[Stones] [Editorial] any one -> anyone

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vr8hub 2019-10-29 11:34:37 -05:00
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<p>If youll excuse a patriot that dont exactly know what hes patronizing, for the question—what is your scheme for subjugating this country? Do you intend to plunge it into bloodshed, or do you mean to buy its votes peacefully and honorably at the polls?</p>
<p>Bowers, says he, yere a fine little man and I intend to make great use of ye after the conflict. But ye do not understand statecraft. Already by now we have a network of strategy clutching with invisible fingers at the throat of the tyrant Calderas. We have agents at work in every town in the republic. The Liberal party is bound to win. On our secret lists we have the names of enough sympathizers to crush the administration forces at a single blow.</p>
<p>A straw vote, says I, only shows which way the hot air blows.</p>
<p>Who has accomplished this? goes on OConnor. I have. I have directed everything. The time was ripe when we came, so my agents inform me. The people are groaning under burdens of taxes and levies. Who will be their natural leader when they rise? Could it be any one but meself? Twas only yesterday that Zaldas, our representative in the province of Durasnas, tells me that the people, in secret, already call me “El Library Door,” which is the Spanish manner of saying “The Liberator.” ’</p>
<p>Who has accomplished this? goes on OConnor. I have. I have directed everything. The time was ripe when we came, so my agents inform me. The people are groaning under burdens of taxes and levies. Who will be their natural leader when they rise? Could it be anyone but meself? Twas only yesterday that Zaldas, our representative in the province of Durasnas, tells me that the people, in secret, already call me “El Library Door,” which is the Spanish manner of saying “The Liberator.” ’</p>
<p>Was Zaldas that maroon-colored old Aztec with a paper collar on and unbleached domestic shoes? I asked.</p>
<p>He was, says OConnor.</p>
<p>I saw him tucking a yellow-back into his vest pocket as he came out, says I. It may be, says I, that they call you a library door, but they treat you more like the side door of a bank. But let us hope for the worst.</p>

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<p>The person who sweeps the office, translates letters from foreign countries, deciphers communications from graduates of business colleges, and does most of the writing for this paper, has been confined for the past two weeks to the under side of a large red quilt, with a joint caucus of la grippe and measles.</p>
<p>We have missed two issues of <i epub:type="se:name.publication.magazine">The Rolling Stone</i>, and are now slightly convalescent, for which we desire to apologize and express our regrets.</p>
<p>Everybodys term of subscription will be extended enough to cover all missed issues, and we hope soon to report that the goose remains suspended at a favorable altitude. People who have tried to run a funny paper and entertain a congregation of large piebald measles at the same time will understand something of the tact, finesse, and hot sassafras tea required to do so. We expect to get out the paper regularly from this time on, but are forced to be very careful, as improper treatment and deleterious aftereffects of measles, combined with the high price of paper and presswork, have been known to cause a relapse. Any one not getting their paper regularly will please come down and see about it, bringing with them a ham or any little delicacy relished by invalids.</p>
<p>Everybodys term of subscription will be extended enough to cover all missed issues, and we hope soon to report that the goose remains suspended at a favorable altitude. People who have tried to run a funny paper and entertain a congregation of large piebald measles at the same time will understand something of the tact, finesse, and hot sassafras tea required to do so. We expect to get out the paper regularly from this time on, but are forced to be very careful, as improper treatment and deleterious aftereffects of measles, combined with the high price of paper and presswork, have been known to cause a relapse. Anyone not getting their paper regularly will please come down and see about it, bringing with them a ham or any little delicacy relished by invalids.</p>
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