinctively for his hat. Then he remembered that the skirts of Fortune had swept him into their folds on the night previous, and he went to the window and raised it, to let the fresh breath of the morning cool his brow and fix the yet dream-like memory of his good luck within his brain.</p>
<p>When, on Christmas morning, the first streaks of dawn broke above the marshes, Whistling Dick awoke, and reached instinctively for his hat. Then he remembered that the skirts of Fortune had swept him into their folds on the night previous, and he went to the window and raised it, to let the fresh breath of the morning cool his brow and fix the yet dreamlike memory of his good luck within his brain.</p>
<p>As he stood there, certain dread and ominous sounds pierced the fearful hollow of his ear.</p>
<p>The force of plantation workers, eager to complete the shortened task allotted to them, were all astir. The mighty din of the ogre Labour shook the earth, and the poor tattered and forever disguised Prince in search of his fortune held tight to the window-sill even in the enchanted castle, and trembled.</p>
<p>Already from the bosom of the mill came the thunder of rolling barrels of sugar, and (prison-like sounds) there was a great rattling of chains as the mules were harried with stimulant imprecations to their places by the waggon-tongues. A little vicious “dummy” engine, with a train of flat cars in tow, stewed and fumed on the plantation tap of the narrow-gauge railroad, and a toiling, hurrying, hallooing stream of workers were dimly seen in the half darkness loading the train with the weekly output of sugar. Here was a poem; an epic—nay, a tragedy—with work, the curse of the world, for its theme.</p>
<p>The force of plantation workers, eager to complete the shortened task allotted to them, were all astir. The mighty din of the ogre Labour shook the earth, and the poor tattered and forever disguised Prince in search of his fortune held tight to the windowsill even in the enchanted castle, and trembled.</p>
<p>Already from the bosom of the mill came the thunder of rolling barrels of sugar, and (prison-like sounds) there was a great rattling of chains as the mules were harried with stimulant imprecations to their places by the wagon-tongues. A little vicious “dummy” engine, with a train of flat cars in tow, stewed and fumed on the plantation tap of the narrow-gauge railroad, and a toiling, hurrying, hallooing stream of workers were dimly seen in the half darkness loading the train with the weekly output of sugar. Here was a poem; an epic—nay, a tragedy—with work, the curse of the world, for its theme.</p>
<p>The December air was frosty, but the sweat broke out upon Whistling Dicks face. He thrust his head out of the window, and looked down. Fifteen feet below him, against the wall of the house, he could make out that a border of flowers grew, and by that token he overhung a bed of soft earth.</p>
<p>Softly as a burglar goes, he clambered out upon the sill, lowered himself until he hung by his hands alone, and then dropped safely. No one seemed to be about upon this side of the house. He dodged low, and skimmed swiftly across the yard to the low fence. It was an easy matter to vault this, for a terror urged him such as lifts the gazelle over the thorn bush when the lion pursues. A crash through the dew-drenched weeds on the roadside, a clutching, slippery rush up the grassy side of the levee to the footpath at the summit, and—he was free!</p>
<p>The east was blushing and brightening. The wind, himself a vagrant rover, saluted his brother upon the cheek. Some wild geese, high above, gave cry. A rabbit skipped along the path before him, free to turn to the right or to the left as his mood should send him. The river slid past, and certainly no one could tell the ultimate abiding place of its waters.</p>
<p>A small, ruffled, brown-breasted bird, sitting upon a dog-wood sapling, began a soft, throaty, tender little piping in praise of the dew which entices foolish worms from their holes; but suddenly he stopped, and sat with his head turned sidewise, listening.</p>
<p>A small, ruffled, brown-breasted bird, sitting upon a dogwood sapling, began a soft, throaty, tender little piping in praise of the dew which entices foolish worms from their holes; but suddenly he stopped, and sat with his head turned sidewise, listening.</p>
<p>From the path along the levee there burst forth a jubilant, stirring, buoyant, thrilling whistle, loud and keen and clear as the cleanest notes of the piccolo. The soaring sound rippled and trilled and arpeggioed as the songs of wild birds do not; but it had a wild free grace that, in a way, reminded the small, brown bird of something familiar, but exactly what he could not tell. There was in it the bird call, or reveille, that all birds know; but a great waste of lavish, unmeaning things that art had added and arranged, besides, and that were quite puzzling and strange; and the little brown bird sat with his head on one side until the sound died away in the distance.</p>
<p>The little bird did not know that the part of that strange warbling that he understood was just what kept the warbler without his breakfast; but he knew very well that the part he did not understand did not concern him, so he gave a little flutter of his wings and swooped down like a brown bullet upon a big fat worm that was wriggling along the levee path.</p>
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<p>Of late Uncle Bushrod had not been without worry. It was on account of Marse Robert. For nearly a year <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Robert had been known to indulge in too much drink. Not enough, understand, to become tipsy, but the habit was getting a hold upon him, and every one was beginning to notice it. Half a dozen times a day he would leave the bank and step around to the Merchants and Planters Hotel to take a drink. <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Roberts usual keen judgment and business capacity became a little impaired. <abbr>Mr.</abbr> William, a Weymouth, but not so rich in experience, tried to dam the inevitable backflow of the tide, but with incomplete success. The deposits in the Weymouth Bank dropped from six figures to five. Past-due paper began to accumulate, owing to injudicious loans. No one cared to address <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Robert on the subject of temperance. Many of his friends said that the cause of it had been the death of his wife some two years before. Others hesitated on account of <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Roberts quick temper, which was extremely apt to resent personal interference of such a nature. Miss Letty and the children noticed the change and grieved about it. Uncle Bushrod also worried, but he was one of those who would not have dared to remonstrate, although he and Marse Robert had been raised almost as companions. But there was a heavier shock coming to Uncle Bushrod than that caused by the bank presidents toddies and juleps.</p>
<p><abbr>Mr.</abbr> Robert had a passion for fishing, which he usually indulged whenever the season and business permitted. One day, when reports had been coming in relating to the bass and perch, he announced his intention of making a two or three days visit to the lakes. He was going down, he said, to Reedy Lake with Judge Archinard, an old friend.</p>
<p>Now, Uncle Bushrod was treasurer of the Sons and Daughters of the Burning Bush. Every association he belonged to made him treasurer without hesitation. He stood AA1 in coloured circles. He was understood among them to be <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Bushrod Weymouth, of the Weymouth Bank.</p>
<p>The night following the day on which <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Robert mentioned his intended fishing-trip the old man woke up and rose from his bed at twelve oclock, declaring he must go down to the bank and fetch the pass-book of the Sons and Daughters, which he had forgotten to bring home. The bookkeeper had balanced it for him that day, put the cancelled checks in it, and snapped two elastic bands around it. He put but one band around other pass-books.</p>
<p>The night following the day on which <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Robert mentioned his intended fishing-trip the old man woke up and rose from his bed at twelve oclock, declaring he must go down to the bank and fetch the passbook of the Sons and Daughters, which he had forgotten to bring home. The bookkeeper had balanced it for him that day, put the cancelled checks in it, and snapped two elastic bands around it. He put but one band around other passbooks.</p>
<p>Aunt Malindy objected to the mission at so late an hour, denouncing it as foolish and unnecessary, but Uncle Bushrod was not to be deflected from duty.</p>
<p>“I done told Sister Adaline Hoskins,” he said, “to come by here for dat book to-morrer mawnin at sebin oclock, for to kyar it to de meetin of de bod of rangements, and dat book gwine to be here when she come.”</p>
<p>So, Uncle Bushrod put on his old brown suit, got his thick hickory stick, and meandered through the almost deserted streets of Weymouthville. He entered the bank, unlocking the side door, and found the pass-book where he had left it, in the little back room used for consultations, where he always hung his coat. Looking about casually, he saw that everything was as he had left it, and was about to start for home when he was brought to a standstill by the sudden rattle of a key in the front door. Some one came quickly in, closed the door softly, and entered the counting-room through the door in the iron railing.</p>
<p>So, Uncle Bushrod put on his old brown suit, got his thick hickory stick, and meandered through the almost deserted streets of Weymouthville. He entered the bank, unlocking the side door, and found the passbook where he had left it, in the little back room used for consultations, where he always hung his coat. Looking about casually, he saw that everything was as he had left it, and was about to start for home when he was brought to a standstill by the sudden rattle of a key in the front door. Some one came quickly in, closed the door softly, and entered the counting-room through the door in the iron railing.</p>
<p>That division of the banks space was connected with the back room by a narrow passageway, now in deep darkness.</p>
<p>Uncle Bushrod, firmly gripping his hickory stick, tiptoed gently up this passage until he could see the midnight intruder into the sacred precincts of the Weymouth Bank. One dim gas-jet burned there, but even in its nebulous light he perceived at once that the prowler was the banks president.</p>
<p>Wondering, fearful, undecided what to do, the old coloured man stood motionless in the gloomy strip of hallway, and waited developments.</p>
@ -39,31 +39,31 @@
<p>“What the devil are you doing out at this time of night?”</p>
<p>For the first time in his life, Uncle Bushrod told Marse Robert a falsehood. He could not repress it. He would have to circumlocute a little. His nerve was not equal to a direct attack.</p>
<p>“I done been down, suh, to see ol Aunt Mria Patterson. She taken sick in de night, and I kyared her a bottle of Mlindys medercine. Yes, suh.”</p>
<p>“Humph!” said Robert. “You better get home out of the night air. Its damp. Youll hardly be worth killing to-morrow on account of your rheumatism. Think itll be a clear day, Bushrod?”</p>
<p>“Humph!” said Robert. “You better get home out of the night air. Its damp. Youll hardly be worth killing tomorrow on account of your rheumatism. Think itll be a clear day, Bushrod?”</p>
<p>“I low it will, suh. De sun sot red las night.”</p>
<p><abbr>Mr.</abbr> Robert lit a cigar in the shadow, and the smoke looked like his gray ghost expanding and escaping into the night air. Somehow, Uncle Bushrod could barely force his reluctant tongue to the dreadful subject. He stood, awkward, shambling, with his feet upon the gravel and fumbling with his stick. But then, afar off—three miles away, at the Jimtown switch—he heard the faint whistle of the coming train, the one that was to transport the Weymouth name into the regions of dishonour and shame. All fear left him. He took off his hat and faced the chief of the clan he served, the great, royal, kind, lofty, terrible Weymouth—he bearded him there at the brink of the awful thing that was about to happen.</p>
<p>“Marse Robert,” he began, his voice quivering a little with the stress of his feelings, “you member de day dey-all rode de tunnament at Oak Lawn? De day, suh, dat you win in de ridin, and you crown Miss Lucy de queen?”</p>
<p>“Tournament?” said <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Robert, taking his cigar from his mouth. “Yes, I remember very well the—but what the deuce are you talking about tournaments here at midnight for? Go long home, Bushrod. I believe youre sleep-walking.”</p>
<p>“Tournament?” said <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Robert, taking his cigar from his mouth. “Yes, I remember very well the—but what the deuce are you talking about tournaments here at midnight for? Go long home, Bushrod. I believe youre sleepwalking.”</p>
<p>“Miss Lucy tetch you on de shoulder,” continued the old man, never heeding, “wid a sord, and say: I mek you a knight, Suh Robert—rise up, pure and fearless and widout reproach. Dat what Miss Lucy say. Dats been a long time ago, but me nor you aint forgot it. And den dars another time we aint forgot—de time when Miss Lucy lay on her las bed. She sent for Uncle Bushrod, and she say: Uncle Bushrod, when I die, I want you to take good care of <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Robert. Seem like—so Miss Lucy sayhe listen to you mo dan to anybody else. He apt to be mighty fractious sometimes, and maybe he cuss you when you try to suade him but he need somebody what understand him to be round wid him. He am like a little child sometimes—so Miss Lucy say, wid her eyes shinin in her po, thin facebut he always been—dem was her wordsmy knight, pure and fearless and widout reproach.’ ”</p>
<p><abbr>Mr.</abbr> Robert began to mask, as was his habit, a tendency to soft-heartedness with a spurious anger.</p>
<p><abbr>Mr.</abbr> Robert began to mask, as was his habit, a tendency to softheartedness with a spurious anger.</p>
<p>“You—you old windbag!” he growled through a cloud of swirling cigar smoke. “I believe you are crazy. I told you to go home, Bushrod. Miss Lucy said that, did she? Well, we havent kept the scutcheon very clear. Two years ago last week, wasnt it, Bushrod, when she died? Confound it! Are you going to stand there all night gabbing like a coffee-coloured gander?”</p>
<p>The train whistled again. Now it was at the water tank, a mile away.</p>
<p>“Marse Robert,” said Uncle Bushrod, laying his hand on the satchel that the banker held. “For Gawds sake, don take dis wid you. I knows whats in it. I knows where you got it in de bank. Don kyar it wid you. Deys big trouble in dat valise for Miss Lucy and Miss Lucys childs chillun. Hits bound to destroy de name of Weymouth and bow down dem dat own it wid shame and triberlation. Marse Robert, you can kill dis ole nigger ef you will, but dont take away dis er valise. If I ever crosses over de Jordan, what I gwine to say to Miss Lucy when she ax me: Uncle Bushrod, wharfo didn you take good care of <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Robert?’ ”</p>
<p><abbr>Mr.</abbr> Robert Weymouth threw away his cigar and shook free one arm with that peculiar gesture that always preceded his outbursts of irascibility. Uncle Bushrod bowed his head to the expected storm, but he did not flinch. If the house of Weymouth was to fall, he would fall with it. The banker spoke, and Uncle Bushrod blinked with surprise. The storm was there, but it was suppressed to the quietness of a summer breeze.</p>
<p>“Bushrod,” said <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Robert, in a lower voice than he usually employed, “you have overstepped all bounds. You have presumed upon the leniency with which you have been treated to meddle unpardonably. So you know what is in this satchel! Your long and faithful service is some excuse, but—go home, Bushrod—not another word!”</p>
<p>But Bushrod grasped the satchel with a firmer hand. The headlight of the train was now lightening the shadows about the station. The roar was increasing, and folks were stirring about at the track side.</p>
<p>“Marse Robert, gimme dis er valise. I got a right, suh, to talk to you dis er way. I slaved for you and tended to you from a child up. I went though de war as yo body-servant tell we whipped de Yankees and sent em back to de Noth. I was at yo weddin, and I was n fur away when yo Miss Letty was bawn. And Miss Lettys chillun, dey watches to-day for Uncle Bushrod when he come home ever evenin. I been a Weymouth, all cept in colour and entitlements. Both of us is old, Marse Robert. Taint goin to be long till we gwine to see Miss Lucy and has to give an account of our doins. De ole nigger man wont be spected to say much mo dan he done all he could by de fambly dat owned him. But de Weymouths, dey must say dey been livin pure and fearless and widout reproach. Gimme dis valise, Marse Robert—Im gwine to hab it. Im gwine to take it back to the bank and lock it up in de vault. Im gwine to do Miss Lucys biddin. Turn er loose, Marse Robert.”</p>
<p>“Marse Robert, gimme dis er valise. I got a right, suh, to talk to you dis er way. I slaved for you and tended to you from a child up. I went though de war as yo body-servant tell we whipped de Yankees and sent em back to de Noth. I was at yo weddin, and I was n fur away when yo Miss Letty was bawn. And Miss Lettys chillun, dey watches today for Uncle Bushrod when he come home ever evenin. I been a Weymouth, all cept in colour and entitlements. Both of us is old, Marse Robert. Taint goin to be long till we gwine to see Miss Lucy and has to give an account of our doins. De ole nigger man wont be spected to say much mo dan he done all he could by de fambly dat owned him. But de Weymouths, dey must say dey been livin pure and fearless and widout reproach. Gimme dis valise, Marse Robert—Im gwine to hab it. Im gwine to take it back to the bank and lock it up in de vault. Im gwine to do Miss Lucys biddin. Turn er loose, Marse Robert.”</p>
<p>The train was standing at the station. Some men were pushing trucks along the side. Two or three sleepy passengers got off and wandered away into the night. The conductor stepped to the gravel, swung his lantern and called: “Hello, Frank!” at some one invisible. The bell clanged, the brakes hissed, the conductor drawled: “All aboard!”</p>
<p><abbr>Mr.</abbr> Robert released his hold on the satchel. Uncle Bushrod hugged it to his breast with both arms, as a lover clasps his first beloved.</p>
<p>“Take it back with you, Bushrod,” said <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Robert, thrusting his hands into his pockets. “And let the subject drop—now mind! Youve said quite enough. Im going to take the train. Tell <abbr>Mr.</abbr> William I will be back on Saturday. Good night.”</p>
<p>The banker climbed the steps of the moving train and disappeared in a coach. Uncle Bushrod stood motionless, still embracing the precious satchel. His eyes were closed and his lips were moving in thanks to the Master above for the salvation of the Weymouth honour. He knew <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Robert would return when he said he would. The Weymouths never lied. Nor now, thank the Lord! could it be said that they embezzled the money in banks.</p>
<p>Then awake to the necessity for further guardianship of Weymouth trust funds, the old man started for the bank with the redeemed satchel.</p>
<p>Three hours from Weymouthville, in the gray dawn, <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Robert alighted from the train at a lonely flag-station. Dimly he could see the figure of a man waiting on the platform, and the shape of a spring-waggon, team and driver. Half a dozen lengthy bamboo fishing-poles projected from the waggons rear.</p>
<p>Three hours from Weymouthville, in the gray dawn, <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Robert alighted from the train at a lonely flag-station. Dimly he could see the figure of a man waiting on the platform, and the shape of a spring-wagon, team and driver. Half a dozen lengthy bamboo fishing-poles projected from the wagons rear.</p>
<p>“Youre here, Bob,” said Judge Archinard, <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Roberts old friend and schoolmate. “Its going to be a royal day for fishing. I thought you said—why, didnt you bring along the stuff?”</p>
<p>The president of the Weymouth Bank took off his hat and rumpled his gray locks.</p>
<p>“Well, Ben, to tell you the truth, theres an infernally presumptuous old nigger belonging in my family that broke up the arrangement. He came down to the depot and vetoed the whole proceeding. He means all right, and—well, I reckon he <i>is</i> right. Somehow, he had found out what I had along—though I hid it in the bank vault and sneaked it out at midnight. I reckon he has noticed that Ive been indulging a little more than a gentleman should, and he laid for me with some reaching arguments.</p>
<p>“Im going to quit drinking,” <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Robert concluded. “Ive come to the conclusion that a man cant keep it up and be quite what hed like to bepure and fearless and without reproach—thats the way old Bushrod quoted it.”</p>
<p>“Well, Ill have to admit,” said the judge, thoughtfully, as they climbed into the waggon, “that the old darkeys argument cant conscientiously be overruled.”</p>
<p>“Well, Ill have to admit,” said the judge, thoughtfully, as they climbed into the wagon, “that the old darkeys argument cant conscientiously be overruled.”</p>
<p>“Still,” said <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Robert, with a ghost of a sigh, “there was two quarts of the finest old silk-velvet Bourbon in that satchel you ever wet your lips with.”</p>
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<p>“How did the cigar-case come to be broken, Eighteen?” I asked, with a certain feeling of personal grievance.</p>
<p>“I can tell you about that, sir,” said he, resting his foot on the chair next to mine. “Did you ever have anybody hand you a double handful of good luck while both your hands was full of bad luck, and stop to notice how your fingers behaved?”</p>
<p>“No riddles, Eighteen,” said I. “Leave out palmistry and manicuring.”</p>
<p>“You remember,” said Eighteen, “the guy in the hammered brass Prince Albert and the oroide gold pants and the amalgamated copper hat, that carried the combination meat-axe, ice-pick, and liberty-pole, and used to stand on the first landing as you go up to the Little Rindslosh.”</p>
<p>“You remember,” said Eighteen, “the guy in the hammered brass Prince Albert and the oroide gold pants and the amalgamated copper hat, that carried the combination meat-axe, icepick, and liberty-pole, and used to stand on the first landing as you go up to the Little Rindslosh.”</p>
<p>“Why, yes,” said I. “The halberdier. I never noticed him particularly. I remember he thought he was only a suit of armour. He had a perfect poise.”</p>
<p>“He had more than that,” said Eighteen. “He was me friend. He was an advertisement. The boss hired him to stand on the stairs for a kind of scenery to show there was something doing in the has-been line upstairs. What did you call him—a what kind of a beer?”</p>
<p>“A halberdier,” said I. “That was an ancient man-at-arms of many hundred years ago.”</p>
<p>“Some mistake,” said Eighteen. “This one wasnt that old. He wasnt over twenty-three or four.</p>
<p>“It was the bosss idea, rigging a man up in an ante-bellum suit of tinware and standing him on the landing of the slosh. He bought the goods at a Fourth Avenue antique store, and hung a sign-out: Able-bodied hal—halberdier wanted. Costume furnished.</p>
<p>“It was the bosss idea, rigging a man up in an antebellum suit of tinware and standing him on the landing of the slosh. He bought the goods at a Fourth Avenue antique store, and hung a sign-out: Able-bodied hal—halberdier wanted. Costume furnished.</p>
<p>“The same morning a young man with wrecked good clothes and a hungry look comes in, bringing the sign with him. I was filling the mustard-pots at my station.</p>
<p>Im it, says he, whatever it is. But I never halberdiered in a restaurant. Put me on. Is it a masquerade?</p>
<p>I hear talk in the kitchen of a fishball, says I.</p>
<p>Bully for you, Eighteen, says he. You and Ill get on. Show me the bosss desk.</p>
<p>“Well, the boss tries the Harveyized pajamas on him, and they fitted him like the scales on a baked redsnapper, and he gets the job. Youve seen what it is—he stood straight up in the corner of the first landing with his halberd to his shoulder, looking right ahead and guarding the Portugals of the castle. The boss is nutty about having the true Old-World flavour to his joint. Halberdiers goes with Rindsloshes, says he, just as rats goes with rathskellers and white cotton stockings with Tyrolean villages. The boss is a kind of a antiologist, and is all posted up on data and such information.</p>
<p>“From 8 <span class="smallcaps"><abbr class="time">p.m.</abbr></span> to two in the morning was the halberdiers hours. He got two meals with us help and a dollar a night. I eat with him at the table. He liked me. He never told his name. He was travelling impromptu, like kings, I guess. The first time at supper I says to him: Have some more of the spuds, <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Frelinghuysen. Oh, dont be so formal and offish, Eighteen, says he. Call me Hal—thats short for halberdier. Oh, dont think I wanted to pry for names, says I. I know all about the dizzy fall from wealth and greatness. Weve got a count washing dishes in the kitchen; and the third bartender used to be a Pullman conductor. And they <i>work</i>, Sir Percival, says I, sarcastic.</p>
<p>Eighteen, says he, as a friendly devil in a cabbage-scented hell, would you mind cutting up this piece of steak for me? I dont say that its got more muscle than I have, but And then he shows me the insides of his hands. They was blistered and cut and corned and swelled up till they looked like a couple of flank steaks criss-crossed with a knife—the kind the butchers hide and take home, knowing what is the best.</p>
<p>Eighteen, says he, as a friendly devil in a cabbage-scented hell, would you mind cutting up this piece of steak for me? I dont say that its got more muscle than I have, but And then he shows me the insides of his hands. They was blistered and cut and corned and swelled up till they looked like a couple of flank steaks crisscrossed with a knife—the kind the butchers hide and take home, knowing what is the best.</p>
<p>Shoveling coal, says he, and piling bricks and loading drays. But they gave out, and I had to resign. I was born for a halberdier, and Ive been educated for twenty-four years to fill the position. Now, quit knocking my profession, and pass along a lot more of that ham. Im holding the closing exercises, says he, of a forty-eight-hour fast.</p>
<p>“The second night he was on the job he walks down from his corner to the cigar-case and calls for cigarettes. The customers at the tables all snicker out loud to show their acquaintance with history. The boss is on.</p>
<p>An—lets see—oh, yesAn anachronism, says the boss. Cigarettes was not made at the time when halberdiers was invented.</p>
<p>The ones you sell was, says Sir Percival. Caporal wins from chronology by the length of a cork tip. So he gets em and lights one, and puts the box in his brass helmet, and goes back to patrolling the Rindslosh.</p>
<p>“He made a big hit, specially with the ladies. Some of em would poke him with their fingers to see if he was real or only a kind of a stuffed figure like they burn in elegy. And when hed move theyd squeak, and make eyes at him as they went up to the slosh. He looked fine in his halberdashery. He slept at $2 a week in a hall-room on Third Avenue. He invited me up there one night. He had a little book on the washstand that he read instead of shopping in the saloons after hours. Im on to that, says I, from reading about it in novels. All the heroes on the bum carry the little book. Its either Tantalus or Liver or Horace, and its printed in Latin, and youre a college man. And I wouldnt be surprised, says I, if you wasnt educated, too. But it was only the batting averages of the League for the last ten years.</p>
<p>“One night, about half past eleven, there comes in a party of these high-rollers that are always hunting up new places to eat in and poke fun at. There was a swell girl in a 40 H.-P. auto tan coat and veil, and a fat old man with white side-whiskers, and a young chap that couldnt keep his feet off the tail of the girls coat, and an oldish lady that looked upon life as immoral and unnecessary. How perfectly delightful, they says, to sup in a slosh. Up the stairs they go; and in half a minute back down comes the girl, her skirts swishing like the waves on the beach. She stops on the landing and looks our halberdier in the eye.</p>
<p>You! she says, with a smile that reminded me of lemon sherbet. I was waiting up-stairs in the slosh, then, and I was right down here by the door, putting some vinegar and cayenne into an empty bottle of tabasco, and I heard all they said.</p>
<p>You! she says, with a smile that reminded me of lemon sherbet. I was waiting upstairs in the slosh, then, and I was right down here by the door, putting some vinegar and cayenne into an empty bottle of tabasco, and I heard all they said.</p>
<p>It, says Sir Percival, without moving. Im only local colour. Are my hauberk, helmet, and halberd on straight?</p>
<p>Is there an explanation to this? says she. Is it a practical joke such as men play in those Griddle-cake and Lamb Clubs? Im afraid I dont see the point. I heard, vaguely, that you were away. For three months I—we have not seen you or heard from you.</p>
<p>Is there an explanation to this? says she. Is it a practical joke such as men play in those Griddlecake and Lamb Clubs? Im afraid I dont see the point. I heard, vaguely, that you were away. For three months I—we have not seen you or heard from you.</p>
<p>Im halberdiering for my living, says the stature. Im working, says he. I dont suppose you know what work means.</p>
<p>Have you—have you lost your money? she asks.</p>
<p>“Sir Percival studies a minute.</p>
@ -61,9 +61,9 @@
<p>Yes, sir, says Sir Percival, quiet and gentlemanly as I could have been myself, for almost three months, now. You havent been discharged during the time? asks the old man. Not once, sir, says he, though Ive had to change my work several times.</p>
<p>Waiter, orders the girl, short and sharp, another napkin. He brings her one, respectful.</p>
<p>“I never saw more devil, if I may say it, stirred up in a lady. There was two bright red spots on her cheeks, and her eyes looked exactly like a wildcats Id seen in the zoo. Her foot kept slapping the floor all the time.</p>
<p>Waiter, she orders, bring me filtered water without ice. Bring me a footstool. Take away this empty salt-cellar. She kept him on the jump. She was sure giving the halberdier his.</p>
<p>Waiter, she orders, bring me filtered water without ice. Bring me a footstool. Take away this empty saltcellar. She kept him on the jump. She was sure giving the halberdier his.</p>
<p>“There wasnt but a few customers up in the slosh at that time, so I hung out near the door so I could help Sir Percival serve.</p>
<p>“He got along fine with the olives and celery and the bluepoints. They was easy. And then the consommé came up the dumb-waiter all in one big silver tureen. Instead of serving it from the side-table he picks it up between his hands and starts to the dining-table with it. When nearly there he drops the tureen smash on the floor, and the soup soaks all the lower part of that girls swell silk dress.</p>
<p>“He got along fine with the olives and celery and the bluepoints. They was easy. And then the consommé came up the dumbwaiter all in one big silver tureen. Instead of serving it from the side-table he picks it up between his hands and starts to the dining-table with it. When nearly there he drops the tureen smash on the floor, and the soup soaks all the lower part of that girls swell silk dress.</p>
<p>Stupid—incompetent, says she, giving him a look. Standing in a corner with a halberd seems to be your mission in life.</p>
<p>Pardon me, lady, says he. It was just a little bit hotter than blazes. I couldnt help it.</p>
<p>“The old man pulls out a memorandum book and hunts in it. The 25th of April, Deering, says he. I know it, says Sir Percival. And ten minutes to twelve oclock, says the old man. By Jupiter! you havent won yet. And he pounds the table with his fist and yells to me: Waiter, call the manager at once—tell him to hurry here as fast as he can. I go after the boss, and old Brockmann hikes up to the slosh on the jump.</p>
@ -71,16 +71,16 @@
<p>Dis is bad pizness, says the boss. Six hundred dollars is much. I reckon I vill haf to</p>
<p>Wait a minute, Herr Brockmann, says Sir Percival, easy and smiling. But he was worked up under his tin suitings; I could see that. And then he made the finest, neatest little speech I ever listened to. I cant give you the words, of course. He give the millionaires a lovely roast in a sarcastic way, describing their automobiles and opera-boxes and diamonds; and then he got around to the working-classes and the kind of grub they eat and the long hours they work—and all that sort of stuff—bunkum, of course. The restless rich, says he, never content with their luxuries, always prowling among the haunts of the poor and humble, amusing themselves with the imperfections and misfortunes of their fellow men and women. And even here, Herr Brockmann, he says, in this beautiful Rindslosh, a grand and enlightening reproduction of Old World history and architecture, they come to disturb its symmetry and picturesqueness by demanding in their arrogance that the halberdier of the castle wait upon their table! I have faithfuly and conscientiously, says he, performed my duties as a halberdier. I know nothing of a waiters duties. It was the insolent whim of these transient, pampered aristocrats that I should be detailed to serve them food. Must I be blamed—must I be deprived of the means of a livelihood, he goes on, on account of an accident that was the result of their own presumption and haughtiness? But what hurts me more than all, says Sir Percival, is the desecration that has been done to this splendid Rindslosh—the confiscation of its halberdier to serve menially at the banquet board.</p>
<p>“Even I could see that this stuff was piffle; but it caught the boss.</p>
<p>Mein Gott, says he, you vas right. Ein halberdier have not got der right to dish up soup. Him I vill not discharge. Have anoder waiter if you like, und let mein halberdier go back und stand mit his halberd. But, gentlemen, he says, pointing to the old man, you go ahead and sue mit der dress. Sue me for $600 or $6,000. I stand der suit. And the boss puffs off down-stairs. Old Brockmann was an all-right Dutchman.</p>
<p>“Just then the clock strikes twelve, and the old guy laughs loud. You win, Deering, says he. And let me explain to all, he goes on. Some time ago <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Deering asked me for something that I did not want to give him. (I looks at the girl, and she turns as red as a pickled beet.) I told him, says the old guy, if he would earn his own living for three months without being discharged for incompetence, I would give him what he wanted. It seems that the time was up at twelve oclock to-night. I came near fetching you, though, Deering, on that soup question, says the old boy, standing up and grabbing Sir Percivals hand.</p>
<p>Mein Gott, says he, you vas right. Ein halberdier have not got der right to dish up soup. Him I vill not discharge. Have anoder waiter if you like, und let mein halberdier go back und stand mit his halberd. But, gentlemen, he says, pointing to the old man, you go ahead and sue mit der dress. Sue me for $600 or $6,000. I stand der suit. And the boss puffs off downstairs. Old Brockmann was an all-right Dutchman.</p>
<p>“Just then the clock strikes twelve, and the old guy laughs loud. You win, Deering, says he. And let me explain to all, he goes on. Some time ago <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Deering asked me for something that I did not want to give him. (I looks at the girl, and she turns as red as a pickled beet.) I told him, says the old guy, if he would earn his own living for three months without being discharged for incompetence, I would give him what he wanted. It seems that the time was up at twelve oclock tonight. I came near fetching you, though, Deering, on that soup question, says the old boy, standing up and grabbing Sir Percivals hand.</p>
<p>“The halberdier lets out a yell and jumps three feet high.</p>
<p>Look out for those hands, says he, and he holds em up. You never saw such hands except on a labourer in a limestone quarry.</p>
<p>Heavens, boy! says old side-whiskers, what have you been doing to em?</p>
<p>Oh, says Sir Percival, little chores like hauling coal and excavating rock till they went back on me. And when I couldnt hold a pick or a whip I took up halberdiering to give em a rest. Tureens full of hot soup dont seem to be a particularly soothing treatment.</p>
<p>“I would have bet on that girl. That high-tempered kind always go as far the other way, according to my experience. She whizzes round the table like a cyclone and catches both his hands in hers. Poor hands—dear hands, she sings out, and sheds tears on em and holds em close to her bosom. Well, sir, with all that Rindslosh scenery it was just like a play. And the halberdier sits down at the table at the girls side, and I served the rest of the supper. And that was about all, except that when they left he shed his hardware store and went with em.”</p>
<p>I dislike to be side-tracked from an original proposition.</p>
<p>I dislike to be sidetracked from an original proposition.</p>
<p>“But you havent told me, Eighteen,” said I, “how the cigar-case came to be broken.”</p>
<p>“Oh, that was last night,” said Eighteen. “Sir Percival and the girl drove up in a cream-coloured motor-car, and had dinner in the Rindslosh. The same table, Billy, I heard her say as they went up. I waited on em. Weve got a new halberdier now, a bow-legged guy with a face like a sheep. As they came down-stairs Sir Percival passes him a ten-case note. The new halberdier drops his halberd, and it falls on the cigar-case. Thats how that happened.”</p>
<p>“Oh, that was last night,” said Eighteen. “Sir Percival and the girl drove up in a cream-coloured motorcar, and had dinner in the Rindslosh. The same table, Billy, I heard her say as they went up. I waited on em. Weve got a new halberdier now, a bowlegged guy with a face like a sheep. As they came downstairs Sir Percival passes him a ten-case note. The new halberdier drops his halberd, and it falls on the cigar-case. Thats how that happened.”</p>
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<p>OKeefe wiped his heated face and instigated a commotion among the floating ice in his glass before he chose to answer.</p>
<p>“I am assisting at the wake,” said he, “of the only nation on earth that ever did me a good turn. As one gentleman to another, I am ratifying and celebrating the foreign policy of the late Jefferson Davis, as fine a statesman as ever settled the financial question of a country. Equal ratio—that was his platform—a barrel of money for a barrel of flour—a pair of $20 bills for a pair of boots—a hatful of currency for a new hat—say, aint that simple compared with W. J. B.s little old oxidized plank?”</p>
<p>“What talk is this?” I asked. “Your financial digression is merely a subterfuge. Why were you marching in the ranks of the Confederate Veterans?”</p>
<p>“Because, my lad,” answered OKeefe, “the Confederate Government in its might and power interposed to protect and defend Barnard OKeefe against immediate and dangerous assassination at the hands of a blood-thirsty foreign country after the Unites States of America had overruled his appeal for protection, and had instructed Private Secretary Cortelyou to reduce his estimate of the Republican majority for 1905 by one vote.”</p>
<p>“Because, my lad,” answered OKeefe, “the Confederate Government in its might and power interposed to protect and defend Barnard OKeefe against immediate and dangerous assassination at the hands of a bloodthirsty foreign country after the Unites States of America had overruled his appeal for protection, and had instructed Private Secretary Cortelyou to reduce his estimate of the Republican majority for 1905 by one vote.”</p>
<p>“Come, Barney,” said I, “the Confederate States of America has been out of existence nearly forty years. You do not look older yourself. When was it that the deceased government exerted its foreign policy in your behalf?”</p>
<p>“Four months ago,” said OKeefe, promptly. “The infamous foreign power I alluded to is still staggering from the official blow dealt it by <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Daviss contraband aggregation of states. Thats why you see me cake-walking with the ex-rebs to the illegitimate tune about simmon-seeds and cotton. I vote for the Great Father in Washington, but I am not going back on Mars Jeff. You say the Confederacy has been dead forty years? Well, if it hadnt been for it, Id have been breathing to-day with soul so dead I couldnt have whispered a single cuss-word about my native land. The OKeefes are not overburdened with ingratitude.”</p>
<p>“Four months ago,” said OKeefe, promptly. “The infamous foreign power I alluded to is still staggering from the official blow dealt it by <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Daviss contraband aggregation of states. Thats why you see me cake-walking with the ex-rebs to the illegitimate tune about simmon-seeds and cotton. I vote for the Great Father in Washington, but I am not going back on Mars Jeff. You say the Confederacy has been dead forty years? Well, if it hadnt been for it, Id have been breathing today with soul so dead I couldnt have whispered a single cuss-word about my native land. The OKeefes are not overburdened with ingratitude.”</p>
<p>I must have looked bewildered. “The war was over,” I said vacantly, “in—”</p>
<p>OKeefe laughed loudly, scattering my thoughts.</p>
<p>“Ask old Doc Millikin if the war is over!” he shouted, hugely diverted. “Oh, no! Doc hasnt surrendered yet. And the Confederate States! Well, I just told you they bucked officially and solidly and nationally against a foreign government four months ago and kept me from being shot. Old Jeffs country stepped in and brought me off under its wing while Roosevelt was having a gunboat painted and waiting for the National Campaign Committee to look up whether I had ever scratched the ticket.”</p>
@ -29,14 +29,14 @@
<p>“Doc felt my pulse, and then he began to mess up some calomel with an agricultural implement that belonged to the trowel class.</p>
<p>I dont want any death-mask made yet, Doc, I says, nor my liver put in a plaster-of-Paris cast. Im sick; and its medicine I need, not frescoing.</p>
<p>Youre a blame Yankee, aint you? asked Doc, going on mixing up his Portland cement.</p>
<p>Im from the North, says I, but Im a plain man, and dont care for mural decorations. When you get the Isthmus all asphalted over with that boll-weevil prescription, would you mind giving me a dose of pain-killer, or a little strychnine on toast to ease up this feeling of unhealthiness that I have got?”</p>
<p>Im from the North, says I, but Im a plain man, and dont care for mural decorations. When you get the Isthmus all asphalted over with that boll-weevil prescription, would you mind giving me a dose of painkiller, or a little strychnine on toast to ease up this feeling of unhealthiness that I have got?”</p>
<p>They was all sassy, just like you, says old Doc, but we lowered their temperature considerable. Yes, sir, I reckon we sent a good many of ye over to old <i>mortuis nisi bonum</i>. Look at Antietam and Bull Run and Seven Pines and around Nashville! There never was a battle where we didnt lick ye unless you was ten to our one. I knew you were a blame Yankee the minute I laid eyes on you.</p>
<p>Dont reopen the chasm, Doc, I begs him. Any Yankeeness I may have is geographical; and, as far as I am concerned, a Southerner is as good as a Filipino any day. Im feeling to bad too argue. Lets have secession without misrepresentation, if you say so; but what I need is more laudanum and less Lundys Lane. If youre mixing that compound gefloxide of gefloxicum for me, please fill my ears with it before you get around to the battle of Gettysburg, for there is a subject full of talk.</p>
<p>“By this time Doc Millikin had thrown up a line of fortifications on square pieces of paper; and he says to me: Yank, take one of these powders every two hours. They wont kill you. Ill be around again about sundown to see if youre alive.</p>
<p>“Old Docs powders knocked the chagres. I stayed in San Juan, and got to knowing him better. He was from Mississippi, and the red-hottest Southerner that ever smelled mint. He made Stonewall Jackson and R. E. Lee look like Abolitionists. He had a family somewhere down near Yazoo City; but he stayed away from the States on account of an uncontrollable liking he had for the absence of a Yankee government. Him and me got as thick personally as the Emperor of Russia and the dove of peace, but sectionally we didnt amalgamate.</p>
<p>Twas a beautiful system of medical practice introduced by old Doc into that isthmus of land. Hed take that bracket-saw and the mild chloride and his hypodermic, and treat anything from yellow fever to a personal friend.</p>
<p>“Besides his other liabilities Doc could play a flute for a minute or two. He was guilty of two tunesDixie and another one that was mighty close to the Suwanee River—you might say one of its tributaries. He used to come down and sit with me while I was getting well, and aggrieve his flute and say unreconstructed things about the North. Youd have thought that the smoke from the first gun at Fort Sumter was still floating around in the air.</p>
<p>“You know that was about the time they staged them property revolutions down there, that wound up in the fifth act with the thrilling canal scene where Uncle Sam has nine curtain-calls holding Miss Panama by the hand, while the bloodhounds keep Senator Morgan treed up in a cocoanut-palm.</p>
<p>“You know that was about the time they staged them property revolutions down there, that wound up in the fifth act with the thrilling canal scene where Uncle Sam has nine curtain-calls holding Miss Panama by the hand, while the bloodhounds keep Senator Morgan treed up in a coconut-palm.</p>
<p>“Thats the way it wound up; but at first it seemed as if Colombia was going to make Panama look like one of the $3.98 kind, with dents made in it in the factory, like they wear at North Beach fish fries. For mine, I played the straw-hat crowd to win; and they gave me a colonels commission over a brigade of twenty-seven men in the left wing and second joint of the insurgent army.</p>
<p>“The Colombian troops were awfully rude to us. One day when I had my brigade in a sandy spot, with its shoes off doing a battalion drill by squads, the Government army rushed from behind a bush at us, acting as noisy and disagreeable as they could.</p>
<p>“My troops enfiladed, left-faced, and left the spot. After enticing the enemy for three miles or so we struck a brier-patch and had to sit down. When we were ordered to throw up our toes and surrender we obeyed. Five of my best staff-officers fell, suffering extremely with stone-bruised heels.</p>
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<p>“They woke up the court interpreter, an American named Jenks, who was in the rum business and vice versa, and told him to translate the verdict.</p>
<p>“Jenks stretched himself and took a morphine tablet.</p>
<p>Youve got to back up against th dobe, old man, says he to me. Three weeks, I believe, you get. Havent got a chew of fine-cut on you, have you?</p>
<p>Translate that again, with foot-notes and a glossary, says I. I dont know whether Im discharged, condemned, or handed over to the Gerry Society.</p>
<p>Translate that again, with footnotes and a glossary, says I. I dont know whether Im discharged, condemned, or handed over to the Gerry Society.</p>
<p>Oh, says Jenks, dont you understand? Youre to be stood up against a dobe wall and shot in two or three weeks—three, I think, they said.</p>
<p>Would you mind asking em which? says I. A week dont amount to much after youre dead, but it seems a real nice long spell while you are alive.</p>
<p>Its two weeks, says the interpreter, after inquiring in Spanish of the court. Shall I ask em again?</p>
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<p>“Doc comes and looks through the bars at me, surrounded by dirty soldiers, with even my shoes and canteen confiscated, and he looks mightily pleased.</p>
<p>Hello, Yank, says he, getting a little taste of Johnsons Island, now, aint ye?</p>
<p>Doc, says I, Ive just had an interview with the U.S. consul. I gather from his remarks that I might just as well have been caught selling suspenders in Kishineff under the name of Rosenstein as to be in my present condition. It seems that the only maritime aid I am to receive from the United States is some navy-plug to chew. Doc, says I, cant you suspend hostility on the slavery question long enough to do something for me?</p>
<p>It aint been my habit, Doc Millikin answers, to do any painless dentistry when I find a Yank cutting an eye-tooth. So the Stars and Stripes aint lending any marines to shell the huts of the Colombian cannibals, hey? Oh, say, can you see by the dawns early light the star-spangled banner has fluked in the fight? Whats the matter with the War Department, hey? Its a great thing to be a citizen of a gold-standard nation, aint it?</p>
<p>It aint been my habit, Doc Millikin answers, to do any painless dentistry when I find a Yank cutting an eyetooth. So the Stars and Stripes aint lending any marines to shell the huts of the Colombian cannibals, hey? Oh, say, can you see by the dawns early light the star-spangled banner has fluked in the fight? Whats the matter with the War Department, hey? Its a great thing to be a citizen of a gold-standard nation, aint it?</p>
<p>Rub it in, Doc, all you want, says I. I guess were weak on foreign policy.</p>
<p>For a Yank, says Doc, putting on his specs and talking more mild, you aint so bad. If you had come from below the line I reckon I would have liked you right smart. Now since your country has gone back on you, you have to come to the old doctor whose cotton you burned and whose mules who stole and whose niggers you freed to help you. Aint that so, Yank?</p>
<p>It is, says I heartily, and lets have a diagnosis of the case right away, for in two weeks time all you can do is to hold an autopsy and I dont want to be amputated if I can help it.</p>
<p>Now, says Doc, business-like, its easy enough for you to get out of this scrape. Moneyll do it. Youve got to pay a long string of em from General Pomposo down to this anthropoid ape guarding your door. About $10,000 will do the trick. Have you got the money?</p>
<p>Now, says Doc, businesslike, its easy enough for you to get out of this scrape. Moneyll do it. Youve got to pay a long string of em from General Pomposo down to this anthropoid ape guarding your door. About $10,000 will do the trick. Have you got the money?</p>
<p>Me? says I. Ive got one Chili dollar, two <i>real</i> pieces, and a <i>medio</i>.</p>
<p>Then if youve any last words, utter em, says that old reb. The roster of your financial budget sounds quite much to me like the noise of a requiem.</p>
<p>Change the treatment, says I. I admit that Im short. Call a consultation or use radium or smuggle me in some saws or something.</p>
@ -77,18 +77,18 @@
<p>I, Barnard OKeefe, Yank, being of sound body but a Republican mind, hereby swear to transfer my fealty, respect, and allegiance to the Confederate States of America, and the government thereof in consideration of said government, through its official acts and powers, obtaining my freedom and release from confinement and sentence of death brought about by the exuberance of my Irish proclivities and my general pizenness as a Yank.</p>
<p>“I repeated these words after Doc, but they seemed to me a kind of hocus-pocus; and I dont believe any life-insurance company in the world would have issued me a policy on the strength of em.</p>
<p>“Doc went away saying he would communicate with his government immediately.</p>
<p>“Say—you can imagine how I felt—me to be shot in two weeks and my only hope for help being in a government thats been dead so long that it isnt even remembered except on Decoration Day and when Joe Wheeler signs the voucher for his pay-check. But it was all there was in sight; and somehow I thought Doc Millikin had something up his old alpaca sleeve that wasnt all foolishness.</p>
<p>“Say—you can imagine how I felt—me to be shot in two weeks and my only hope for help being in a government thats been dead so long that it isnt even remembered except on Decoration Day and when Joe Wheeler signs the voucher for his paycheck. But it was all there was in sight; and somehow I thought Doc Millikin had something up his old alpaca sleeve that wasnt all foolishness.</p>
<p>“Around to the jail comes old Doc again in about a week. I was flea-bitten, a mite sarcastic, and fundamentally hungry.</p>
<p>Any Confederate ironclads in the offing? I asks. Do you notice any sounds resembling the approach of Jeb Stewarts cavalry overland or Stonewall Jackson sneaking up in the rear? If you do, I wish youd say so.</p>
<p>Its too soon yet for help to come, says Doc.</p>
<p>The sooner the better, says I. I dont care if it gets in fully fifteen minutes before I am shot; and if you happen to lay eyes on Beauregard or Albert Sidney Johnston or any of the relief corps, wig-wag em to hike along.</p>
<p>The sooner the better, says I. I dont care if it gets in fully fifteen minutes before I am shot; and if you happen to lay eyes on Beauregard or Albert Sidney Johnston or any of the relief corps, wigwag em to hike along.</p>
<p>Theres been no answer received yet, says Doc.</p>
<p>Dont forget, says I, that theres only four days more. I dont know how you propose to work this thing, Doc, I says to him; but it seems to me Id sleep better if you had got a government that was alive and on the map—like Afghanistan or Great Britain, or old man Krugers kingdom, to take this matter up. I dont mean any disrespect to your Confederate States, but I cant help feeling that my chances of being pulled out of this scrape was decidedly weakened when General Lee surrendered.</p>
<p>Its your only chance, said Doc; dont quarrel with it. What did your own country do for you?</p>
<p>“It was only two days before the morning I was to be shot, when Doc Millikin came around again.</p>
<p>All right, Yank, says he. Helps come. The Confederate States of America is going to apply for your release. The representatives of the government arrived on a fruit-steamer last night.</p>
<p>Bully! says Ibully for you, Doc! I suppose its marines with a Gatling. Im going to love your country all I can for this.</p>
<p>Negotiations, says old Doc, will be opened between the two governments at once. You will know later to-day if they are successful.</p>
<p>Negotiations, says old Doc, will be opened between the two governments at once. You will know later today if they are successful.</p>
<p>“About four in the afternoon a soldier in red trousers brings a paper round to the jail, and they unlocks the door and I walks out. The guard at the door bows and I bows, and I steps into the grass and wades around to Doc Millikins shack.</p>
<p>“Doc was sitting in his hammock playing Dixie, soft and low and out of tune, on his flute. I interrupted him at Look away! look away! and shook his hand for five minutes.</p>
<p>I never thought, says Doc, taking a chew fretfully, that Id ever try to save any blame Yanks life. But, <abbr>Mr.</abbr> OKeefe, I dont see but what you are entitled to be considered part human, anyhow. I never thought Yanks had any of the rudiments of decorum and laudability about them. I reckon I might have been too aggregative in my tabulation. But it aint me you want to thank—its the Confederate States of America.</p>

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<section id="chapter-22" epub:type="chapter">
<h2>THE LONESOME ROAD</h2>
<p>Brown as a coffee-berry, rugged, pistoled, spurred, wary, indefeasible, I saw my old friend, Deputy-Marshal Buck Caperton, stumble, with jingling rowels, into a chair in the marshals outer office.</p>
<p>And because the court-house was almost deserted at that hour, and because Buck would sometimes relate to me things that were out of print, I followed him in and tricked him into talk through knowledge of a weakness he had. For, cigarettes rolled with sweet corn husk were as honey to Bucks palate; and though he could finger the trigger of a forty-five with skill and suddenness, he never could learn to roll a cigarette.</p>
<p>And because the courthouse was almost deserted at that hour, and because Buck would sometimes relate to me things that were out of print, I followed him in and tricked him into talk through knowledge of a weakness he had. For, cigarettes rolled with sweet corn husk were as honey to Bucks palate; and though he could finger the trigger of a forty-five with skill and suddenness, he never could learn to roll a cigarette.</p>
<p>It was through no fault of mine (for I rolled the cigarettes tight and smooth), but the upshot of some whim of his own, that instead of to an Odyssey of the chaparral, I listened to—a dissertation upon matrimony! This from Buck Caperton! But I maintain that the cigarettes were impeccable, and crave absolution for myself.</p>
<p>“We just brought in Jim and Bud Granberry,” said Buck. “Train robbing, you know. Held up the Aransas Pass last month. We caught em in the Twenty-Mile pear flat, south of the Nueces.”</p>
<p>“Have much trouble corralling them?” I asked, for here was the meat that my hunger for epics craved.</p>
<p>“Some,” said Buck; and then, during a little pause, his thoughts stampeded off the trail. “Its kind of queer about women,” he went on, “and the place theyre supposed to occupy in botany. If I was asked to classify them Id say they was a human loco weed. Ever see a bronc that had been chewing loco? Ride him up to a puddle of water two feet wide, and hell give a snort and fall back on you. It looks as big as the Mississippi River to him. Next trip hed walk into a cañon a thousand feet deep thinking it was a prairie-dog hole. Same way with a married man.</p>
<p>“I was thinking of Perry Rountree, that used to be my sidekicker before he committed matrimony. In them days me and Perry hated indisturbances of any kind. We roamed around considerable, stirring up the echoes and making em attend to business. Why, when me and Perry wanted to have some fun in a town it was a picnic for the census takers. They just counted the marshals posse that it took to subdue us, and there was your population. But then there came along this Mariana Goodnight girl and looked at Perry sideways, and he was all bridle-wise and saddle-broke before you could skin a yearling.</p>
<p>“I wasnt even asked to the wedding. I reckon the bride had my pedigree and the front elevation of my habits all mapped out, and she decided that Perry would trot better in double harness without any unconverted mustang like Buck Caperton whickering around on the matrimonial range. So it was six months before I saw Perry again.</p>
<p>“One day I was passing on the edge of town, and I see something like a man in a little yard by a little house with a sprinkling-pot squirting water on a rose-bush. Seemed to me, Id seen something like it before, and I stopped at the gate, trying to figure out its brands. Twas not Perry Rountree, but twas the kind of a curdled jellyfish matrimony had made out of him.</p>
<p>“One day I was passing on the edge of town, and I see something like a man in a little yard by a little house with a sprinkling-pot squirting water on a rosebush. Seemed to me, Id seen something like it before, and I stopped at the gate, trying to figure out its brands. Twas not Perry Rountree, but twas the kind of a curdled jellyfish matrimony had made out of him.</p>
<p>“Homicide was what that Mariana had perpetrated. He was looking well enough, but he had on a white collar and shoes, and you could tell in a minute that hed speak polite and pay taxes and stick his little finger out while drinking, just like a sheep man or a citizen. Great skyrockets! but I hated to see Perry all corrupted and Willie-ized like that.</p>
<p>“He came out to the gate, and shook hands; and I says, with scorn, and speaking like a paroquet with the pip: Beg pardon<abbr>Mr.</abbr> Rountree, I believe. Seems to me I sagatiated in your associations once, if I am not mistaken.</p>
<p>Oh, go to the devil, Buck, says Perry, polite, as I was afraid hed be.</p>
<p>Well, then, says I, you poor, contaminated adjunct of a sprinkling-pot and degraded household pet, what did you go and do it for? Look at you, all decent and unriotous, and only fit to sit on juries and mend the wood-house door. You was a man once. I have hostility for all such acts. Why dont you go in the house and count the tidies or set the clock, and not stand out here in the atmosphere? A jack-rabbit might come along and bite you.</p>
<p>Well, then, says I, you poor, contaminated adjunct of a sprinkling-pot and degraded household pet, what did you go and do it for? Look at you, all decent and unriotous, and only fit to sit on juries and mend the wood-house door. You was a man once. I have hostility for all such acts. Why dont you go in the house and count the tidies or set the clock, and not stand out here in the atmosphere? A jackrabbit might come along and bite you.</p>
<p>Now, Buck, says Perry, speaking mild, and some sorrowful, you dont understand. A married man has got to be different. He feels different from a tough old cloudburst like you. Its sinful to waste time pulling up towns just to look at their roots, and playing faro and looking upon red liquor, and such restless policies as them.</p>
<p>There was a time, I says, and I expect I sighed when I mentioned it, when a certain domesticated little Marys lamb I could name was some instructed himself in the line of pernicious sprightliness. I never expected, Perry, to see you reduced down from a full-grown pestilence to such a frivolous fraction of a man. Why, says I, youve got a necktie on; and you speak a senseless kind of indoor drivel that reminds me of a storekeeper or a lady. You look to me like you might tote an umbrella and wear suspenders, and go home of nights.</p>
<p>The little woman, says Perry, has made some improvements, I believe. You cant understand, Buck. I havent been away from the house at night since we was married.</p>
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<p>Ill have to be home by seven, you know, says Perry again.</p>
<p>Oh, yes, says I, winking to myself, for I knew the kind of seven oclocks Perry Rountree got back by after he once got to passing repartee with the bartenders.</p>
<p>“We goes down to the Gray Mule saloon—that old dobe building by the depot.</p>
<p>Give it a name, says I, as soon as we got one hoof on the foot-rest.</p>
<p>Give it a name, says I, as soon as we got one hoof on the footrest.</p>
<p>Sarsaparilla, says Perry.</p>
<p>“You could have knocked me down with a lemon peeling.</p>
<p>Insult me as much as you want to, I says to Perry, but dont startle the bartender. He may have heart-disease. Come on, now; your tongue got twisted. The tall glasses, I orders, and the bottle in the left-hand corner of the ice-chest.</p>
@ -39,10 +39,10 @@
<p>Buck, says he, all interested, Ill tell you what! I want to make this a red-letter day. Ive been keeping close at home, and I want to turn myself a-loose. Well have the highest old time you ever saw. Well go in the back room here and play checkers till half-past six.</p>
<p>“I leaned against the bar, and I says to Gotch-eared Mike, who was on watch:</p>
<p>For Gods sake dont mention this. You know what Perry used to be. Hes had the fever, and the doctor says we must humour him.</p>
<p>Give us the checker-board and the men, Mike, says Perry. Come on, Buck, Im just wild to have some excitement.</p>
<p>Give us the checkerboard and the men, Mike, says Perry. Come on, Buck, Im just wild to have some excitement.</p>
<p>“I went in the back room with Perry. Before we closed the door, I says to Mike:</p>
<p>Dont ever let it straggle out from under your hat that you seen Buck Caperton fraternal with sarsaparilla or <i>persona grata</i> with a checker-board, or Ill make a swallow-fork in your other ear.</p>
<p>“I locked the door and me and Perry played checkers. To see that poor old humiliated piece of household bric-a-brac sitting there and sniggering out loud whenever he jumped a man, and all obnoxious with animation when he got into my king row, would have made a sheep-dog sick with mortification. Him that was once satisfied only when he was pegging six boards at keno or giving the faro dealers nervous prostration—to see him pushing them checkers about like Sally Louisa at a school-childrens party—why, I was all smothered up with mortification.</p>
<p>Dont ever let it straggle out from under your hat that you seen Buck Caperton fraternal with sarsaparilla or <i>persona grata</i> with a checkerboard, or Ill make a swallow-fork in your other ear.</p>
<p>“I locked the door and me and Perry played checkers. To see that poor old humiliated piece of household bric-a-brac sitting there and sniggering out loud whenever he jumped a man, and all obnoxious with animation when he got into my king row, would have made a sheepdog sick with mortification. Him that was once satisfied only when he was pegging six boards at keno or giving the faro dealers nervous prostration—to see him pushing them checkers about like Sally Louisa at a school-childrens party—why, I was all smothered up with mortification.</p>
<p>“And I sits there playing the black men, all sweating for fear somebody I knew would find it out. And I thinks to myself some about this marrying business, and how it seems to be the same kind of a game as that <abbr>Mrs.</abbr> Delilah played. She give her old man a hair cut, and everybody knows what a mans head looks like after a woman cuts his hair. And then when the Pharisees came around to guy him he was so shamed that he went to work and kicked the whole house down on top of the whole outfit. Them married men, thinks I, lose all their spirit and instinct for riot and foolishness. They wont drink, they wont buck the tiger, they wont even fight. What do they want to go and stay married for? I asks myself.</p>
<p>“But Perry seems to be having hilarity in considerable quantities.</p>
<p>Buck old hoss, says he, isnt this just the hell-roaringest time we ever had in our lives? I dont know when Ive been stirred up so. You see, Ive been sticking pretty close to home since I married, and I havent been on a spree in a long time.</p>
@ -50,7 +50,7 @@
<p>“Every little bit Perry looks at his watch and says:</p>
<p>I got to be home, you know, Buck, at seven.</p>
<p>All right, Id say. Romp along and move. This here excitements killing me. If I dont reform some, and loosen up the strain of this checkered dissipation I wont have a nerve left.</p>
<p>“It might have been half-past six when commotions began to go on outside in the street. We heard a yelling and a six-shootering, and a lot of galloping and manœuvres.</p>
<p>“It might have been half-past six when commotions began to go on outside in the street. We heard a yelling and a six-shootering, and a lot of galloping and maneuveres.</p>
<p>Whats that? I wonders.</p>
<p>Oh, some nonsense outside, says Perry. Its your move. We just got time to play this game.</p>
<p>Ill just take a peep through the window, says I, and see. You cant expect a mere mortal to stand the excitement of having a king jumped and listen to an unidentified conflict going on at the same time.</p>
@ -66,15 +66,15 @@
<p>Ive had a glorious time, Buck, says he, but Ill have to be going now. Its a quarter to seven, and I got to be home by seven, you know.</p>
<p>“I thought he was joking.</p>
<p>Theyll clear out or be dead drunk in half an hour or an hour, says I. You aint that tired of being married that you want to commit any more sudden suicide, are you? says I, giving him the laugh.</p>
<p>One time, says Perry, I was half an hour late getting home. I met Mariana on the street looking for me. If you could have seen her, Buck—but you dont understand. She knows what a wild kind of a snoozer Ive been, and shes afraid something will happen. Ill never be late getting home again. Ill say good-bye to you now, Buck.</p>
<p>One time, says Perry, I was half an hour late getting home. I met Mariana on the street looking for me. If you could have seen her, Buck—but you dont understand. She knows what a wild kind of a snoozer Ive been, and shes afraid something will happen. Ill never be late getting home again. Ill say goodbye to you now, Buck.</p>
<p>“I got between him and the door.</p>
<p>Married man, says I, I know you was christened a fool the minute the preacher tangled you up, but dont you never sometimes think one little think on a human basis? Theres ten of that gang in there, and theyre pizen with whisky and desire for murder. Theyll drink you up like a bottle of booze before you get half-way to the door. Be intelligent, now, and use at least wild-hog sense. Sit down and wait till we have some chance to get out without being carried in baskets.</p>
<p>I got to be home by seven, Buck, repeats this hen-pecked thing of little wisdom, like an unthinking poll parrot. Mariana, says he, will be out looking for me. And he reaches down and pulls a leg out of the checker table. Ill go through this Trimble outfit, says he, like a cottontail through a brush corral. Im not pestered any more with a desire to engage in rucuses, but I got to be home by seven. You lock the door after me, Buck. And dont you forget—I won three out of them five games. Id play longer, but Mariana</p>
<p>Married man, says I, I know you was christened a fool the minute the preacher tangled you up, but dont you never sometimes think one little think on a human basis? Theres ten of that gang in there, and theyre pizen with whisky and desire for murder. Theyll drink you up like a bottle of booze before you get halfway to the door. Be intelligent, now, and use at least wild-hog sense. Sit down and wait till we have some chance to get out without being carried in baskets.</p>
<p>I got to be home by seven, Buck, repeats this henpecked thing of little wisdom, like an unthinking poll parrot. Mariana, says he, will be out looking for me. And he reaches down and pulls a leg out of the checker table. Ill go through this Trimble outfit, says he, like a cottontail through a brush corral. Im not pestered any more with a desire to engage in rucuses, but I got to be home by seven. You lock the door after me, Buck. And dont you forget—I won three out of them five games. Id play longer, but Mariana</p>
<p>Hush up, you old locoed road runner, I interrupts. Did you ever notice your Uncle Buck locking doors against trouble? Im not married, says I, but Im as big a dn fool as any Mormon. One from four leaves three, says I, and I gathers out another leg of the table. Well get home by seven, says I, whether its the heavenly one or the other. May I see you home? says I, you sarsaparilla-drinking, checker-playing glutton for death and destruction.</p>
<p>“We opened the door easy, and then stampeded for the front. Part of the gang was lined up at the bar; part of em was passing over the drinks, and two or three was peeping out the door and window and taking shots at the marshals crowd. The room was so full of smoke we got half-way to the front door before they noticed us. Then I heard Berry Trimbles voice somewhere yell out:</p>
<p>“We opened the door easy, and then stampeded for the front. Part of the gang was lined up at the bar; part of em was passing over the drinks, and two or three was peeping out the door and window and taking shots at the marshals crowd. The room was so full of smoke we got halfway to the front door before they noticed us. Then I heard Berry Trimbles voice somewhere yell out:</p>
<p>Howd that Buck Caperton get in here? and he skinned the side of my neck with a bullet. I reckon he felt bad over that miss, for Berrys the best shot south of the Southern Pacific Railroad. But the smoke in the saloon was some too thick for good shooting.</p>
<p>“Me and Perry smashed over two of the gang with our table legs, which didnt miss like the guns did, and as we run out the door I grabbed a Winchester from a fellow who was watching the outside, and I turned and regulated the account of <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Berry.</p>
<p>“Me and Perry got out and around the corner all right. I never much expected to get out, but I wasnt going to be intimidated by that married man. According to Perrys idea, checkers was the event of the day, but if I am any judge of gentle recreations that little table-leg parade through the Gray Mule saloon deserved the head-lines in the bill of particulars.</p>
<p>“Me and Perry got out and around the corner all right. I never much expected to get out, but I wasnt going to be intimidated by that married man. According to Perrys idea, checkers was the event of the day, but if I am any judge of gentle recreations that little table-leg parade through the Gray Mule saloon deserved the headlines in the bill of particulars.</p>
<p>Walk fast, says Perry, its two minutes to seven, and I got to be home by</p>
<p>Oh, shut up, says I. I had an appointment as chief performer at an inquest at seven, and Im not kicking about not keeping it.</p>
<p>“I had to pass by Perrys little house. His Mariana was standing at the gate. We got there at five minutes past seven. She had on a blue wrapper, and her hair was pulled back smooth like little girls do when they want to look grown-folksy. She didnt see us till we got close, for she was gazing up the other way. Then she backed around, and saw Perry, and a kind of a look scooted around over her face—danged if I can describe it. I heard her breathe long, just like a cow when you turn her calf in the lot, and she says: Youre late, Perry.</p>

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<p>The spectacle of the money-caliphs of the present day going about Bagdad-on-the-Subway trying to relieve the wants of the people is enough to make the great Al Raschid turn Haroun in his grave. If not so, then the assertion should do so, the real caliph having been a wit and a scholar and therefore a hater of puns.</p>
<p>How properly to alleviate the troubles of the poor is one of the greatest troubles of the rich. But one thing agreed upon by all professional philanthropists is that you must never hand over any cash to your subject. The poor are notoriously temperamental; and when they get money they exhibit a strong tendency to spend it for stuffed olives and enlarged crayon portraits instead of giving it to the instalment man.</p>
<p>And still, old Haroun had some advantages as an eleemosynarian. He took around with him on his rambles his vizier, Giafar (a vizier is a composite of a chauffeur, a secretary of state, and a night-and-day bank), and old Uncle Mesrour, his executioner, who toted a snickersnee. With this entourage a caliphing tour could hardly fail to be successful. Have you noticed lately any newspaper articles headed, “What Shall We Do With Our Ex-Presidents?” Well, now, suppose that <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Carnegie could engage <i>him</i> and Joe Gans to go about assisting in the distribution of free libraries? Do you suppose any town would have had the hardihood to refuse one? That caliphalous combination would cause two libraries to grow where there had been only one set of E. P. Roes works before.</p>
<p>But, as I said, the money-caliphs are handicapped. They have the idea that earth has no sorrow that dough cannot heal; and they rely upon it solely. Al Raschid administered justice, rewarding the deserving, and punished whomsoever he disliked on the spot. He was the originator of the short-story contest. Whenever he succoured any chance pick-up in the bazaars he always made the succouree tell the sad story of his life. If the narrative lacked construction, style, and <i>esprit</i> he commanded his vizier to dole him out a couple of thousand ten-dollar notes of the First National Bank of the Bosphorus, or else gave him a soft job as Keeper of the Bird Seed for the Bulbuls in the Imperial Gardens. If the story was a cracker-jack, he had Mesrour, the executioner, whack off his head. The report that Haroun Al Raschid is yet alive and is editing the magazine that your grandmother used to subscribe for lacks confirmation.</p>
<p>But, as I said, the money-caliphs are handicapped. They have the idea that earth has no sorrow that dough cannot heal; and they rely upon it solely. Al Raschid administered justice, rewarding the deserving, and punished whomsoever he disliked on the spot. He was the originator of the short-story contest. Whenever he succoured any chance pickup in the bazaars he always made the succouree tell the sad story of his life. If the narrative lacked construction, style, and <i>esprit</i> he commanded his vizier to dole him out a couple of thousand ten-dollar notes of the First National Bank of the Bosphorus, or else gave him a soft job as Keeper of the Bird Seed for the Bulbuls in the Imperial Gardens. If the story was a crackerjack, he had Mesrour, the executioner, whack off his head. The report that Haroun Al Raschid is yet alive and is editing the magazine that your grandmother used to subscribe for lacks confirmation.</p>
<p>And now follows the Story of the Millionaire, the Inefficacious Increment, and the Babes Drawn from the Wood.</p>
<p>Young Howard Pilkins, the millionaire, got his money ornithologically. He was a shrewd judge of storks, and got in on the ground floor at the residence of his immediate ancestors, the Pilkins Brewing Company. For his mother was a partner in the business. Finally old man Pilkins died from a torpid liver, and then <abbr>Mrs.</abbr> Pilkins died from worry on account of torpid delivery-waggons—and there you have young Howard Pilkins with 4,000,000; and a good fellow at that. He was an agreeable, modestly arrogant young man, who implicitly believed that money could buy anything that the world had to offer. And Bagdad-on-the-Subway for a long time did everything possible to encourage his belief.</p>
<p>But the Rat-trap caught him at last; he heard the spring snap, and found his heart in a wire cage regarding a piece of cheese whose other name was Alice von der Ruysling.</p>
<p>The Von der Ruyslings still live in that little square about which so much has been said, and in which so little has been done. To-day you hear of <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Tildens underground passage, and you hear <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Goulds elevated passage, and that about ends the noise in the world made by Gramercy Square. But once it was different. The Von der Ruyslings live there yet, and they received <i>the first key ever made to Gramercy Park</i>.</p>
<p>Young Howard Pilkins, the millionaire, got his money ornithologically. He was a shrewd judge of storks, and got in on the ground floor at the residence of his immediate ancestors, the Pilkins Brewing Company. For his mother was a partner in the business. Finally old man Pilkins died from a torpid liver, and then <abbr>Mrs.</abbr> Pilkins died from worry on account of torpid delivery-wagons—and there you have young Howard Pilkins with 4,000,000; and a good fellow at that. He was an agreeable, modestly arrogant young man, who implicitly believed that money could buy anything that the world had to offer. And Bagdad-on-the-Subway for a long time did everything possible to encourage his belief.</p>
<p>But the Rattrap caught him at last; he heard the spring snap, and found his heart in a wire cage regarding a piece of cheese whose other name was Alice von der Ruysling.</p>
<p>The Von der Ruyslings still live in that little square about which so much has been said, and in which so little has been done. Today you hear of <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Tildens underground passage, and you hear <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Goulds elevated passage, and that about ends the noise in the world made by Gramercy Square. But once it was different. The Von der Ruyslings live there yet, and they received <i>the first key ever made to Gramercy Park</i>.</p>
<p>You shall have no description of Alice <span epub:type="z3998:roman">v</span>. d. R. Just call up in your mind the picture of your own Maggie or Vera or Beatrice, straighten her nose, soften her voice, tone her down and then tone her up, make her beautiful and unattainable—and you have a faint dry-point etching of Alice. The family owned a crumbly brick house and a coachman named Joseph in a coat of many colours, and a horse so old that he claimed to belong to the order of the Perissodactyla, and had toes instead of hoofs. In the year 1898 the family had to buy a new set of harness for the Perissodactyl. Before using it they made Joseph smear it over with a mixture of ashes and soot. It was the Von der Ruysling family that bought the territory between the Bowery and East River and Rivington Street and the Statue of Liberty, in the year 1649, from an Indian chief for a quart of passementerie and a pair of Turkey-red portières designed for a Harlem flat. I have always admired that Indians perspicacity and good taste. All this is merely to convince you that the Von der Ruyslings were exactly the kind of poor aristocrats that turn down their noses at people who have money. Oh, well, I dont mean that; I mean people who have <i>just</i> money.</p>
<p>One evening Pilkins went down to the red brick house in Gramercy Square, and made what he thought was a proposal to Alice <span epub:type="z3998:roman">v</span>. d. R. Alice, with her nose turned down, and thinking of his money, considered it a proposition, and refused it and him. Pilkins, summoning all his resources as any good general would have done, made an indiscreet references to the advantages that his money would provide. That settled it. The lady turned so cold that Walter Wellman himself would have waited until spring to make a dash for her in a dog-sled.</p>
<p>One evening Pilkins went down to the red brick house in Gramercy Square, and made what he thought was a proposal to Alice <span epub:type="z3998:roman">v</span>. d. R. Alice, with her nose turned down, and thinking of his money, considered it a proposition, and refused it and him. Pilkins, summoning all his resources as any good general would have done, made an indiscreet references to the advantages that his money would provide. That settled it. The lady turned so cold that Walter Wellman himself would have waited until spring to make a dash for her in a dogsled.</p>
<p>But Pilkins was something of a sport himself. You cant fool all the millionaires every time the ball drops on the Western Union Building.</p>
<p>“If, at any time,” he said to A. <span epub:type="z3998:roman">v</span>. d. R., “you feel that you would like to reconsider your answer, send me a rose like that.”</p>
<p>Pilkins audaciously touched a Jacque rose that she wore loosely in her hair.</p>
<p>“Very well,” said she. “And when I do, you will understand by it that either you or I have learned something new about the purchasing power of money. Youve been spoiled, my friend. No, I dont think I could marry you. To-morrow I will send you back the presents you have given me.”</p>
<p>“Very well,” said she. “And when I do, you will understand by it that either you or I have learned something new about the purchasing power of money. Youve been spoiled, my friend. No, I dont think I could marry you. Tomorrow I will send you back the presents you have given me.”</p>
<p>“Presents!” said Pilkins in surprise. “I never gave you a present in my life. I would like to see a full-length portrait of the man that you would take a present from. Why, you never would let me send you flowers or candy or even art calendars.”</p>
<p>“Youve forgotten,” said Alice <span epub:type="z3998:roman">v</span>. d. R., with a little smile. “It was a long time ago when our families were neighbours. You were seven, and I was trundling my doll on the sidewalk. You have me a little gray, hairy kitten, with shoe-buttony eyes. Its head came off and it was full of candy. You paid five cents for it—you told me so. I havent the candy to return to you—I hadnt developed a conscience at three, so I ate it. But I have the kitten yet, and I will wrap it up neatly to-night and send it to you to-morrow.”</p>
<p>“Youve forgotten,” said Alice <span epub:type="z3998:roman">v</span>. d. R., with a little smile. “It was a long time ago when our families were neighbours. You were seven, and I was trundling my doll on the sidewalk. You have me a little gray, hairy kitten, with shoe-buttony eyes. Its head came off and it was full of candy. You paid five cents for it—you told me so. I havent the candy to return to you—I hadnt developed a conscience at three, so I ate it. But I have the kitten yet, and I will wrap it up neatly tonight and send it to you tomorrow.”</p>
<p>Beneath the lightness of Alice <span epub:type="z3998:roman">v</span>. d. R.s talk the steadfastness of her rejection showed firm and plain. So there was nothing left for him but to leave the crumbly red brick house, and be off with his abhorred millions.</p>
<p>On his way back, Pilkins walked through Madison Square. The hour hand of the clock hung about eight; the air was stingingly cool, but not at the freezing point. The dim little square seemed like a great, cold, unroofed room, with its four walls of houses, spangled with thousands of insufficient lights. Only a few loiterers were huddled here and there on the benches.</p>
<p>But suddenly Pilkins came upon a youth sitting brave and, as if conflicting with summer sultriness, coatless, his white shirt-sleeves conspicuous in the light from the globe of an electric. Close to his side was a girl, smiling, dreamy, happy. Around her shoulders was, palpably, the missing coat of the cold-defying youth. It appeared to be a modern panorama of the Babes in the Wood, revised and brought up to date, with the exception that the robins hadnt turned up yet with the protecting leaves.</p>
<p>But suddenly Pilkins came upon a youth sitting brave and, as if conflicting with summer sultriness, coatless, his white shirtsleeves conspicuous in the light from the globe of an electric. Close to his side was a girl, smiling, dreamy, happy. Around her shoulders was, palpably, the missing coat of the cold-defying youth. It appeared to be a modern panorama of the Babes in the Wood, revised and brought up to date, with the exception that the robins hadnt turned up yet with the protecting leaves.</p>
<p>With delight the money-caliphs view a situation that they think is relievable while you wait.</p>
<p>Pilkins sat on the bench, one seat removed from the youth. He glanced cautiously and saw (as men do see; and women—oh! never can) that they were of the same order.</p>
<p>Pilkins leaned over after a short time and spoke to the youth, who answered smilingly, and courteously. From general topics the conversation concentrated to the bed-rock of grim personalities. But Pilkins did it as delicately and heartily as any caliph could have done. And when it came to the point, the youth turned to him, soft-voiced and with his undiminished smile.</p>
<p>“I dont want to seem unappreciative, old man,” he said, with a youths somewhat too-early spontaneity of address, “but, you see, I cant accept anything from a stranger. I know youre all right, and Im tremendously obliged, but I couldnt think of borrowing from anybody. You see, Im Marcus Clayton—the Claytons of Roanoke County, Virginia, you know. The young lady is Miss Eva Bedford—I reckon youve heard of the Bedfords. Shes seventeen and one of the Bedfords of Bedford County. Weve eloped from home to get married, and we wanted to see New York. We got in this afternoon. Somebody got my pocketbook on the ferry-boat, and I had only three cents in change outside of it. Ill get some work somewhere to-morrow, and well get married.”</p>
<p>Pilkins leaned over after a short time and spoke to the youth, who answered smilingly, and courteously. From general topics the conversation concentrated to the bedrock of grim personalities. But Pilkins did it as delicately and heartily as any caliph could have done. And when it came to the point, the youth turned to him, soft-voiced and with his undiminished smile.</p>
<p>“I dont want to seem unappreciative, old man,” he said, with a youths somewhat too-early spontaneity of address, “but, you see, I cant accept anything from a stranger. I know youre all right, and Im tremendously obliged, but I couldnt think of borrowing from anybody. You see, Im Marcus Clayton—the Claytons of Roanoke County, Virginia, you know. The young lady is Miss Eva Bedford—I reckon youve heard of the Bedfords. Shes seventeen and one of the Bedfords of Bedford County. Weve eloped from home to get married, and we wanted to see New York. We got in this afternoon. Somebody got my pocketbook on the ferryboat, and I had only three cents in change outside of it. Ill get some work somewhere tomorrow, and well get married.”</p>
<p>“But, I say, old man,” said Pilkins, in confidential low tones, “you cant keep the lady out here in the cold all night. Now, as for hotels—”</p>
<p>“I told you,” said the youth, with a broader smile, “that I didnt have but three cents. Besides, if I had a thousand, wed have to wait here until morning. You can understand that, of course. Im much obliged, but I cant take any of your money. Miss Bedford and I have lived an outdoor life, and we dont mind a little cold. Ill get work of some kind to-morrow. Weve got a paper bag of cakes and chocolates, and well get along all right.”</p>
<p>“I told you,” said the youth, with a broader smile, “that I didnt have but three cents. Besides, if I had a thousand, wed have to wait here until morning. You can understand that, of course. Im much obliged, but I cant take any of your money. Miss Bedford and I have lived an outdoor life, and we dont mind a little cold. Ill get work of some kind tomorrow. Weve got a paper bag of cakes and chocolates, and well get along all right.”</p>
<p>“Listen,” said the millionaire, impressively. “My name is Pilkins, and Im worth several million dollars. I happen to have in my pockets about $800 or $900 in cash. Dont you think you are drawing it rather fine when you decline to accept as much of it as will make you and the young lady comfortable at least for the night?”</p>
<p>“I cant say, sir, that I do think so,” said Clayton of Roanoke County. “Ive been raised to look at such things differently. But Im mightily obliged to you, just the same.”</p>
<p>“Then you force me to say good night,” said the millionaire.</p>
@ -44,7 +44,7 @@
<p>He formally introduced <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Pilkins to Miss Bedford. The girl looked at him sweetly and comfortably. “Its a lovely evening, <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Pilkins—dont you think so?” she said slowly.</p>
<p>Pilkins conducted them to the crumbly red brick house of the Von der Ruyslings. His card brought Alice downstairs wondering. The runaways were sent into the drawing-room, while Pilkins told Alice all about it in the hall.</p>
<p>“Of course, I will take her in,” said Alice. “Havent those Southern girls a thoroughbred air? Of course, she will stay here. You will look after <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Clayton, of course.”</p>
<p>“Will I?” said Pilkins, delightedly. “Oh yes, Ill look after him! As a citizen of New York, and therefore a part owner of its public parks, Im going to extend to him the hospitality of Madison Square to-night. Hes going to sit there on a bench till morning. Theres no use arguing with him. Isnt he wonderful? Im glad youll look after the little lady, Alice. I tell you those Babes in the Wood made my—that is, er—made Wall Street and the Bank of England look like penny arcades.”</p>
<p>“Will I?” said Pilkins, delightedly. “Oh yes, Ill look after him! As a citizen of New York, and therefore a part owner of its public parks, Im going to extend to him the hospitality of Madison Square tonight. Hes going to sit there on a bench till morning. Theres no use arguing with him. Isnt he wonderful? Im glad youll look after the little lady, Alice. I tell you those Babes in the Wood made my—that is, er—made Wall Street and the Bank of England look like penny arcades.”</p>
<p>Miss Von der Ruysling whisked Miss Bedford of Bedford County up to restful regions upstairs. When she came down, she put an oblong small pasteboard box into Pilkins hands.</p>
<p>“Your present,” she said, “that I am returning to you.”</p>
<p>“Oh, yes, I remember,” said Pilkins, with a sigh, “the woolly kitten.”</p>

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<p>I heard a story, though, of one lady Caliph. It isnt precisely an Arabian Nights story, because it brings in Cinderella, who flourished her dishrag in another epoch and country. So, if you dont mind the mixed dates (which seem to give it an Eastern flavour, after all), well get along.</p>
<p>In New York there is an old, old hotel. You have seen woodcuts of it in the magazines. It was built—lets see—at a time when there was nothing above Fourteenth Street except the old Indian trail to Boston and Hammersteins office. Soon the old hostelry will be torn down. And, as the stout walls are riven apart and the bricks go roaring down the chutes, crowds of citizens will gather at the nearest corners and weep over the destruction of a dear old landmark. Civic pride is strongest in New Bagdad; and the wettest weeper and the loudest howler against the iconoclasts will be the man (originally from Terre Haute) whose fond memories of the old hotel are limited to his having been kicked out from its free-lunch counter in 1873.</p>
<p>At this hotel always stopped <abbr>Mrs.</abbr> Maggie Brown. <abbr>Mrs.</abbr> Brown was a bony woman of sixty, dressed in the rustiest black, and carrying a handbag made, apparently, from the hide of the original animal that Adam decided to call an alligator. She always occupied a small parlour and bedroom at the top of the hotel at a rental of two dollars per day. And always, while she was there, each day came hurrying to see her many men, sharp-faced, anxious-looking, with only seconds to spare. For Maggie Brown was said to be the third richest woman in the world; and these solicitous gentlemen were only the citys wealthiest brokers and business men seeking trifling loans of half a dozen millions or so from the dingy old lady with the prehistoric handbag.</p>
<p>The stenographer and typewriter of the Acropolis Hotel (there! Ive let the name of it out!) was Miss Ida Bates. She was a hold-over from the Greek classics. There wasnt a flaw in her looks. Some old-timer paying his regards to a lady said: “To have loved her was a liberal education.” Well, even to have looked over the black hair and neat white shirtwaist of Miss Bates was equal to a full course in any correspondence school in the country. She sometimes did a little typewriting for me, and, as she refused to take the money in advance, she came to look upon me as something of a friend and protégé. She had unfailing kindliness and a good nature; and not even a white-lead drummer or a fur importer had ever dared to cross the dead line of good behaviour in her presence. The entire force of the Acropolis, from the owner, who lived in Vienna, down to the head porter, who had been bedridden for sixteen years, would have sprung to her defence in a moment.</p>
<p>The stenographer and typewriter of the Acropolis Hotel (there! Ive let the name of it out!) was Miss Ida Bates. She was a holdover from the Greek classics. There wasnt a flaw in her looks. Some old-timer paying his regards to a lady said: “To have loved her was a liberal education.” Well, even to have looked over the black hair and neat white shirtwaist of Miss Bates was equal to a full course in any correspondence school in the country. She sometimes did a little typewriting for me, and, as she refused to take the money in advance, she came to look upon me as something of a friend and protégé. She had unfailing kindliness and a good nature; and not even a white-lead drummer or a fur importer had ever dared to cross the dead line of good behaviour in her presence. The entire force of the Acropolis, from the owner, who lived in Vienna, down to the head porter, who had been bedridden for sixteen years, would have sprung to her defence in a moment.</p>
<p>One day I walked past Miss Batess little sanctum Remingtorium, and saw in her place a black-haired unit—unmistakably a person—pounding with each of her forefingers upon the keys. Musing on the mutability of temporal affairs, I passed on. The next day I went on a two weeks vacation. Returning, I strolled through the lobby of the Acropolis, and saw, with a little warm glow of auld lang syne, Miss Bates, as Grecian and kind and flawless as ever, just putting the cover on her machine. The hour for closing had come; but she asked me in to sit for a few minutes in the dictation chair. Miss Bates explained her absence from and return to the Acropolis Hotel in words identical with or similar to these following:</p>
<p>“Well, Man, how are the stories coming?”</p>
<p>“Pretty regularly,” said I. “About equal to their going.”</p>
<p>“Im sorry,” said she. “Good typewriting is the main thing in a story. Youve missed me, havent you?”</p>
<p>“No one,” said I, “whom I have ever known knows as well as you do how to space properly belt buckles, semi-colons, hotel guests, and hairpins. But youve been away, too. I saw a package of peppermint-pepsin in your place the other day.”</p>
<p>“No one,” said I, “whom I have ever known knows as well as you do how to space properly belt buckles, semicolons, hotel guests, and hairpins. But youve been away, too. I saw a package of peppermint-pepsin in your place the other day.”</p>
<p>“I was going to tell you all about it,” said Miss Bates, “if you hadnt interrupted me.</p>
<p>“Of course, you know about Maggie Brown, who stops here. Well, shes worth $40,000,000. She lives in Jersey in a ten-dollar flat. Shes always got more cash on hand than half a dozen business candidates for vice-president. I dont know whether she carries it in her stocking or not, but I know shes mighty popular down in the part of town where they worship the golden calf.</p>
<p>“Well, about two weeks ago, <abbr>Mrs.</abbr> Brown stops at the door and rubbers at me for ten minutes. Im sitting with my side to her, striking off some manifold copies of a copper-mine proposition for a nice old man from Tonopah. But I always see everything all around me. When Im hard at work I can see things through my side-combs; and I can leave one button unbuttoned in the back of my shirtwaist and see whos behind me. I didnt look around, because I make from eighteen to twenty dollars a week, and I didnt have to.</p>
<p>“That evening at knocking-off time she sends for me to come up to her apartment. I expected to have to typewrite about two thousand words of notes-of-hand, liens, and contracts, with a ten-cent tip in sight; but I went. Well, Man, I was certainly surprised. Old Maggie Brown had turned human.</p>
<p>Child, says she, youre the most beautiful creature I ever saw in my life. I want you to quit your work and come and live with me. Ive no kith or kin, says she, except a husband and a son or two, and I hold no communication with any of em. Theyre extravagant burdens on a hard-working woman. I want you to be a daughter to me. They say Im stingy and mean, and the papers print lies about my doing my own cooking and washing. Its a lie, she goes on. I put my washing out, except the handkerchiefs and stockings and petticoats and collars, and light stuff like that. Ive got forty million dollars in cash and stocks and bonds that are as negotiable as Standard Oil, preferred, at a church fair. Im a lonely old woman and I need companionship. Youre the most beautiful human being I ever saw, says she. Will you come and live with me? Ill show em whether I can spend money or not, she says.</p>
<p>Child, says she, youre the most beautiful creature I ever saw in my life. I want you to quit your work and come and live with me. Ive no kith or kin, says she, except a husband and a son or two, and I hold no communication with any of em. Theyre extravagant burdens on a hardworking woman. I want you to be a daughter to me. They say Im stingy and mean, and the papers print lies about my doing my own cooking and washing. Its a lie, she goes on. I put my washing out, except the handkerchiefs and stockings and petticoats and collars, and light stuff like that. Ive got forty million dollars in cash and stocks and bonds that are as negotiable as Standard Oil, preferred, at a church fair. Im a lonely old woman and I need companionship. Youre the most beautiful human being I ever saw, says she. Will you come and live with me? Ill show em whether I can spend money or not, she says.</p>
<p>“Well, Man, what would you have done? Of course, I fell to it. And, to tell you the truth, I began to like old Maggie. It wasnt all on account of the forty millions and what she could do for me. I was kind of lonesome in the world too. Everybodys got to have somebody they can explain to about the pain in their left shoulder and how fast patent-leather shoes wear out when they begin to crack. And you cant talk about such things to men you meet in hotels—theyre looking for just such openings.</p>
<p>“So I gave up my job in the hotel and went with <abbr>Mrs.</abbr> Brown. I certainly seemed to have a mash on her. Shed look at me for half an hour at a time when I was sitting, reading, or looking at the magazines.</p>
<p>“One time I says to her: Do I remind you of some deceased relative or friend of your childhood, <abbr>Mrs.</abbr> Brown? Ive noticed you give me a pretty good optical inspection from time to time.</p>
<p>You have a face, she says, exactly like a dear friend of mine—the best friend I ever had. But I like you for yourself, child, too, she says.</p>
<p>“And say, Man, what do you suppose she did? Loosened up like a Marcel wave in the surf at Coney. She took me to a swell dressmaker and gave her <i>a la carte</i> to fit me out—money no object. They were rush orders, and madame locked the front door and put the whole force to work.</p>
<p>“And say, Man, what do you suppose she did? Loosened up like a Marcel wave in the surf at Coney. She took me to a swell dressmaker and gave her <i>à la carte</i> to fit me out—money no object. They were rush orders, and madame locked the front door and put the whole force to work.</p>
<p>“Then we moved to—where do you think?—no; guess again—thats right—the Hotel Bonton. We had a six-room apartment; and it cost $100 a day. I saw the bill. I began to love that old lady.</p>
<p>“And then, Man, when my dresses began to come in—oh, I wont tell you about em! you couldnt understand. And I began to call her Aunt Maggie. Youve read about Cinderella, of course. Well, what Cinderella said when the prince fitted that 3½ A on her foot was a hard-luck story compared to the things I told myself.</p>
<p>“Then Aunt Maggie says she is going to give me a coming-out banquet in the Bonton thatll make moving Vans of all the old Dutch families on Fifth Avenue.</p>
<p>Ive been out before, Aunt Maggie, says I. But Ill come out again. But you know, says I, that this is one of the swellest hotels in the city. And you know—pardon me—that its hard to get a bunch of notables together unless youve trained for it.</p>
<p>Dont fret about that, child, says Aunt Maggie. I dont send out invitations—I issue orders. Ill have fifty guests here that couldnt be brought together again at any reception unless it were given by King Edward or William Travers Jerome. They are men, of course, and all of em either owe me money or intend to. Some of their wives wont come, but a good many will.</p>
<p>“Well, I wish you could have been at that banquet. The dinner service was all gold and cut glass. There were about forty men and eight ladies present besides Aunt Maggie and I. Youd never have known the third richest woman in the world. She had on a new black silk dress with so much passementerie on it that it sounded exactly like a hailstorm I heard once when I was staying all night with a girl that lived in a top-floor studio.</p>
<p>“And my dress!—say, Man, I cant waste the words on you. It was all hand-made lace—where there was any of it at all—and it cost $300. I saw the bill. The men were all bald-headed or white-whiskered, and they kept up a running fire of light repartee about 3-per cents. and Bryan and the cotton crop.</p>
<p>“And my dress!—say, Man, I cant waste the words on you. It was all handmade lace—where there was any of it at all—and it cost $300. I saw the bill. The men were all bald-headed or white-whiskered, and they kept up a running fire of light repartee about 3-percents. and Bryan and the cotton crop.</p>
<p>“On the left of me was something that talked like a banker, and on my right was a young fellow who said he was a newspaper artist. He was the only—well, I was going to tell you.</p>
<p>“After the dinner was over <abbr>Mrs.</abbr> Brown and I went up to the apartment. We had to squeeze our way through a mob of reporters all the way through the halls. Thats one of the things money does for you. Say, do you happen to know a newspaper artist named Lathrop—a tall man with nice eyes and an easy way of talking? No, I dont remember what paper he works on. Well, all right.</p>
<p>“When we got upstairs <abbr>Mrs.</abbr> Brown telephones for the bill right away. It came, and it was $600. I saw the bill. Aunt Maggie fainted. I got her on a lounge and opened the bead-work.</p>

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<section id="chapter-5" epub:type="chapter">
<h2>“NEXT TO READING MATTER”</h2>
<p>He compelled my interest as he stepped from the ferry at Desbrosses Street. He had the air of being familiar with hemispheres and worlds, and of entering New York as the lord of a demesne who revisited it in after years of absence. But I thought that, with all his air, he had never before set foot on the slippery cobblestones of the City of Too Many Caliphs.</p>
<p>He wore loose clothes of a strange bluish drab colour, and a conservative, round Panama hat without the cock-a-loop indentations and cants with which Northern fanciers disfigure the tropic head-gear. Moreover, he was the homeliest man I have ever seen. His ugliness was less repellent than startling—arising from a sort of Lincolnian ruggedness and irregularity of feature that spellbound you with wonder and dismay. So may have looked afrites or the shapes metamorphosed from the vapour of the fishermans vase. As he afterward told me, his name was Judson Tate; and he may as well be called so at once. He wore his green silk tie through a topaz ring; and he carried a cane made of the vertebræ of a shark.</p>
<p>He wore loose clothes of a strange bluish drab colour, and a conservative, round Panama hat without the cock-a-loop indentations and cants with which Northern fanciers disfigure the tropic headgear. Moreover, he was the homeliest man I have ever seen. His ugliness was less repellent than startling—arising from a sort of Lincolnian ruggedness and irregularity of feature that spellbound you with wonder and dismay. So may have looked afrites or the shapes metamorphosed from the vapour of the fishermans vase. As he afterward told me, his name was Judson Tate; and he may as well be called so at once. He wore his green silk tie through a topaz ring; and he carried a cane made of the vertebrae of a shark.</p>
<p>Judson Tate accosted me with some large and casual inquiries about the citys streets and hotels, in the manner of one who had but for the moment forgotten the trifling details. I could think of no reason for disparaging my own quiet hotel in the downtown district; so the mid-morning of the night found us already victualed and drinked (at my expense), and ready to be chaired and tobaccoed in a quiet corner of the lobby.</p>
<p>There was something on Judson Tates mind, and, such as it was, he tried to convey it to me. Already he had accepted me as his friend; and when I looked at his great, snuff-brown first-mates hand, with which he brought emphasis to his periods, within six inches of my nose, I wondered if, by any chance, he was as sudden in conceiving enmity against strangers.</p>
<p>When this man began to talk I perceived in him a certain power. His voice was a persuasive instrument, upon which he played with a somewhat specious but effective art. He did not try to make you forget his ugliness; he flaunted it in your face and made it part of the charm of his speech. Shutting your eyes, you would have trailed after this rat-catchers pipes at least to the walls of Hamelin. Beyond that you would have had to be more childish to follow. But let him play his own tune to the words set down, so that if all is too dull, the art of music may bear the blame.</p>
<p>“Women,” said Judson Tate, “are mysterious creatures.”</p>
<p>My spirits sank. I was not there to listen to such a world-old hypothesis—to such a time-worn, long-ago-refuted, bald, feeble, illogical, vicious, patent sophistry—to an ancient, baseless, wearisome, ragged, unfounded, insidious, falsehood originated by women themselves, and by them insinuated, foisted, thrust, spread, and ingeniously promulgated into the ears of mankind by underhanded, secret and deceptive methods, for the purpose of augmenting, furthering, and reinforcing their own charms and designs.</p>
<p>My spirits sank. I was not there to listen to such a world-old hypothesis—to such a timeworn, long-ago-refuted, bald, feeble, illogical, vicious, patent sophistry—to an ancient, baseless, wearisome, ragged, unfounded, insidious, falsehood originated by women themselves, and by them insinuated, foisted, thrust, spread, and ingeniously promulgated into the ears of mankind by underhanded, secret and deceptive methods, for the purpose of augmenting, furthering, and reinforcing their own charms and designs.</p>
<p>“Oh, I dont know!” said I, vernacularly.</p>
<p>“Have you ever heard of Oratama?” he asked.</p>
<p>“Possibly,” I answered. “I seem to recall a toe dancer—or a suburban addition—or was it a perfume?—of some such name.”</p>
@ -24,11 +24,11 @@
<p>“But is was of romance and adventure and the ways of women that was I going to tell you, and not of zoölogical animals.</p>
<p>“For fifteen years I was the ruling power behind old Sancho Benavides, the Royal High Thumbscrew of the republic. Youve seen his picture in the papers—a mushy black man with whiskers like the notes on a Swiss music-box cylinder, and a scroll in his right hand like the ones they write births on in the family Bible. Well, that chocolate potentate used to be the biggest item of interest anywhere between the colour line and the parallels of latitude. It was three throws, horses, whether he was to wind up in the Hall of Fame or the Bureau of Combustibles. Hed have been sure called the Roosevelt of the Southern Continent if it hadnt been that Grover Cleveland was President at the time. Hed hold office a couple of terms, then hed sit out for a hand—always after appointing his own successor for the interims.</p>
<p>“But it was not Benavides, the Liberator, who was making all this fame for himself. Not him. It was Judson Tate. Benavides was only the chip over the bug. I gave him the tip when to declare war and increase import duties and wear his state trousers. But that wasnt what I wanted to tell you. How did I get to be It? Ill tell you. Because Im the most gifted talker that ever made vocal sounds since Adam first opened his eyes, pushed aside the smelling-salts, and asked: Where am I?</p>
<p>“As you observe, I am about the ugliest man you ever saw outside the gallery of photographs of the New England early Christian Scientists. So, at an early age, I perceived that what I lacked in looks I must make up in eloquence. That Ive done. I get what I go after. As the back-stop and still small voice of old Benavides I made all the great historical powers-behind-the-throne, such as Talleyrand, <abbr>Mrs.</abbr> de Pompadour, and Loeb, look as small as the minority report of a Duma. I could talk nations into or out of debt, harangue armies to sleep on the battlefield, reduce insurrections, inflammations, taxes, appropriations or surpluses with a few words, and call up the dogs of war or the dove of peace with the same bird-like whistle. Beauty and epaulettes and curly moustaches and Grecian profiles in other men were never in my way. When people first look at me they shudder. Unless they are in the last stages of <i>angina pectoris</i> they are mine in ten minutes after I begin to talk. Women and men—I win em as they come. Now, you wouldnt think women would fancy a man with a face like mine, would you?”</p>
<p>“As you observe, I am about the ugliest man you ever saw outside the gallery of photographs of the New England early Christian Scientists. So, at an early age, I perceived that what I lacked in looks I must make up in eloquence. That Ive done. I get what I go after. As the backstop and still small voice of old Benavides I made all the great historical powers-behind-the-throne, such as Talleyrand, <abbr>Mrs.</abbr> de Pompadour, and Loeb, look as small as the minority report of a Duma. I could talk nations into or out of debt, harangue armies to sleep on the battlefield, reduce insurrections, inflammations, taxes, appropriations or surpluses with a few words, and call up the dogs of war or the dove of peace with the same bird-like whistle. Beauty and epaulettes and curly moustaches and Grecian profiles in other men were never in my way. When people first look at me they shudder. Unless they are in the last stages of <i>angina pectoris</i> they are mine in ten minutes after I begin to talk. Women and men—I win em as they come. Now, you wouldnt think women would fancy a man with a face like mine, would you?”</p>
<p>“Oh, yes, <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Tate,” said I. “History is bright and fiction dull with homely men who have charmed women. There seems—”</p>
<p>“Pardon me,” interrupted Judson Tate, “but you dont quite understand. You have yet to hear my story.</p>
<p>“Fergus McMahan was a friend of mine in the capital. For a handsome man Ill admit he was the duty-free merchandise. He had blond curls and laughing blue eyes and was featured regular. They said he was a ringer for the statue they call Herr Mees, the god of speech and eloquence resting in some museum at Rome. Some German anarchist, I suppose. They are always resting and talking.</p>
<p>“But Fergus was no talker. He was brought up with the idea that to be beautiful was to make good. His conversation was about as edifying as listening to a leak dropping in a tin dish-pan at the head of the bed when you want to go to sleep. But he and me got to be friends—maybe because we was so opposite, dont you think? Looking at the Halloween mask that I call my face when Im shaving seemed to give Fergus pleasure; and Im sure that whenever I heard the feeble output of throat noises that he called conversation I felt contented to be a gargoyle with a silver tongue.</p>
<p>“But Fergus was no talker. He was brought up with the idea that to be beautiful was to make good. His conversation was about as edifying as listening to a leak dropping in a tin dishpan at the head of the bed when you want to go to sleep. But he and me got to be friends—maybe because we was so opposite, dont you think? Looking at the Halloween mask that I call my face when Im shaving seemed to give Fergus pleasure; and Im sure that whenever I heard the feeble output of throat noises that he called conversation I felt contented to be a gargoyle with a silver tongue.</p>
<p>“One time I found it necessary to go down to this coast town of Oratama to straighten out a lot of political unrest and chop off a few heads in the customs and military departments. Fergus, who owned the ice and sulphur-match concessions of the republic, says hell keep me company.</p>
<p>“So, in a jangle of mule-train bells, we gallops into Oratama, and the town belonged to us as much as Long Island Sound doesnt belong to Japan when T. R. is at Oyster Bay. I say us; but I mean me. Everybody for four nations, two oceans, one bay and isthmus, and five archipelagoes around had heard of Judson Tate. Gentleman adventurer, they called me. I had been written up in five columns of the yellow journals, 40,000 words (with marginal decorations) in a monthly magazine, and a stickful on the twelfth page of the New York <i>Times</i>. If the beauty of Fergus McMahan gained any part of our reception in Oratama, Ill eat the price-tag in my Panama. It was me that they hung out paper flowers and palm branches for. I am not a jealous man; I am stating facts. The people were Nebuchadnezzars; they bit the grass before me; there was no dust in the town for them to bite. They bowed down to Judson Tate. They knew that I was the power behind Sancho Benavides. A word from me was more to them than a whole deckle-edged library from East Aurora in sectional bookcases was from anybody else. And yet there are people who spend hours fixing their faces—rubbing in cold cream and massaging the muscles (always toward the eyes) and taking in the slack with tincture of benzoin and electrolyzing moles—to what end? Looking handsome. Oh, what a mistake! Its the larynx that the beauty doctors ought to work on. Its words more than warts, talk more than talcum, palaver more than powder, blarney more than bloom that counts—the phonograph instead of the photograph. But I was going to tell you.</p>
<p>“The local Astors put me and Fergus up at the Centipede Club, a frame building built on posts sunk in the surf. The tides only nine inches. The Little Big High Low Jack-in-the-game of the town came around and kowtowed. Oh, it wasnt to Herr Mees. They had heard about Judson Tate.</p>
@ -71,7 +71,7 @@
<p>“I thought Fergus would die laughing.</p>
<p>Well, well, well, said he, you old doughface! Struck too, are you? Thats great! But youre too late. Francesca tells me that Anabela talks of nothing but me, day and night. Of course, Im awfully obliged to you for making that chin-music to her of evenings. But, do you know, Ive an idea that I could have done it as well myself.</p>
<p>“ ‘<abbr>Mrs.</abbr> Judson Tate, says I. Dont forget the name. Youve had the use of my tongue to go with your good looks, my boy. You cant lend me your looks; but hereafter my tongue is my own. Keep your mind on the name thats to be on the visiting cards two inches by three and a half—“<abbr>Mrs.</abbr> Judson Tate.” Thats all.</p>
<p>All right, says Fergus, laughing again. Ive talked with her father, the alcalde, and hes willing. Hes to give a <i>baile</i> to-morrow evening in his new warehouse. If you were a dancing man, Jud, Id expect you around to meet the future <abbr>Mrs.</abbr> McMahan.</p>
<p>All right, says Fergus, laughing again. Ive talked with her father, the alcalde, and hes willing. Hes to give a <i>baile</i> tomorrow evening in his new warehouse. If you were a dancing man, Jud, Id expect you around to meet the future <abbr>Mrs.</abbr> McMahan.</p>
<p>“But on the next evening, when the music was playing loudest at the Alcade Zamoras <i>baile</i>, into the room steps Judson Tate in new white linen clothes as if he were the biggest man in the whole nation, which he was.</p>
<p>“Some of the musicians jumped off the key when they saw my face, and one or two of the timidest señoritas let out a screech or two. But up prances the alcalde and almost wipes the dust off my shoes with his forehead. No mere good looks could have won me that sensational entrance.</p>
<p>I hear much, Señor Zamora, says I, of the charm of your daughter. It would give me great pleasure to be presented to her.</p>
@ -97,7 +97,7 @@
<p>“The two boats landed at the same moment. I walked straight up to Anabela and Fergus. Her eyes rested upon me for an instant; then she turned them, full of feeling and confidence, upon Fergus. I knew I could not speak, but I was desperate. In speech lay my only hope. I could not stand beside Fergus and challenge comparison in the way of beauty. Purely involuntarily, my larynx and epiglottis attempted to reproduce the sounds that my mind was calling upon my vocal organs to send forth.</p>
<p>“To my intense surprise and delight the words rolled forth beautifully clear, resonant, exquisitely modulated, full of power, expression, and long-repressed emotion.</p>
<p>Señorita Anabela, says I, may I speak with you aside for a moment?</p>
<p>“You dont want details about that, do you? Thanks. The old eloquence had come back all right. I led her under a cocoanut palm and put my old verbal spell on her again.</p>
<p>“You dont want details about that, do you? Thanks. The old eloquence had come back all right. I led her under a coconut palm and put my old verbal spell on her again.</p>
<p>Judson, says she, when you are talking to me I can hear nothing else—I can see nothing else—there is nothing and nobody else in the world for me.</p>
<p>“Well, thats about all of the story. Anabela went back to Oratama in the steamer with me. I never heard what became of Fergus. I never saw him any more. Anabela is now <abbr>Mrs.</abbr> Judson Tate. Has my story bored you much?”</p>
<p>“No,” said I. “I am always interested in psychological studies. A human heart—and especially a womans—is a wonderful thing to contemplate.”</p>
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<p>“Perhaps so,” said I, with some impatience; “but that is neither here nor there. Speaking of the strange manifestations of the affection of women, I—”</p>
<p>“Yes, yes,” interrupted Judson Tate; “they have peculiar ways. But, as I was going to tell you: when I went back to Oratama I found out from Manuel Iquito what was in that mixture he gave me for my lost voice. I told you how quick it cured me. He made that stuff from the <i>chuchula</i> plant. Now, look here.”</p>
<p>Judson Tate drew an oblong, white pasteboard box from his pocket.</p>
<p>“For any cough,” he said, “or cold, or hoarseness, or bronchial affection whatsoever, I have here the greatest remedy in the world. You see the formula, printed on the box. Each tablet contains licorice, 2 grains; balsam tolu, 1/10 grain; oil of anise,½0 minim; oil of tar,⅙0 minim; oleo-resin of cubebs,⅙0 minim; fluid extract of <i>chuchula</i>, 1/10 minim.</p>
<p>“For any cough,” he said, “or cold, or hoarseness, or bronchial affection whatsoever, I have here the greatest remedy in the world. You see the formula, printed on the box. Each tablet contains licorice, 2 grains; balsam tolu, 1/10 grain; oil of anise,½0 minim; oil of tar,⅙0 minim; oleoresin of cubebs,⅙0 minim; fluid extract of <i>chuchula</i>, 1/10 minim.</p>
<p>“I am in New York,” went on Judson Tate, “for the purpose of organizing a company to market the greatest remedy for throat affections ever discovered. At present I am introducing the lozenges in a small way. I have here a box containing four dozen, which I am selling for the small sum of fifty cents. If you are suffering—”</p>
<p>I got up and went away without a word. I walked slowly up to the little park near my hotel, leaving Judson Tate alone with his conscience. My feelings were lacerated. He had poured gently upon me a story that I might have used. There was a little of the breath of life in it, and some of the synthetic atmosphere that passes, when cunningly tinkered, in the marts. And, at the last it had proven to be a commercial pill, deftly coated with the sugar of fiction. The worst of it was that I could not offer it for sale. Advertising departments and counting-rooms look down upon me. And it would never do for the literary. Therefore I sat upon a bench with other disappointed ones until my eyelids drooped.</p>
<p>I went to my room, and, as my custom is, read for an hour stories in my favourite magazines. This was to get my mind back to art again.</p>
<p>And as I read each story, I threw the magazines sadly and hopelessly, one by one, upon the floor. Each author, without one exception to bring balm to my heart, wrote liltingly and sprightly a story of some particular make of motor-car that seemed to control the sparking plug of his genius.</p>
<p>And as I read each story, I threw the magazines sadly and hopelessly, one by one, upon the floor. Each author, without one exception to bring balm to my heart, wrote liltingly and sprightly a story of some particular make of motorcar that seemed to control the sparking plug of his genius.</p>
<p>And when the last one was hurled from me I took heart.</p>
<p>“If readers can swallow so many proprietary automobiles,” I said to myself, “they ought not to strain at one of Tates Compound Magic Chuchula Bronchial Lozenges.”</p>
<p>And so if you see this story in print you will understand that business is business, and that if Art gets very far ahead of Commerce, she will have to get up and hustle.</p>

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<section id="chapter-6" epub:type="chapter">
<h2>ART AND THE BRONCO</h2>
<p>Out of the wilderness had come a painter. Genius, whose coronations alone are democratic, had woven a chaplet of chaparral for the brow of Lonny Briscoe. Art, whose divine expression flows impartially from the fingertips of a cowboy or a dilettante emperor, had chosen for a medium the Boy Artist of the San Saba. The outcome, seven feet by twelve of besmeared canvas, stood, gilt-framed, in the lobby of the Capitol.</p>
<p>The legislature was in session; the capital city of that great Western state was enjoying the season of activity and profit that the congregation of the solons bestowed. The boarding-houses were corralling the easy dollars of the gamesome lawmakers. The greatest state in the West, an empire in area and resources, had arisen and repudiated the old libel or barbarism, lawbreaking, and bloodshed. Order reigned within her borders. Life and property were as safe there, sir, as anywhere among the corrupt cities of the effete East. Pillow-shams, churches, strawberry feasts and <i>habeas corpus</i> flourished. With impunity might the tenderfoot ventilate his “stovepipe” or his theories of culture. The arts and sciences received nurture and subsidy. And, therefore, it behooved the legislature of this great state to make appropriation for the purchase of Lonny Briscoes immortal painting.</p>
<p>Rarely has the San Saba country contributed to the spread of the fine arts. Its sons have excelled in the solider graces, in the throw of the lariat, the manipulation of the esteemed .45, the intrepidity of the one-card draw, and the nocturnal stimulation of towns from undue lethargy; but, hitherto, it had not been famed as a stronghold of æsthetics. Lonny Briscoes brush had removed that disability. Here, among the limestone rocks, the succulent cactus, and the drought-parched grass of that arid valley, had been born the Boy Artist. Why he came to woo art is beyond postulation. Beyond doubt, some spore of the afflatus must have sprung up within him in spite of the desert soil of San Saba. The tricksy spirit of creation must have incited him to attempted expression and then have sat hilarious among the white-hot sands of the valley, watching its mischievous work. For Lonnys picture, viewed as a thing of art, was something to have driven away dull care from the bosoms of the critics.</p>
<p>The legislature was in session; the capital city of that great Western state was enjoying the season of activity and profit that the congregation of the solons bestowed. The boardinghouses were corralling the easy dollars of the gamesome lawmakers. The greatest state in the West, an empire in area and resources, had arisen and repudiated the old libel or barbarism, lawbreaking, and bloodshed. Order reigned within her borders. Life and property were as safe there, sir, as anywhere among the corrupt cities of the effete East. Pillow-shams, churches, strawberry feasts and <i>habeas corpus</i> flourished. With impunity might the tenderfoot ventilate his “stovepipe” or his theories of culture. The arts and sciences received nurture and subsidy. And, therefore, it behooved the legislature of this great state to make appropriation for the purchase of Lonny Briscoes immortal painting.</p>
<p>Rarely has the San Saba country contributed to the spread of the fine arts. Its sons have excelled in the solider graces, in the throw of the lariat, the manipulation of the esteemed .45, the intrepidity of the one-card draw, and the nocturnal stimulation of towns from undue lethargy; but, hitherto, it had not been famed as a stronghold of aesthetics. Lonny Briscoes brush had removed that disability. Here, among the limestone rocks, the succulent cactus, and the drought-parched grass of that arid valley, had been born the Boy Artist. Why he came to woo art is beyond postulation. Beyond doubt, some spore of the afflatus must have sprung up within him in spite of the desert soil of San Saba. The tricksy spirit of creation must have incited him to attempted expression and then have sat hilarious among the white-hot sands of the valley, watching its mischievous work. For Lonnys picture, viewed as a thing of art, was something to have driven away dull care from the bosoms of the critics.</p>
<p>The painting—one might almost say panorama—was designed to portray a typical Western scene, interest culminating in a central animal figure, that of a stampeding steer, life-size, wild-eyed, fiery, breaking away in a mad rush from the herd that, close-ridden by a typical cowpuncher, occupied a position somewhat in the right background of the picture. The landscape presented fitting and faithful accessories. Chaparral, mesquit, and pear were distributed in just proportions. A Spanish dagger-plant, with its waxen blossoms in a creamy aggregation as large as a water-bucket, contributed floral beauty and variety. The distance was undulating prairie, bisected by stretches of the intermittent streams peculiar to the region lined with the rich green of live-oak and water-elm. A richly mottled rattlesnake lay coiled beneath a pale green clump of prickly pear in the foreground. A third of the canvas was ultramarine and lake white—the typical Western sky and the flying clouds, rainless and feathery.</p>
<p>Between two plastered pillars in the commodious hallway near the door of the chamber of representatives stood the painting. Citizens and lawmakers passed there by twos and groups and sometimes crowds to gaze upon it. Many—perhaps a majority of them—had lived the prairie life and recalled easily the familiar scene. Old cattlemen stood, reminiscent and candidly pleased, chatting with brothers of former camps and trails of the days it brought back to mind. Art critics were few in the town, and there was heard none of that jargon of colour, perspective, and feeling such as the East loves to use as a curb and a rod to the pretensions of the artist. Twas a great picture, most of them agreed, admiring the gilt frame—larger than any they had ever seen.</p>
<p>Senator Kinney was the pictures champion and sponsor. It was he who so often stepped forward and asserted, with the voice of a bronco-buster, that it would be a lasting blot, sir, upon the name of this great state if it should decline to recognize in a proper manner the genius that had so brilliantly transferred to imperishable canvas a scene so typical of the great sources of our states wealth and prosperity, land—and—er—live-stock.</p>
<p>Senator Kinney represented a section of the state in the extreme West—400 miles from the San Saba country—but the true lover of art is not limited by metes and bounds. Nor was Senator Mullens, representing the San Saba country, lukewarm in his belief that the state should purchase the painting of his constituent. He was advised that the San Saba country was unanimous in its admiration of the great painting by one of its own denizens. Hundreds of connoisseurs had straddled their broncos and ridden miles to view it before its removal to the capital. Senator Mullens desired reëlection, and he knew the importance of the San Saba vote. He also knew that with the help of Senator Kinney—who was a power in the legislature—the thing could be put through. Now, Senator Kinney had an irrigation bill that he wanted passed for the benefit of his own section, and he knew Senator Mullens could render him valuable aid and information, the San Saba country already enjoying the benefits of similar legislation. With these interests happily dovetailed, wonder at the sudden interest in art at the state capital must, necessarily, be small. Few artists have uncovered their first picture to the world under happier auspices than did Lonny Briscoe.</p>
<p>Senator Kinney was the pictures champion and sponsor. It was he who so often stepped forward and asserted, with the voice of a broncobuster, that it would be a lasting blot, sir, upon the name of this great state if it should decline to recognize in a proper manner the genius that had so brilliantly transferred to imperishable canvas a scene so typical of the great sources of our states wealth and prosperity, land—and—er—livestock.</p>
<p>Senator Kinney represented a section of the state in the extreme West—400 miles from the San Saba country—but the true lover of art is not limited by metes and bounds. Nor was Senator Mullens, representing the San Saba country, lukewarm in his belief that the state should purchase the painting of his constituent. He was advised that the San Saba country was unanimous in its admiration of the great painting by one of its own denizens. Hundreds of connoisseurs had straddled their broncos and ridden miles to view it before its removal to the capital. Senator Mullens desired reelection, and he knew the importance of the San Saba vote. He also knew that with the help of Senator Kinney—who was a power in the legislature—the thing could be put through. Now, Senator Kinney had an irrigation bill that he wanted passed for the benefit of his own section, and he knew Senator Mullens could render him valuable aid and information, the San Saba country already enjoying the benefits of similar legislation. With these interests happily dovetailed, wonder at the sudden interest in art at the state capital must, necessarily, be small. Few artists have uncovered their first picture to the world under happier auspices than did Lonny Briscoe.</p>
<p>Senators Kinney and Mullens came to an understanding in the matter of irrigation and art while partaking of long drinks in the café of the Empire Hotel.</p>
<p>“Hm!” said Senator Kinney, “I dont know. Im no art critic, but it seems to me the thing wont work. It looks like the worst kind of a chromo to me. I dont want to cast any reflections upon the artistic talent of your constituent, Senator, but I, myself, wouldnt give six bits for the picture—without the frame. How are you going to cram a thing like that down the throat of a legislature that kicks about a little item in the expense bill of six hundred and eighty-one dollars for rubber erasers for only one term? Its wasting time. Id like to help you, Mullens, but theyd laugh us out of the Senate chamber if we were to try it.”</p>
<p>“But you dont get the point,” said Senator Mullens, in his deliberate tones, tapping Kinneys glass with his long forefinger. “I have my own doubts as to what the picture is intended to represent, a bullfight or a Japanese allegory, but I want this legislature to make an appropriation to purchase. Of course, the subject of the picture should have been in the state historical line, but its too late to have the paint scraped off and changed. The state wont miss the money and the picture can be stowed away in a lumber-room where it wont annoy any one. Now, heres the point to work on, leaving art to look after itself—the chap that painted the picture is the grandson of Lucien Briscoe.”</p>
@ -39,7 +39,7 @@
<p>The bill was introduced, went to the second reading, and then Senator Mullens spoke for it dryly, tediously, and at length. Senator Kinney then arose, and the welkin seized the bellrope preparatory to ringing. Oratory was at that time a living thing; the world had not quite come to measure its questions by geometry and the multiplication table. It was the day of the silver tongue, the sweeping gesture, the decorative apostrophe, the moving peroration.</p>
<p>The Senator spoke. The San Saba contingent sat, breathing hard, in the gallery, its disordered hair hanging down to its eyes, its sixteen-ounce hats shifted restlessly from knee to knee. Below, the distinguished Senators either lounged at their desks with the abandon of proven statesmanship or maintained correct attitudes indicative of a first term.</p>
<p>Senator Kinney spoke for an hour. History was his theme—history mitigated by patriotism and sentiment. He referred casually to the picture in the outer hall—it was unnecessary, he said, to dilate upon its merits—the Senators had seen for themselves. The painter of the picture was the grandson of Lucien Briscoe. Then came the word-pictures of Briscoes life set forth in thrilling colours. His rude and venturesome life, his simple-minded love for the commonwealth he helped to upbuild, his contempt for rewards and praise, his extreme and sturdy independence, and the great services he had rendered the state. The subject of the oration was Lucien Briscoe; the painting stood in the background serving simply as a means, now happily brought forward, through which the state might bestow a tardy recompense upon the descendent of its favourite son. Frequent enthusiastic applause from the Senators testified to the well reception of the sentiment.</p>
<p>The bill passed without an opening vote. To-morrow it would be taken up by the House. Already was it fixed to glide through that body on rubber tires. Blandford, Grayson, and Plummer, all wheel-horses and orators, and provided with plentiful memoranda concerning the deeds of pioneer Briscoe, had agreed to furnish the motive power.</p>
<p>The bill passed without an opening vote. Tomorrow it would be taken up by the House. Already was it fixed to glide through that body on rubber tires. Blandford, Grayson, and Plummer, all wheel-horses and orators, and provided with plentiful memoranda concerning the deeds of pioneer Briscoe, had agreed to furnish the motive power.</p>
<p>The San Saba lobby and its <i>protégé</i> stumbled awkwardly down the stairs and out into the Capitol yard. Then they herded closely and gave one yell of triumph. But one of them—Buck-Kneed Summers it was—hit the key with the thoughtful remark:</p>
<p>“She cut the mustard,” he said, “all right. I reckon theyre goin to buy Lons steer. I aint right much on the parlymentry, but I gather thats what the signs added up. But she seems to me, Lonny, the argyment ran principal to grandfather, instead of paint. Its reasonable calculatin that you want to be glad you got the Briscoe brand on you, my son.”</p>
<p>That remarked clinched in Lonnys mind an unpleasant, vague suspicion to the same effect. His reticence increased, and he gathered grass from the ground, chewing it pensively. The picture as a picture had been humiliatingly absent from the Senators arguments. The painter had been held up as a grandson, pure and simple. While this was gratifying on certain lines, it made art look little and slab-sided. The Boy Artist was thinking.</p>
@ -49,7 +49,7 @@
<p>“Its the way theyll come,” said the painter man. “I took three different kinds of medicine before dinner—by the tablespoonful. The taste still lingers. I am primed for telling the truth. You want to know if the picture is, or if it isnt?”</p>
<p>“Right,” said Lonny. “Is it wool or cotton? Should I paint some more or cut it out and ride herd a-plenty?”</p>
<p>“I heard a rumour during pie,” said the artist, “that the state is about to pay you two thousand dollars for this picture.”</p>
<p>“Its passed the Senate,” said Lonny, “and the House rounds it up to-morrow.”</p>
<p>“Its passed the Senate,” said Lonny, “and the House rounds it up tomorrow.”</p>
<p>“Thats lucky,” said the pale man. “Do you carry a rabbits foot?”</p>
<p>“No,” said Lonny, “but it seems I had a grandfather. Hes considerable mixed up in the colour scheme. It took me a year to paint that picture. Is she entirely awful or not? Some says, now, that the steers tail aint badly drawed. They think its proportioned nice. Tell me.”</p>
<p>The artist glanced at Lonnys wiry figure and nut-brown skin. Something stirred him to a passing irritation.</p>
@ -57,10 +57,10 @@
<p>At three oclock the cowpunchers rode up for Lonny, bringing Hot Tamales, saddled. Traditions must be observed. To celebrate the passage of the bill by the Senate the gang must ride wildly through the town, creating uproar and excitement. Liquor must be partaken of, the suburbs shot up, and the glory of the San Saba country vociferously proclaimed. A part of the programme had been carried out in the saloons on the way up.</p>
<p>Lonny mounted Hot Tamales, the accomplished little beast prancing with fire and intelligence. He was glad to feel Lonnys bowlegged grip against his ribs again. Lonny was his friend, and he was willing to do things for him.</p>
<p>“Come on, boys,” said Lonny, urging Hot Tomales into a gallop with his knees. With a whoop, the inspired lobby tore after him through the dust. Lonny led his cohorts straight for the Capitol. With a wild yell, the gang endorsed his now evident intention of riding into it. Hooray for San Saba!</p>
<p>Up the six broad, limestone steps clattered the broncos of the cowpunchers. Into the resounding hallway they pattered, scattering in dismay those passing on foot. Lonny, in the lead, shoved Hot Tamales direct for the great picture. At that hour a downpouring, soft light from the second-story windows bathed the big canvas. Against the darker background of the hall the painting stood out with valuable effect. In spite of the defects of the art you could almost fancy that you gazed out upon a landscape. You might well flinch a step from the convincing figure of the life-size steer stampeding across the grass. Perhaps it seemed thus to Hot Tamales. The scene was in his line. Perhaps he only obeyed the will of his rider. His ears pricked up; he snorted. Lonny leaned forward in the saddle and elevated his elbows, wing-like. Thus signals the cowpuncher to his steed to launch himself full speed ahead. Did Hot Tamales fancy he saw a steer, red and cavorting, that should be headed off and driven back to the herd? There was a fierce clatter of hoofs, a rush, a gathering of steely flank muscles, a leap to the jerk of the bridle rein, and Hot Tamales, with Lonny bending low in the saddle to dodge the top of the frame, ripped through the great canvas like a shell from a mortar, leaving the cloth hanging in ragged shreds about a monstrous hole.</p>
<p>Up the six broad, limestone steps clattered the broncos of the cowpunchers. Into the resounding hallway they pattered, scattering in dismay those passing on foot. Lonny, in the lead, shoved Hot Tamales direct for the great picture. At that hour a downpouring, soft light from the second-story windows bathed the big canvas. Against the darker background of the hall the painting stood out with valuable effect. In spite of the defects of the art you could almost fancy that you gazed out upon a landscape. You might well flinch a step from the convincing figure of the life-size steer stampeding across the grass. Perhaps it seemed thus to Hot Tamales. The scene was in his line. Perhaps he only obeyed the will of his rider. His ears pricked up; he snorted. Lonny leaned forward in the saddle and elevated his elbows, winglike. Thus signals the cowpuncher to his steed to launch himself full speed ahead. Did Hot Tamales fancy he saw a steer, red and cavorting, that should be headed off and driven back to the herd? There was a fierce clatter of hoofs, a rush, a gathering of steely flank muscles, a leap to the jerk of the bridle rein, and Hot Tamales, with Lonny bending low in the saddle to dodge the top of the frame, ripped through the great canvas like a shell from a mortar, leaving the cloth hanging in ragged shreds about a monstrous hole.</p>
<p>Quickly Lonny pulled up his pony, and rounded the pillars. Spectators came running, too astounded to add speech to the commotion. The sergeant-at-arms of the House came forth, frowned, looked ominous, and then grinned. Many of the legislators crowded out to observe the tumult. Lonnys cowpunchers were stricken to silent horror by his mad deed.</p>
<p>Senator Kinney happened to be among the earliest to emerge. Before he could speak Lonny leaned in his saddle as Hot Tamales pranced, pointed his quirt at the Senator, and said, calmly:</p>
<p>“That was a fine speech you made to-day, mister, but you might as well let up on that propriation business. I aint askin the state to give me nothin. I thought I had a picture to sell to it, but it wasnt one. You said a heap of things about Grandfather Briscoe that makes me kind of proud Im his grandson. Well, the Briscoes aint takin presents from the state yet. Anybody can have the frame that wants it. Hit her up, boys.”</p>
<p>“That was a fine speech you made today, mister, but you might as well let up on that propriation business. I aint askin the state to give me nothin. I thought I had a picture to sell to it, but it wasnt one. You said a heap of things about Grandfather Briscoe that makes me kind of proud Im his grandson. Well, the Briscoes aint takin presents from the state yet. Anybody can have the frame that wants it. Hit her up, boys.”</p>
<p>Away scuttled the San Saba delegation out of the hall, down the steps, along the dusty street.</p>
<p>Halfway to the San Saba country they camped that night. At bedtime Lonny stole away from the campfire and sought Hot Tamales, placidly eating grass at the end of his stake rope. Lonny hung upon his neck, and his art aspirations went forth forever in one long, regretful sigh. But as he thus made renunciation his breath formed a word or two.</p>
<p>“You was the only one, Tamales, what seen anything in it. It <i>did</i> look like a steer, didnt it, old hoss?”</p>

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<p>My reply was to pound on the table for Rousselin.</p>
<p>“Strolling along Tchoupitoulas Street one night,” began Captain Maloné, “I noticed, without especially taxing my interest, a small man walking rapidly toward me. He stepped upon a wooden cellar door, crashed through it, and disappeared. I rescued him from a heap of soft coal below. He dusted himself briskly, swearing fluently in a mechanical tone, as an underpaid actor recites the gypsys curse. Gratitude and the dust in his throat seemed to call for fluids to clear them away. His desire for liquidation was expressed so heartily that I went with him to a café down the street where we had some vile vermouth and bitters.</p>
<p>“Looking across that little table I had my first clear sight of Francis Kearny. He was about five feet seven, but as tough as a cypress knee. His hair was darkest red, his mouth such a mere slit that you wondered how the flood of his words came rushing from it. His eyes were the brightest and lightest blue and the hopefulest that I ever saw. He gave the double impression that he was at bay and that you had better not crowd him further.</p>
<p>Just in from a gold-hunting expedition on the coast of Costa Rica, he explained. Second mate of a banana steamer told me the natives were panning out enough from the beach sands to buy all the rum, red calico, and parlour melodeons in the world. The day I got there a syndicate named Incorporated Jones gets a government concession to all minerals from a given point. For a next choice I take coast fever and count green and blue lizards for six weeks in a grass hut. I had to be notified when I was well, for the reptiles were actually there. Then I shipped back as third cook on a Norwegian tramp that blew up her boiler two miles below Quarantine. I was due to bust through that cellar door here to-night, so I hurried the rest of the way up the river, roustabouting on a lower coast packet that made up a landing for every fisherman that wanted a plug of tobacco. And now Im here for what comes next. And itll be along, itll be along, said this queer <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Kearny; itll be along on the beams of my bright but not very particular star.</p>
<p>Just in from a gold-hunting expedition on the coast of Costa Rica, he explained. Second mate of a banana steamer told me the natives were panning out enough from the beach sands to buy all the rum, red calico, and parlour melodeons in the world. The day I got there a syndicate named Incorporated Jones gets a government concession to all minerals from a given point. For a next choice I take coast fever and count green and blue lizards for six weeks in a grass hut. I had to be notified when I was well, for the reptiles were actually there. Then I shipped back as third cook on a Norwegian tramp that blew up her boiler two miles below Quarantine. I was due to bust through that cellar door here tonight, so I hurried the rest of the way up the river, roustabouting on a lower coast packet that made up a landing for every fisherman that wanted a plug of tobacco. And now Im here for what comes next. And itll be along, itll be along, said this queer <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Kearny; itll be along on the beams of my bright but not very particular star.</p>
<p>“From the first the personality of Kearny charmed me. I saw in him the bold heart, the restless nature, and the valiant front against the buffets of fate that make his countrymen such valuable comrades in risk and adventure. And just then I was wanting such men. Moored at a fruit companys pier I had a 500-ton steamer ready to sail the next day with a cargo of sugar, lumber, and corrugated iron for a port in—well, let us call the country Esperando—it has not been long ago, and the name of Patricio Maloné is still spoken there when its unsettled politics are discussed. Beneath the sugar and iron were packed a thousand Winchester rifles. In Aguas Frias, the capital, Don Rafael Valdevia, Minister of War, Esperandos greatest-hearted and most able patriot, awaited my coming. No doubt you have heard, with a smile, of the insignificant wars and uprisings in those little tropic republics. They make but a faint clamour against the din of great nations battles; but down there, under all the ridiculous uniforms and petty diplomacy and senseless countermarching and intrigue, are to be found statesmen and patriots. Don Rafael Valdevia was one. His great ambition was to raise Esperando into peace and honest prosperity and the respect of the serious nations. So he waited for my rifles in Aguas Frias. But one would think I am trying to win a recruit in you! No; it was Francis Kearny I wanted. And so I told him, speaking long over our execrable vermouth, breathing the stifling odour from garlic and tarpaulins, which, as you know, is the distinctive flavour of cafés in the lower slant of our city. I spoke of the tyrant President Cruz and the burdens that his greed and insolent cruelty laid upon the people. And at that Kearnys tears flowed. And then I dried them with a picture of the fat rewards that would be ours when the oppressor should be overthrown and the wise and generous Valdevia in his seat. Then Kearny leaped to his feet and wrung my hand with the strength of a roustabout. He was mine, he said, till the last minion of the hated despot was hurled from the highest peaks of the Cordilleras into the sea.</p>
<p>“I paid the score, and we went out. Near the door Kearnys elbow overturned an upright glass showcase, smashing it into little bits. I paid the storekeeper the price he asked.</p>
<p>Come to my hotel for the night, I said to Kearny. We sail to-morrow at noon.</p>
<p>Come to my hotel for the night, I said to Kearny. We sail tomorrow at noon.</p>
<p>“He agreed; but on the sidewalk he fell to cursing again in the dull monotonous way that he had done when I pulled him out of the coal cellar.</p>
<p>Captain, said he, before we go any further, its no more than fair to tell you that Im known from Baffins Bay to Terra del Fuego as “Bad-Luck” Kearny. And Im It. Everything I get into goes up in the air except a balloon. Every bet I ever made I lost except when I coppered it. Every boat I ever sailed on sank except the submarines. Everything I was ever interested in went to pieces except a patent bombshell that I invented. Everything I ever took hold of and tried to run I ran into the ground except when I tried to plough. And thats why they call me Bad-Luck Kearny. I thought Id tell you.</p>
<p>Bad luck, said I, or what goes by that name, may now and then tangle the affairs of any man. But if it persists beyond the estimate of what we may call the “averages” there must be a cause for it.</p>
@ -30,10 +30,10 @@
<p>From Azrath, the great astrologer of Cleveland, Ohio, said he. That man looked at a glass ball and told me my name before Id taken a chair. He prophesied the date of my birth and death before Id said a word. And then he cast my horoscope, and the sidereal system socked me in the solar plexus. It was bad luck for Francis Kearny from A to Izard and for his friends that were implicated with him. For that I gave up ten dollars. This Azrath was sorry, but he respected his profession too much to read the heavens wrong for any man. It was night time, and he took me out on a balcony and gave me a free view of the sky. And he showed me which Saturn was, and how to find it in different balconies and longitudes.</p>
<p>But Saturn wasnt all. He was only the man higher up. He furnishes so much bad luck that they allow him a gang of deputy sparklers to help hand it out. Theyre circulating and revolving and hanging around the main supply all the time, each one throwing the hoodoo on his own particular district.</p>
<p>You see that ugly little red star about eight inches above and to the right of Saturn? Kearny asked me. Well, thats her. Thats Phœbe. Shes got me in charge. “By the day of your birth,” says Azrath to me, “your life is subjected to the influence of Saturn. By the hour and minute of it you must dwell under the sway and direct authority of Phœbe, the ninth satellite.” So said this Azrath. Kearny shook his fist violently skyward. Curse her, shes done her work well, said he. Ever since I was astrologized, bad luck has followed me like my shadow, as I told you. And for many years before. Now, Captain, Ive told you my handicap as a man should. If youre afraid this evil star of mine might cripple your scheme, leave me out of it.</p>
<p>“I reassured Kearny as well as I could. I told him that for the time we would banish both astrology and astronomy from our heads. The manifest valour and enthusiasm of the man drew me. Let us see what a little courage and diligence will do against bad luck, I said. We will sail to-morrow for Esperando.</p>
<p>“I reassured Kearny as well as I could. I told him that for the time we would banish both astrology and astronomy from our heads. The manifest valour and enthusiasm of the man drew me. Let us see what a little courage and diligence will do against bad luck, I said. We will sail tomorrow for Esperando.</p>
<p>“Fifty miles down the Mississippi our steamer broke her rudder. We sent for a tug to tow us back and lost three days. When we struck the blue waters of the Gulf, all the storm clouds of the Atlantic seemed to have concentrated above us. We thought surely to sweeten those leaping waves with our sugar, and to stack our arms and lumber on the floor of the Mexican Gulf.</p>
<p>“Kearny did not seek to cast off one iota of the burden of our danger from the shoulders of his fatal horoscope. He weathered every storm on deck, smoking a black pipe, to keep which alight rain and sea-water seemed but as oil. And he shook his fist at the black clouds behind which his baleful star winked its unseen eye. When the skies cleared one evening, he reviled his malignant guardian with grim humour.</p>
<p>On watch, arent you, you red-headed vixen? Out making it hot for little Francis Kearny and his friends, according to Hoyle. Twinkle, twinkle, little devil! Youre a lady, arent you?—dogging a man with your bad luck just because he happened to be born while your boss was floorwalker. Get busy and sink the ship, you one-eyed banshee. Phœbe! Hm! Sounds as mild as a milkmaid. You cant judge a woman by her name. Why couldnt I have had a man star? I cant make the remarks to Phœbe that I could to a man. Oh, Phœbe, you be—blasted!</p>
<p>“Kearny did not seek to cast off one iota of the burden of our danger from the shoulders of his fatal horoscope. He weathered every storm on deck, smoking a black pipe, to keep which alight rain and seawater seemed but as oil. And he shook his fist at the black clouds behind which his baleful star winked its unseen eye. When the skies cleared one evening, he reviled his malignant guardian with grim humour.</p>
<p>On watch, arent you, you redheaded vixen? Out making it hot for little Francis Kearny and his friends, according to Hoyle. Twinkle, twinkle, little devil! Youre a lady, arent you?—dogging a man with your bad luck just because he happened to be born while your boss was floorwalker. Get busy and sink the ship, you one-eyed banshee. Phœbe! Hm! Sounds as mild as a milkmaid. You cant judge a woman by her name. Why couldnt I have had a man star? I cant make the remarks to Phœbe that I could to a man. Oh, Phœbe, you be—blasted!</p>
<p>“For eight days gales and squalls and waterspouts beat us from our course. Five days only should have landed us in Esperando. Our Jonah swallowed the bad credit of it with appealing frankness; but that scarcely lessened the hardships our cause was made to suffer.</p>
<p>“At last one afternoon we steamed into the calm estuary of the little Rio Escondido. Three miles up this we crept, feeling for the shallow channel between the low banks that were crowded to the edge with gigantic trees and riotous vegetation. Then our whistle gave a little toot, and in five minutes we heard a shout, and Carlos—my brave Carlos Quintana—crashed through the tangled vines waving his cap madly for joy.</p>
<p>“A hundred yards away was his camp, where three hundred chosen patriots of Esperando were awaiting our coming. For a month Carlos had been drilling them there in the tactics of war, and filling them with the spirit of revolution and liberty.</p>
@ -47,44 +47,44 @@
<p>“I turned my back on the scene. I heard Carloss loud cries as if from some extreme grief too poignant for words. I heard the complaining murmur of the crew and the maledictions of Torres, the sailing master—I could not bear to look.</p>
<p>“By night some degree of order had been restored in camp. Military rules were not drawn strictly, and the men were grouped about the fires of their several messes, playing games of chance, singing their native songs, or discussing with voluble animation the contingencies of our march upon the capital.</p>
<p>“To my tent, which had been pitched for me close to that of my chief lieutenant, came Kearny, indomitable, smiling, bright-eyed, bearing no traces of the buffets of his evil star. Rather was his aspect that of a heroic martyr whose tribulations were so high-sourced and glorious that he even took a splendour and a prestige from them.</p>
<p>Well, Captain, said he, I guess you realize that Bad-Luck Kearny is still on deck. It was a shame, now, about that gun. She only needed to be slewed two inches to clear the rail; and thats why I grabbed that ropes end. Whod have thought that a sailor—even a Sicilian lubber on a banana coaster—would have fastened a line in a bow-knot? Dont think Im trying to dodge the responsibility, Captain. Its my luck.</p>
<p>Well, Captain, said he, I guess you realize that Bad-Luck Kearny is still on deck. It was a shame, now, about that gun. She only needed to be slewed two inches to clear the rail; and thats why I grabbed that ropes end. Whod have thought that a sailor—even a Sicilian lubber on a banana coaster—would have fastened a line in a bowknot? Dont think Im trying to dodge the responsibility, Captain. Its my luck.</p>
<p>There are men, Kearny, said I gravely, who pass through life blaming upon luck and chance the mistakes that result from their own faults and incompetency. I do not say that you are such a man. But if all your mishaps are traceable to that tiny star, the sooner we endow our colleges with chairs of moral astronomy, the better.</p>
<p>It isnt the size of the star that counts, said Kearny; its the quality. Just the way it is with women. Thats why they give the biggest planets masculine names, and the little stars feminine ones—to even things up when it comes to getting their work in. Suppose they had called my star Agamemnon or Bill McCarty or something like that instead of Phœbe. Every time one of those old boys touched their calamity button and sent me down one of their wireless pieces of bad luck, I could talk back and tell em what I thought of em in suitable terms. But you cant address such remarks to a Phœbe.</p>
<p>It pleases you to make a joke of it, Kearny, said I, without smiling. But it is no joke to me to think of my Gatling mired in the river ooze.</p>
<p>As to that, said Kearny, abandoning his light mood at once, I have already done what I could. I have had some experience in hoisting stone in quarries. Torres and I have already spliced three hawsers and stretched them from the steamers stern to a tree on shore. We will rig a tackle and have the gun on terra firma before noon to-morrow.</p>
<p>As to that, said Kearny, abandoning his light mood at once, I have already done what I could. I have had some experience in hoisting stone in quarries. Torres and I have already spliced three hawsers and stretched them from the steamers stern to a tree on shore. We will rig a tackle and have the gun on terra firma before noon tomorrow.</p>
<p>“One could not remain long at outs with Bad-Luck Kearny.</p>
<p>Once more, said I to him, we will waive this question of luck. Have you ever had experience in drilling raw troops?</p>
<p>I was first sergeant and drill-master, said Kearny, in the Chilean army for one year. And captain of artillery for another.</p>
<p>What became of your command? I asked.</p>
<p>Shot down to a man, said Kearny, during the revolutions against Balmaceda.</p>
<p>“Somehow the misfortunes of the evil-starred one seemed to turn to me their comedy side. I lay back upon my goats-hide cot and laughed until the woods echoed. Kearny grinned. I told you how it was, he said.</p>
<p>To-morrow, I said, I shall detail one hundred men under your command for manual-of-arms drill and company evolutions. You will rank as lieutenant. Now, for Gods sake, Kearny, I urged him, try to combat this superstition if it is one. Bad luck may be like any other visitor—preferring to stop where it is expected. Get your mind off stars. Look upon Esperando as your planet of good fortune.</p>
<p>Tomorrow, I said, I shall detail one hundred men under your command for manual-of-arms drill and company evolutions. You will rank as lieutenant. Now, for Gods sake, Kearny, I urged him, try to combat this superstition if it is one. Bad luck may be like any other visitor—preferring to stop where it is expected. Get your mind off stars. Look upon Esperando as your planet of good fortune.</p>
<p>I thank you, Captain, said Kearny quietly. I will try to make it the best handicap I ever ran.</p>
<p>“By noon the next day the submerged Gatling was rescued, as Kearny had promised. Then Carlos and Manuel Ortiz and Kearny (my lieutenants) distributed Winchesters among the troops and put them through an incessant rifle drill. We fired no shots, blank or solid, for of all coasts Esperando is the stillest; and we had no desire to sound any warnings in the ear of that corrupt government until they should carry with them the message of Liberty and the downfall of Oppression.</p>
<p>“In the afternoon came a mule-rider bearing a written message to me from Don Rafael Valdevia in the capital, Aguas Frias.</p>
<p>“Whenever that mans name comes to my lips, words of tribute to his greatness, his noble simplicity, and his conspicuous genius follow irrepressibly. He was a traveller, a student of peoples and governments, a master of sciences, a poet, an orator, a leader, a soldier, a critic of the worlds campaigns and the idol of the people in Esperando. I had been honoured by his friendship for years. It was I who first turned his mind to the thought that he should leave for his monument a new Esperando—a country freed from the rule of unscrupulous tyrants, and a people made happy and prosperous by wise and impartial legislation. When he had consented he threw himself into the cause with the undivided zeal with which he endowed all of his acts. The coffers of his great fortune were opened to those of us to whom were entrusted the secret moves of the game. His popularity was already so great that he had practically forced President Cruz to offer him the portfolio of Minister of War.</p>
<p>“The time, Don Rafael said in his letter, was ripe. Success, he prophesied, was certain. The people were beginning to clamour publicly against Cruzs misrule. Bands of citizens in the capital were even going about of nights hurling stones at public buildings and expressing their dissatisfaction. A bronze statue of President Cruz in the Botanical Gardens had been lassoed about the neck and overthrown. It only remained for me to arrive with my force and my thousand rifles, and for himself to come forward and proclaim himself the peoples saviour, to overthrow Cruz in a single day. There would be but a half-hearted resistance from the six hundred government troops stationed in the capital. The country was ours. He presumed that by this time my steamer had arrived at Quintanas camp. He proposed the eighteenth of July for the attack. That would give us six days in which to strike camp and march to Aguas Frias. In the meantime Don Rafael remained my good friend and <i>compadre en la causa de la libertad</i>.</p>
<p>“The time, Don Rafael said in his letter, was ripe. Success, he prophesied, was certain. The people were beginning to clamour publicly against Cruzs misrule. Bands of citizens in the capital were even going about of nights hurling stones at public buildings and expressing their dissatisfaction. A bronze statue of President Cruz in the Botanical Gardens had been lassoed about the neck and overthrown. It only remained for me to arrive with my force and my thousand rifles, and for himself to come forward and proclaim himself the peoples saviour, to overthrow Cruz in a single day. There would be but a halfhearted resistance from the six hundred government troops stationed in the capital. The country was ours. He presumed that by this time my steamer had arrived at Quintanas camp. He proposed the eighteenth of July for the attack. That would give us six days in which to strike camp and march to Aguas Frias. In the meantime Don Rafael remained my good friend and <i>compadre en la causa de la libertad</i>.</p>
<p>“On the morning of the 14th we began our march toward the sea-following range of mountains, over the sixty-mile trail to the capital. Our small arms and provisions were laden on pack mules. Twenty men harnessed to each Gatling gun rolled them smoothly along the flat, alluvial lowlands. Our troops, well-shod and well-fed, moved with alacrity and heartiness. I and my three lieutenants were mounted on the tough mountain ponies of the country.</p>
<p>“A mile out of camp one of the pack mules, becoming stubborn, broke away from the train and plunged from the path into the thicket. The alert Kearny spurred quickly after it and intercepted its flight. Rising in his stirrups, he released one foot and bestowed upon the mutinous animal a hearty kick. The mule tottered and fell with a crash broadside upon the ground. As we gathered around it, it walled its great eyes almost humanly towards Kearny and expired. That was bad; but worse, to our minds, was the concomitant disaster. Part of the mules burden had been one hundred pounds of the finest coffee to be had in the tropics. The bag burst and spilled the priceless brown mass of the ground berries among the dense vines and weeds of the swampy land. <i>Mala suerte!</i> When you take away from an Esperandan his coffee, you abstract his patriotism and 50 per cent. of his value as a soldier. The men began to rake up the precious stuff; but I beckoned Kearny back along the trail where they would not hear. The limit had been reached.</p>
<p>“A mile out of camp one of the pack mules, becoming stubborn, broke away from the train and plunged from the path into the thicket. The alert Kearny spurred quickly after it and intercepted its flight. Rising in his stirrups, he released one foot and bestowed upon the mutinous animal a hearty kick. The mule tottered and fell with a crash broadside upon the ground. As we gathered around it, it walled its great eyes almost humanly towards Kearny and expired. That was bad; but worse, to our minds, was the concomitant disaster. Part of the mules burden had been one hundred pounds of the finest coffee to be had in the tropics. The bag burst and spilled the priceless brown mass of the ground berries among the dense vines and weeds of the swampy land. <i>Mala suerte!</i> When you take away from an Esperandan his coffee, you abstract his patriotism and 50 percent of his value as a soldier. The men began to rake up the precious stuff; but I beckoned Kearny back along the trail where they would not hear. The limit had been reached.</p>
<p>“I took from my pocket a wallet of money and drew out some bills.</p>
<p>“ ‘<abbr>Mr.</abbr> Kearny, said I, here are some funds belonging to Don Rafael Valdevia, which I am expending in his cause. I know of no better service it can buy for him than this. Here is one hundred dollars. Luck or no luck, we part company here. Star or no star, calamity seems to travel by your side. You will return to the steamer. She touches at Amotapa to discharge her lumber and iron, and then puts back to New Orleans. Hand this note to the sailing-master, who will give you passage. I wrote on a leaf torn from my book, and placed it and the money in Kearnys hand.</p>
<p>Good-bye, I said, extending my own. It is not that I am displeased with you; but there is no place in this expedition for—let us say, the Señorita Phœbe. I said this with a smile, trying to smooth the thing for him. May you have better luck, <i>companero</i>.</p>
<p>Goodbye, I said, extending my own. It is not that I am displeased with you; but there is no place in this expedition for—let us say, the Señorita Phœbe. I said this with a smile, trying to smooth the thing for him. May you have better luck, <i>companero</i>.</p>
<p>“Kearny took the money and the paper.</p>
<p>It was just a little touch, said he, just a little lift with the toe of my boot—but whats the odds?—that blamed mule would have died if I had only dusted his ribs with a powder puff. It was my luck. Well, Captain, I would have liked to be in that little fight with you over in Aguas Frias. Success to the cause. <i>Adios!</i></p>
<p>“He turned around and set off down the trail without looking back. The unfortunate mules pack-saddle was transferred to Kearnys pony, and we again took up the march.</p>
<p>“Four days we journeyed over the foot-hills and mountains, fording icy torrents, winding around the crumbling brows of ragged peaks, creeping along the rocky flanges that overlooked awful precipices, crawling breathlessly over tottering bridges that crossed bottomless chasms.</p>
<p>“He turned around and set off down the trail without looking back. The unfortunate mules packsaddle was transferred to Kearnys pony, and we again took up the march.</p>
<p>“Four days we journeyed over the foothills and mountains, fording icy torrents, winding around the crumbling brows of ragged peaks, creeping along the rocky flanges that overlooked awful precipices, crawling breathlessly over tottering bridges that crossed bottomless chasms.</p>
<p>“On the evening of the seventeenth we camped by a little stream on the bare hills five miles from Aguas Frias. At daybreak we were to take up the march again.</p>
<p>“At midnight I was standing outside my tent inhaling the fresh cold air. The stars were shining bright in the cloudless sky, giving the heavens their proper aspect of illimitable depth and distance when viewed from the vague darkness of the blotted earth. Almost at its zenith was the planet Saturn; and with a half-smile I observed the sinister red sparkle of his malignant attendant—the demon star of Kearnys ill luck. And then my thoughts strayed across the hills to the scene of our coming triumph where the heroic and noble Don Rafael awaited our coming to set a new and shining star in the firmament of nations.</p>
<p>“I heard a slight rustling in the deep grass to my right. I turned and saw Kearny coming toward me. He was ragged and dew-drenched and limping. His hat and one boot were gone. About one foot he had tied some makeshift of cloth and grass. But his manner as he approached was that of a man who knows his own virtues well enough to be superior to rebuffs.</p>
<p>Well, sir, I said, staring at him coldly, if there is anything in persistence, I see no reason why you should not succeed in wrecking and ruining us yet.</p>
<p>I kept half a days journey behind, said Kearny, fishing out a stone from the covering of his lame foot, so the bad luck wouldnt touch you. I couldnt help it, Captain; I wanted to be in on this game. It was a pretty tough trip, especially in the department of the commissary. In the low grounds there were always bananas and oranges. Higher up it was worse; but your men left a good deal of goat meat hanging on the bushes in the camps. Heres your hundred dollars. Youre nearly there now, captain. Let me in on the scrapping to-morrow.</p>
<p>Not for a hundred times a hundred would I have the tiniest thing go wrong with my plans now, I said, whether caused by evil planets or the blunders of mere man. But yonder is Aguas Frias, five miles away, and a clear road. I am of the mind to defy Saturn and all his satellites to spoil our success now. At any rate, I will not turn away to-night as weary a traveller and as good a soldier as you are, Lieutenant Kearny. Manuel Ortizs tent is there by the brightest fire. Rout him out and tell him to supply you with food and blankets and clothes. We march again at daybreak.</p>
<p>I kept half a days journey behind, said Kearny, fishing out a stone from the covering of his lame foot, so the bad luck wouldnt touch you. I couldnt help it, Captain; I wanted to be in on this game. It was a pretty tough trip, especially in the department of the commissary. In the low grounds there were always bananas and oranges. Higher up it was worse; but your men left a good deal of goat meat hanging on the bushes in the camps. Heres your hundred dollars. Youre nearly there now, captain. Let me in on the scrapping tomorrow.</p>
<p>Not for a hundred times a hundred would I have the tiniest thing go wrong with my plans now, I said, whether caused by evil planets or the blunders of mere man. But yonder is Aguas Frias, five miles away, and a clear road. I am of the mind to defy Saturn and all his satellites to spoil our success now. At any rate, I will not turn away tonight as weary a traveller and as good a soldier as you are, Lieutenant Kearny. Manuel Ortizs tent is there by the brightest fire. Rout him out and tell him to supply you with food and blankets and clothes. We march again at daybreak.</p>
<p>“Kearny thanked me briefly but feelingly and moved away.</p>
<p>“He had gone scarcely a dozen steps when a sudden flash of bright light illumined the surrounding hills; a sinister, growing, hissing sound like escaping steam filled my ears. Then followed a roar as of distant thunder, which grew louder every instant. This terrifying noise culminated in a tremendous explosion, which seemed to rock the hills as an earthquake would; the illumination waxed to a glare so fierce that I clapped my hands over my eyes to save them. I thought the end of the world had come. I could think of no natural phenomenon that would explain it. My wits were staggering. The deafening explosion trailed off into the rumbling roar that had preceded it; and through this I heard the frightened shouts of my troops as they stumbled from their resting-places and rushed wildly about. Also I heard the harsh tones of Kearnys voice crying: Theyll blame it on me, of course, and what the devil it is, its not Francis Kearny that can give you an answer.</p>
<p>“I opened my eyes. The hills were still there, dark and solid. It had not been, then, a volcano or an earthquake. I looked up at the sky and saw a comet-like trail crossing the zenith and extending westward—a fiery trail waning fainter and narrower each moment.</p>
<p>A meteor! I called aloud. A meteor has fallen. There is no danger.</p>
<p>“And then all other sounds were drowned by a great shout from Kearnys throat. He had raised both hands above his head and was standing tiptoe.</p>
<p>PHŒBES GONE! he cried, with all his lungs. Shes busted and gone to hell. Look, Captain, the little red-headed hoodoo has blown herself to smithereens. She found Kearny too tough to handle, and she puffed up with spite and meanness till her boiler blew up. Its be Bad-Luck Kearny no more. Oh, let us be joyful!</p>
<p>PHŒBES GONE! he cried, with all his lungs. Shes busted and gone to hell. Look, Captain, the little redheaded hoodoo has blown herself to smithereens. She found Kearny too tough to handle, and she puffed up with spite and meanness till her boiler blew up. Its be Bad-Luck Kearny no more. Oh, let us be joyful!</p>
<blockquote>
<blockquote>
<p class="noindent">Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall;<br/> Humpty busted, and thatll be all!</p>
@ -93,10 +93,10 @@
<p>“I looked up, wondering, and picked out Saturn in his place. But the small red twinkling luminary in his vicinity, which Kearny had pointed out to me as his evil star, had vanished. I had seen it there but half an hour before; there was no doubt that one of those awful and mysterious spasms of nature had hurled it from the heavens.</p>
<p>“I clapped Kearny on the shoulder.</p>
<p>Little man, said I, let this clear the way for you. It appears that astrology has failed to subdue you. Your horoscope must be cast anew with pluck and loyalty for controlling stars. I play you to win. Now, get to your tent, and sleep. Daybreak is the word.</p>
<p>“At nine oclock on the morning of the eighteenth of July I rode into Aguas Frias with Kearny at my side. In his clean linen suit and with his military poise and keen eye he was a model of a fighting adventurer. I had visions of him riding as commander of President Valdevias body-guard when the plums of the new republic should begin to fall.</p>
<p>“At nine oclock on the morning of the eighteenth of July I rode into Aguas Frias with Kearny at my side. In his clean linen suit and with his military poise and keen eye he was a model of a fighting adventurer. I had visions of him riding as commander of President Valdevias bodyguard when the plums of the new republic should begin to fall.</p>
<p>“Carlos followed with the troops and supplies. He was to halt in a wood outside the town and remain concealed there until he received the word to advance.</p>
<p>“Kearny and I rode down the Calle Ancha toward the <i>residencia</i> of Don Rafael at the other side of the town. As we passed the superb white buildings of the University of Esperando, I saw at an open window the gleaming spectacles and bald head of Herr Bergowitz, professor of the natural sciences and friend of Don Rafael and of me and of the cause. He waved his hand to me, with his broad, bland smile.</p>
<p>“There was no excitement apparent in Aguas Frias. The people went about leisurely as at all times; the market was thronged with bare-headed women buying fruit and <i>carne</i>; we heard the twang and tinkle of string bands in the patios of the <i>cantinas</i>. We could see that it was a waiting game that Don Rafael was playing.</p>
<p>“There was no excitement apparent in Aguas Frias. The people went about leisurely as at all times; the market was thronged with bareheaded women buying fruit and <i>carne</i>; we heard the twang and tinkle of string bands in the patios of the <i>cantinas</i>. We could see that it was a waiting game that Don Rafael was playing.</p>
<p>“His <i>residencia</i> was a large but low building around a great courtyard in grounds crowed with ornamental trees and tropic shrubs. At his door an old woman who came informed us that Don Rafael had not yet arisen.</p>
<p>Tell him, said I, that Captain Maloné and a friend wish to see him at once. Perhaps he has overslept.</p>
<p>“She came back looking frightened.</p>

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@ -13,7 +13,7 @@
<p>The Kid, not being equipped with a retinue, nor bountifully supplied with personal admirers and supporters—on account of a rather umbrageous reputation, even for the border—considered it not incompatible with his indisputable gameness to perform that judicious tractional act known as “pulling his freight.”</p>
<p>Quickly the avengers gathered and sought him. Three of them overtook him within a rod of the station. The Kid turned and showed his teeth in that brilliant but mirthless smile that usually preceded his deeds of insolence and violence, and his pursuers fell back without making it necessary for him even to reach for his weapon.</p>
<p>But in this affair the Kid had not felt the grim thirst for encounter that usually urged him on to battle. It had been a purely chance row, born of the cards and certain epithets impossible for a gentleman to brook that had passed between the two. The Kid had rather liked the slim, haughty, brown-faced young chap whom his bullet had cut off in the first pride of manhood. And now he wanted no more blood. He wanted to get away and have a good long sleep somewhere in the sun on the mesquit grass with his handkerchief over his face. Even a Mexican might have crossed his path in safety while he was in this mood.</p>
<p>The Kid openly boarded the north-bound passenger train that departed five minutes later. But at Webb, a few miles out, where it was flagged to take on a traveller, he abandoned that manner of escape. There were telegraph stations ahead; and the Kid looked askance at electricity and steam. Saddle and spur were his rocks of safety.</p>
<p>The Kid openly boarded the northbound passenger train that departed five minutes later. But at Webb, a few miles out, where it was flagged to take on a traveller, he abandoned that manner of escape. There were telegraph stations ahead; and the Kid looked askance at electricity and steam. Saddle and spur were his rocks of safety.</p>
<p>The man whom he had shot was a stranger to him. But the Kid knew that he was of the Coralitos outfit from Hidalgo; and that the punchers from that ranch were more relentless and vengeful than Kentucky feudists when wrong or harm was done to one of them. So, with the wisdom that has characterized many great fighters, the Kid decided to pile up as many leagues as possible of chaparral and pear between himself and the retaliation of the Coralitos bunch.</p>
<p>Near the station was a store; and near the store, scattered among the mesquits and elms, stood the saddled horses of the customers. Most of them waited, half asleep, with sagging limbs and drooping heads. But one, a long-legged roan with a curved neck, snorted and pawed the turf. Him the Kid mounted, gripped with his knees, and slapped gently with the owners own quirt.</p>
<p>If the slaying of the temerarious card-player had cast a cloud over the Kids standing as a good and true citizen, this last act of his veiled his figure in the darkest shadows of disrepute. On the Rio Grande border if you take a mans life you sometimes take trash; but if you take his horse, you take a thing the loss of which renders him poor, indeed, and which enriches you not—if you are caught. For the Kid there was no turning back now.</p>
@ -55,14 +55,14 @@
<p>“If its a fist fight you want to back me for,” said the Kid, “dont put your money up yet. Make it gun work, and Ill keep you company. But no barehanded scrapping, like ladies at a tea-party, for me.”</p>
<p>“Its easier than that,” said Thacker. “Just step here, will you?”</p>
<p>Through the window he pointed to a two-story white-stuccoed house with wide galleries rising amid the deep-green tropical foliage on a wooded hill that sloped gently from the sea.</p>
<p>“In that house,” said Thacker, “a fine old Castilian gentleman and his wife are yearning to gather you into their arms and fill your pockets with money. Old Santos Urique lives there. He owns half the gold-mines in the country.”</p>
<p>“In that house,” said Thacker, “a fine old Castilian gentleman and his wife are yearning to gather you into their arms and fill your pockets with money. Old Santos Urique lives there. He owns half the goldmines in the country.”</p>
<p>“You havent been eating loco weed, have you?” asked the Kid.</p>
<p>“Sit down again,” said Thacker, “and Ill tell you. Twelve years ago they lost a kid. No, he didnt die—although most of em here do from drinking the surface water. He was a wild little devil, even if he wasnt but eight years old. Everybody knows about it. Some Americans who were through here prospecting for gold had letters to Señor Urique, and the boy was a favorite with them. They filled his head with big stories about the States; and about a month after they left, the kid disappeared, too. He was supposed to have stowed himself away among the banana bunches on a fruit steamer, and gone to New Orleans. He was seen once afterward in Texas, it was thought, but they never heard anything more of him. Old Urique has spent thousands of dollars having him looked for. The madam was broken up worst of all. The kid was her life. She wears mourning yet. But they say she believes hell come back to her some day, and never gives up hope. On the back of the boys left hand was tattooed a flying eagle carrying a spear in his claws. Thats old Uriques coat of arms or something that he inherited in Spain.”</p>
<p>The Kid raised his left hand slowly and gazed at it curiously.</p>
<p>“Thats it,” said Thacker, reaching behind the official desk for his bottle of smuggled brandy. “Youre not so slow. I can do it. What was I consul at Sandakan for? I never knew till now. In a week Ill have the eagle bird with the frog-sticker blended in so youd think you were born with it. I brought a set of the needles and ink just because I was sure youd drop in some day, <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Dalton.”</p>
<p>“Oh, hell,” said the Kid. “I thought I told you my name!”</p>
<p>“All right, Kid, then. It wont be that long. How does Señorito Urique sound, for a change?”</p>
<p>“I never played son any that I remember of,” said the Kid. “If I had any parents to mention they went over the divide about the time I gave my first bleat. What is the plan of your round-up?”</p>
<p>“I never played son any that I remember of,” said the Kid. “If I had any parents to mention they went over the divide about the time I gave my first bleat. What is the plan of your roundup?”</p>
<p>Thacker leaned back against the wall and held his glass up to the light.</p>
<p>“Weve come now,” said he, “to the question of how far youre willing to go in a little matter of the sort.”</p>
<p>“I told you why I came down here,” said the Kid simply.</p>
@ -96,18 +96,18 @@
<p>A month afterward the Kid came to the consulate in response to a message sent by Thacker.</p>
<p>He looked the young Spanish <i>caballero</i>. His clothes were imported, and the wiles of the jewellers had not been spent upon him in vain. A more than respectable diamond shone on his finger as he rolled a shuck cigarette.</p>
<p>“Whats doing?” asked Thacker.</p>
<p>“Nothing much,” said the Kid calmly. “I eat my first iguana steak to-day. Theyre them big lizards, you <i>sabe</i>? I reckon, though, that frijoles and side bacon would do me about as well. Do you care for iguanas, Thacker?”</p>
<p>“Nothing much,” said the Kid calmly. “I eat my first iguana steak today. Theyre them big lizards, you <i>sabe</i>? I reckon, though, that frijoles and side bacon would do me about as well. Do you care for iguanas, Thacker?”</p>
<p>“No, nor for some other kinds of reptiles,” said Thacker.</p>
<p>It was three in the afternoon, and in another hour he would be in his state of beatitude.</p>
<p>“Its time you were making good, sonny,” he went on, with an ugly look on his reddened face. “Youre not playing up to me square. Youve been the prodigal son for four weeks now, and you could have had veal for every meal on a gold dish if youd wanted it. Now, <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Kid, do you think its right to leave me out so long on a husk diet? Whats the trouble? Dont you get your filial eyes on anything that looks like cash in the Casa Blanca? Dont tell me you dont. Everybody knows where old Urique keeps his stuff. Its U.S. currency, too; he dont accept anything else. Whats doing? Dont say nothing this time.”</p>
<p>“Why, sure,” said the Kid, admiring his diamond, “theres plenty of money up there. Im no judge of collateral in bunches, but I will undertake for to say that Ive seen the rise of $50,000 at a time in that tin grub box that my adopted father calls his safe. And he lets me carry the key sometimes just to show me that he knows Im the real little Francisco that strayed from the herd a long time ago.”</p>
<p>“Well, what are you waiting for?” asked Thacker, angrily. “Dont you forget that I can upset your apple-cart any day I want to. If old Urique knew you were an imposter, what sort of things would happen to you? Oh, you dont know this country, <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Texas Kid. The laws here have got mustard spread between em. These people hered stretch you out like a frog that had been stepped on, and give you about fifty sticks at every corner of the plaza. And theyd wear every stick out, too. What was left of you theyd feed to alligators.”</p>
<p>“Well, what are you waiting for?” asked Thacker, angrily. “Dont you forget that I can upset your applecart any day I want to. If old Urique knew you were an imposter, what sort of things would happen to you? Oh, you dont know this country, <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Texas Kid. The laws here have got mustard spread between em. These people hered stretch you out like a frog that had been stepped on, and give you about fifty sticks at every corner of the plaza. And theyd wear every stick out, too. What was left of you theyd feed to alligators.”</p>
<p>“I might just as well tell you now, pardner,” said the Kid, sliding down low on his steamer chair, “that things are going to stay just as they are. Theyre about right now.”</p>
<p>“What do you mean?” asked Thacker, rattling the bottom of his glass on his desk.</p>
<p>“The schemes off,” said the Kid. “And whenever you have the pleasure of speaking to me address me as Don Francisco Urique. Ill guarantee Ill answer to it. Well let Colonel Urique keep his money. His little tin safe is as good as the time-locker in the First National Bank of Laredo as far as you and me are concerned.”</p>
<p>“Youre going to throw me down, then, are you?” said the consul.</p>
<p>“Sure,” said the Kid cheerfully. “Throw you down. Thats it. And now Ill tell you why. The first night I was up at the colonels house they introduced me to a bedroom. No blankets on the floor—a real room, with a bed and things in it. And before I was asleep, in comes this artificial mother of mine and tucks in the covers. Panchito, she says, my little lost one, God has brought you back to me. I bless His name forever. It was that, or some truck like that, she said. And down comes a drop or two of rain and hits me on the nose. And all that stuck by me, <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Thacker. And its been that way ever since. And its got to stay that way. Dont you think that its for whats in it for me, either, that I say so. If you have any such ideas, keep em to yourself. I havent had much truck with women in my life, and no mothers to speak of, but heres a lady that weve got to keep fooled. Once she stood it; twice she wont. Im a low-down wolf, and the devil may have sent me on this trail instead of God, but Ill travel it to the end. And now, dont forget that Im Don Francisco Urique whenever you happen to mention my name.”</p>
<p>“Ill expose you to-day, you—you double-dyed traitor,” stammered Thacker.</p>
<p>“Ill expose you today, you—you double-dyed traitor,” stammered Thacker.</p>
<p>The Kid arose and, without violence, took Thacker by the throat with a hand of steel, and shoved him slowly into a corner. Then he drew from under his left arm his pearl-handled .45 and poked the cold muzzle of it against the consuls mouth.</p>
<p>“I told you why I come here,” he said, with his old freezing smile. “If I leave here, youll be the reason. Never forget it, pardner. Now, what is my name?”</p>
<p>“Er—Don Francisco Urique,” gasped Thacker.</p>

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@ -14,14 +14,14 @@
<p>Thus the mind of Chicken was brought to realize the signs of coming winter. The night was cold; the stars shone with unkindly brilliancy; people were hurrying along the streets in two egotistic, jostling streams. Men had donned their overcoats, and Chicken knew to an exact percentage the increased difficulty of coaxing dimes from those buttoned-in vest pockets. The time had come for his annual exodus to the south.</p>
<p>A little boy, five or six years old, stood looking with covetous eyes in a confectioners window. In one small hand he held an empty two-ounce vial; in the other he grasped tightly something flat and round, with a shining milled edge. The scene presented a field of operations commensurate to Chickens talents and daring. After sweeping the horizon to make sure that no official tug was cruising near, he insidiously accosted his prey. The boy, having been early taught by his household to regard altruistic advances with extreme suspicion, received the overtures coldly.</p>
<p>Then Chicken knew that he must make one of those desperate, nerve-shattering plunges into speculation that fortune sometimes requires of those who would win her favour. Five cents was his capital, and this he must risk against the chance of winning what lay within the close grasp of the youngsters chubby hand. It was a fearful lottery, Chicken knew. But he must accomplish his end by strategy, since he had a wholesome terror of plundering infants by force. Once, in a park, driven by hunger, he had committed an onslaught upon a bottle of peptonized infants food in the possession of an occupant of a baby carriage. The outraged infant had so promptly opened its mouth and pressed the button that communicated with the welkin that help arrived, and Chicken did his thirty days in a snug coop. Wherefore he was, as he said, “leary of kids.”</p>
<p>Beginning artfully to question the boy concerning his choice of sweets, he gradually drew out the information he wanted. Mamma said he was to ask the drug store man for ten cents worth of paregoric in the bottle; he was to keep his hand shut tight over the dollar; he must not stop to talk to anyone in the street; he must ask the drug-store man to wrap up the change and put it in the pocket of his trousers. Indeed, they had pockets—two of them! And he liked chocolate creams best.</p>
<p>Beginning artfully to question the boy concerning his choice of sweets, he gradually drew out the information he wanted. Mamma said he was to ask the drug store man for ten cents worth of paregoric in the bottle; he was to keep his hand shut tight over the dollar; he must not stop to talk to anyone in the street; he must ask the drugstore man to wrap up the change and put it in the pocket of his trousers. Indeed, they had pockets—two of them! And he liked chocolate creams best.</p>
<p>Chicken went into the store and turned plunger. He invested his entire capital in C.A.N.D.Y. stocks, simply to pave the way to the greater risk following.</p>
<p>He gave the sweets to the youngster, and had the satisfaction of perceiving that confidence was established. After that it was easy to obtain leadership of the expedition; to take the investment by the hand and lead it to a nice drug store he knew of in the same block. There Chicken, with a parental air, passed over the dollar and called for the medicine, while the boy crunched his candy, glad to be relieved of the responsibility of the purchase. And then the successful investor, searching his pockets, found an overcoat button—the extent of his winter trousseau—and, wrapping it carefully, placed the ostensible change in the pocket of confiding juvenility. Setting the youngsters face homeward, and patting him benevolently on the back—for Chickens heart was as soft as those of his feathered namesakes—the speculator quit the market with a profit of 1,700 per cent. on his invested capital.</p>
<p>He gave the sweets to the youngster, and had the satisfaction of perceiving that confidence was established. After that it was easy to obtain leadership of the expedition; to take the investment by the hand and lead it to a nice drug store he knew of in the same block. There Chicken, with a parental air, passed over the dollar and called for the medicine, while the boy crunched his candy, glad to be relieved of the responsibility of the purchase. And then the successful investor, searching his pockets, found an overcoat button—the extent of his winter trousseau—and, wrapping it carefully, placed the ostensible change in the pocket of confiding juvenility. Setting the youngsters face homeward, and patting him benevolently on the back—for Chickens heart was as soft as those of his feathered namesakes—the speculator quit the market with a profit of 1,700 percent on his invested capital.</p>
<p>Two hours later an Iron Mountain freight engine pulled out of the railroad yards, Texas bound, with a string of empties. In one of the cattle cars, half buried in excelsior, Chicken lay at ease. Beside him in his nest was a quart bottle of very poor whisky and a paper bag of bread and cheese. <abbr>Mr.</abbr> Ruggles, in his private car, was on his trip south for the winter season.</p>
<p>For a week that car was trundled southward, shifted, laid over, and manipulated after the manner of rolling stock, but Chicken stuck to it, leaving it only at necessary times to satisfy his hunger and thirst. He knew it must go down to the cattle country, and San Antonio, in the heart of it, was his goal. There the air was salubrious and mild; the people indulgent and long-suffering. The bartenders there would not kick him. If he should eat too long or too often at one place they would swear at him as if by rote and without heat. They swore so drawlingly, and they rarely paused short of their full vocabulary, which was copious, so that Chicken had often gulped a good meal during the process of the vituperative prohibition. The season there was always spring-like; the plazas were pleasant at night, with music and gaiety; except during the slight and infrequent cold snaps one could sleep comfortably out of doors in case the interiors should develop inhospitability.</p>
<p>For a week that car was trundled southward, shifted, laid over, and manipulated after the manner of rolling stock, but Chicken stuck to it, leaving it only at necessary times to satisfy his hunger and thirst. He knew it must go down to the cattle country, and San Antonio, in the heart of it, was his goal. There the air was salubrious and mild; the people indulgent and long-suffering. The bartenders there would not kick him. If he should eat too long or too often at one place they would swear at him as if by rote and without heat. They swore so drawlingly, and they rarely paused short of their full vocabulary, which was copious, so that Chicken had often gulped a good meal during the process of the vituperative prohibition. The season there was always springlike; the plazas were pleasant at night, with music and gaiety; except during the slight and infrequent cold snaps one could sleep comfortably out of doors in case the interiors should develop inhospitability.</p>
<p>At Texarkana his car was switched to the I. and G. N. Then still southward it trailed until, at length, it crawled across the Colorado bridge at Austin, and lined out, straight as an arrow, for the run to San Antonio.</p>
<p>When the freight halted at that town Chicken was fast asleep. In ten minutes the train was off again for Laredo, the end of the road. Those empty cattle cars were for distribution along the line at points from which the ranches shipped their stock.</p>
<p>When Chicken awoke his car was stationary. Looking out between the slats he saw it was a bright, moonlit night. Scrambling out, he saw his car with three others abandoned on a little siding in a wild and lonesome country. A cattle pen and chute stood on one side of the track. The railroad bisected a vast, dim ocean of prairie, in the midst of which Chicken, with his futile rolling stock, was as completely stranded as was Robinson with his land-locked boat.</p>
<p>When Chicken awoke his car was stationary. Looking out between the slats he saw it was a bright, moonlit night. Scrambling out, he saw his car with three others abandoned on a little siding in a wild and lonesome country. A cattle pen and chute stood on one side of the track. The railroad bisected a vast, dim ocean of prairie, in the midst of which Chicken, with his futile rolling stock, was as completely stranded as was Robinson with his landlocked boat.</p>
<p>A white post stood near the rails. Going up to it, Chicken read the letters at the top, S. A. 90. Laredo was nearly as far to the south. He was almost a hundred miles from any town. Coyotes began to yelp in the mysterious sea around him. Chicken felt lonesome. He had lived in Boston without an education, in Chicago without nerve, in Philadelphia without a sleeping place, in New York without a pull, and in Pittsburg sober, and yet he had never felt so lonely as now.</p>
<p>Suddenly through the intense silence, he heard the whicker of a horse. The sound came from the side of the track toward the east, and Chicken began to explore timorously in that direction. He stepped high along the mat of curly mesquit grass, for he was afraid of everything there might be in this wilderness—snakes, rats, brigands, centipedes, mirages, cowboys, fandangoes, tarantulas, tamales—he had read of them in the story papers. Rounding a clump of prickly pear that reared high its fantastic and menacing array of rounded heads, he was struck to shivering terror by a snort and a thunderous plunge, as the horse, himself startled, bounded away some fifty yards, and then resumed his grazing. But here was the one thing in the desert that Chicken did not fear. He had been reared on a farm; he had handled horses, understood them, and could ride.</p>
<p>Approaching slowly and speaking soothingly, he followed the animal, which, after its first flight, seemed gentle enough, and secured the end of the twenty-foot lariat that dragged after him in the grass. It required him but a few moments to contrive the rope into an ingenious nose-bridle, after the style of the Mexican <i>borsal</i>. In another he was upon the horses back and off at a splendid lope, giving the animal free choice of direction. “He will take me somewhere,” said Chicken to himself.</p>
@ -32,7 +32,7 @@
<p>Prowling about, he found blankets, a saddle and bridle with which he caparisoned his steed. Again mounting, he rode swiftly away, singing a loud and tuneless song.</p>
<p>Bud Kings band of desperadoes, outlaws and horse and cattle thieves were in camp at a secluded spot on the bank of the Frio. Their depredations in the Rio Grande country, while no bolder than usual, had been advertised more extensively, and Captain Kinneys company of rangers had been ordered down to look after them. Consequently, Bud King, who was a wise general, instead of cutting out a hot trail for the upholders of the law, as his men wished to do, retired for the time to the prickly fastnesses of the Frio valley.</p>
<p>Though the move was a prudent one, and not incompatible with Buds well-known courage, it raised dissension among the members of the band. In fact, while they thus lay ingloriously <i>perdu</i> in the brush, the question of Bud Kings fitness for the leadership was argued, with closed doors, as it were, by his followers. Never before had Buds skill or efficiency been brought to criticism; but his glory was waning (and such is glorys fate) in the light of a newer star. The sentiment of the band was crystallizing into the opinion that Black Eagle could lead them with more lustre, profit, and distinction.</p>
<p>This Black Eagle—sub-titled the “Terror of the Border”—had been a member of the gang about three months.</p>
<p>This Black Eagle—subtitled the “Terror of the Border”—had been a member of the gang about three months.</p>
<p>One night while they were in camp on the San Miguel water-hole a solitary horseman on the regulation fiery steed dashed in among them. The newcomer was of a portentous and devastating aspect. A beak-like nose with a predatory curve projected above a mass of bristling, blue-black whiskers. His eye was cavernous and fierce. He was spurred, sombreroed, booted, garnished with revolvers, abundantly drunk, and very much unafraid. Few people in the country drained by the Rio Bravo would have cared thus to invade alone the camp of Bud King. But this fell bird swooped fearlessly upon them and demanded to be fed.</p>
<p>Hospitality in the prairie country is not limited. Even if your enemy pass your way you must feed him before you shoot him. You must empty your larder into him before you empty your lead. So the stranger of undeclared intentions was set down to a mighty feast.</p>
<p>A talkative bird he was, full of most marvellous loud tales and exploits, and speaking a language at times obscure but never colourless. He was a new sensation to Bud Kings men, who rarely encountered new types. They hung, delighted, upon his vainglorious boasting, the spicy strangeness of his lingo, his contemptuous familiarity with life, the world, and remote places, and the extravagant frankness with which he conveyed his sentiments.</p>
@ -44,15 +44,15 @@
<p>The country from the Nueces to the Rio Grande was a wild but fertile stretch, given over to the sheep and cattle ranches. Range was free; the inhabitants were few; the law was mainly a letter, and the pirates met with little opposition until the flaunting and garish Piggy gave the band undue advertisement. Then Kinneys ranger company headed for those precincts, and Bud King knew that it meant grim and sudden war or else temporary retirement. Regarding the risk to be unnecessary, he drew off his band to an almost inaccessible spot on the bank of the Frio. Wherefore, as has been said, dissatisfaction arose among the members, and impeachment proceedings against Bud were premeditated, with Black Eagle in high favour for the succession. Bud King was not unaware of the sentiment, and he called aside Cactus Taylor, his trusted lieutenant, to discuss it.</p>
<p>“If the boys,” said Bud, “aint satisfied with me, Im willing to step out. Theyre buckin against my way of handlin em. And specially because I concludes to hit the brush while Sam Kinney is ridin the line. I saves em from bein shot or sent up on a state contract, and they up and says Im no good.”</p>
<p>“It aint so much that,” explained Cactus, “as it is theyre plum locoed about Piggy. They want them whiskers and that nose of his to split the wind at the head of the column.”</p>
<p>“Theres somethin mighty seldom about Piggy,” declared Bud, musingly. “I never yet see anything on the hoof that he exactly grades up with. He can shore holler a plenty, and he straddles a hoss from where you laid the chunk. But he aint never been smoked yet. You know, Cactus, we aint had a row since hes been with us. Piggys all right for skearin the greaser kids and layin waste a cross-roads store. I reckon hes the finest canned oyster buccaneer and cheese pirate that ever was, but hows his appetite for fightin? Ive knowed some citizens youd think was starvin for trouble get a bad case of dyspepsy the first dose of lead they had to take.”</p>
<p>“Theres somethin mighty seldom about Piggy,” declared Bud, musingly. “I never yet see anything on the hoof that he exactly grades up with. He can shore holler a plenty, and he straddles a hoss from where you laid the chunk. But he aint never been smoked yet. You know, Cactus, we aint had a row since hes been with us. Piggys all right for skearin the greaser kids and layin waste a crossroads store. I reckon hes the finest canned oyster buccaneer and cheese pirate that ever was, but hows his appetite for fightin? Ive knowed some citizens youd think was starvin for trouble get a bad case of dyspepsy the first dose of lead they had to take.”</p>
<p>“He talks all spraddled out,” said Cactus, “bout the rookuses hes been in. He claims to have saw the elephant and hearn the owl.”</p>
<p>“I know,” replied Bud, using the cowpunchers expressive phrase of skepticism, “but it sounds to me!”</p>
<p>This conversation was held one night in camp while the other members of the band—eight in number—were sprawling around the fire, lingering over their supper. When Bud and Cactus ceased talking they heard Piggys formidable voice holding forth to the others as usual while he was engaged in checking, though never satisfying, his ravening appetite.</p>
<p>“Wats de use,” he was saying, “of chasin little red cowses and hosses round for tousands of miles? Dere aint nuttin in it. Gallopin trough dese bushes and briers, and gettin a tirst dat a brewery couldnt put out, and missin meals! Say! You know what Id do if I was main finger of dis bunch? Id stick up a train. Id blow de express car and make hard dollars where you guys get wind. Youse makes me tired. Dis sook-cow kind of cheap sport gives me a pain.”</p>
<p>Later on, a deputation waited on Bud. They stood on one leg, chewed mesquit twigs and circumlocuted, for they hated to hurt his feelings. Bud foresaw their business, and made it easy for them. Bigger risks and larger profits was what they wanted.</p>
<p>The suggestion of Piggys about holding up a train had fired their imagination and increased their admiration for the dash and boldness of the instigator. They were such simple, artless, and custom-bound bush-rangers that they had never before thought of extending their habits beyond the running off of live-stock and the shooting of such of their acquaintances as ventured to interfere.</p>
<p>The suggestion of Piggys about holding up a train had fired their imagination and increased their admiration for the dash and boldness of the instigator. They were such simple, artless, and custom-bound bush-rangers that they had never before thought of extending their habits beyond the running off of livestock and the shooting of such of their acquaintances as ventured to interfere.</p>
<p>Bud acted “on the level,” agreeing to take a subordinate place in the gang until Black Eagle should have been given a trial as leader.</p>
<p>After a great deal of consultation, studying of time-tables, and discussion of the countrys topography, the time and place for carrying out their new enterprise was decided upon. At that time there was a feedstuff famine in Mexico and a cattle famine in certain parts of the United States, and there was a brisk international trade. Much money was being shipped along the railroads that connected the two republics. It was agreed that the most promising place for the contemplated robbery was at Espina, a little station on the I. and G. N., about forty miles north of Laredo. The train stopped there one minute; the country around was wild and unsettled; the station consisted of but one house in which the agent lived.</p>
<p>After a great deal of consultation, studying of timetables, and discussion of the countrys topography, the time and place for carrying out their new enterprise was decided upon. At that time there was a feedstuff famine in Mexico and a cattle famine in certain parts of the United States, and there was a brisk international trade. Much money was being shipped along the railroads that connected the two republics. It was agreed that the most promising place for the contemplated robbery was at Espina, a little station on the I. and G. N., about forty miles north of Laredo. The train stopped there one minute; the country around was wild and unsettled; the station consisted of but one house in which the agent lived.</p>
<p>Black Eagles band set out, riding by night. Arriving in the vicinity of Espina they rested their horses all day in a thicket a few miles distant.</p>
<p>The train was due at Espina at 10.30 <span class="smallcaps"><abbr class="time">p.m.</abbr></span> They could rob the train and be well over the Mexican border with their booty by daylight the next morning.</p>
<p>To do Black Eagle justice, he exhibited no signs of flinching from the responsible honours that had been conferred upon him.</p>
@ -62,7 +62,7 @@
<p>The bandit leader rose to his feet and peered through the bush. His men all lay quiet, awaiting the signal. Immediately opposite Black Eagle was a thing that drew his attention. Instead of being a regular passenger train it was a mixed one. Before him stood a box car, the door of which, by some means, had been left slightly open. Black Eagle went up to it and pushed the door farther open. An odour came forth—a damp, rancid, familiar, musty, intoxicating, beloved odour stirring strongly at old memories of happy days and travels. Black Eagle sniffed at the witching smell as the returned wanderer smells of the rose that twines his boyhoods cottage home. Nostalgia seized him. He put his hand inside. Excelsior—dry, springy, curly, soft, enticing, covered the floor. Outside the drizzle had turned to a chilling rain.</p>
<p>The train bell clanged. The bandit chief unbuckled his belt and cast it, with its revolvers, upon the ground. His spurs followed quickly, and his broad sombrero. Black Eagle was moulting. The train started with a rattling jerk. The ex-Terror of the Border scrambled into the box car and closed the door. Stretched luxuriously upon the excelsior, with the black bottle clasped closely to his breast, his eyes closed, and a foolish, happy smile upon his terrible features Chicken Ruggles started upon his return trip.</p>
<p>Undisturbed, with the band of desperate bandits lying motionless, awaiting the signal to attack, the train pulled out from Espina. As its speed increased, and the black masses of chaparral went whizzing past on either side, the express messenger, lighting his pipe, looked through his window and remarked, feelingly:</p>
<p>“What a jim-dandy place for a hold-up!”</p>
<p>“What a jim-dandy place for a holdup!”</p>
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