From 7e08fd18a0b450607518284b315b3ab88a6fce4e Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: vr8hub Date: Tue, 5 Nov 2019 22:18:23 -0600 Subject: [PATCH] [StrictlyBus] Convert HTML encoding to characters, correct bad HTML --- src/epub/text/body.xhtml | 1400 ++++++++++++++++++-------------------- 1 file changed, 668 insertions(+), 732 deletions(-) diff --git a/src/epub/text/body.xhtml b/src/epub/text/body.xhtml index c797b2d..155b62b 100644 --- a/src/epub/text/body.xhtml +++ b/src/epub/text/body.xhtml @@ -22,7 +22,7 @@ have got the whole bunch pounded to a pulp.

Now, few of us know the real life of the stage people. If we did, the profession might be more overcrowded than it is. We look askance at the -players with an eye full of patronizing superiority—and we go home and +players with an eye full of patronizing superiority—and we go home and practise all sorts of elocution and gestures in front of our looking glasses.

@@ -39,25 +39,25 @@ one is a surmise that has no place here. I offer you merely this little story of two strollers; and for proof of its truth I can show you only the dark patch above the cast-iron of the stage-entrance door of Keetor's old vaudeville theatre made there by the petulant push of -gloved hands too impatient to finger the clumsy thumb-latch—and where I +gloved hands too impatient to finger the clumsy thumb-latch—and where I last saw Cherry whisking through like a swallow into her nest, on time to the minute, as usual, to dress for her act.

-

The vaudeville team of Hart & Cherry was an inspiration. Bob Hart had +

The vaudeville team of Hart & Cherry was an inspiration. Bob Hart had been roaming through the Eastern and Western circuits for four years with a mixed-up act comprising a monologue, three lightning changes with songs, a couple of imitations of celebrated imitators, and a buck-and-wing dance that had drawn a glance of approval from the -bass-viol player in more than one house—than which no performer ever +bass-viol player in more than one house—than which no performer ever received more satisfactory evidence of good work.

The greatest treat an actor can have is to witness the pitiful performance with which all other actors desecrate the stage. In order to give himself this pleasure he will often forsake the sunniest Broadway -corner between Thirty-fourth and Forty-fourth to attend a matinée +corner between Thirty-fourth and Forty-fourth to attend a matinée offering by his less gifted brothers. Once during the lifetime of a minstrel joke one comes to scoff and remains to go through with that -most difficult exercise of Thespian muscles—the audible contact of the +most difficult exercise of Thespian muscles—the audible contact of the palm of one hand against the palm of the other.

One afternoon Bob Hart presented his solvent, serious, well-known @@ -81,8 +81,8 @@ ingenuously that there were other things to be learned at the old log school-house besides cipherin' and nouns, especially "When the Teach-er Kept Me in." Vanishing, with a quick flirt of gingham apron-strings, she reappeared in considerably less than a "trice" as a fluffy -"Parisienne"—so near does Art bring the old red mill to the Moulin -Rouge. And then—

+"Parisienne"—so near does Art bring the old red mill to the Moulin +Rouge. And then—

But you know the rest. And so did Bob Hart; but he saw somebody else. He thought he saw that Cherry was the only professional on the short order @@ -152,7 +152,7 @@ business. How much do you get a week for the stunt you do now?"

"I get one hundred for mine," said Cherry. "That's about the natural discount for a woman. But I live on it and put a few simoleons every week under the loose brick in the old kitchen hearth. The stage is all -right. I love it; but there's something else I love better—that's a +right. I love it; but there's something else I love better—that's a little country home, some day, with Plymouth Rock chickens and six ducks wandering around the yard.

@@ -188,7 +188,7 @@ around. You never was interested in Africa, was you, Miss Cherry?"

it. You can get four per cent. on deposits. Even at the salary I've been earning, I've figured out that in ten years I'd have an income of about $50 a month just from the interest alone. Well, I might invest some of -the principal in a little business—say, trimming hats or a beauty +the principal in a little business—say, trimming hats or a beauty parlor, and make more."

"Well," said Hart, "You've got the proper idea all right, all right, @@ -200,11 +200,11 @@ will more than double what both of us earn now when we get it shaped up."

The subsequent history of "Mice Will Play" is the history of all -successful writings for the stage. Hart & Cherry cut it, pieced it, +successful writings for the stage. Hart & Cherry cut it, pieced it, remodeled it, performed surgical operations on the dialogue and business, changed the lines, restored 'em, added more, cut 'em out, renamed it, gave it back the old name, rewrote it, substituted a dagger -for the pistol, restored the pistol—put the sketch through all the +for the pistol, restored the pistol—put the sketch through all the known processes of condensation and improvement.

They rehearsed it by the old-fashioned boardinghouse clock in the rarely @@ -227,7 +227,7 @@ may be) and at the same time to conjecture mildly why a cattleman should want puttees about his ranch with a secretary in 'em.

Well, anyhow, you know as well as I do that we all like that kind of -play, whether we admit it or not—something along in between "Bluebeard, +play, whether we admit it or not—something along in between "Bluebeard, Jr.," and "Cymbeline" played in the Russian.

There were only two parts and a half in "Mice Will Play." Hart and @@ -236,25 +236,25 @@ played by a stage hand, who merely came in once in a Tuxedo coat and a panic to announce that the house was surrounded by Indians, and to turn down the gas fire in the grate by the manager's orders.

-

There was another girl in the sketch—a Fifth Avenue society -swelless—who was visiting the ranch and who had sirened Jack Valentine +

There was another girl in the sketch—a Fifth Avenue society +swelless—who was visiting the ranch and who had sirened Jack Valentine when he was a wealthy club-man on lower Third Avenue before he lost his money. This girl appeared on the stage only in the photographic -state—Jack had her Sarony stuck up on the mantel of the Amagan—of the +state—Jack had her Sarony stuck up on the mantel of the Amagan—of the Bad Lands droring room. Helen was jealous, of course.

And now for the thriller. Old "Arapahoe" Grimes dies of angina pectoris -one night—so Helen informs us in a stage-ferryboat whisper over the -footlights—while only his secretary was present. And that same day he +one night—so Helen informs us in a stage-ferryboat whisper over the +footlights—while only his secretary was present. And that same day he was known to have had $647,000 in cash in his (ranch) library just received for the sale of a drove of beeves in the East (that accounts for the price we pay for steak!). The cash disappears at the same time. Jack Valentine was the only person with the ranchman when he made his (alleged) croak.

-

"Gawd knows I love him; but if he has done this deed—" you sabe, don't +

"Gawd knows I love him; but if he has done this deed—" you sabe, don't you? And then there are some mean things said about the Fifth Avenue -Girl—who doesn't come on the stage—and can we blame her, with the +Girl—who doesn't come on the stage—and can we blame her, with the vaudeville trust holding down prices until one actually must be buttoned in the back by a call boy, maids cost so much?

@@ -267,7 +267,7 @@ any perfect lady mad. So, then!

They stand in the (ranch) library, which is furnished with mounted elk heads (didn't the Elks have a fish fry in Amagensett once?), and the -dénouement begins. I know of no more interesting time in the run of a +dénouement begins. I know of no more interesting time in the run of a play unless it be when the prologue ends.

Helen thinks Jack has taken the money. Who else was there to take it? @@ -277,21 +277,21 @@ door-man, unless he could show a Skye terrier or an automobile as a guarantee of eligibility.

Goaded beyond imprudence (as before said), Helen says to Jack Valentine: -"Robber and thief—and worse yet, stealer of trusting hearts, this +"Robber and thief—and worse yet, stealer of trusting hearts, this should be your fate!"

With that out she whips, of course, the trusty 32-caliber.

-

"But I will be merciful," goes on Helen. "You shall live—that will be +

"But I will be merciful," goes on Helen. "You shall live—that will be your punishment. I will show you how easily I could have sent you to the death that you deserve. There is her picture on the mantel. I will send through her more beautiful face the bullet that should have pierced your craven heart."

And she does it. And there's no fake blank cartridges or assistants -pulling strings. Helen fires. The bullet—the actual bullet—goes -through the face of the photograph—and then strikes the hidden spring -of the sliding panel in the wall—and lo! the panel slides, and there is +pulling strings. Helen fires. The bullet—the actual bullet—goes +through the face of the photograph—and then strikes the hidden spring +of the sliding panel in the wall—and lo! the panel slides, and there is the missing $647,000 in convincing stacks of currency and bags of gold. It's great. You know how it is. Cherry practised for two months at a target on the roof of her boarding house. It took good shooting. In the @@ -305,7 +305,7 @@ place; and, of course, Jack hadn't taken anything except his salary (which really might have come under the head of "obtaining money under"; but that is neither here nor there); and, of course, the New York girl was really engaged to a concrete house contractor in the Bronx; and, -necessarily, Jack and Helen ended in a half-Nelson—and there you are.

+necessarily, Jack and Helen ended in a half-Nelson—and there you are.

After Hart and Cherry had gotten "Mice Will Play" flawless, they had a try-out at a vaudeville house that accommodates. The sketch was a house @@ -331,17 +331,15 @@ receipts will engage my attention."

"Come inside just a few minutes," repeated Cherry, deeply thoughtful. "I've got a proposition to make to you that will reduce our expenses a -lot and help you work out your own future and help me work out mine—and -all on business principles." - -


+lot and help you work out your own future and help me work out mine—and +all on business principles."

"Mice Will Play" had a tremendously successful run in New York for ten -weeks—rather neat for a vaudeville sketch—and then it started on the +weeks—rather neat for a vaudeville sketch—and then it started on the circuits. Without following it, it may be said that it was a solid drawing card for two years without a sign of abated popularity.

-

Sam Packard, manager of one of Keetor's New York houses, said of Hart & +

Sam Packard, manager of one of Keetor's New York houses, said of Hart & Cherry:

"As square and high-toned a little team as ever came over the circuit. @@ -363,7 +361,7 @@ plan to hold them.

I tell you these things to assure you, even if you can't believe it, that many, very many of the stage people are workers with abiding -ambitions—just the same as the man who wants to be president, or the +ambitions—just the same as the man who wants to be president, or the grocery clerk who wants a home in Flatbush, or a lady who is anxious to flop out of the Count-pan into the Prince-fire. And I hope I may be allowed to say, without chipping into the contribution basket, that they @@ -383,7 +381,7 @@ manner.

in which the principals were married or reconciled, applauded with great enjoyment. The Cool Head, who always graces such occasions, rang the curtain down, and two platoons of scene shifters respectively and more -or less respectfully removed Hart & Cherry from the stage. The next turn +or less respectfully removed Hart & Cherry from the stage. The next turn went on, and all went as merry as an alimony bell.

The stage hands found a young doctor at the stage entrance who was @@ -402,7 +400,7 @@ me; I've got a serious case outside to look after."

came Vincente, the Tramp Juggler, great in his line. Vincente, a solemn man from Brattleboro, Vt., named Sam Griggs at home, sent toys and maple sugar home to two small daughters from every town he played. Vincente -had moved on the same circuits with Hart & Cherry, and was their +had moved on the same circuits with Hart & Cherry, and was their peripatetic friend.

"Bob," said Vincente in his serious way, "I'm glad it's no worse. The @@ -420,7 +418,7 @@ job again in three days. Don't let her worry."

"Man," said Sam Griggs severely, puckering his old, smooth, lined face, "are you a chess automaton or a human pincushion? Cherry's crying her -heart out for you—calling 'Bob, Bob,' every second, with them holding +heart out for you—calling 'Bob, Bob,' every second, with them holding her hands and keeping her from coming to you."

"What's the matter with her?" asked Hart, with wide-open eyes. "The @@ -453,8 +451,8 @@ the curtain. Wake up, man."

"For love of me?" said Bob Hart with staring eyes. "Don't I tell you it's too late? It's too late, man. Why, Cherry and I have been married -two years!" -

THE GOLD THAT GLITTERED

+two years!"

+

THE GOLD THAT GLITTERED

A story with a moral appended is like the bill of a mosquito. It bores you, and then injects a stinging drop to irritate your conscience. Therefore let us have the moral first and be done with it. All is not @@ -469,10 +467,10 @@ can't touch me for a kopeck less than two-fifty per,' and out I walks."

Westward and southward from the Thespian glare are one or two streets where a Spanish-American colony has huddled for a little tropical warmth in the nipping North. The centre of life in this precinct is "El -Refugio," a café and restaurant that caters to the volatile exiles from +Refugio," a café and restaurant that caters to the volatile exiles from the South. Up from Chili, Bolivia, Colombia, the rolling republics of Central America and the ireful islands of the Western Indies flit the -cloaked and sombreroed señores, who are scattered like burning lava by +cloaked and sombreroed señores, who are scattered like burning lava by the political eruptions of their several countries. Hither they come to lay counterplots, to bide their time, to solicit funds, to enlist filibusterers, to smuggle out arms and ammunitions, to @@ -482,12 +480,12 @@ which they thrive.

In the restaurant of El Refugio are served compounds delightful to the palate of the man from Capricorn or Cancer. Altruism must halt the story thus long. On, diner, weary of the culinary subterfuges of the Gallic -chef, hie thee to El Refugio! There only will you find a fish—bluefish, -shad or pompano from the Gulf—baked after the Spanish method. Tomatoes +chef, hie thee to El Refugio! There only will you find a fish—bluefish, +shad or pompano from the Gulf—baked after the Spanish method. Tomatoes give it color, individuality and soul; chili colorado bestows upon it zest, originality and fervor; unknown herbs furnish piquancy and -mystery, and—but its crowning glory deserves a new sentence. Around -it, above it, beneath it, in its vicinity—but never in it—hovers an +mystery, and—but its crowning glory deserves a new sentence. Around +it, above it, beneath it, in its vicinity—but never in it—hovers an ethereal aura, an effluvium so rarefied and delicate that only the Society for Psychical Research could note its origin. Do not say that garlic is in the fish at El Refugio. It is not otherwise than as if the @@ -495,7 +493,7 @@ spirit of Garlic, flitting past, has wafted one kiss that lingers in the parsley-crowned dish as haunting as those kisses in life, "by hopeless fancy feigned on lips that are for others." And then, when Conchito, the waiter, brings you a plate of brown frijoles and a carafe of wine that -has never stood still between Oporto and El Refugio—ah, Dios!

+has never stood still between Oporto and El Refugio—ah, Dios!

One day a Hamburg-American liner deposited upon Pier No. 55 Gen. Perrico Ximenes Villablanca Falcon, a passenger from Cartagena. The General @@ -507,11 +505,11 @@ congressman and had the important aspect of an uninstructed delegate.

Gen. Falcon had enough English under his hat to enable him to inquire his way to the street in which El Refugio stood. When he reached that neighborhood he saw a sign before a respectable red-brick house that -read, "Hotel Español." In the window was a card in Spanish, "Aqui se -habla Español." The General entered, sure of a congenial port.

+read, "Hotel Español." In the window was a card in Spanish, "Aqui se +habla Español." The General entered, sure of a congenial port.

In the cozy office was Mrs. O'Brien, the proprietress. She had -blond—oh, unimpeachably blond hair. For the rest she was amiability, +blond—oh, unimpeachably blond hair. For the rest she was amiability, and ran largely to inches around. Gen. Falcon brushed the floor with his broad-brimmed hat, and emitted a quantity of Spanish, the syllables sounding like firecrackers gently popping their way down the string of @@ -526,12 +524,12 @@ here. How is that?"

"Well, you've been speaking it, ain't you?" said the madam. "I'm sure I can't."

-

At the Hotel Español General Falcon engaged rooms and established +

At the Hotel Español General Falcon engaged rooms and established himself. At dusk he sauntered out upon the streets to view the wonders of this roaring city of the North. As he walked he thought of the wonderful golden hair of Mme. O'Brien. "It is here," said the General to himself, no doubt in his own language, "that one shall find the most -beautiful señoras in the world. I have not in my Colombia viewed among +beautiful señoras in the world. I have not in my Colombia viewed among our beauties one so fair. But no! It is not for the General Falcon to think of beauty. It is my country that claims my devotion."

@@ -540,7 +538,7 @@ involved. The street cars bewildered him, and the fender of one upset him against a pushcart laden with oranges. A cab driver missed him an inch with a hub, and poured barbarous execrations upon his head. He scrambled to the sidewalk and skipped again in terror when the whistle -of a peanut-roaster puffed a hot scream in his ear. "Válgame Dios! What +of a peanut-roaster puffed a hot scream in his ear. "Válgame Dios! What devil's city is this?"

As the General fluttered out of the streamers of passers like a wounded @@ -564,12 +562,12 @@ and dismayed by the resounding streets, welcomed his deliverer as a caballero with a most disinterested heart.

"I have a desire," said the General, "to return to the hotel of O'Brien, -in which I am stop. Caramba! señor, there is a loudness and rapidness of +in which I am stop. Caramba! señor, there is a loudness and rapidness of going and coming in the city of this Nueva York."

Mr. Kelley's politeness would not suffer the distinguished Colombian to brave the dangers of the return unaccompanied. At the door of the Hotel -Español they paused. A little lower down on the opposite side of the +Español they paused. A little lower down on the opposite side of the street shone the modest illuminated sign of El Refugio. Mr. Kelley, to whom few streets were unfamiliar, knew the place exteriorly as a "Dago joint." All foreigners Mr. Kelley classed under the two heads of @@ -579,8 +577,8 @@ thither and substantiate their acquaintance with a liquid foundation.

An hour later found General Falcon and Mr. Kelley seated at a table in the conspirator's corner of El Refugio. Bottles and glasses were between them. For the tenth time the General confided the secret of his mission -to the Estados Unidos. He was here, he declared, to purchase arms—2,000 -stands of Winchester rifles—for the Colombian revolutionists. He +to the Estados Unidos. He was here, he declared, to purchase arms—2,000 +stands of Winchester rifles—for the Colombian revolutionists. He had drafts in his pocket drawn by the Cartagena Bank on its New York correspondent for $25,000. At other tables other revolutionists were shouting their political secrets to their fellow-plotters; but none was @@ -599,10 +597,10 @@ city now, and I'll see him for you to-morrow. In the meantime, monseer, you keep them drafts tight in your inside pocket. I'll call for you to-morrow, and take you to see him. Say! that ain't the District of Columbia you're talking about, is it?" concluded Mr. Kelley, with a -sudden qualm. "You can't capture that with no 2,000 guns—it's been +sudden qualm. "You can't capture that with no 2,000 guns—it's been tried with more."

-

"No, no, no!" exclaimed the General. "It is the Republic of Colombia—it +

"No, no, no!" exclaimed the General. "It is the Republic of Colombia—it is a g-r-reat republic on the top side of America of the South. Yes. Yes."

@@ -611,16 +609,16 @@ and go by-by. I'll write to the Secretary to-night and make a date with him. It's a ticklish job to get guns out of New York. McClusky himself can't do it."

-

They parted at the door of the Hotel Español. The General rolled his +

They parted at the door of the Hotel Español. The General rolled his eyes at the moon and sighed.

"It is a great country, your Nueva York," he said. "Truly the cars in the streets devastate one, and the engine that cooks the nuts terribly -makes a squeak in the ear. But, ah, Señor Kelley—the señoras with hair -of much goldness, and admirable fatness—they are magnificas! Muy +makes a squeak in the ear. But, ah, Señor Kelley—the señoras with hair +of much goldness, and admirable fatness—they are magnificas! Muy magnificas!"

-

Kelley went to the nearest telephone booth and called up McCrary's café, +

Kelley went to the nearest telephone booth and called up McCrary's café, far up on Broadway. He asked for Jimmy Dunn.

"Is that Jimmy Dunn?" asked Kelley.

@@ -652,18 +650,18 @@ thousand-dollar bills, and hand it to me on a silver waiter. Now, we've got to wait till he goes to the bank and gets the money for us."

They talked it over for two hours, and then Dunn said; "Bring him to No. -–––– Broadway, at four o'clock to-morrow afternoon."

+⸻ Broadway, at four o'clock to-morrow afternoon."

-

In due time Kelley called at the Hotel Español for the General. He found +

In due time Kelley called at the Hotel Español for the General. He found the wily warrior engaged in delectable conversation with Mrs. O'Brien.

"The Secretary of War is waitin' for us," said Kelley.

The General tore himself away with an effort.

-

"Ay, señor," he said, with a sigh, "duty makes a call. But, señor, the -señoras of your Estados Unidos—how beauties! For exemplification, take -you la Madame O'Brien—que magnifica! She is one goddess—one Juno—what +

"Ay, señor," he said, with a sigh, "duty makes a call. But, señor, the +señoras of your Estados Unidos—how beauties! For exemplification, take +you la Madame O'Brien—que magnifica! She is one goddess—one Juno—what you call one ox-eyed Juno."

Now Mr. Kelley was a wit; and better men have been shriveled by the fire @@ -682,10 +680,10 @@ with a smooth face, wrote at a desk. General Falcon was presented to the Secretary of War of the United States, and his mission made known by his old friend, Mr. Kelley.

-

"Ah—Colombia!" said the Secretary, significantly, when he was made to +

"Ah—Colombia!" said the Secretary, significantly, when he was made to understand; "I'm afraid there will be a little difficulty in that case. The President and I differ in our sympathies there. He prefers the -established government, while I—" the secretary gave the General a +established government, while I—" the secretary gave the General a mysterious but encouraging smile. "You, of course, know, General Falcon, that since the Tammany war, an act of Congress has been passed requiring all manufactured arms and ammunition exported from this country to pass @@ -718,14 +716,14 @@ esteemed friend, Mr. Kelley. As another, the nimble Secretary of War was extremely busy during the next two days buying empty rifle cases and filling them with bricks, which were then stored in a warehouse rented for that purpose. As still another, when the General returned to the -Hotel Español, Mrs. O'Brien went up to him, plucked a thread from his +Hotel Español, Mrs. O'Brien went up to him, plucked a thread from his lapel, and said:

-

"Say, señor, I don't want to 'butt in,' but what does that monkey-faced, +

"Say, señor, I don't want to 'butt in,' but what does that monkey-faced, cat-eyed, rubber-necked tin horn tough want with you?"

"Sangre de mi vida!" exclaimed the General. "Impossible it is that you -speak of my good friend, Señor Kelley."

+speak of my good friend, Señor Kelley."

"Come into the summer garden," said Mrs. O'Brien. "I want to have a talk with you."

@@ -734,7 +732,7 @@ with you."

"And you say," said the General, "that for the sum of $18,000 can be purchased the furnishment of the house and the lease of one year with -this garden so lovely—so resembling unto the patios of my cara +this garden so lovely—so resembling unto the patios of my cara Colombia?"

"And dirt cheap at that," sighed the lady.

@@ -743,20 +741,20 @@ Colombia?"

This spot is one paradise. My country it have other brave heroes to continue the fighting. What to me should be glory and the shooting of mans? Ah! no. It is here I have found one angel. Let us buy the Hotel -Español and you shall be mine, and the money shall not be waste on +Español and you shall be mine, and the money shall not be waste on guns."

Mrs. O'Brien rested her blond pompadour against the shoulder of the Colombian patriot.

-

"Oh, señor," she sighed, happily, "ain't you terrible!"

+

"Oh, señor," she sighed, happily, "ain't you terrible!"

Two days later was the time appointed for the delivery of the arms to the General. The boxes of supposed rifles were stacked in the rented warehouse, and the Secretary of War sat upon them, waiting for his friend Kelley to fetch the victim.

-

Mr. Kelley hurried, at the hour, to the Hotel Español. He found the +

Mr. Kelley hurried, at the hour, to the Hotel Español. He found the General behind the desk adding up accounts.

"I have decide," said the General, "to buy not guns. I have to-day buy @@ -766,26 +764,26 @@ Perrico Ximenes Villablanca Falcon with la Madame O'Brien."

Mr. Kelley almost strangled.

"Say, you old bald-headed bottle of shoe polish," he spluttered, "you're -a swindler—that's what you are! You've bought a boarding house with +a swindler—that's what you are! You've bought a boarding house with money belonging to your infernal country, wherever it is."

"Ah," said the General, footing up a column, "that is what you call politics. War and revolution they are not nice. Yes. It is not best that one shall always follow Minerva. No. It is of quite desirable to keep -hotels and be with that Juno—that ox-eyed Juno. Ah! what hair of the +hotels and be with that Juno—that ox-eyed Juno. Ah! what hair of the gold it is that she have!"

Mr. Kelley choked again.

"Ah, Senor Kelley!" said the General, feelingly and finally, "is it that you have never eaten of the corned beef hash that Madame O'Brien she -make?" -

BABES IN THE JUNGLE

+make?"

+

BABES IN THE JUNGLE

Montague Silver, the finest street man and art grafter in the West, says to me once in Little Rock: "If you ever lose your mind, Billy, and get too old to do honest swindling among grown men, go to New York. In the West a sucker is born every minute; but in New York they appear in -chunks of roe—you can't count 'em!"

+chunks of roe—you can't count 'em!"

Two years afterward I found that I couldn't remember the names of the Russian admirals, and I noticed some gray hairs over my left ear; so I @@ -838,7 +836,7 @@ it. I sold the policeman a block of it on the way to the station-house, and then I took it off the market. I don't want people to give me their money. I want some little consideration connected with the transaction to keep my pride from being hurt. I want 'em to guess the missing letter -in Chic—go, or draw to a pair of nines before they pay me a cent of +in Chic—go, or draw to a pair of nines before they pay me a cent of money.

"Now there's another little scheme that worked so easy I had to quit @@ -918,12 +916,12 @@ like his pictures, and he had a Turkish towel wrapped around his left foot, and he walked with a cane.

"Mr. Silver and Mr. Pescud," says Klein. "It sounds superfluous," says -he, "to mention the name of the greatest financial—"

+he, "to mention the name of the greatest financial—"

"Cut it out, Klein," says Mr. Morgan. "I'm glad to know you gents; I take great interest in the West. Klein tells me you're from Little Rock. I think I've a railroad or two out there somewhere. If either of you -guys would like to deal a hand or two of stud poker I—"

+guys would like to deal a hand or two of stud poker I—"

"Now, Pierpont," cuts in Klein, "you forget!"

@@ -941,8 +939,8 @@ asks Klein, smiling.

"Stocks! No!" roars Mr. Morgan. "It's that picture I sent an agent to Europe to buy. I just thought about it. He cabled me to-day that it ain't to be found in all Italy. I'd pay $50,000 to-morrow for that -picture—yes, $75,000. I give the agent a la carte in purchasing it. I -cannot understand why the art galleries will allow a De Vinchy to—"

+picture—yes, $75,000. I give the agent a la carte in purchasing it. I +cannot understand why the art galleries will allow a De Vinchy to—"

"Why, Mr. Morgan," says klein; "I thought you owned all of the De Vinchy paintings."

@@ -1010,9 +1008,9 @@ Silver comes back.

"I never exactly saw Mr. Morgan," he says, "because Mr. Morgan's been in Europe for a month. But what's worrying me, Billy, is this: The department stores have all got that same picture on sale, framed, for -$3.48. And they charge $3.50 for the frame alone—that's what I can't -understand." -

THE DAY RESURGENT

+$3.48. And they charge $3.50 for the frame alone—that's what I can't +understand."

+

THE DAY RESURGENT

I can see the artist bite the end of his pencil and frown when it comes to drawing his Easter picture; for his legitimate pictorial conceptions of figures pertinent to the festival are but four in number.

@@ -1023,12 +1021,12 @@ of toes will fill the bill. Miss Clarice St. Vavasour, the well-known model, will pose for it in the "Lethergogallagher," or whatever it was that Trilby called it.

-

Second—the melancholy lady with upturned eyes in a framework of lilies. +

Second—the melancholy lady with upturned eyes in a framework of lilies. This is magazine-covery, but reliable.

-

Third—Miss Manhattan in the Fifth Avenue Easter Sunday parade.

+

Third—Miss Manhattan in the Fifth Avenue Easter Sunday parade.

-

Fourth—Maggie Murphy with a new red feather in her old straw hat, happy +

Fourth—Maggie Murphy with a new red feather in her old straw hat, happy and self-conscious, in the Grand Street turnout.

Of course, the rabbits do not count. Nor the Easter eggs, since the @@ -1067,7 +1065,7 @@ headlines?

"Scramble mine," said Danny.

After breakfast he dressed himself in the Sabbath morning costume of -the Canal Street importing house dray chauffeur—frock coat, striped +the Canal Street importing house dray chauffeur—frock coat, striped trousers, patent leathers, gilded trace chain across front of vest, and wing collar, rolled-brim derby and butterfly bow from Schonstein's (between Fourteenth Street and Tony's fruit stand) Saturday night sale.

@@ -1085,7 +1083,7 @@ you've just eat, I'd like to know? Answer me that!"

eyes was good there was nothin' better to my mind than a Sunday out. There's a smell of turf and burnin' brush comin' in the windy. I have me tobaccy. A good fine day and rist to ye, lad. Times I wish your mother -had larned to read, so I might hear the rest about the hippopotamus—but +had larned to read, so I might hear the rest about the hippopotamus—but let that be."

"Now, what is this foolishness he talks of hippopotamuses?" asked Danny @@ -1115,10 +1113,10 @@ then?"

nothing in it."

Danny walked up the street to the Avenue and then struck northward into -the heart of the district where Easter—modern Easter, in new, bright -raiment—leads the pascal march. Out of towering brown churches came the +the heart of the district where Easter—modern Easter, in new, bright +raiment—leads the pascal march. Out of towering brown churches came the blithe music of anthems from the choirs. The broad sidewalks were moving -parterres of living flowers—so it seemed when your eye looked upon the +parterres of living flowers—so it seemed when your eye looked upon the Easter girl.

Gentlemen, frock-coated, silk-hatted, gardeniaed, sustained the @@ -1130,7 +1128,7 @@ creations of Flora, the sister of the Lady of the Lilies.

Corrigan, the cop, shield to the curb. Danny knew him.

"Why, Corrigan," he asked, "is Easter? I know it comes the first time -you're full after the moon rises on the seventeenth of March—but why? Is +you're full after the moon rises on the seventeenth of March—but why? Is it a proper and religious ceremony, or does the Governor appoint it out of politics?"

@@ -1139,7 +1137,7 @@ the Third Deputy Police Commissioner, "peculiar to New York. It extends up to Harlem. Sometimes they has the reserves out at One Hundred and Twenty-fifth Street. In my opinion 'tis not political."

-

"Thanks," said Danny. "And say—did you ever hear a man complain of +

"Thanks," said Danny. "And say—did you ever hear a man complain of hippopotamuses? When not specially in drink, I mean."

"Nothing larger than sea turtles," said Corrigan, reflecting, "and there @@ -1156,7 +1154,7 @@ Philistine would disport himself, the grimness of Melpomene, herself, attends upon his capers. Therefore, Danny set his jaw hard at Easter, and took his pleasure sadly.

-

The family entrance of Dugan's café was feasible; so Danny yielded to +

The family entrance of Dugan's café was feasible; so Danny yielded to the vernal season as far as a glass of bock. Seated in a dark, linoleumed, humid back room, his heart and mind still groped after the mysterious meaning of the springtime jubilee.

@@ -1165,7 +1163,7 @@ mysterious meaning of the springtime jubilee.

"Skiddoo!" said Tim, closing a sophisticated eye. "Is that a new one? All right. Tony Pastor's for you last night, I guess. I give it up. -What's the answer—two apples or a yard and a half?"

+What's the answer—two apples or a yard and a half?"

From Dugan's Danny turned back eastward. The April sun seemed to stir in him a vague feeling that he could not construe. He made a wrong @@ -1196,7 +1194,7 @@ green roses are great."

At church the preacher did some expounding with no pounding. He spoke rapidly, for he was in a hurry to get home to his early Sabbath dinner; but he knew his business. There was one word that controlled his -theme—resurrection. Not a new creation; but a new life arising out of +theme—resurrection. Not a new creation; but a new life arising out of the old. The congregation had heard it often before. But there was a wonderful hat, a combination of sweet peas and lavender, in the sixth pew from the pulpit. It attracted much attention.

@@ -1217,7 +1215,7 @@ at the curb on the corner. His face was that of a graven image. Deep in his soul something stirred so small, so fine, so keen and leavening that his hard fibres did not recognize it. It was something more tender than the April day, more subtle than the call of the senses, purer and -deeper-rooted than the love of woman—for had he not turned away from +deeper-rooted than the love of woman—for had he not turned away from green roses and eyes that had kept him chained for a year? And Danny did not know what it was. The preacher, who was in a hurry to go to his dinner, had told him, but Danny had had no libretto with which to follow @@ -1287,8 +1285,8 @@ ye will be off to see Katy in the evening. Well enough."

Danny, angrily. "Have I no right to stay in it? After supper there is yet to come the reading of the battle of Corinth, 146 B. C., when the kingdom, as they say, became an in-integral portion of the Roman Empire. -Am I nothing in this house?" -

THE FIFTH WHEEL

+Am I nothing in this house?"

+

THE FIFTH WHEEL

The ranks of the Bed Line moved closer together; for it was cold. They were alluvial deposit of the stream of life lodged in the delta of Fifth Avenue and Broadway. The Bed Liners stamped their freezing feet, looked @@ -1321,9 +1319,9 @@ conscientious exactness one would step forward and bestow upon the Preacher small bills or silver. Then a lieutenant of Scandinavian coloring and enthusiasm would march away to a lodging house with a squad of the redeemed. All the while the Preacher exhorted the crowd in terms -beautifully devoid of eloquence—splendid with the deadly, accusative +beautifully devoid of eloquence—splendid with the deadly, accusative monotony of truth. Before the picture of the Bed Liners fades you must -hear one phrase of the Preacher's—the one that formed his theme that +hear one phrase of the Preacher's—the one that formed his theme that night. It is worthy of being stenciled on all the white ribbons in the world.

@@ -1364,7 +1362,7 @@ phantoms as he was, he felt the need of human sympathy and intercourse.

age, shabby but neat.

"What's the diagnosis of your case, Freddy?" asked Thomas, with the -freemasonic familiarity of the damned—"Booze? That's mine. You don't +freemasonic familiarity of the damned—"Booze? That's mine. You don't look like a panhandler. Neither am I. A month ago I was pushing the lines over the backs of the finest team of Percheron buffaloes that ever made their mile down Fifth Avenue in 2.85. And look at me now! Say; how @@ -1416,7 +1414,7 @@ higher denominations.

the tire, placed it inside the car, gazed intently at the ex-coachman, and muttered to himself inscrutable words.

-

"Strange—strange!" said he. "Once or twice even I, myself, have fancied +

"Strange—strange!" said he. "Once or twice even I, myself, have fancied that the Chaldean Chiroscope has availed. Could it be possible?"

Then he addressed less mysterious words to the waiting and hopeful @@ -1464,13 +1462,13 @@ tales.

The walls were hidden by gorgeous red hangings embroidered with fantastic gold figures. At the rear end of the room were draped -portières of dull gold spangled with silver crescents and stars. The +portières of dull gold spangled with silver crescents and stars. The furniture was of the costliest and rarest styles. The ex-coachman's feet sank into rugs as fleecy and deep as snowdrifts. There were three or four oddly shaped stands or tables covered with black velvet drapery.

Thomas McQuade took in the splendors of this palatial apartment with one -eye. With the other he looked for his imposing conductor—to find that +eye. With the other he looked for his imposing conductor—to find that he had disappeared.

"B'gee!" muttered Thomas, "this listens like a spook shop. Shouldn't @@ -1486,7 +1484,7 @@ Hebe from a cabinet near by and hurled it with all his might at the terrifying and impossible fowl. The owl and his perch went over with a crash. With the sound there was a click, and the room was flooded with light from a dozen frosted globes along the walls and ceiling. The gold -portières parted and closed, and the mysterious automobilist entered the +portières parted and closed, and the mysterious automobilist entered the room. He was tall and wore evening dress of perfect cut and accurate taste. A Vandyke beard of glossy, golden brown, rather long and wavy hair, smoothly parted, and large, magnetic, orientally occult eyes gave @@ -1543,7 +1541,7 @@ petition for a brief absence.

door and suavely conducted by the master of the house down the hall through another door to the left and into a smaller room, which was screened and segregated from the larger front room by heavy, double -portières. Here the furnishings were even more elegant and exquisitely +portières. Here the furnishings were even more elegant and exquisitely tasteful than in the other. On a gold-inlaid rosewood table were scattered sheets of white paper and a queer, triangular instrument or toy, apparently of gold, standing on little wheels.

@@ -1561,7 +1559,7 @@ your call this evening if my sister had not insisted upon it."

"Madam," said the professor, with his princeliest smile, "the true Art cannot fail. To find the true psychic and potential branch sometimes requires time. We have not succeeded, I admit, with the cards, the -crystal, the stars, the magic formulæ of Zarazin, nor the Oracle of +crystal, the stars, the magic formulae of Zarazin, nor the Oracle of Po. But we have at last discovered the true psychic route. The Chaldean Chiroscope has been successful in our search."

@@ -1578,8 +1576,8 @@ magnificent height: "'By the fifth wheel of the chariot he shall come.'"<

"I haven't seen many chariots," said the lady, "but I never saw one with five wheels."

-

"Progress," said the professor—"progress in science and mechanics has -accomplished it—though, to be exact, we may speak of it only as an +

"Progress," said the professor—"progress in science and mechanics has +accomplished it—though, to be exact, we may speak of it only as an extra tire. Progress in occult art has advanced in proportion. Madam, I repeat that the Chaldean Chiroscope has succeeded. I can not only answer the question that you have propounded, but I can produce before your @@ -1587,7 +1585,7 @@ eyes the proof thereof."

And now the lady was disturbed both in her disbelief and in her poise.

-

"O professor!" she cried anxiously—"When?—where? Has he been found? Do +

"O professor!" she cried anxiously—"When?—where? Has he been found? Do not keep me in suspense."

"I beg you will excuse me for a very few minutes," said Professor @@ -1622,7 +1620,7 @@ Bagdad. He looked keenly and suspiciously at the ex-coachman.

You're a funny kind of sleuth. You must be one of the Central Office gumshoers. I'm Thomas McQuade, of course; and I've been chauffeur of the Van Smuythe elephant team for a year. They fired me a month ago -for—well, doc, you saw what I did to your old owl. I went broke on +for—well, doc, you saw what I did to your old owl. I went broke on booze, and when I saw the tire drop off your whiz wagon I was standing in that squad of hoboes at the Worth monument waiting for a free bed. Now, what's the prize for the best answer to all this?"

@@ -1673,7 +1671,7 @@ Not a drop." He led her to the curb. "How did you happen to see me?"

"I came to find you," said Annie, holding tight to his sleeve. "Oh, you big fool! Professor Cherubusco told us that we might find you here."

-

"Professor Ch–––– Don't know the guy. What saloon does he work in?"

+

"Professor Ch⸺ Don't know the guy. What saloon does he work in?"

"He's a clairvoyant, Thomas; the greatest in the world. He found you with the Chaldean telescope, he said."

@@ -1731,11 +1729,11 @@ she added, with woman's ineradicable suspicion of vicarious benevolence:

Thomas went on his mission. The wan Bed Liner came readily enough. As the two drew near, Annie looked up from her purse and screamed:

-

"Mr. Walter— Oh—Mr. Walter!

+

"Mr. Walter— Oh—Mr. Walter!

"Is that you, Annie?" said the young man meekly.

-

"Oh, Mr. Walter!—and the Missis hunting high and low for you!"

+

"Oh, Mr. Walter!—and the Missis hunting high and low for you!"

"Does mother want to see me?" he asked, with a flush coming out on his pale cheek.

@@ -1753,8 +1751,8 @@ used to drive to the carriage. Have they got them yet?"

"They have," said Thomas, feelingly. "And they'll have 'em ten years from now. The life of the royal elephantibus truckhorseibus is one hundred and forty-nine years. I'm the coachman. Just got my -reappointment five minutes ago. Let's all ride up in a surface car—that -is—er—if Annie will pay the fares."

+reappointment five minutes ago. Let's all ride up in a surface car—that +is—er—if Annie will pay the fares."

On the Broadway car Annie handed each one of the prodigals a nickel to pay the conductor.

@@ -1783,8 +1781,8 @@ If it was the d t's, why am I so sore?"

"Shut up, you fool," said Annie.

"If I could find that funny guy's house," said Thomas, in conclusion, -"I'd go up there some day and punch his nose for him." -

THE POET AND THE PEASANT

+"I'd go up there some day and punch his nose for him."

+

THE POET AND THE PEASANT

The other day a poet friend of mine, who has lived in close communion with nature all his life, wrote a poem and took it to an editor.

@@ -1800,7 +1798,7 @@ dinner in his heart, it was handed back to him with the comment:

swallowed indignation with slippery forkfuls.

And there we dug a pit for the editor. With us was Conant, a -well-arrived writer of fiction—a man who had trod on asphalt all his +well-arrived writer of fiction—a man who had trod on asphalt all his life, and who had never looked upon bucolic scenes except with sensations of disgust from the windows of express trains.

@@ -1823,9 +1821,9 @@ corduroy, his coat short-sleeved, with buttons in the middle of his back. One bootleg was outside the corduroys. You looked expectantly, though in vain, at his straw hat for ear holes, its shape inaugurating the suspicion that it had been ravaged from a former equine possessor. -In his hand was a valise—description of it is an impossible task; a +In his hand was a valise—description of it is an impossible task; a Boston man would not have carried his lunch and law books to his office -in it. And above one ear, in his hair, was a wisp of hay—the rustic's +in it. And above one ear, in his hair, was a wisp of hay—the rustic's letter of credit, his badge of innocence, the last clinging touch of the Garden of Eden lingering to shame the gold-brick men.

@@ -1844,9 +1842,9 @@ sight of an actor overdoing his part. He edged up to the countryman, who had stopped to open his mouth at a jewelry store window, and shook his head.

-

"Too thick, pal," he said, critically—"too thick by a couple of inches. +

"Too thick, pal," he said, critically—"too thick by a couple of inches. I don't know what your lay is; but you've got the properties too thick. -That hay, now—why, they don't even allow that on Proctor's circuit any +That hay, now—why, they don't even allow that on Proctor's circuit any more."

"I don't understand you, mister," said the green one. "I'm not lookin' @@ -1862,13 +1860,13 @@ whatever it is. Come and have a drink, anyhow."

"I wouldn't mind having a glass of lager beer," acknowledged the other.

-

They went to a café frequented by men with smooth faces and shifty eyes, +

They went to a café frequented by men with smooth faces and shifty eyes, and sat at their drinks.

"I'm glad I come across you, mister," said Haylocks. "How'd you like to play a game or two of seven-up? I've got the keerds."

-

He fished them out of Noah's valise—a rare, inimitable deck, greasy +

He fished them out of Noah's valise—a rare, inimitable deck, greasy with bacon suppers and grimy with the soil of cornfields.

"Bunco Harry" laughed loud and briefly.

@@ -1899,8 +1897,8 @@ off phony stuff like that."

after Haylocks had gathered up his impugned money and departed.

"The queer, I guess," said Harry. "Or else he's one of Jerome's men. -Or some guy with a new graft. He's too much hayseed. Maybe that his—I -wonder now—oh, no, it couldn't have been real money."

+Or some guy with a new graft. He's too much hayseed. Maybe that his—I +wonder now—oh, no, it couldn't have been real money."

Haylocks wandered on. Thirst probably assailed him again, for he dived into a dark groggery on a side street and bought beer. At first sight @@ -2034,8 +2032,8 @@ down Broadway. Beneath the apparel the man would show."

as usual."

The morals of this story have somehow gotten mixed. You can take your -choice of "Stay on the Farm" or "Don't Write Poetry." -

THE ROBE OF PEACE

+choice of "Stay on the Farm" or "Don't Write Poetry."

+

THE ROBE OF PEACE

Mysteries follow one another so closely in a great city that the reading public and the friends of Johnny Bellchambers have ceased to marvel at his sudden and unexplained disappearance nearly a year ago. This @@ -2045,7 +2043,7 @@ few who were in close touch with Bellchambers will give it full credence.

Johnny Bellchambers, as is well known, belonged to the intrinsically -inner circle of the élite. Without any of the ostentation of the +inner circle of the élite. Without any of the ostentation of the fashionable ones who endeavor to attract notice by eccentric display of wealth and show he still was au fait in everything that gave deserved lustre to his high position in the ranks of society.

@@ -2072,7 +2070,7 @@ were several thousand dollars in his bank to his credit. He had never showed any tendency toward mental eccentricity; in fact, he was of a particularly calm and well-balanced temperament. Every means of tracing the vanished man was made use of, but without avail. It was one of those -cases—more numerous in late years—where men seem to have gone out like +cases—more numerous in late years—where men seem to have gone out like the flame of a candle, leaving not even a trail of smoke as a witness.

In May, Tom Eyres and Lancelot Gilliam, two of Bellchambers' old @@ -2105,8 +2103,8 @@ monastery to watch the monks march past on their way to the refectory. They came slowly, pacing by twos, with their heads bowed, treading noiselessly with sandaled feet upon the rough stone flags. As the procession slowly filed past, Eyres suddenly gripped Gilliam by the arm. -"Look," he whispered, eagerly, "at the one just opposite you now—the -one on this side, with his hand at his waist—if that isn't Johnny +"Look," he whispered, eagerly, "at the one just opposite you now—the +one on this side, with his hand at his waist—if that isn't Johnny Bellchambers then I never saw him!"

Gilliam saw and recognized the lost glass of fashion.

@@ -2145,7 +2143,7 @@ was an expression of ineffable peace, of rapturous attainment, of perfect and complete happiness. His form was proudly erect, his eyes shone with a serene and gracious light. He was as neat and well-groomed as in the old New York days, but how differently was he clad! Now he -seemed clothed in but a single garment—a long robe of rough brown +seemed clothed in but a single garment—a long robe of rough brown cloth, gathered by a cord at the waist, and falling in straight, loose folds nearly to his feet. He shook hands with his visitors with his old ease and grace of manner. If there was any embarrassment in that meeting @@ -2155,7 +2153,7 @@ they stood to converse.

"Glad to see you, old man," said Eyres, somewhat awkwardly. "Wasn't expecting to find you up here. Not a bad idea though, after all. Society's an awful sham. Must be a relief to shake the giddy whirl and -retire to—er—contemplation and—er—prayer and hymns, and those +retire to—er—contemplation and—er—prayer and hymns, and those things.

"Oh, cut that, Tommy," said Bellchambers, cheerfully. "Don't be afraid @@ -2165,15 +2163,15 @@ Ambrose here, you know. I'm given just ten minutes to talk to you fellows. That's rather a new design in waistcoats you have on, isn't it, Gilliam? Are they wearing those things on Broadway now?"

-

"It's the same old Johnny," said Gilliam, joyfully. "What the devil—I -mean why— Oh, confound it! what did you do it for, old man?"

+

"It's the same old Johnny," said Gilliam, joyfully. "What the devil—I +mean why— Oh, confound it! what did you do it for, old man?"

"Peel the bathrobe," pleaded Eyres, almost tearfully, "and go back with us. The old crowd'll go wild to see you. This isn't in your line, Bell. I know half a dozen girls that wore the willow on the quiet when you shook us in that unaccountable way. Hand in your resignation, or get a dispensation, or whatever you have to do to get a release from this ice -factory. You'll get catarrh here, Johnny—and— My God! you haven't any +factory. You'll get catarrh here, Johnny—and— My God! you haven't any socks on!"

Bellchambers looked down at his sandaled feet and smiled.

@@ -2184,7 +2182,7 @@ have reached here the goal of all my ambitions. I am entirely happy and contented. Here I shall remain for the remainder of my days. You see this robe that I wear?" Bellchambers caressingly touched the straight-hanging garment: "At last I have found something that will not -bag at the knees. I have attained—"

+bag at the knees. I have attained—"

At that moment the deep boom of the great brass bell reverberated through the monastery. It must have been a summons to immediate @@ -2194,8 +2192,8 @@ through the stone doorway seemed to say a farewell to his old friends. They left the monastery without seeing him again.

And this is the story that Tommy Eyres and Lancelot Gilliam brought back -with them from their latest European tour. -

THE GIRL AND THE GRAFT

+with them from their latest European tour.

+

THE GIRL AND THE GRAFT

The other day I ran across my old friend Ferguson Pogue. Pogue is a conscientious grafter of the highest type. His headquarters is the Western Hemisphere, and his line of business is anything from @@ -2214,7 +2212,7 @@ where I don't find any."

While in the metropolis Pogue can always be found at one of two places. One is a little second-hand book-shop on Fourth Avenue, where he reads books about his hobbies, Mahometanism and taxidermy. I found him at -the other—his hall bedroom in Eighteenth Street—where he sat in his +the other—his hall bedroom in Eighteenth Street—where he sat in his stocking feet trying to pluck "The Banks of the Wabash" out of a small zither. Four years he has practised this tune without arriving near enough to cast the longest trout line to the water's edge. On the @@ -2274,7 +2272,7 @@ wet summer; her eyes were as big and startling as bunions, and green was her favorite color.

"On my last trip into the cool recesses of your sequestered city I met a -human named Vaucross. He was worth—that is, he had a million. He told +human named Vaucross. He was worth—that is, he had a million. He told me he was in business on the street. 'A sidewalk merchant?' says I, sarcastic. 'Exactly,' says he, 'Senior partner of a paving concern.'

@@ -2282,7 +2280,7 @@ sarcastic. 'Exactly,' says he, 'Senior partner of a paving concern.'

when I was out of heart, luck, tobacco and place. He was all silk hat, diamonds and front. He was all front. If you had gone behind him you would have only looked yourself in the face. I looked like a cross -between Count Tolstoy and a June lobster. I was out of luck. I had—but +between Count Tolstoy and a June lobster. I was out of luck. I had—but let me lay my eyes on that dealer again.

"Vaucross stopped and talked to me a few minutes and then he took me to @@ -2341,7 +2339,7 @@ thoughtful.'

"At the Quaker City squab en casserole the idea about Artemisia Blye comes to me.

-

"'Suppose I can manage to get you in the papers,' says I—'a column or +

"'Suppose I can manage to get you in the papers,' says I—'a column or two every day in all of 'em and your picture in most of 'em for a week. How much would it be worth to you?'

@@ -2360,7 +2358,7 @@ She stopped in Topeka long enough to trade a flashlight interior and a valentine to the vice-president of a trust company for a mileage book and a package of five-dollar notes with $250 scrawled on the band.

-

"The fifth evening after she got my wire she was waiting, all décolletée +

"The fifth evening after she got my wire she was waiting, all décolletée and dressed up, for me and Vaucross to take her to dinner in one of these New York feminine apartment houses where a man can't get in unless he plays bezique and smokes depilatory powder cigarettes.

@@ -2375,8 +2373,8 @@ far as his ambitions were concerned. The sight of a man in a white tie and patent leather pumps pouring greenbacks through the large end of a cornucopia to purchase nutriment and heartsease for tall, willowy blondes in New York is as common a sight as blue turtles in delirium -tremens. But he was to write her love letters—the worst kind of love -letters, such as your wife publishes after you are dead—every day. At +tremens. But he was to write her love letters—the worst kind of love +letters, such as your wife publishes after you are dead—every day. At the end of the month he was to drop her, and she would bring suit for $100,000 for breach of promise.

@@ -2388,10 +2386,10 @@ that effect.

to their style. She used to pull out his notes and criticize them like bills of lading.

-

"'Say, you!' she'd say. 'What do you call this—letter to a Hardware +

"'Say, you!' she'd say. 'What do you call this—letter to a Hardware Merchant from His Nephew on Learning that His Aunt Has Nettlerash? You Eastern duffers know as much about writing love letters as a Kansas -grasshopper does about tugboats. "My dear Miss Blye!"—wouldn't that put +grasshopper does about tugboats. "My dear Miss Blye!"—wouldn't that put pink icing and a little red sugar bird on your bridal cake? How long do you expect to hold an audience in a court-room with that kind of stuff? You want to get down to business, and call me "Tweedlums Babe" and @@ -2413,7 +2411,7 @@ looked as proud as Cicero. I went back to my room and lit a five-cent cigar, for I knew the $10,000 was as good as ours.

"About two hours later somebody knocked at my door. There stood Vaucross -and Miss Artemisia, and she was clinging—yes, sir, clinging—to his +and Miss Artemisia, and she was clinging—yes, sir, clinging—to his arm. And they tells me they'd been out and got married. And they articulated some trivial cadences about love and such. And they laid down a bundle on the table and said 'Good night' and left.

@@ -2427,10 +2425,10 @@ in special lines."

curiosity.

"Why," said Ferguson, "there was a scalper's railroad ticket as far as -Kansas City and two pairs of Mr. Vaucross's old pants." -

THE CALL OF THE TAME

-

When the inauguration was accomplished—the proceedings were made smooth -by the presence of the Rough Riders—it is well known that a herd of +Kansas City and two pairs of Mr. Vaucross's old pants."

+

THE CALL OF THE TAME

+

When the inauguration was accomplished—the proceedings were made smooth +by the presence of the Rough Riders—it is well known that a herd of those competent and loyal ex-warriors paid a visit to the big city. The newspaper reporters dug out of their trunks the old broad-brimmed hats and leather belts that they wear to North Beach fish fries, and mixed @@ -2469,9 +2467,9 @@ sun of Cape May can never equal; the seldom-winking blue eyes that unconsciously divided the rushing crowds into fours, as though they were being counted out of a corral; the segregated loneliness and solemnity of expression, as of an Emperor or of one whose horizons have not -intruded upon him nearer than a day's ride—these brands of the West +intruded upon him nearer than a day's ride—these brands of the West were set upon Greenbrier Nye. Oh, yes; he wore a broad-brimmed hat, -gentle reader—just like those the Madison Square Post Office mail +gentle reader—just like those the Madison Square Post Office mail carriers wear when they go up to Bronx Park on Sunday afternoons.

Suddenly Greenbrier Nye jumped into the drifting herd of metropolitan @@ -2489,13 +2487,13 @@ welcoming bullet demands.

"God in the mountains!" cried Greenbrier, holding fast to the foreleg of his cull. "Can this be Longhorn Merritt?"

-

The other man was—oh, look on Broadway any day for the -pattern—business man—latest rolled-brim derby—good barber, business, +

The other man was—oh, look on Broadway any day for the +pattern—business man—latest rolled-brim derby—good barber, business, digestion and tailor.

"Greenbrier Nye!" he exclaimed, grasping the hand that had smitten him. -"My dear fellow! So glad to see you! How did you come to—oh, to be -sure—the inaugural ceremonies—I remember you joined the Rough Riders. +"My dear fellow! So glad to see you! How did you come to—oh, to be +sure—the inaugural ceremonies—I remember you joined the Rough Riders. You must come and have luncheon with me, of course."

Greenbrier pinned him sadly but firmly to the wall with a hand the size, @@ -2510,7 +2508,7 @@ in them days."

"I've been living in New York seven years," said Merritt. "It's been eight since we punched cows together in Old Man Garcia's outfit. Well, -let's go to a café, anyhow. It sounds good to hear it called 'grub' +let's go to a café, anyhow. It sounds good to hear it called 'grub' again."

They picked their way through the crowd to a hotel, and drifted, as by @@ -2521,14 +2519,14 @@ a natural law, to the bar.

"A dry Martini," said Merritt.

"Oh, Lord!" cried Greenbrier; "and yet me and you once saw the same pink -Gila monsters crawling up the walls of the same hotel in Cañon Diablo! A -dry—but let that pass. Whiskey straight—and they're on you."

+Gila monsters crawling up the walls of the same hotel in Cañon Diablo! A +dry—but let that pass. Whiskey straight—and they're on you."

Merritt smiled, and paid.

They lunched in a small extension of the dining room that connected with -the café. Merritt dexterously diverted his friend's choice, that hovered -over ham and eggs, to a purée of celery, a salmon cutlet, a partridge +the café. Merritt dexterously diverted his friend's choice, that hovered +over ham and eggs, to a purée of celery, a salmon cutlet, a partridge pie and a desirable salad.

"On the day," said Greenbrier, grieved and thunderous, "when I can't @@ -2537,22 +2535,22 @@ eight years at a 2 by 4 table in a thirty-cent town at 1 o'clock on the third day of the week, I want nine broncos to kick me forty times over a 640-acre section of land. Get them statistics?"

-

"Right, old man," laughed Merritt. "Waiter, bring an absinthe frappé -and—what's yours, Greenbrier?"

+

"Right, old man," laughed Merritt. "Waiter, bring an absinthe frappé +and—what's yours, Greenbrier?"

"Whiskey straight," mourned Nye. "Out of the neck of a bottle you used -to take it, Longy—straight out of the neck of a bottle on a galloping -pony—Arizona redeye, not this ab—oh, what's the use? They're on you."

+to take it, Longy—straight out of the neck of a bottle on a galloping +pony—Arizona redeye, not this ab—oh, what's the use? They're on you."

Merritt slipped the wine card under his glass.

"All right. I suppose you think I'm spoiled by the city. I'm as good a Westerner as you are, Greenbrier; but, somehow, I can't make up my mind -to go back out there. New York is comfortable—comfortable. I make a +to go back out there. New York is comfortable—comfortable. I make a good living, and I live it. No more wet blankets and riding herd in snowstorms, and bacon and cold coffee, and blowouts once in six months for me. I reckon I'll hang out here in the future. We'll take in the -theatre to-night, Greenbrier, and after that we'll dine at—"

+theatre to-night, Greenbrier, and after that we'll dine at—"

"I'll tell you what you are, Merritt," said Greenbrier, laying one elbow in his salad and the other in his butter. "You are a concentrated, @@ -2561,16 +2559,16 @@ made you perpendicular and suitable to ride straddle and use cuss words in the original. Wherefore you have suffered his handiwork to elapse by removing yourself to New York and putting on little shoes tied with strings, and making faces when you talk. I've seen you rope and tie a -steer in 42½. If you was to see one now you'd write to the Police +steer in 42½. If you was to see one now you'd write to the Police Commissioner about it. And these flapdoodle drinks that you inoculate -your system with—these little essences of cowslip with acorns in 'em, -and paregoric flip—they ain't anyways in assent with the cordiality of +your system with—these little essences of cowslip with acorns in 'em, +and paregoric flip—they ain't anyways in assent with the cordiality of manhood. I hate to see you this way."

"Well, Mr. Greenbrier," said Merritt, with apology in his tone, "in a way you are right. Sometimes I do feel like I was being raised on the -bottle. But, I tell you, New York is comfortable—comfortable. There's -something about it—the sights and the crowds, and the way it changes +bottle. But, I tell you, New York is comfortable—comfortable. There's +something about it—the sights and the crowds, and the way it changes every day, and the very air of it that seems to tie a one-mile-long stake rope around a man's neck, with the other end fastened somewhere about Thirty-fourth Street. I don't know what it is."

@@ -2586,11 +2584,11 @@ Requiescat in hoc signo. You make me thirsty."

of the round-ups."

"Guilty, with an application for mercy," said Merritt. "You don't know -how it is, Greenbrier. It's so comfortable here that—"

+how it is, Greenbrier. It's so comfortable here that—"

"Please loan me your smelling salts," pleaded Greenbrier. "If I hadn't seen you once bluff three bluffers from Mazatzal City with an empty gun -in Phoenix—"

+in Phoenix—"

Greenbrier's voice died away in pure grief.

@@ -2604,7 +2602,7 @@ contempt.

At seven they dined in the Where-to-Dine-Well column.

That evening a galaxy had assembled there. Bright shone the lights o'er -fair women and br—let it go, anyhow—brave men. The orchestra played +fair women and br—let it go, anyhow—brave men. The orchestra played charmingly. Hardly had a tip from a diner been placed in its hands by a waiter when it would burst forth into soniferousness. The more beer you contributed to it the more Meyerbeer it gave you. Which is reciprocity.

@@ -2649,10 +2647,10 @@ next to him.

norther. What did you call that mess in the crock with the handle, Longy? Oh, yes, squabs in a cash roll. They're worth the roll. That white mustang had just such a way of turning his head and shaking his -mane—look at her, Longy. If I thought I could sell out my ranch at a -fair price, I believe I'd—

+mane—look at her, Longy. If I thought I could sell out my ranch at a +fair price, I believe I'd—

-

"Gyar—song!" he suddenly cried, in a voice that paralyzed every knife +

"Gyar—song!" he suddenly cried, in a voice that paralyzed every knife and fork in the restaurant.

The waiter dived toward the table.

@@ -2662,26 +2660,26 @@ and fork in the restaurant.

Merritt looked at him and smiled significantly.

"They're on me," said Greenbrier, blowing a puff of smoke to the -ceiling. -

THE UNKNOWN QUANTITY

-

The poet Longfellow—or was it Confucius, the inventor of -wisdom?—remarked:

+ceiling.

+

THE UNKNOWN QUANTITY

+

The poet Longfellow—or was it Confucius, the inventor of +wisdom?—remarked:

"Life is real, life is earnest;
And things are not what they seem."

-

+ -

As mathematics are—or is: thanks, old subscriber!—the only just rule +

As mathematics are—or is: thanks, old subscriber!—the only just rule by which questions of life can be measured, let us, by all means, adjust our theme to the straight edge and the balanced column of the -great goddess Two-and-Two-Makes-Four. Figures—unassailable sums in -addition—shall be set over against whatever opposing element there +great goddess Two-and-Two-Makes-Four. Figures—unassailable sums in +addition—shall be set over against whatever opposing element there may be.

A mathematician, after scanning the above two lines of poetry, would -say: "Ahem! young gentlemen, if we assume that X plus—that is, that -life is real—then things (all of which life includes) are real. +say: "Ahem! young gentlemen, if we assume that X plus—that is, that +life is real—then things (all of which life includes) are real. Anything that is real is what it seems. Then if we consider the -proposition that 'things are not what they seem,' why—"

+proposition that 'things are not what they seem,' why—"

But this is heresy, and not poesy. We woo the sweet nymph Algebra; we would conduct you into the presence of the elusive, seductive, pursued, @@ -2699,7 +2697,7 @@ five-cent loaf of bread you laid down an additional two cents, which went to Mr. Kinsolving as a testimonial to his perspicacity.

A second result was that Mr. Kinsolving quit the game with $2,000,000 -prof—er—rake-off.

+prof—er—rake-off.

Mr. Kinsolving's son Dan was at college when the mathematical experiment in breadstuffs was made. Dan came home during vacation, and found the @@ -2717,7 +2715,7 @@ Kenwitz had foregone college, and was learning watch-making in his father's jewelry store. Dan was smiling, jovial, easy-tempered and tolerant alike of kings and ragpickers. The two foregathered joyously, being opposites. And then Dan went back to college, and Kenwitz to his -mainsprings—and to his private library in the rear of the jewelry shop.

+mainsprings—and to his private library in the rear of the jewelry shop.

Four years later Dan came back to Washington Square with the accumulations of B. A. and two years of Europe thick upon him. He took a @@ -2762,7 +2760,7 @@ can't pay them back"

"Of course," said Dan, lighting his pipe, "we couldn't hunt up every one of the duffers and hand 'em back the right change. There's an awful lot -of 'em buying bread all the time. Funny taste they have—I never cared +of 'em buying bread all the time. Funny taste they have—I never cared for bread especially, except for a toasted cracker with the Roquefort. But we might find a few of 'em and chuck some of dad's cash back where it came from. I'd feel better if I could. It seems tough for people to be @@ -2800,7 +2798,7 @@ dollar cannot heal."

us see. Thomas Boyne had a little bakery over there in Varick Street. He sold bread to the poorest people. When the price of flour went up he had to raise the price of bread. His customers were too poor to pay it, -Boyne's business failed and he lost his $1,000 capital—all he had in +Boyne's business failed and he lost his $1,000 capital—all he had in the world."

Dan Kinsolving struck the park bench a mighty blow with his fist.

@@ -2825,7 +2823,7 @@ draws upon taxpayers for that much expense."

"Back to the bakery!" exclaimed Dan, impatiently. "The Government doesn't need to stand in the bread line."

-

"The last item of the instance is—come and I will show you," said +

"The last item of the instance is—come and I will show you," said Kenwitz, rising.

The Socialistic watchmaker was happy. He was a millionaire-baiter by @@ -2872,7 +2870,7 @@ moneyed side of his friend in an acrid torrent of words. Dan appeared to be listening, and then turned to Kenwitz and shook hands with him warmly.

-

"I'm obliged to you, Ken, old man," he said, vaguely—"a thousand times +

"I'm obliged to you, Ken, old man," he said, vaguely—"a thousand times obliged."

"Mein Gott! you are crazy!" cried the watchmaker, dropping his @@ -2898,8 +2896,8 @@ on her wonderful fur boa and the carriage waiting outside.

"Why, Miss Boyne!" he began.

-

"Mrs. Kinsolving," she corrected. "Dan and I were married a month ago." -

THE THING'S THE PLAY

+

"Mrs. Kinsolving," she corrected. "Dan and I were married a month ago."

+

THE THING'S THE PLAY

Being acquainted with a newspaper reporter who had a couple of free passes, I got to see the performance a few nights ago at one of the popular vaudeville houses.

@@ -2921,7 +2919,7 @@ make a one-act tragedy out of it for a curtain-raiser. I'll give you the details."

After the performance my friend, the reporter, recited to me the facts -over the Würzburger.

+over the Würzburger.

"I see no reason," said I, when he had concluded, "why that shouldn't make a rattling good funny story. Those three people couldn't have acted @@ -2933,9 +2931,7 @@ quote Mr. Shakespeare."

"Try it," said the reporter.

"I will," said I; and I did, to show him how he could have made a -humorous column of it for his paper. - -


+humorous column of it for his paper.

There stands a house near Abingdon Square. On the ground floor there has been for twenty-five years a little store where toys and notions and stationery are sold.

@@ -2954,7 +2950,7 @@ side, and bosom friends, whom you expected to turn upon each other every time the curtain went up. One who pays his money for orchestra seats and fiction expects this. That is the first funny idea that has turned up in the story yet. Both had made a great race for Helen's hand. When Frank -won, John shook his hand and congratulated him—honestly, he did.

+won, John shook his hand and congratulated him—honestly, he did.

After the ceremony Helen ran upstairs to put on her hat. She was getting married in a traveling dress. She and Frank were going to Old @@ -2974,12 +2970,12 @@ he meant by speaking to respectable people that way.

In a few moments she had him going. The manliness that had possessed him departed. He bowed low, and said something about "irresistible impulse" -and "forever carry in his heart the memory of"—and she suggested that +and "forever carry in his heart the memory of"—and she suggested that he catch the first fire-escape going down.

"I will away," said John Delaney, "to the furthermost parts of the earth. I cannot remain near you and know that you are another's. I will -to Africa, and there amid other scenes strive to for—"

+to Africa, and there amid other scenes strive to for—"

"For goodness sake, get out," said Helen. "Somebody might come in."

@@ -2987,27 +2983,27 @@ to Africa, and there amid other scenes strive to for—"

might give it a farewell kiss.

Girls, was this choice boon of the great little god Cupid ever -vouchsafed you—to have the fellow you want hard and fast, and have the +vouchsafed you—to have the fellow you want hard and fast, and have the one you don't want come with a damp curl on his forehead and kneel to you and babble of Africa and love which, in spite of everything, shall forever bloom, an amaranth, in his heart? To know your power, and to feel the sweet security of your own happy state; to send the unlucky one, broken-hearted, to foreign climes, while you congratulate yourself as he presses his last kiss upon your knuckles, that your nails are well -manicured—say, girls, it's galluptious—don't ever let it get by you.

+manicured—say, girls, it's galluptious—don't ever let it get by you.

-

And then, of course—how did you guess it?—the door opened and in +

And then, of course—how did you guess it?—the door opened and in stalked the bridegroom, jealous of slow-tying bonnet strings.

The farewell kiss was imprinted upon Helen's hand, and out of the window and down the fire-escape sprang John Delaney, Africa bound.

-

A little slow music, if you please—faint violin, just a breath in the +

A little slow music, if you please—faint violin, just a breath in the clarinet and a touch of the 'cello. Imagine the scene. Frank, white-hot, with the cry of a man wounded to death bursting from him. Helen, rushing and clinging to him, trying to explain. He catches her wrists and tears -them from his shoulders—once, twice, thrice he sways her this way and -that—the stage manager will show you how—and throws her from him to +them from his shoulders—once, twice, thrice he sways her this way and +that—the stage manager will show you how—and throws her from him to the floor a huddled, crushed, moaning thing. Never, he cries, will he look upon her face again, and rushes from the house through the staring groups of astonished guests.

@@ -3050,8 +3046,8 @@ sent him to this oasis in the desert of noise.

Ramonti, with his still youthful face, his dark eyebrows, his short, pointed, foreign, brown beard, his distinguished head of gray hair, and -his artist's temperament—revealed in his light, gay and sympathetic -manner—was a welcome tenant in the old house near Abingdon Square.

+his artist's temperament—revealed in his light, gay and sympathetic +manner—was a welcome tenant in the old house near Abingdon Square.

Helen lived on the floor above the store. The architecture of it was singular and quaint. The hall was large and almost square. Up one side @@ -3090,7 +3086,7 @@ suspected.

And my friend, the reporter, could see nothing funny in this! Sent out on an assignment to write up a roaring, hilarious, brilliant joshing -story of—but I will not knock a brother—let us go on with the story.

+story of—but I will not knock a brother—let us go on with the story.

One evening Ramonti stopped in Helen's hall-office-reception-room and told his love with the tenderness and ardor of the enraptured artist. @@ -3107,9 +3103,9 @@ street with a wound on my head and was brought there in an ambulance. They thought I must have fallen and struck my head upon the stones. There was nothing to show who I was. I have never been able to remember. After I was discharged from the hospital, I took up the violin. I have -had success. Mrs. Barry—I do not know your name except that—I love +had success. Mrs. Barry—I do not know your name except that—I love you; the first time I saw you I realized that you were the one woman in -the world for me—and"—oh, a lot of stuff like that.

+the world for me—and"—oh, a lot of stuff like that.

Helen felt young again. First a wave of pride and a sweet little thrill of vanity went all over her; and then she looked Ramonti in the eyes, @@ -3135,8 +3131,8 @@ ricocheted from the stairs and stopped for a chat. Sitting across the table from her, he also poured out his narrative of love. And then he said: "Helen, do you not remember me? I think I have seen it in your eyes. Can you forgive the past and remember the love that has lasted -for twenty years? I wronged you deeply—I was afraid to come back to -you—but my love overpowered my reason. Can you, will you, forgive me?"

+for twenty years? I wronged you deeply—I was afraid to come back to +you—but my love overpowered my reason. Can you, will you, forgive me?"

Helen stood up. The mysterious stranger held one of her hands in a strong and trembling clasp.

@@ -3148,7 +3144,7 @@ like that and her emotions to portray.

love for her bridegroom was hers; the treasured, sacred, honored memory of her first choice filled half her soul. She leaned to that pure feeling. Honor and faith and sweet, abiding romance bound her to it. But -the other half of her heart and soul was filled with something else—a +the other half of her heart and soul was filled with something else—a later, fuller, nearer influence. And so the old fought against the new.

And while she hesitated, from the room above came the soft, racking, @@ -3169,13 +3165,13 @@ night when he left I followed him. I was mad with jealousy. On a dark street I struck him down. He did not rise. I examined him. His head had struck a stone. I did not intend to kill him. I was mad with love and jealousy. I hid near by and saw an ambulance take him away. Although you -married him, Helen—"

+married him, Helen—"

"Who Are You?" cried the woman, with wide-open eyes, snatching her hand away.

-

"Don't you remember me, Helen—the one who has always loved you best? I -am John Delaney. If you can forgive—"

+

"Don't you remember me, Helen—the one who has always loved you best? I +am John Delaney. If you can forgive—"

But she was gone, leaping, stumbling, hurrying, flying up the stairs toward the music and him who had forgotten, but who had known her for @@ -3183,13 +3179,13 @@ his in each of his two existences, and as she climbed up she sobbed, cried and sang: "Frank! Frank! Frank!"

Three mortals thus juggling with years as though they were billiard -balls, and my friend, the reporter, couldn't see anything funny in it! -

A RAMBLE IN APHASIA

+balls, and my friend, the reporter, couldn't see anything funny in it!

+

A RAMBLE IN APHASIA

My wife and I parted on that morning in precisely our usual manner. She left her second cup of tea to follow me to the front door. There she plucked from my lapel the invisible strand of lint (the universal act of woman to proclaim ownership) and bade me to take care of my cold. I had -no cold. Next came her kiss of parting—the level kiss of domesticity +no cold. Next came her kiss of parting—the level kiss of domesticity flavored with Young Hyson. There was no fear of the extemporaneous, of variety spicing her infinite custom. With the deft touch of long malpractice, she dabbed awry my well-set scarf pin; and then, as I @@ -3208,8 +3204,8 @@ had warned me.

"If you don't slacken up, Bellford," he said, "you'll go suddenly to pieces. Either your nerves or your brain will give way. Tell me, does a week pass in which you do not read in the papers of a case of -aphasia—of some man lost, wandering nameless, with his past and his -identity blotted out—and all from that little brain clot made by +aphasia—of some man lost, wandering nameless, with his past and his +identity blotted out—and all from that little brain clot made by overwork or worry?"

"I always thought," said I, "that the clot in those instances was really @@ -3218,17 +3214,16 @@ to be found on the brains of the newspaper reporters."

Doctor Volney shook his head.

"The disease exists," he said. "You need a change or a rest. Court-room, -office and home—there is the only route you travel. For recreation -you—read law books. Better take warning in time."

+office and home—there is the only route you travel. For recreation +you—read law books. Better take warning in time."

"On Thursday nights," I said, defensively, "my wife and I play cribbage. On Sundays she reads to me the weekly letter from her mother. That law books are not a recreation remains yet to be established."

That morning as I walked I was thinking of Doctor Volney's words. I was -feeling as well as I usually did—possibly in better spirits than usual. - -


+feeling as well as I usually did—possibly in better spirits than usual.

+

I woke with stiff and cramped muscles from having slept long on the incommodious seat of a day coach. I leaned my head against the seat and tried to think. After a long time I said to myself: "I must have a name @@ -3239,8 +3234,8 @@ I repeated to myself, and began again to consider.

The car was well crowded with men, among whom, I told myself, there must have been some common interest, for they intermingled freely, and seemed -in the best good humor and spirits. One of them—a stout, spectacled -gentleman enveloped in a decided odor of cinnamon and aloes—took the +in the best good humor and spirits. One of them—a stout, spectacled +gentleman enveloped in a decided odor of cinnamon and aloes—took the vacant half of my seat with a friendly nod, and unfolded a newspaper. In the intervals between his periods of reading, we conversed, as travelers will, on current affairs. I found myself able to sustain the @@ -3249,7 +3244,7 @@ by my companion said:

"You are one of us, of course. Fine lot of men the West sends in this time. I'm glad they held the convention in New York; I've never been -East before. My name's R. P. Bolder—Bolder & Son, of Hickory Grove, +East before. My name's R. P. Bolder—Bolder & Son, of Hickory Grove, Missouri."

Though unprepared, I rose to the emergency, as men will when put to it. @@ -3268,14 +3263,14 @@ rubs. Of course, you are a delegate to our National Convention."

"Are all these men druggists?" I asked, wonderingly.

"They are. This car came through from the West. And they're your -old-time druggists, too—none of your patent tablet-and-granule +old-time druggists, too—none of your patent tablet-and-granule pharmashootists that use slot machines instead of a prescription desk. We percolate our own paregoric and roll our own pills, and we ain't above handling a few garden seeds in the spring, and carrying a side line of confectionery and shoes. I tell you Hampinker, I've got an idea -to spring on this convention—new ideas is what they want. Now, you +to spring on this convention—new ideas is what they want. Now, you know the shelf bottles of tartar emetic and Rochelle salt Ant. et Pot. -Tart. and Sod. et Pot. Tart.—one's poison, you know, and the other's +Tart. and Sod. et Pot. Tart.—one's poison, you know, and the other's harmless. It's easy to mistake one label for the other. Where do druggists mostly keep 'em? Why, as far apart as possible, on different shelves. That's wrong. I say keep 'em side by side, so when you want one @@ -3289,17 +3284,17 @@ make some of these Eastern orange-phosphate-and-massage-cream professors that think they're the only lozenges in the market look like hypodermic tablets."

-

"If I can be of any aid," I said, warming, "the two bottles of—er—"

+

"If I can be of any aid," I said, warming, "the two bottles of—er—"

"Tartrate of antimony and potash, and tartrate of soda and potash."

"Shall henceforth sit side by side," I concluded, firmly.

"Now, there's another thing," said Mr. Bolder. "For an excipient in -manipulating a pill mass which do you prefer—the magnesia carbonate or +manipulating a pill mass which do you prefer—the magnesia carbonate or the pulverised glycerrhiza radix?"

-

"The—er—magnesia," I said. It was easier to say than the other word.

+

"The—er—magnesia," I said. It was easier to say than the other word.

Mr. Bolder glanced at me distrustfully through his spectacles.

@@ -3310,15 +3305,13 @@ handing me his newspaper, and laying his finger upon an article. "I don't believe in 'em. I put nine out of ten of 'em down as frauds. A man gets sick of his business and his folks and wants to have a good time. He skips out somewhere, and when they find him he pretends to have lost -his memory—don't know his own name, and won't even recognize the +his memory—don't know his own name, and won't even recognize the strawberry mark on his wife's left shoulder. Aphasia! Tut! Why can't they stay at home and forget?"

-

I took the paper and read, after the pungent headlines, the following: - -


-

       -"Denver, June 12.—Elwyn C. Bellford, a +

I took the paper and read, after the pungent headlines, the following:

+
+

"Denver, June 12.—Elwyn C. Bellford, a prominent lawyer, is mysteriously missing from his home since three days ago, and all efforts to locate him have been in vain. Mr. Bellford is a well-known citizen of the @@ -3332,10 +3325,9 @@ If any clue at all exists to his strange disappearance, it may be found in the fact that for some months he has been deeply absorbed in an important law case in connection with the Q. Y. and Z. Railroad Company. It is feared that overwork may have affected his mind. Every effort is -being made to discover the whereabouts of the missing man." +being made to discover the whereabouts of the missing man."

-

"It seems to me you are not altogether uncynical, Mr. Bolder," I said, after I had read the despatch. "This has the sound, to me, of a genuine case. Why should this man, prosperous, happily married, and respected, @@ -3354,9 +3346,9 @@ philosophy.

We arrived in New York about ten at night. I rode in a cab to a hotel, and I wrote my name "Edward Pinkhammer" in the register. As I did so -I felt pervade me a splendid, wild, intoxicating buoyancy—a sense of +I felt pervade me a splendid, wild, intoxicating buoyancy—a sense of unlimited freedom, of newly attained possibilities. I was just born into -the world. The old fetters—whatever they had been—were stricken from +the world. The old fetters—whatever they had been—were stricken from my hands and feet. The future lay before me a clear road such as an infant enters, and I could set out upon it equipped with a man's learning and experience.

@@ -3370,7 +3362,7 @@ arrive." I drew out a roll of money.

"Ah!" said he, showing an auriferous tooth, "we have quite a number of the Western delegates stopping here." He struck a bell for the boy.

-

I endeavored to give color to my rôle.

+

I endeavored to give color to my rôle.

"There is an important movement on foot among us Westerners," I said, "in regard to a recommendation to the convention that the bottles @@ -3397,7 +3389,7 @@ that transported one into strange and delightful lands full of frolicsome music, pretty girls and grotesque drolly extravagant parodies upon human kind. I went here and there at my own dear will, bound by no limits of space, time or comportment. I dined in weird cabarets, at -weirder tables d'hôte to the sound of Hungarian music and the wild +weirder tables d'hôte to the sound of Hungarian music and the wild shouts of mercurial artists and sculptors. Or, again, where the night life quivers in the electric glare like a kinetoscopic picture, and the millinery of the world, and its jewels, and the ones whom they adorn, @@ -3417,8 +3409,8 @@ murmuring palm rooms, redolent with high-born life and delicate restraint, in which to dine. Again I would go down to the waterways in steamers packed with vociferous, bedecked, unchecked love-making clerks and shop-girls to their crude pleasures on the island shores. And there -was always Broadway—glistening, opulent, wily, varying, desirable -Broadway—growing upon one like an opium habit.

+was always Broadway—glistening, opulent, wily, varying, desirable +Broadway—growing upon one like an opium habit.

One afternoon as I entered my hotel a stout man with a big nose and a black mustache blocked my way in the corridor. When I would have passed @@ -3451,17 +3443,17 @@ table among the ferns when I felt my sleeve caught.

"Mr. Bellford!" exclaimed an amazingly sweet voice.

-

I turned quickly to see a lady seated alone—a lady of about thirty, +

I turned quickly to see a lady seated alone—a lady of about thirty, with exceedingly handsome eyes, who looked at me as though I had been her very dear friend.

"You were about to pass me," she said, accusingly. "Don't tell me you -do not know me. Why should we not shake hands—at least once in fifteen +do not know me. Why should we not shake hands—at least once in fifteen years?"

I shook hands with her at once. I took a chair opposite her at the table. I summoned with my eyebrows a hovering waiter. The lady was -philandering with an orange ice. I ordered a crème de menthe. Her hair +philandering with an orange ice. I ordered a crème de menthe. Her hair was reddish bronze. You could not look at it, because you could not look away from her eyes. But you were conscious of it as you are conscious of sunset while you look into the profundities of a wood at twilight.

@@ -3476,7 +3468,7 @@ you that my name is Edward Pinkhammer, from Cornopolis, Kansas?"

"What would I think?" she repeated, with a merry glance. "Why, that you had not brought Mrs. Bellford to New York with you, of course. I do wish you had. I would have liked to see Marian." Her voice lowered -slightly—"You haven't changed much, Elwyn."

+slightly—"You haven't changed much, Elwyn."

I felt her wonderful eyes searching mine and my face more closely.

@@ -3484,7 +3476,7 @@ slightly—"You haven't changed much, Elwyn."

her latest tones; "I see it now. You haven't forgotten. You haven't forgotten for a year or a day or an hour. I told you you never could."

-

I poked my straw anxiously in the crème de menthe.

+

I poked my straw anxiously in the crème de menthe.

"I'm sure I beg your pardon," I said, a little uneasy at her gaze. "But that is just the trouble. I have forgotten. I've forgotten everything."

@@ -3493,7 +3485,7 @@ that is just the trouble. I have forgotten. I've forgotten everything."

to see in my face.

"I've heard of you at times," she went on. "You're quite a big lawyer -out West—Denver, isn't it, or Los Angeles? Marian must be very proud of +out West—Denver, isn't it, or Los Angeles? Marian must be very proud of you. You knew, I suppose, that I married six months after you did. You may have seen it in the papers. The flowers alone cost two thousand dollars."

@@ -3507,12 +3499,12 @@ congratulations?"

I was silent, and began to crease patterns on the cloth with my thumb nail.

-

"Tell me one thing," she said, leaning toward me rather eagerly—"a -thing I have wanted to know for many years—just from a woman's -curiosity, of course—have you ever dared since that night to touch, -smell or look at white roses—at white roses wet with rain and dew?"

+

"Tell me one thing," she said, leaning toward me rather eagerly—"a +thing I have wanted to know for many years—just from a woman's +curiosity, of course—have you ever dared since that night to touch, +smell or look at white roses—at white roses wet with rain and dew?"

-

I took a sip of crème de menthe.

+

I took a sip of crème de menthe.

"It would be useless, I suppose," I said, with a sigh, "for me to repeat that I have no recollection at all about these things. My memory is @@ -3520,8 +3512,8 @@ completely at fault. I need not say how much I regret it."

The lady rested her arms upon the table, and again her eyes disdained my words and went traveling by their own route direct to my soul. She -laughed softly, with a strange quality in the sound—it was a laugh of -happiness—yes, and of content—and of misery. I tried to look away from +laughed softly, with a strange quality in the sound—it was a laugh of +happiness—yes, and of content—and of misery. I tried to look away from her.

"You lie, Elwyn Bellford," she breathed, blissfully. "Oh, I know you @@ -3540,7 +3532,7 @@ hand, and bowed.

"I am deeply sorry," I said to her, "that I cannot remember. I could explain, but fear you would not understand. You will not concede -Pinkhammer; and I really cannot at all conceive of the—the roses and +Pinkhammer; and I really cannot at all conceive of the—the roses and other things."

"Good-by, Mr. Bellford," she said, with her happy, sorrowful smile, as @@ -3582,7 +3574,7 @@ never saw you before in my life?"

Before the man could reply a wailing cry came from the woman. She sprang past his detaining arm. "Elwyn!" she sobbed, and cast herself upon me, and clung tight. "Elwyn," she cried again, "don't break my heart. I am -your wife—call my name once—just once. I could see you dead rather +your wife—call my name once—just once. I could see you dead rather than this way."

I unwound her arms respectfully, but firmly.

@@ -3602,7 +3594,7 @@ eye on the proceedings of the Druggists' National Convention."

He led her to the door.

"Go to your room for a while," I heard him say. "I will remain and talk -with him. His mind? No, I think not—only a portion of the brain. Yes, +with him. His mind? No, I think not—only a portion of the brain. Yes, I am sure he will recover. Go to your room and leave me with him."

The lady disappeared. The man in dark clothes also went outside, still @@ -3644,9 +3636,9 @@ not recognize him."

'Bellford,' if I am not mistaken. But don't you think it about time, now, for you to introduce yourself?"

-

"I am Robert Volney—Doctor Volney. I have been your close friend for +

"I am Robert Volney—Doctor Volney. I have been your close friend for twenty years, and your physician for fifteen. I came with Mrs. Bellford -to trace you as soon as we got the telegram. Try, Elwyn, old man—try to +to trace you as soon as we got the telegram. Try, Elwyn, old man—try to remember!"

"What's the use to try?" I asked, with a little frown. "You say you are @@ -3661,31 +3653,31 @@ return slowly, or suddenly?"

done everything that science can do to cure you."

"Very well," said I. "Then you will consider that I am your patient. -Everything is in confidence now—professional confidence."

+Everything is in confidence now—professional confidence."

"Of course," said Doctor Volney.

I got up from the couch. Some one had set a vase of white roses on the -centre table—a cluster of white roses, freshly sprinkled and fragrant. +centre table—a cluster of white roses, freshly sprinkled and fragrant. I threw them far out of the window, and then I laid myself upon the couch again.

"It will be best, Bobby," I said, "to have this cure happen suddenly. I'm rather tired of it all, anyway. You may go now and bring Marian in. -But, oh, Doc," I said, with a sigh, as I kicked him on the shin—"good -old Doc—it was glorious!" -

A MUNICIPAL REPORT

+But, oh, Doc," I said, with a sigh, as I kicked him on the shin—"good +old Doc—it was glorious!"

+

A MUNICIPAL REPORT

-

The cities are full of pride,
Challenging each to each—
This from her mountainside,
That from her burthened beach.

+

The cities are full of pride,
Challenging each to each—
This from her mountainside,
That from her burthened beach.

R. Kipling.

-Fancy a novel about Chicago or Buffalo, let us say, or Nashville, +

Fancy a novel about Chicago or Buffalo, let us say, or Nashville, Tennessee! There are just three big cities in the United States -that are "story cities"—New York, of course, New Orleans, and, -best of the lot, San Francisco.—Frank Norris. -

+that are "story cities"—New York, of course, New Orleans, and, +best of the lot, San Francisco.—Frank Norris.

+

East is East, and West is San Francisco, according to Californians. Californians are a race of people; they are not merely inhabitants of a @@ -3701,20 +3693,18 @@ comes upon them, and they picture the city of the Golden Gate as the Bagdad of the New World. So far, as a matter of opinion, no refutation is necessary. But, dear cousins all (from Adam and Eve descended), it is a rash one who will lay his finger on the map and say: "In this town -there can be no romance—what could happen here?" Yes, it is a bold and +there can be no romance—what could happen here?" Yes, it is a bold and a rash deed to challenge in one sentence history, romance, and Rand and -McNally. +McNally.

-


-Nashville—A city, port of delivery, +

Nashville—A city, port of delivery, and the capital of the State of Tennessee, is on the Cumberland River and on the - N. C. & St. L. and the L. & N. railroads. This city is regarded - as the most important educational centre in the South. + N. C. & St. L. and the L. & N. railroads. This city is regarded + as the most important educational centre in the South.

-

I stepped off the train at 8 P.M. Having searched the thesaurus in vain for adjectives, I must, as a substitution, hie me to comparison in the form of a recipe.

@@ -3725,7 +3715,7 @@ honeysuckle 15 parts. Mix.

The mixture will give you an approximate conception of a Nashville drizzle. It is not so fragrant as a moth-ball nor as thick as pea-soup; -but 'tis enough—'twill serve.

+but 'tis enough—'twill serve.

I went to a hotel in a tumbril. It required strong self-suppression for me to keep from climbing to the top of it and giving an imitation of @@ -3739,7 +3729,7 @@ I knew its habits; and I did not want to hear it prate about its old

The hotel was one of the kind described as "renovated." That means $20,000 worth of new marble pillars, tiling, electric lights and brass -cuspidors in the lobby, and a new L. & N. time table and a lithograph of +cuspidors in the lobby, and a new L. & N. time table and a lithograph of Lookout Mountain in each one of the great rooms above. The management was without reproach, the attention full of exquisite Southern courtesy, the service as slow as the progress of a snail and as good-humored as @@ -3753,17 +3743,14 @@ really reckon there's anything at all doin' after sundown."

Sundown had been accomplished; it had been drowned in the drizzle long before. So that spectacle was denied me. But I went forth upon the -streets in the drizzle to see what might be there. - -


+streets in the drizzle to see what might be there.

-It is built on undulating grounds; and the streets are lighted -by electricity at a cost of $32,470 per annum. +

It is built on undulating grounds; and the streets are lighted +by electricity at a cost of $32,470 per annum.

-

As I left the hotel there was a race riot. Down upon me charged a -company of freedmen, or Arabs, or Zulus, armed with—no, I saw with +company of freedmen, or Arabs, or Zulus, armed with—no, I saw with relief that they were not rifles, but whips. And I saw dimly a caravan of black, clumsy vehicles; and at the reassuring shouts, "Kyar you anywhere in the town, boss, fuh fifty cents," I reasoned that I was @@ -3779,17 +3766,14 @@ The streets other than "main" seemed to have enticed upon their borders houses consecrated to peace and domesticity. In many of them lights shone behind discreetly drawn window shades; in a few pianos tinkled orderly and irreproachable music. There was, indeed, little "doing." -I wished I had come before sundown. So I returned to my hotel. - -


+I wished I had come before sundown. So I returned to my hotel.

-In November, 1864, the Confederate General Hood advanced against +

In November, 1864, the Confederate General Hood advanced against Nashville, where he shut up a National force under General Thomas. The latter then sallied forth and defeated the Confederates in a -terrible conflict. +terrible conflict.

-

All my life I have heard of, admired, and witnessed the fine marksmanship of the South in its peaceful conflicts in the tobacco-chewing regions. But in my hotel a surprise awaited me. There @@ -3799,29 +3783,27 @@ crack pitcher of a lady baseball team should have been able to throw a ball into one of them at five paces distant. But, although a terrible battle had raged and was still raging, the enemy had not suffered. Bright, new, imposing, capacious, untouched, they stood. But, shades of -Jefferson Brick! the tile floor—the beautiful tile floor! I could not +Jefferson Brick! the tile floor—the beautiful tile floor! I could not avoid thinking of the battle of Nashville, and trying to draw, as is my foolish habit, some deductions about hereditary marksmanship.

Here I first saw Major (by misplaced courtesy) Wentworth Caswell. I knew him for a type the moment my eyes suffered from the sight of him. A rat has no geographical habitat. My old friend, A. Tennyson, said, as he so -well said almost everything: +well said almost everything:

-


-
- Prophet, curse me the blabbing lip,
- And curse me the British vermin, the rat. -
+
+

Prophet, curse me the blabbing lip,
+ And curse me the British vermin, the rat.

+
-

Let us regard the word "British" as interchangeable ad lib. A rat is a rat.

This man was hunting about the hotel lobby like a starved dog that had forgotten where he had buried a bone. He had a face of great acreage, red, pulpy, and with a kind of sleepy massiveness like that of Buddha. -He possessed one single virtue—he was very smoothly shaven. The mark +He possessed one single virtue—he was very smoothly shaven. The mark of the beast is not indelible upon a man until he goes about with a stubble. I think that if he had not used his razor that day I would have repulsed his advances, and the criminal calendar of the world would have @@ -3838,8 +3820,8 @@ had become my friend and had dragged me to the bar.

profession or trade. I eschew the string tie, the slouch hat, the Prince Albert, the number of bales of cotton destroyed by Sherman, and plug chewing. When the orchestra plays Dixie I do not cheer. I slide a little -lower on the leather-cornered seat and, well, order another Würzburger -and wish that Longstreet had—but what's the use?

+lower on the leather-cornered seat and, well, order another Würzburger +and wish that Longstreet had—but what's the use?

Major Caswell banged the bar with his fist, and the first gun at Fort Sumter re-echoed. When he fired the last one at Appomattox I began to @@ -3873,7 +3855,7 @@ asserting that I do not care for his company. Your town," I continued, excitement have you to offer to the stranger within your gates?"

"Well, sir," said the clerk, "there will be a show here next Thursday. -It is—I'll look it up and have the announcement sent up to your room +It is—I'll look it up and have the announcement sent up to your room with the ice water. Good night."

After I went up to my room I looked out the window. It was only about @@ -3884,18 +3866,16 @@ Ladies' Exchange.

"A quiet place," I said to myself, as my first shoe struck the ceiling of the occupant of the room beneath mine. "Nothing of the life here that gives color and variety to the cities in the East and West. Just a good, -ordinary, humdrum, business town." +ordinary, humdrum, business town."

-


-Nashville occupies a foremost place among the manufacturing +

Nashville occupies a foremost place among the manufacturing centres of the country. It is the fifth boot and shoe market in the United States, the largest candy and cracker manufacturing city in the South, and does an enormous wholesale drygoods, -grocery, and drug business. +grocery, and drug business.

-

I must tell you how I came to be in Nashville, and I assure you the digression brings as much tedium to me as it does to you. I was traveling elsewhere on my own business, but I had a commission from a @@ -3913,14 +3893,14 @@ or twenty.

At nine o'clock the next morning, after my chicken livers en brochette (try them if you can find that hotel), I strayed out into the drizzle, which was still on for an unlimited run. At the first corner I came -upon Uncle Cæsar. He was a stalwart Negro, older than the pyramids, +upon Uncle Caesar. He was a stalwart Negro, older than the pyramids, with gray wool and a face that reminded me of Brutus, and a second afterwards of the late King Cettiwayo. He wore the most remarkable coat that I ever had seen or expect to see. It reached to his ankles and had once been a Confederate gray in colors. But rain and sun and age had so variegated it that Joseph's coat, beside it, would have faded to a pale monochrome. I must linger with that coat, for it has to do with the -story—the story that is so long in coming, because you can hardly +story—the story that is so long in coming, because you can hardly expect anything to happen in Nashville.

Once it must have been the military coat of an officer. The cape of it @@ -3945,7 +3925,7 @@ hitched to it. As I approached he threw open the door, drew out a feather duster, waved it without using it, and said in deep, rumbling tones:

-

"Step right in, suh; ain't a speck of dust in it—jus' got back from a +

"Step right in, suh; ain't a speck of dust in it—jus' got back from a funeral, suh."

I inferred that on such gala occasions carriages were given an extra @@ -3964,23 +3944,21 @@ for, boss?"

"Nothin', suh, jus' nothin'. Only it's a lonesome kind of part of town and few folks ever has business out there. Step right in. The seats is -clean—jes' got back from a funeral, suh."

+clean—jes' got back from a funeral, suh."

A mile and a half it must have been to our journey's end. I could hear nothing but the fearful rattle of the ancient hack over the uneven brick paving; I could smell nothing but the drizzle, now further flavored with coal smoke and something like a mixture of tar and oleander blossoms. All I could see through the streaming windows were two rows of dim -houses. +houses.

-


-The city has an area of 10 square miles; 181 miles of streets, +

The city has an area of 10 square miles; 181 miles of streets, of which 137 miles are paved; a system of water-works that cost -$2,000,000, with 77 miles of mains. +$2,000,000, with 77 miles of mains.

-

Eight-sixty-one Jessamine Street was a decayed mansion. Thirty yards back from the street it stood, outmerged in a splendid grove of trees and untrimmed shrubbery. A row of box bushes overflowed and almost hid @@ -4043,7 +4021,7 @@ the rope and opened a creaky gate.

The house, as I said, was a shell. A paint brush had not touched it in twenty years. I could not see why a strong wind should not have bowled it over like a house of cards until I looked again at the trees that -hugged it close—the trees that saw the battle of Nashville and still +hugged it close—the trees that saw the battle of Nashville and still drew their protecting branches around it against storm and enemy and cold.

@@ -4069,7 +4047,7 @@ made. While she talked to me I kept brushing my fingers, trying, unconsciously, to rid them guiltily of the absent dust from the half-calf backs of Lamb, Chaucer, Hazlitt, Marcus Aurelius, Montaigne and Hood. She was exquisite, she was a valuable discovery. Nearly -everybody nowadays knows too much—oh, so much too much—of real life.

+everybody nowadays knows too much—oh, so much too much—of real life.

I could perceive clearly that Azalea Adair was very poor. A house and a dress she had, not much else, I fancied. So, divided between my duty to @@ -4085,16 +4063,14 @@ proposition.

"Your town," I said, as I began to make ready to depart (which is the time for smooth generalities), "seems to be a quiet, sedate place. A home town, I should say, where few things out of the ordinary ever -happen." +happen."

-


-It carries on an extensive trade in stoves and hollow ware with +

It carries on an extensive trade in stoves and hollow ware with the West and South, and its flouring mills have a daily capacity -of more than 2,000 barrels. +of more than 2,000 barrels.

-

Azalea Adair seemed to reflect.

"I have never thought of it that way," she said, with a kind of sincere @@ -4102,20 +4078,20 @@ intensity that seemed to belong to her. "Isn't it in the still, quiet places that things do happen? I fancy that when God began to create the earth on the first Monday morning one could have leaned out one's window and heard the drops of mud splashing from His trowel as He built up the -everlasting hills. What did the noisiest project in the world—I mean -the building of the Tower of Babel—result in finally? A page and a half +everlasting hills. What did the noisiest project in the world—I mean +the building of the Tower of Babel—result in finally? A page and a half of Esperanto in the North American Review."

"Of course," said I platitudinously, "human nature is the same -everywhere; but there is more color—er—more drama and movement -and—er—romance in some cities than in others."

+everywhere; but there is more color—er—more drama and movement +and—er—romance in some cities than in others."

"On the surface," said Azalea Adair. "I have traveled many times around -the world in a golden airship wafted on two wings—print and dreams. I +the world in a golden airship wafted on two wings—print and dreams. I have seen (on one of my imaginary tours) the Sultan of Turkey bowstring with his own hands one of his wives who had uncovered her face in public. I have seen a man in Nashville tear up his theatre tickets -because his wife was going out with her face covered—with rice powder. +because his wife was going out with her face covered—with rice powder. In San Francisco's Chinatown I saw the slave girl Sing Yee dipped slowly, inch by inch, in boiling almond oil to make her swear she would never see her American lover again. She gave in when the boiling oil had @@ -4142,18 +4118,18 @@ mouth and bulging eyes.

Azalea Adair opened a tiny, worn purse and drew out a dollar bill, a dollar bill with the upper right-hand corner missing, torn in two pieces, and pasted together again with a strip of blue tissue paper. It -was one of the bills I had given the piratical Negro—there was no doubt +was one of the bills I had given the piratical Negro—there was no doubt about it.

"Go up to Mr. Baker's store on the corner, Impy," she said, handing the -girl the dollar bill, "and get a quarter of a pound of tea—the kind he -always sends me—and ten cents worth of sugar cakes. Now, hurry. The +girl the dollar bill, "and get a quarter of a pound of tea—the kind he +always sends me—and ten cents worth of sugar cakes. Now, hurry. The supply of tea in the house happens to be exhausted," she explained to me.

Impy left by the back way. Before the scrape of her hard, bare feet -had died away on the back porch, a wild shriek—I was sure it was -hers—filled the hollow house. Then the deep, gruff tones of an angry +had died away on the back porch, a wild shriek—I was sure it was +hers—filled the hollow house. Then the deep, gruff tones of an angry man's voice mingled with the girl's further squeals and unintelligible words.

@@ -4174,14 +4150,14 @@ to-morrow would do.

That same day I started in on the course of iniquity that this uneventful city forced upon me. I was in the town only two days, but in that time I managed to lie shamelessly by telegraph, and to be an -accomplice—after the fact, if that is the correct legal term—to a +accomplice—after the fact, if that is the correct legal term—to a murder.

As I rounded the corner nearest my hotel the Afrite coachman of the polychromatic, nonpareil coat seized me, swung open the dungeony door of his peripatetic sarcophagus, flirted his feather duster and began his -ritual: "Step right in, boss. Carriage is clean—jus' got back from a -funeral. Fifty cents to any—"

+ritual: "Step right in, boss. Carriage is clean—jus' got back from a +funeral. Fifty cents to any—"

And then he knew me and grinned broadly. "'Scuse me, boss; you is de gen'l'man what rid out with me dis mawnin'. Thank you kindly, suh."

@@ -4233,7 +4209,7 @@ just before I went to bed I mentally disposed of the mysterious dollar bill (which might have formed the clew to a tremendously fine detective story of San Francisco) by saying to myself sleepily: "Seems as if a lot of people here own stock in the Hack-Driver's Trust. Pays dividends -promptly, too. Wonder if—" Then I fell asleep.

+promptly, too. Wonder if—" Then I fell asleep.

King Cettiwayo was at his post the next day, and rattled my bones over the stones out to 861. He was to wait and rattle me back again when I @@ -4252,13 +4228,13 @@ cents each) I explained to him my presence in the hollow house of mystery. He bowed with stately understanding, and turned to the old Negro.

-

"Uncle Cæsar," he said calmly, "Run up to my house and ask Miss Lucy to +

"Uncle Caesar," he said calmly, "Run up to my house and ask Miss Lucy to give you a cream pitcher full of fresh milk and half a tumbler of port -wine. And hurry back. Don't drive—run. I want you to get back sometime +wine. And hurry back. Don't drive—run. I want you to get back sometime this week."

It occurred to me that Dr. Merriman also felt a distrust as to the -speeding powers of the land-pirate's steeds. After Uncle Cæsar was +speeding powers of the land-pirate's steeds. After Uncle Caesar was gone, lumberingly, but swiftly, up the street, the doctor looked me over with great politeness and as much careful calculation until he had decided that I might do.

@@ -4266,7 +4242,7 @@ had decided that I might do.

"It is only a case of insufficient nutrition," he said. "In other words, the result of poverty, pride, and starvation. Mrs. Caswell has many devoted friends who would be glad to aid her, but she will accept -nothing except from that old Negro, Uncle Cæsar, who was once owned by +nothing except from that old Negro, Uncle Caesar, who was once owned by her family."

"Mrs. Caswell!" said I, in surprise. And then I looked at the contract @@ -4288,31 +4264,31 @@ and intentions to make a reasonable advance of money to Azalea Adair on future contributions to the magazine, and he seemed pleased.

"By the way," he said, "perhaps you would like to know that you have had -royalty for a coachman. Old Cæsar's grandfather was a king in Congo. -Cæsar himself has royal ways, as you may have observed."

+royalty for a coachman. Old Caesar's grandfather was a king in Congo. +Caesar himself has royal ways, as you may have observed."

-

As the doctor was moving off I heard Uncle Cæsar's voice inside: "Did +

As the doctor was moving off I heard Uncle Caesar's voice inside: "Did he get bofe of dem two dollars from you, Mis' Zalea?"

-

"Yes, Cæsar," I heard Azalea Adair answer weakly. And then I went in +

"Yes, Caesar," I heard Azalea Adair answer weakly. And then I went in and concluded business negotiations with our contributor. I assumed the responsibility of advancing fifty dollars, putting it as a necessary -formality in binding our bargain. And then Uncle Cæsar drove me back +formality in binding our bargain. And then Uncle Caesar drove me back to the hotel.

Here ends all of the story as far as I can testify as a witness. The rest must be only bare statements of facts.

-

At about six o'clock I went out for a stroll. Uncle Cæsar was at his +

At about six o'clock I went out for a stroll. Uncle Caesar was at his corner. He threw open the door of his carriage, flourished his duster and began his depressing formula: "Step right in, suh. Fifty cents to -anywhere in the city—hack's puffickly clean, suh—jus' got back from a -funeral—"

+anywhere in the city—hack's puffickly clean, suh—jus' got back from a +funeral—"

And then he recognized me. I think his eyesight was getting bad. His coat had taken on a few more faded shades of color, the twine strings -were more frayed and ragged, the last remaining button—the button of -yellow horn—was gone. A motley descendant of kings was Uncle Cæsar!

+were more frayed and ragged, the last remaining button—the button of +yellow horn—was gone. A motley descendant of kings was Uncle Caesar!

About two hours later I saw an excited crowd besieging the front of a drug store. In a desert where nothing happens this was manna; so I wedged @@ -4323,7 +4299,7 @@ was conspicuous by its absence.

The erstwhile Major had been found dead on a dark street and brought by curious and ennuied citizens to the drug store. The late human being had -been engaged in terrific battle—the details showed that. Loafer and +been engaged in terrific battle—the details showed that. Loafer and reprobate though he had been, he had been also a warrior. But he had lost. His hands were yet clinched so tightly that his fingers would not be opened. The gentle citizens who had know him stood about and searched @@ -4353,8 +4329,8 @@ horn overcoat button the size of a fifty-cent piece, with frayed ends of coarse twine hanging from it, and cast it out of the window into the slow, muddy waters below.

-

I wonder what's doing in Buffalo! -

PSYCHE AND THE PSKYSCRAPER

+

I wonder what's doing in Buffalo!

+

PSYCHE AND THE PSKYSCRAPER

If you are a philosopher you can do this thing: you can go to the top of a high building, look down upon your fellow-men 300 feet below, and despise them as insects. Like the irresponsible black waterbugs on @@ -4379,7 +4355,7 @@ Time. Space, too, should be his by the right of his immortal heritage, and he thrills at the thought that some day his kind shall traverse those mysterious aerial roads between planet and planet. The tiny world beneath his feet upon which this towering structure of steel rests as a -speck of dust upon a Himalayan mountain—it is but one of a countless +speck of dust upon a Himalayan mountain—it is but one of a countless number of such whirling atoms. What are the ambitions, the achievements, the paltry conquests and loves of those restless black insects below compared with the serene and awful immensity of the universe that lies @@ -4414,7 +4390,7 @@ and fruit. He was a capable American youth who was laying by money, and wanted Daisy to help him spend it. Three times he had asked her.

"I got money saved up, Daisy," was his love song; "and you know how bad -I want you. That store of mine ain't very big, but—"

+I want you. That store of mine ain't very big, but—"

"Oh, ain't it?" would be the antiphony of the unphilosophical one. "Why, I heard Wanamaker's was trying to get you to sublet part of your floor @@ -4429,7 +4405,7 @@ looks emptier. You must have sold a pack of chewing gum."

"except for you, Daise. Me and the store are waitin' for you whenever you'll take us. Don't you think you might before long?"

-

"Store!"—a fine scorn was expressed by Daisy's uptilted nose—"sardine +

"Store!"—a fine scorn was expressed by Daisy's uptilted nose—"sardine box! Waitin' for me, you say? Gee! you'd have to throw out about a hundred pounds of candy before I could get inside of it, Joe."

@@ -4442,7 +4418,7 @@ so near to one another that the paper on them made a perfect Babel of noise. She could light the gas with one hand and close the door with the other without taking her eyes off the reflection of her brown pompadour in the mirror. She had Joe's picture in a gilt frame on the dresser, and -sometimes—but her next thought would always be of Joe's funny little +sometimes—but her next thought would always be of Joe's funny little store tacked like a soap box to the corner of that great building, and away would go her sentiment in a breeze of laughter.

@@ -4467,7 +4443,7 @@ the sprigs of parsley with which he garnished the feast of small talk that he would set before you if he conceived that to be your taste. And again he used them as breastworks in foraging at the boardinghouse. Firing at you a volley of figures concerning the weight of a lineal -foot of bar-iron 5 × 2¾ inches, and the average annual rainfall at +foot of bar-iron 5 × 2¾ inches, and the average annual rainfall at Fort Snelling, Minn., he would transfix with his fork the best piece of chicken on the dish while you were trying to rally sufficiently to ask him weakly why does a hen cross the road.

@@ -4479,7 +4455,7 @@ steel. But Joe carried no steel. There wouldn't have been room in his store to draw it if he had.

One Saturday afternoon, about four o'clock, Daisy and Mr. Dabster -stopped before Joe's booth. Dabster wore a silk hat, and—well, Daisy +stopped before Joe's booth. Dabster wore a silk hat, and—well, Daisy was a woman, and that hat had no chance to get back in its box until Joe had seen it. A stick of pineapple chewing gum was the ostensible object of the call. Joe supplied it through the open side of his store. He did @@ -4505,7 +4481,7 @@ over-stocked."

Daisy giggled at her favorite joke; and Joe had to smile with her.

-

"Your quarters are somewhat limited, Mr.—er—er," remarked Dabster, +

"Your quarters are somewhat limited, Mr.—er—er," remarked Dabster, "in comparison with the size of this building. I understand the area of its side to be about 340 by 100 feet. That would make you occupy a proportionate space as if half of Beloochistan were placed upon a @@ -4529,11 +4505,11 @@ height like this before.

conduct her soul forth to meet the immensity of space.

"Bipeds," he said, solemnly. "See what they become even at the small -elevation of 340 feet—mere crawling insects going to and fro at +elevation of 340 feet—mere crawling insects going to and fro at random."

"Oh, they ain't anything of the kind," exclaimed Daisy, -suddenly—"they're folks! I saw an automobile. Oh, gee! are we that +suddenly—"they're folks! I saw an automobile. Oh, gee! are we that high up?"

"Walk over this way," said Dabster.

@@ -4573,8 +4549,8 @@ were coming out above.

66,000,000 miles from the sun."

"Fudge!" said Daisy, with a brief flash of spirit, "where do you think -I come from—Brooklyn? Susie Price, in our store—her brother sent her -a ticket to go to San Francisco—that's only three thousand miles."

+I come from—Brooklyn? Susie Price, in our store—her brother sent her +a ticket to go to San Francisco—that's only three thousand miles."

The philosopher smiled indulgently.

@@ -4586,14 +4562,14 @@ thousand stars of the sixth magnitude. It takes thirty-six years for the light of one of them to reach the earth. With an eighteen-foot telescope we can see 43,000,000 stars, including those of the thirteenth magnitude, whose light takes 2,700 years to reach us. Each of these -stars—"

+stars—"

"You're lyin'," cried Daisy, angrily. "You're tryin' to scare me. And you have; I want to go down!"

She stamped her foot.

-

"Arcturus—" began the philosopher, soothingly, but he was interrupted +

"Arcturus—" began the philosopher, soothingly, but he was interrupted by a demonstration out of the vastness of the nature that he was endeavoring to portray with his memory instead of his heart. For to the heart-expounder of nature the stars were set in the firmament expressly @@ -4606,7 +4582,7 @@ reach us, indeed!

almost to midday. Its fiery parabola was limned against the sky toward the east. It hissed as it went, and Daisy screamed.

-

"Take me down," she cried, vehemently, "you—you mental arithmetic!"

+

"Take me down," she cried, vehemently, "you—you mental arithmetic!"

Dabster got her to the elevator, and inside of it. She was wild-eyed, and she shuddered when the express made its debilitating drop.

@@ -4623,26 +4599,26 @@ stove.

and candies, tumbled into his arms.

"Oh, Joe, I've been up on the skyscraper. Ain't it cozy and warm and -homelike in here! I'm ready for you, Joe, whenever you want me." -

A BIRD OF BAGDAD

+homelike in here! I'm ready for you, Joe, whenever you want me."

+

A BIRD OF BAGDAD

Without a doubt much of the spirit and genius of the Caliph Harun Al Rashid descended to the Margrave August Michael von Paulsen Quigg.

-

Quigg's restaurant is in Fourth Avenue—that street that the city seems -to have forgotten in its growth. Fourth Avenue—born and bred in the -Bowery—staggers northward full of good resolutions.

+

Quigg's restaurant is in Fourth Avenue—that street that the city seems +to have forgotten in its growth. Fourth Avenue—born and bred in the +Bowery—staggers northward full of good resolutions.

Where it crosses Fourteenth Street it struts for a brief moment proudly in the glare of the museums and cheap theatres. It may yet become a fit mate for its high-born sister boulevard to the west, or its roaring, polyglot, broad-waisted cousin to the east. It passes Union Square; and here the hoofs of the dray horses seem to thunder in unison, recalling -the tread of marching hosts—Hooray! But now come the silent and -terrible mountains—buildings square as forts, high as the clouds, +the tread of marching hosts—Hooray! But now come the silent and +terrible mountains—buildings square as forts, high as the clouds, shutting out the sky, where thousands of slaves bend over desks all day. On the ground floors are only little fruit shops and laundries and book shops, where you see copies of "Littell's Living Age" and G. W. M. -Reynold's novels in the windows. And next—poor Fourth Avenue!—the +Reynold's novels in the windows. And next—poor Fourth Avenue!—the street glides into a mediaeval solitude. On each side are shops devoted to "Antiques."

@@ -4659,7 +4635,7 @@ by these spectral citizens in whose sunken hearts scarce one good whoop or tra-la-la remained?

Not Fourth Avenue. Not after the tinsel but enlivening glories of the -Little Rialto—not after the echoing drum-beats of Union Square. There +Little Rialto—not after the echoing drum-beats of Union Square. There need be no tears, ladies and gentlemen; 'tis but the suicide of a street. With a shriek and a crash Fourth Avenue dives headlong into the tunnel at Thirty-fourth and is never seen again.

@@ -4667,10 +4643,10 @@ tunnel at Thirty-fourth and is never seen again.

Near the sad scene of the thoroughfare's dissolution stood the modest restaurant of Quigg. It stands there yet if you care to view its crumbling red-brick front, its show window heaped with oranges, -tomatoes, layer cakes, pies, canned asparagus—its papier-mâché lobster -and two Maltese kittens asleep on a bunch of lettuce—if you care to +tomatoes, layer cakes, pies, canned asparagus—its papier-mâché lobster +and two Maltese kittens asleep on a bunch of lettuce—if you care to sit at one of the little tables upon whose cloth has been traced in the -yellowest of coffee stains the trail of the Japanese advance—to sit +yellowest of coffee stains the trail of the Japanese advance—to sit there with one eye on your umbrella and the other upon the bogus bottle from which you drop the counterfeit sauce foisted upon us by the cursed charlatan who assumes to be our dear old lord and friend, the "Nobleman @@ -4684,8 +4660,8 @@ restaurant. He was a man full of thought and reading. The business gave him a living, though he gave it little attention. One side of his house bequeathed to him a poetic and romantic adventure. The other gave him the restless spirit that made him seek adventure. By day he was Quigg, -the restaurateur. By night he was the Margrave—the Caliph—the Prince -of Bohemia—going about the city in search of the odd, the mysterious, +the restaurateur. By night he was the Margrave—the Caliph—the Prince +of Bohemia—going about the city in search of the odd, the mysterious, the inexplicable, the recondite.

One night at 9, at which hour the restaurant closed, Quigg set forth @@ -4701,7 +4677,7 @@ meals; a few were for single regular meals; a very few were, in effect, meal tickets good for a week.

Of riches and power Margrave Quigg had none; but he had a Caliph's -heart—it may be forgiven him if his head fell short of the measure of +heart—it may be forgiven him if his head fell short of the measure of Harun Al Rashid's. Perhaps some of the gold pieces in Bagdad had put less warmth and hope into the complainants among the bazaars than had Quigg's beef stew among the fishermen and one-eyed calenders of @@ -4744,27 +4720,27 @@ I?" asked the young man.

scramble after," said the Margrave.

"That's it. You buy all the beer you can hold, and then you throw -chicken feed to— Oh, curse that word chicken, and hens, feathers, +chicken feed to— Oh, curse that word chicken, and hens, feathers, roosters, eggs, and everything connected with it!"

"Young sir," said the Margrave kindly, but with dignity, "though I do not ask your confidence, I invite it. I know the world and I know humanity. Man is my study, though I do not eye him as the scientist eyes a beetle or as the philanthropist gazes at the objects of his -bounty—through a veil of theory and ignorance. It is my pleasure +bounty—through a veil of theory and ignorance. It is my pleasure and distraction to interest myself in the peculiar and complicated misfortunes that life in a great city visits upon my fellow-men. You may be familiar with the history of that glorious and immortal ruler, the Caliph Harun Al Rashid, whose wise and beneficent excursions among his people in the city of Bagdad secured him the privilege of relieving so much of their distress. In my humble way I walk in his footsteps. I seek -for romance and adventure in city streets—not in ruined castles or in +for romance and adventure in city streets—not in ruined castles or in crumbling palaces. To me the greatest marvels of magic are those that take place in men's hearts when acted upon by the furious and diverse forces of a crowded population. In your strange behavior this evening I fancy a story lurks. I read in your act something deeper than the wanton wastefulness of a spendthrift. I observe in your countenance the -certain traces of consuming grief or despair. I repeat—I invite your +certain traces of consuming grief or despair. I repeat—I invite your confidence. I am not without some power to alleviate and advise. Will you not trust me?"

@@ -4782,42 +4758,37 @@ smile.

"I'll spiel it in about nine words," said the young man, with a deep sigh, "but I don't think you can help me any. Unless you're a peach at -guessing it's back to the Bosphorus for you on your magic linoleum." +guessing it's back to the Bosphorus for you on your magic linoleum."

-
-
-
-THE STORY OF THE YOUNG MAN
- AND THE HARNESS MAKER'S RIDDLE -

+

THE STORY OF THE YOUNG MAN AND THE HARNESS MAKER'S RIDDLE

"I work in Hildebrant's saddle and harness shop down in Grant Street. I've worked there five years. I get $18 a week. That's enough to marry on, ain't it? Well, I'm not going to get married. Old Hildebrant is -one of these funny Dutchmen—you know the kind—always getting off bum +one of these funny Dutchmen—you know the kind—always getting off bum jokes. He's got about a million riddles and things that he faked from Rogers Brothers' great-grandfather. Bill Watson works there, too. Me and Bill have to stand for them chestnuts day after day. Why do we do it? -Well, jobs ain't to be picked off every Anheuser bush— And then there's +Well, jobs ain't to be picked off every Anheuser bush— And then there's Laura.

"What? The old man's daughter. Comes in the shop every day. About nineteen, and the picture of the blonde that sits on the palisades of the Rhine and charms the clam-diggers into the surf. Hair the color of straw matting, and eyes as black and shiny as the best harness -blacking—think of that!

+blacking—think of that!

"Me? well, it's either me or Bill Watson. She treats us both equal. Bill -is all to the psychopathic about her; and me?—well, you saw me plating +is all to the psychopathic about her; and me?—well, you saw me plating the roadbed of the Great Maroon Way with silver to-night. That was on account of Laura. I was spiflicated, Your Highness, and I wot not of what I wouldst.

"How? Why, old Hildebrandt says to me and Bill this afternoon: 'Boys, one riddle have I for you gehabt haben. A young man who cannot riddles -antworten, he is not so good by business for ein family to provide—is -not that—hein?' And he hands us a riddle—a conundrum, some calls -it—and he chuckles interiorly and gives both of us till to-morrow +antworten, he is not so good by business for ein family to provide—is +not that—hein?' And he hands us a riddle—a conundrum, some calls +it—and he chuckles interiorly and gives both of us till to-morrow morning to work out the answer to it. And he says whichever of us guesses the repartee end of it goes to his house o' Wednesday night to his daughter's birthday party. And it means Laura for whichever of us @@ -4831,7 +4802,7 @@ Think of that! What kind of a hen lays the longest? Ain't it like a Dutchman to risk a man's happiness on a fool proposition like that? Now, what's the use? What I don't know about hens would fill several incubators. You say you're giving imitations of the old Arab guy that -gave away—libraries in Bagdad. Well, now, can you whistle up a fairy +gave away—libraries in Bagdad. Well, now, can you whistle up a fairy that'll solve this hen query, or not?"

When the young man ceased the Margrave arose and paced to and fro by the @@ -4843,10 +4814,10 @@ search of adventure and in relieving distress I have never encountered a more interesting or a more perplexing case. I fear that I have overlooked hens in my researches and observations. As to their habits, their times and manner of laying, their many varieties and -cross-breedings, their span of life, their—"

+cross-breedings, their span of life, their—"

"Oh, don't make an Ibsen drama of it!" interrupted the young man, -flippantly. "Riddles—especially old Hildebrant's riddles—don't have +flippantly. "Riddles—especially old Hildebrant's riddles—don't have to be worked out seriously. They are light themes such as Sim Ford and Harry Thurston Peck like to handle. But, somehow, I can't strike just the answer. Bill Watson may, and he may not. To-morrow will tell. Well, @@ -4860,7 +4831,7 @@ night. Peace fo' yours, and what-you-may-call-its of Allah."

"I cannot express my regret," he said, sadly. "Never before have I found myself unable to assist in some way. 'What kind of a hen lays the longest? It is a baffling problem. There is a hen, I believe, called -the Plymouth Rock that—"

+the Plymouth Rock that—"

"Cut it out," said the young man. "The Caliph trade is a mighty serious one. I don't suppose you'd even see anything funny in a preacher's @@ -4873,17 +4844,9 @@ a card and handed it to the young man.

when it might be of use to you."

"Thanks!" said the young man, pocketing it carelessly. "My name is -Simmons." - -

-

-*         -*         -*         -*         -*        * -

+Simmons."

+

Shame to him who would hint that the reader's interest shall altogether pursue the Margrave August Michael von Paulsen Quigg. I am indeed astray if my hand fail in keeping the way where my peruser's heart would @@ -4898,22 +4861,22 @@ leather martingale.

"Vell," said Hildebrant, shaking all over with the vile conceit of the joke-maker, "haf you guessed him? 'Vat kind of a hen lays der longest?'"

-

"Er—why, I think so," said Bill, rubbing a servile chin. "I think so, -Mr. Hildebrant—the one that lives the longest— Is that right?"

+

"Er—why, I think so," said Bill, rubbing a servile chin. "I think so, +Mr. Hildebrant—the one that lives the longest— Is that right?"

"Nein!" said Hildebrant, shaking his head violently. "You haf not guessed der answer."

Bill passed on and donned a bed-tick apron and bachelorhood.

-

In came the young man of the Arabian Night's fiasco—pale, melancholy, +

In came the young man of the Arabian Night's fiasco—pale, melancholy, hopeless.

"Vell," said Hildebrant, "haf you guessed him? 'Vat kind of a hen lays der longest?'"

Simmons regarded him with dull savagery in his eye. Should he curse this -mountain of pernicious humor—curse him and die? Why should— But there +mountain of pernicious humor—curse him and die? Why should— But there was Laura.

Dogged, speechless, he thrust his hands into his coat pockets and stood. @@ -4927,14 +4890,14 @@ roast chicken to bearer."

"A dead one!" said he.

"Goot!" roared Hildebrant, rocking the table with giant glee. "Dot is -right! You gome at mine house at 8 o'clock to der party." -

COMPLIMENTS OF THE SEASON

+right! You gome at mine house at 8 o'clock to der party."

+

COMPLIMENTS OF THE SEASON

There are no more Christmas stories to write. Fiction is exhausted; and newspaper items, the next best, are manufactured by clever young journalists who have married early and have an engagingly pessimistic view of life. Therefore, for seasonable diversion, we are reduced -to very questionable sources—facts and philosophy. We will begin -with—whichever you choose to call it.

+to very questionable sources—facts and philosophy. We will begin +with—whichever you choose to call it.

Children are pestilential little animals with which we have to cope under a bewildering variety of conditions. Especially when childish @@ -4957,7 +4920,7 @@ instead of upon diamond-studded automobiles and pony phaetons.

The Child grieved sorely and truly, a thing inexplicable to the Millionaire, to whom the rag-doll market was about as interesting as Bay -State Gas; and to the Lady, the Child's mother, who was all form—that +State Gas; and to the Lady, the Child's mother, who was all form—that is, nearly all, as you shall see.

The Child cried inconsolably, and grew hollow-eyed, knock-kneed, @@ -4982,7 +4945,7 @@ their gang of helpers, people bumped your shins on the streets with red sleds, Thomas and Jeremiah bubbled before you on the bars while you waited on one foot, holly-wreaths of hospitality were hung in windows of the stores, they who had 'em were getting their furs. You hardly knew -which was the best bet in balls—three, high, moth, or snow. It was no +which was the best bet in balls—three, high, moth, or snow. It was no time at which to lose the rag-doll or your heart.

If Doctor Watson's investigating friend had been called in to solve this @@ -4991,9 +4954,9 @@ wall a copy of "The Vampire." That would have quickly suggested, by induction, "A rag and a bone and a hank of hair." "Flip," a Scotch terrier, next to the rag-doll in the Child's heart, frisked through the halls. The hank of hair! Aha! X, the unfound quantity, represented the -rag-doll. But, the bone? Well, when dogs find bones they—Done! It were +rag-doll. But, the bone? Well, when dogs find bones they—Done! It were an easy and a fruitful task to examine Flip's forefeet. Look, Watson! -Earth—dried earth between the toes. Of course, the dog—but Sherlock +Earth—dried earth between the toes. Of course, the dog—but Sherlock was not there. Therefore it devolves. But topography and architecture must intervene.

@@ -5005,17 +4968,17 @@ ravished the rag-doll from the nursery, dragged it to a corner of the lawn, dug a hole, and buried it after the manner of careless undertakers. There you have the mystery solved, and no checks to write for the hypodermical wizard or fi'-pun notes to toss to the sergeant. -Then let's get down to the heart of the thing, tiresome readers—the +Then let's get down to the heart of the thing, tiresome readers—the Christmas heart of the thing.

-

Fuzzy was drunk—not riotously or helplessly or loquaciously, as you or +

Fuzzy was drunk—not riotously or helplessly or loquaciously, as you or I might get, but decently, appropriately, and inoffensively, as becomes a gentleman down on his luck.

Fuzzy was a soldier of misfortune. The road, the haystack, the park bench, the kitchen door, the bitter round of eleemosynary beds-with-shower-bath-attachment, the petty pickings and ignobly -garnered largesse of great cities—these formed the chapters of his +garnered largesse of great cities—these formed the chapters of his history.

Fuzzy walked toward the river, down the street that bounded one side of @@ -5074,12 +5037,12 @@ elsewhere.

"This doll?" asked Fuzzy, touching Betsy with his forefinger to be sure that she was the one referred to. Why, this doll was presented to me by the Emperor of Beloochistan. I have seven hundred others in my country -home in Newport. This doll—"

+home in Newport. This doll—"

"Cheese the funny business," said Riley. "You swiped it or picked it up -at de house on de hill where—but never mind dat. You want to take fifty +at de house on de hill where—but never mind dat. You want to take fifty cents for de rags, and take it quick. Me brother's kid at home might be -wantin' to play wid it. Hey—what?"

+wantin' to play wid it. Hey—what?"

He produced the coin.

@@ -5108,11 +5071,11 @@ Riley temporized.

To set a faded-blue, earth-stained rag-doll on a bar, to hold mimic converse with it, and to find his heart leaping with the sense of plaudits earned and his throat scorching with free libations poured in -his honor—could base coin buy him from such achievements? You will +his honor—could base coin buy him from such achievements? You will perceive that Fuzzy had the temperament.

Fuzzy walked out with the gait of a trained sea-lion in search of other -cafés to conquer.

+cafés to conquer.

Though the dusk of twilight was hardly yet apparent, lights were beginning to spangle the city like pop-corn bursting in a deep skillet. @@ -5130,7 +5093,7 @@ doomed.

They overtook him just as he and Betsy were entering Costigan's Casino. They deflected him, and shoved the newspaper under his nose. Fuzzy could -read—and more.

+read—and more.

"Boys," said he, "you are certainly damn true friends. Give me a week to think it over."

@@ -5152,27 +5115,27 @@ upon them acrimoniously.

"You are a pack of putty-faced beagle-hounds," he roared. "Go away."

-

They went away—a little way.

+

They went away—a little way.

In "Pigeon" McCarthy's pocket was a section of one-inch gas-pipe eight inches long. In one end of it and in the middle of it was a lead plug. One-half of it was packed tight with solder. Black Riley carried a slung-shot, being a conventional thug. "One-ear" Mike relied upon a -pair of brass knucks—an heirloom in the family.

+pair of brass knucks—an heirloom in the family.

"Why fetch and carry," said Black Riley, "when some one will do it for -ye? Let him bring it out to us. Hey—what?"

+ye? Let him bring it out to us. Hey—what?"

"We can chuck him in the river," said "Pigeon" McCarthy, "with a stone tied to his feet."

"Youse guys make me tired," said "One-ear" Mike sadly. "Ain't progress ever appealed to none of yez? Sprinkle a little gasoline on 'im, and -drop 'im on the Drive—well?"

+drop 'im on the Drive—well?"

Fuzzy entered the Millionaire's gate and zigzagged toward the softly glowing entrance of the mansion. The three goblins came up to the gate -and lingered—one on each side of it, one beyond the roadway. They +and lingered—one on each side of it, one beyond the roadway. They fingered their cold metal and leather, confident.

Fuzzy rang the door-bell, smiling foolishly and dreamily. An atavistic @@ -5181,7 +5144,7 @@ wore no gloves; so his left hand dropped, embarrassed.

The particular menial whose duty it was to open doors to silks and laces shied at first sight of Fuzzy. But a second glance took in his passport, -his card of admission, his surety of welcome—the lost rag-doll of the +his card of admission, his surety of welcome—the lost rag-doll of the daughter of the house dangling under his arm.

Fuzzy was admitted into a great hall, dim with the glow from unseen @@ -5207,7 +5170,7 @@ as the front door.

When the money touched fuzzy's dingy palm his first instinct was to take to his heels; but a second thought restrained him from that blunder -of etiquette. It was his; it had been given him. It—and, oh, what an +of etiquette. It was his; it had been given him. It—and, oh, what an elysium it opened to the gaze of his mind's eye! He had tumbled to the foot of the ladder; he was hungry, homeless, friendless, ragged, cold, drifting; and he held in his hand the key to a paradise of the mud-honey @@ -5230,15 +5193,15 @@ little sprigs of mistletoe on a dead tree, certain living green thoughts and memories began to decorate his confused mind. He was quite drunk, mind you, and the present was beginning to fade. Those wreaths and festoons of holly with their scarlet berries making the great hall -gay—where had he seen such things before? Somewhere he had known -polished floors and odors of fresh flowers in winter, and—and some one +gay—where had he seen such things before? Somewhere he had known +polished floors and odors of fresh flowers in winter, and—and some one was singing a song in the house that he thought he had heard before. -Some one singing and playing a harp. Of course, it was Christmas—Fuzzy +Some one singing and playing a harp. Of course, it was Christmas—Fuzzy though he must have been pretty drunk to have overlooked that.

And then he went out of the present, and there came back to him out of some impossible, vanished, and irrevocable past a little, pure-white, -transient, forgotten ghost—the spirit of noblesse oblige. Upon a +transient, forgotten ghost—the spirit of noblesse oblige. Upon a gentleman certain things devolve.

James opened the outer door. A stream of light went down the graveled @@ -5249,7 +5212,7 @@ and carelessly drew their sinister cordon closer about the gate.

ever use, Fuzzy compelled the menial to close the door. Upon a gentleman certain things devolve. Especially at the Christmas season.

-

"It is cust—customary," he said to James, the flustered, "when a +

"It is cust—customary," he said to James, the flustered, "when a gentleman calls on Christmas Eve to pass the compliments of the season with the lady of the house. You und'stand? I shall not move shtep till I pass compl'ments season with lady the house. Und'stand?"

@@ -5298,15 +5261,15 @@ sho."

And then he began the ancient salutation that was a tradition in the House when men wore lace ruffles and powder.

-

"The blessings of another year—"

+

"The blessings of another year—"

Fuzzy's memory failed him. The Lady prompted:

-

"—Be upon this hearth."

+

"—Be upon this hearth."

-

"—The guest—" stammered Fuzzy.

+

"—The guest—" stammered Fuzzy.

-

"—And upon her who—" continued the Lady, with a leading smile.

+

"—And upon her who—" continued the Lady, with a leading smile.

"Oh, cut it out," said Fuzzy, ill-manneredly. "I can't remember. Drink hearty."

@@ -5317,7 +5280,7 @@ The harp music still softly drifted through the house.

Outside, Black Riley breathed on his cold hands and hugged the gate.

-

"I wonder," said the Lady to herself, musing, "who—but there were so +

"I wonder," said the Lady to herself, musing, "who—but there were so many who came. I wonder whether memory is a curse or a blessing to them after they have fallen so low."

@@ -5331,8 +5294,8 @@ section of gas-pipe.

"You will conduct this gentleman," said the lady, "Downstairs. Then tell Louis to get out the Mercedes and take him to whatever place he wishes -to go." -

A NIGHT IN NEW ARABIA

+to go."

+

A NIGHT IN NEW ARABIA

The great city of Bagdad-on-the-Subway is caliph-ridden. Its palaces, bazaars, khans, and byways are thronged with Al Rashids in divers disguises, seeking diversion and victims for their unbridled generosity. @@ -5367,13 +5330,9 @@ report from Arabian headquarters that the captive refused "to talk."

This reticence, then, in the actors who perform the sad comedies of their philanthropy-scourged world, must, in a degree, account for the -shortcomings of this painfully gleaned tale, which shall be called +shortcomings of this painfully gleaned tale, which shall be called

-

-
-THE STORY OF THE CALIPH
-WHO ALLEVIATED HIS CONSCIENCE -

+

THE STORY OF THE CALIPH WHO ALLEVIATED HIS CONSCIENCE

Old Jacob Spraggins mixed for himself some Scotch and lithia water at his $1,200 oak sideboard. Inspiration must have resulted from its @@ -5398,7 +5357,7 @@ hitched up his galluses, put a dollar or two in a side proposition now and then, and at forty-five was worth $20,000,000.

There now! it's over. Hardly had time to yawn, did you? I've seen -biographies that—but let us dissemble.

+biographies that—but let us dissemble.

I want you to consider Jacob Spraggins, Esq., after he had arrived at the seventh stage of his career. The stages meant are, first, humble @@ -5424,14 +5383,14 @@ him the kind of steak he orders, he begins to think about his soul's salvation. Now, the various stages or classes of rich men must not be forgotten. The capitalist can tell you to a dollar the amount of his wealth. The trust magnate "estimates" it. The rich malefactor hands you -a cigar and denies that he has bought the P. D. & Q. The caliph merely +a cigar and denies that he has bought the P. D. & Q. The caliph merely smiles and talks about Hammerstein and the musical lasses. There is a record of tremendous altercation at breakfast in a "Where-to-Dine-Well" tavern between a magnate and his wife, the rift within the loot being that the wife calculated their fortune at a figure $3,000,000 higher -than did her future divorcé. Oh, well, I, myself, heard a similar +than did her future divorcé. Oh, well, I, myself, heard a similar quarrel between a man and his wife because he found fifty cents less in -his pockets than he thought he had. After all, we are all human—Count +his pockets than he thought he had. After all, we are all human—Count Tolstoi, R. Fitzsimmons, Peter Pan, and the rest of us.

Don't lose heart because the story seems to be degenerating into a sort @@ -5473,7 +5432,7 @@ acoustics, undesignedly reached his ear.

"There goes the latest chevalier d'industrie," said one of them, "to buy a sleeping powder from us. He gets his degree to-morrow."

-

"In foro conscientiæ," said the other. "Let's 'eave 'arf a brick at +

"In foro conscientiae," said the other. "Let's 'eave 'arf a brick at 'im."

Jacob ignored the Latin, but the brick pleasantry was not too hard for @@ -5482,7 +5441,7 @@ had bought. That was before the passage of the Pure Food and Drugs Act.

Jacob wearied of philanthropy on a large scale.

-

"If I could see folks made happier," he said to himself—"If I could see +

"If I could see folks made happier," he said to himself—"If I could see 'em myself and hear 'em express their gratitude for what I done for 'em it would make me feel better. This donatin' funds to institutions and societies is about as satisfactory as dropping money into a broken slot @@ -5492,7 +5451,7 @@ machine."

homes of the poorest.

"The very thing!" said Jacob. "I will charter two river steamboats, pack -them full of these unfortunate children and—say ten thousand dolls and +them full of these unfortunate children and—say ten thousand dolls and drums and a thousand freezers of ice cream, and give them a delightful outing up the Sound. The sea breezes on that trip ought to blow the taint off some of this money that keeps coming in faster than I can work @@ -5502,14 +5461,14 @@ it off my mind."

person with a bald face and a mouth that looked as if it ought to have a "Drop Letters Here" sign over it hooked a finger around him and set him in a space between a barber's pole and a stack of ash cans. Words came -out of the post-office slit—smooth, husky words with gloves on 'em, but +out of the post-office slit—smooth, husky words with gloves on 'em, but sounding as if they might turn to bare knuckles any moment.

"Say, Sport, do you know where you are at? Well, dis is Mike O'Grady's -district you're buttin' into—see? Mike's got de stomach-ache privilege -for every kid in dis neighborhood—see? And if dere's any picnics or red -balloons to be dealt out here, Mike's money pays for 'em—see? Don't -you butt in, or something'll be handed to you. Youse d–––– settlers and +district you're buttin' into—see? Mike's got de stomach-ache privilege +for every kid in dis neighborhood—see? And if dere's any picnics or red +balloons to be dealt out here, Mike's money pays for 'em—see? Don't +you butt in, or something'll be handed to you. Youse d⸺ settlers and reformers with your social ologies and your millionaire detectives have got dis district in a hell of a fix, anyhow. With your college students and professors rough-housing de soda-water stands and dem rubber-neck @@ -5535,14 +5494,14 @@ star part in a new comedy. He might have gotten rid of $50,000 more of his cumbersome money in this philanthropy if he had not neglected to write letters to her. But she lost the suit for lack of evidence, while his capital still kept piling up, and his optikos needleorum -camelibus—or rich man's disease—was unrelieved.

+camelibus—or rich man's disease—was unrelieved.

In Caliph Spraggins's $3,000,000 home lived his sister Henrietta, who used to cook for the coal miners in a twenty-five-cent eating house in Coketown, Pa., and who now would have offered John Mitchell only two fingers of her hand to shake. And his daughter Celia, nineteen, back from boarding-school and from being polished off by private instructors -in the restaurant languages and those études and things.

+in the restaurant languages and those études and things.

Celia is the heroine. Lest the artist's delineation of her charms on this very page humbug your fancy, take from me her authorized @@ -5602,7 +5561,7 @@ me."

"He will to me," said Celia.

-

"Riches—" began Annette, unsheathing the not unjustifiable feminine +

"Riches—" began Annette, unsheathing the not unjustifiable feminine sting.

"Oh, you're not so beautiful," said Celia, with her wide, disarming @@ -5640,14 +5599,14 @@ a three-inch smile.

"That's all right. I'm Thomas McLeod. What part of the house do you work in?"

-

"I'm the—the second parlor maid."

+

"I'm the—the second parlor maid."

"Do you know the 'Falling Waters'?"

-

"No," said Celia, "we don't know anybody. We got rich too quick—that +

"No," said Celia, "we don't know anybody. We got rich too quick—that is, Mr. Spraggins did."

-

"I'll make you acquainted," said Thomas McLeod. "It's a strathspey—the +

"I'll make you acquainted," said Thomas McLeod. "It's a strathspey—the first cousin to a hornpipe."

If Celia's whistling put the piccolos out of commission, Thomas McLeod's @@ -5705,7 +5664,7 @@ call it a flat pudding if we wanted to."

"And tell no lie," said Thomas.

-

"And I can sweep and polish and dust—of course, a parlor maid learns +

"And I can sweep and polish and dust—of course, a parlor maid learns that. And we could whistle duets of evenings."

"The old man said he'd raise me to twenty at Christmas if Bryan couldn't @@ -5768,7 +5727,7 @@ back your mystery till the end? I say, let it come near the middle so people can stop reading there if they want to.

After the detectives had trailed false clues about three thousand -dollars—I mean miles—they cornered Thomas at the grocery and got his +dollars—I mean miles—they cornered Thomas at the grocery and got his confession that Hugh McLeod had been his grandfather, and that there were no other heirs. They arranged a meeting for him and old Jacob one morning in one of their offices.

@@ -5833,7 +5792,7 @@ now? I'm going to quit the job to-night. Why can't we get married next week?"

"Tommy," said Celia. "I'm no parlor maid. I've been fooling you. I'm -Miss Spraggins—Celia Spraggins. The newspapers say I'll be worth forty +Miss Spraggins—Celia Spraggins. The newspapers say I'll be worth forty million dollars some day."

Thomas pulled his cap down straight on his head for the first time since @@ -5863,7 +5822,7 @@ married. I couldn't stop her, sir. They went in a cab."

"What young man?" roared old Jacob.

-

"A millionaire, if you please, sir—a rich nobleman in disguise. He +

"A millionaire, if you please, sir—a rich nobleman in disguise. He carries his money with him, and the red peppers and the onions was only to blind us, sir. He never did seem to take to me."

@@ -5888,9 +5847,8 @@ on his conscience now."

"A thousand thunders," said Gaston, or Mike. "I have no other match."

"Young man," said old Jacob, severely, "how about that parlor maid you -were engaged to?" - -


+were engaged to?"

+

A couple of years afterward old Jacob went into the office of his private secretary.

@@ -5917,12 +5875,12 @@ $20,000 from you to lay out a golf course."

"Cut 'em all out," went on Jacob. "I've quit being a good thing. I need every dollar I can scrape or save. I want you to write to the directors of every company that I'm interested in and recommend a 10 per cent. cut -in salaries. And say—I noticed half a cake of soap lying in a corner of +in salaries. And say—I noticed half a cake of soap lying in a corner of the hall as I came in. I want you to speak to the scrubwoman about -waste. I've got no money to throw away. And say—we've got vinegar +waste. I've got no money to throw away. And say—we've got vinegar pretty well in hand, haven't we?'

-

"The Globe Spice & Seasons Company," said secretary, "controls the +

"The Globe Spice & Seasons Company," said secretary, "controls the market at present."

"Raise vinegar two cents a gallon. Notify all our branches."

@@ -5932,45 +5890,43 @@ walked over to the secretary's desk and showed a small red mark on his thick forefinger.

"Bit it," he said, "darned if he didn't, and he ain't had the tooth -three weeks—Jaky McLeod, my Celia's kid. He'll be worth a hundred +three weeks—Jaky McLeod, my Celia's kid. He'll be worth a hundred millions by the time he's twenty-one if I can pile it up for him."

As he was leaving, old Jacob turned at the door, and said:

"Better make that vinegar raise three cents instead of two. I'll be back -in an hour and sign the letters." - -


+in an hour and sign the letters."

+

The true history of the Caliph Harun Al Rashid relates that toward the end of his reign he wearied of philanthropy, and caused to be beheaded all his former favorites and companions of his "Arabian Nights" rambles. Happy are we in these days of enlightenment, when the only death warrant -the caliphs can serve on us is in the form of a tradesman's bill. -

THE GIRL AND THE HABIT

+the caliphs can serve on us is in the form of a tradesman's bill.

+

THE GIRL AND THE HABIT

-Habit—a tendency or aptitude -acquired by custom or frequent repetition. +

Habit—a tendency or aptitude +acquired by custom or frequent repetition.

-

The critics have assailed every source of inspiration save one. To that one we are driven for our moral theme. When we levied upon the masters of old they gleefully dug up the parallels to our columns. When we strove to set forth real life they reproached us for trying to imitate Henry George, George Washington, Washington Irving, and Irving Bacheller. We wrote of the West and the East, and they accused us -of both Jesse and Henry James. We wrote from our heart—and they +of both Jesse and Henry James. We wrote from our heart—and they said something about a disordered liver. We took a text from Matthew -or—er—yes, Deuteronomy, but the preachers were hammering away at the +or—er—yes, Deuteronomy, but the preachers were hammering away at the inspiration idea before we could get into type. So, driven to the wall, we go for our subject-matter to the reliable, old, moral, unassailable -vade mecum—the unabridged dictionary.

+vade mecum—the unabridged dictionary.

Miss Merriam was cashier at Hinkle's. Hinkle's is one of the big downtown restaurants. It is in what the papers call the "financial district." Each day from 12 o'clock to 2 Hinkle's was full of hungry -customers—messenger boys, stenographers, brokers, owners of mining -stock, promoters, inventors with patents pending—and also people with +customers—messenger boys, stenographers, brokers, owners of mining +stock, promoters, inventors with patents pending—and also people with money.

The cashiership at Hinkle's was no sinecure. Hinkle egged and toasted @@ -5985,8 +5941,8 @@ the bottom you thrust your waiter's check and the money, while your heart went pit-a-pat.

For Miss Merriam was lovely and capable. She could take 45 cents out of -a $2 bill and refuse an offer of marriage before you could—Next!—lost -your chance—please don't shove. She could keep cool and collected while +a $2 bill and refuse an offer of marriage before you could—Next!—lost +your chance—please don't shove. She could keep cool and collected while she collected your check, give you the correct change, win your heart, indicate the toothpick stand, and rate you to a quarter of a cent better than Bradstreet could to a thousand in less time than it takes to pepper @@ -6010,9 +5966,9 @@ leading lady of love and luncheon. You take from her a smile and a Canadian dime, and you go your way uncomplaining. You count the cheery word or two that she tosses you as misers count their treasures; and you pocket the change for a five uncomputed. Perhaps the brass-bound -inaccessibility multiplies her charms—anyhow, she is a shirt-waisted +inaccessibility multiplies her charms—anyhow, she is a shirt-waisted angel, immaculate, trim, manicured, seductive, bright-eyed, ready, -alert—Psyche, Circe, and Ate in one, separating you from your +alert—Psyche, Circe, and Ate in one, separating you from your circulating medium after your sirloin medium.

The young men who broke bread at Hinkle's never settled with the cashier @@ -6026,55 +5982,55 @@ regularly than he ate.

During a brisk luncheon hour Miss Merriam's conversation, while she took money for checks, would run something like this:

-

"Good morning, Mr. Haskins—sir?—it's natural, thank you—don't be -quite so fresh . . . Hello, Johnny—ten, fifteen, twenty—chase along -now or they'll take the letters off your cap . . . Beg pardon—count -it again, please—Oh, don't mention it . . . Vaudeville?—thanks; -not on your moving picture—I was to see Carter in Hedda Gabler on +

"Good morning, Mr. Haskins—sir?—it's natural, thank you—don't be +quite so fresh . . . Hello, Johnny—ten, fifteen, twenty—chase along +now or they'll take the letters off your cap . . . Beg pardon—count +it again, please—Oh, don't mention it . . . Vaudeville?—thanks; +not on your moving picture—I was to see Carter in Hedda Gabler on Wednesday night with Mr. Simmons . . . 'Scuse me, I thought that -was a quarter . . . Twenty-five and seventy-five's a dollar—got +was a quarter . . . Twenty-five and seventy-five's a dollar—got that ham-and-cabbage habit yet. I see, Billy . . . Who are you -addressing?—say—you'll get all that's coming to you in a -minute . . . Oh, fudge! Mr. Bassett—you're always fooling—no—? -Well, maybe I'll marry you some day—three, four and sixty-five +addressing?—say—you'll get all that's coming to you in a +minute . . . Oh, fudge! Mr. Bassett—you're always fooling—no—? +Well, maybe I'll marry you some day—three, four and sixty-five is five . . . Kindly keep them remarks to yourself, if you -please . . . Ten cents?—'scuse me; the check calls for seventy—well, +please . . . Ten cents?—'scuse me; the check calls for seventy—well, maybe it is a one instead of a seven . . . Oh, do you like it that -way, Mr. Saunders?—some prefer a pomp; but they say this Cleo de +way, Mr. Saunders?—some prefer a pomp; but they say this Cleo de Merody does suit refined features . . . and ten is fifty . . . Hike along there, buddy; don't take this for a Coney Island ticket -booth . . . Huh?—why, Macy's—don't it fit nice? Oh, no, it isn't too -cool—these light-weight fabrics is all the go this season . . . Come -again, please—that's the third time you've tried to—what?—forget -it—that lead quarter is an old friend of mine . . . Sixty-five?—must +booth . . . Huh?—why, Macy's—don't it fit nice? Oh, no, it isn't too +cool—these light-weight fabrics is all the go this season . . . Come +again, please—that's the third time you've tried to—what?—forget +it—that lead quarter is an old friend of mine . . . Sixty-five?—must have had your salary raised, Mr. Wilson . . . I seen you on Sixth -Avenue Tuesday afternoon, Mr. De Forest—swell?—oh, my!—who -is she? . . . What's the matter with it?—why, it ain't -money—what?—Columbian half?—well, this ain't South -America . . . Yes, I like the mixed best—Friday?—awfully -sorry, but I take my jiu-jitsu lesson on Friday—Thursday, -then . . . Thanks—that's sixteen times I've been told that this -morning—I guess I must be beautiful . . . Cut that out, please—who -do you think I am? . . . Why, Mr. Westbrook—do you really think -so?—the idea!—one—eighty and twenty's a dollar—thank you ever so -much, but I don't ever go automobile riding with gentlemen—your -aunt?—well, that's different—perhaps . . . Please don't get -fresh—your check was fifteen cents, I believe—kindly step aside and -let . . . Hello, Ben—coming around Thursday evening?—there's a +Avenue Tuesday afternoon, Mr. De Forest—swell?—oh, my!—who +is she? . . . What's the matter with it?—why, it ain't +money—what?—Columbian half?—well, this ain't South +America . . . Yes, I like the mixed best—Friday?—awfully +sorry, but I take my jiu-jitsu lesson on Friday—Thursday, +then . . . Thanks—that's sixteen times I've been told that this +morning—I guess I must be beautiful . . . Cut that out, please—who +do you think I am? . . . Why, Mr. Westbrook—do you really think +so?—the idea!—one—eighty and twenty's a dollar—thank you ever so +much, but I don't ever go automobile riding with gentlemen—your +aunt?—well, that's different—perhaps . . . Please don't get +fresh—your check was fifteen cents, I believe—kindly step aside and +let . . . Hello, Ben—coming around Thursday evening?—there's a gentleman going to send around a box of chocolates, and . . . forty and sixty is a dollar, and one is two . . ."

-

About the middle of one afternoon the dizzy goddess Vertigo—whose other -name is Fortune—suddenly smote an old, wealthy and eccentric banker +

About the middle of one afternoon the dizzy goddess Vertigo—whose other +name is Fortune—suddenly smote an old, wealthy and eccentric banker while he was walking past Hinkle's, on his way to a street car. A -wealthy and eccentric banker who rides in street cars is—move up, +wealthy and eccentric banker who rides in street cars is—move up, please; there are others.

A Samaritan, a Pharisee, a man and a policeman who were first on the spot lifted Banker McRamsey and carried him into Hinkle's restaurant. When the aged but indestructible banker opened his eyes he saw a beautiful vision bending over him with a pitiful, tender smile, bathing -his forehead with beef tea and chafing his hands with something frappé +his forehead with beef tea and chafing his hands with something frappé out of a chafing-dish. Mr. McRamsey sighed, lost a vest button, gazed with deep gratitude upon his fair preserveress, and then recovered consciousness.

@@ -6082,9 +6038,9 @@ consciousness.

To the Seaside Library all who are anticipating a romance! Banker McRamsey had an aged and respected wife, and his sentiments toward Miss Merriam were fatherly. He talked to her for half an hour with -interest—not the kind that went with his talks during business hours. +interest—not the kind that went with his talks during business hours. The next day he brought Mrs. McRamsey down to see her. The old couple -were childless—they had only a married daughter living in Brooklyn.

+were childless—they had only a married daughter living in Brooklyn.

To make a short story shorter, the beautiful cashier won the hearts of the good old couple. They came to Hinkle's again and again; they @@ -6092,7 +6048,7 @@ invited her to their old-fashioned but splendid home in one of the East Seventies. Miss Merriam's winning loveliness, her sweet frankness and impulsive heart took them by storm. They said a hundred times that Miss Merriam reminded them so much of their lost daughter. The Brooklyn -matron, née Ramsey, had the figure of Buddha and a face like the ideal +matron, née Ramsey, had the figure of Buddha and a face like the ideal of an art photographer. Miss Merriam was a combination of curves, smiles, rose leaves, pearls, satin and hair-tonic posters. Enough of the fatuity of parents.

@@ -6102,7 +6058,7 @@ stood before Hinkle one afternoon and resigned her cashiership.

"They're going to adopt me," she told the bereft restaurateur. "They're funny old people, but regular dears. And the swell home they have got! -Say, Hinkle, there isn't any use of talking—I'm on the à la carte to +Say, Hinkle, there isn't any use of talking—I'm on the à la carte to wear brown duds and goggles in a whiz wagon, or marry a duke at least. Still, I somehow hate to break out of the old cage. I've been cashiering so long I feel funny doing anything else. I'll miss joshing the fellows @@ -6113,24 +6069,23 @@ the half if it hurts you, Hinkle."

And they did. Miss Merriam became Miss Rosa McRamsey. And she graced the transition. Beauty is only skin-deep, but the nerves lie very near to -the skin. Nerve—but just here will you oblige by perusing again the +the skin. Nerve—but just here will you oblige by perusing again the quotation with which this story begins?

The McRamseys poured out money like domestic champagne to polish their adopted one. Milliners, dancing masters and private tutors got it. -Miss—er—McRamsey was grateful, loving, and tried to forget Hinkle's. +Miss—er—McRamsey was grateful, loving, and tried to forget Hinkle's. To give ample credit to the adaptability of the American girl, Hinkle's did fade from her memory and speech most of the time.

Not every one will remember when the Earl of Hitesbury came to East -Seventy–––– Street, America. He was only a fair-to-medium earl, without +Seventy ⸻ Street, America. He was only a fair-to-medium earl, without debts, and he created little excitement. But you will surely remember -the evening when the Daughters of Benevolence held their bazaar in the -W––––f-A––––a Hotel. For you were there, and you wrote a note to Fannie -on the hotel paper, and mailed it, just to show her that—you did not? +the evening when the Daughters of Benevolence held their bazaar in the—a Hotel. For you were there, and you wrote a note to Fannie +on the hotel paper, and mailed it, just to show her that—you did not? Very well; that was the evening the baby was sick, of course.

-

At the bazaar the McRamseys were prominent. Miss Mer—er—McRamsey was +

At the bazaar the McRamseys were prominent. Miss Mer—er—McRamsey was exquisitely beautiful. The Earl of Hitesbury had been very attentive to her since he dropped in to have a look at America. At the charity bazaar the affair was supposed to be going to be pulled off to a finish. An @@ -6140,30 +6095,30 @@ outstanding accounts are also lower.

Our ex-young-lady-cashier was assigned to a booth. She was expected to sell worthless articles to nobs and snobs at exorbitant prices. The proceeds of the bazaar were to be used for giving the poor children of -the slums a Christmas din––––Say! did you ever +the slums a Christmas din—Say! did you ever wonder where they get the other 364?

-

Miss McRamsey—beautiful, palpitating, excited, charming, -radiant—fluttered about in her booth. An imitation brass network, with +

Miss McRamsey—beautiful, palpitating, excited, charming, +radiant—fluttered about in her booth. An imitation brass network, with a little arched opening, fenced her in.

-

Along came the Earl, assured, delicate, accurate, admiring—admiring +

Along came the Earl, assured, delicate, accurate, admiring—admiring greatly, and faced the open wicket.

-

"You look chawming, you know—'pon my word you do—my deah," he said, +

"You look chawming, you know—'pon my word you do—my deah," he said, beguilingly.

Miss McRamsey whirled around.

"Cut that joshing out," she said, coolly and briskly. "Who do you think -you are talking to? Your check, please. Oh, Lordy!—"

+you are talking to? Your check, please. Oh, Lordy!—"

Patrons of the bazaar became aware of a commotion and pressed around a certain booth. The Earl of Hitesbury stood near by pulling a pale blond and puzzled whisker.

-

"Miss McRamsey has fainted," some one explained. -

PROOF OF THE PUDDING

+

"Miss McRamsey has fainted," some one explained.

+

PROOF OF THE PUDDING

Spring winked a vitreous optic at Editor Westbrook of the Minerva Magazine, and deflected him from his course. He had lunched in his favorite corner of a Broadway hotel, and was returning to his office @@ -6173,7 +6128,7 @@ safely forded the spring freshet of vehicles in Fifth Avenue, and meandered along the walks of budding Madison Square.

The lenient air and the settings of the little park almost formed a -pastoral; the color motif was green—the presiding shade at the creation +pastoral; the color motif was green—the presiding shade at the creation of man and vegetation.

The callow grass between the walks was the color of verdigris, a @@ -6183,7 +6138,7 @@ buds looked strangely familiar to those who had botanized among the garnishings of the fish course of a forty-cent dinner. The sky above was of that pale aquamarine tint that ballroom poets rhyme with "true" and "Sue" and "coo." The one natural and frank color visible was the -ostensible green of the newly painted benches—a shade between the color +ostensible green of the newly painted benches—a shade between the color of a pickled cucumber and that of a last year's fast-black cravenette raincoat. But, to the city-bred eye of Editor Westbrook, the landscape appeared a masterpiece.

@@ -6194,7 +6149,7 @@ the editor's mind.

Editor Westbrook's spirit was contented and serene. The April number of the Minerva had sold its entire edition before the tenth day of the -month—a newsdealer in Keokuk had written that he could have sold fifty +month—a newsdealer in Keokuk had written that he could have sold fifty copies more if he had 'em. The owners of the magazine had raised his (the editor's) salary; he had just installed in his home a jewel of a recently imported cook who was afraid of policemen; and the morning @@ -6212,7 +6167,7 @@ of the convalescent city.

(already filling with vagrants and the guardians of lawless childhood) he felt his sleeve grasped and held. Suspecting that he was about to be panhandled, he turned a cold and unprofitable face, and saw that his -captor was—Dawe—Shackleford Dawe, dingy, almost ragged, the genteel +captor was—Dawe—Shackleford Dawe, dingy, almost ragged, the genteel scarcely visible in him through the deeper lines of the shabby.

While the editor is pulling himself out of his surprise, a flashlight @@ -6252,7 +6207,7 @@ had seen Dawe in several months.

form of his phrase seemed to touch upon the other's changed appearance.

"Sit down for a minute," said Dawe, tugging at his sleeve. "This is my -office. I can't come to yours, looking as I do. Oh, sit down—you won't +office. I can't come to yours, looking as I do. Oh, sit down—you won't be disgraced. Those half-plucked birds on the other benches will take you for a swell porch-climber. They won't know you are only an editor."

@@ -6262,16 +6217,16 @@ virulent green bench. He always yielded gracefully when he did yield.

Dawe snapped at the cigar as a kingfisher darts at a sunperch, or a girl pecks at a chocolate cream.

-

"I have just—" began the editor.

+

"I have just—" began the editor.

"Oh, I know; don't finish," said Dawe. "Give me a match. You have just ten minutes to spare. How did you manage to get past my office-boy and invade my sanctum? There he goes now, throwing his club at a dog that couldn't read the 'Keep off the Grass' signs."

-

"How goes the writing?" asked the editor. +

"How goes the writing?" asked the editor.

-"Look at me," said Dawe, "for your answer. Now don't put on that +

"Look at me," said Dawe, "for your answer. Now don't put on that embarrassed, friendly-but-honest look and ask me why I don't get a job as a wine agent or a cab driver. I'm in the fight to a finish. I know I can write good fiction and I'll force you fellows to admit it yet. I'll @@ -6279,32 +6234,32 @@ make you change the spelling of 'regrets' to 'c-h-e-q-u-e' before I'm done with you."

Editor Westbrook gazed through his nose-glasses with a sweetly -sorrowful, omniscient, sympathetic, skeptical expression—the +sorrowful, omniscient, sympathetic, skeptical expression—the copyrighted expression of the editor beleagured by the unavailable contributor.

-

"Have you read the last story I sent you—'The Alarum of the Soul'?" +

"Have you read the last story I sent you—'The Alarum of the Soul'?" asked Dawe.

"Carefully. I hesitated over that story, Shack, really I did. It had some good points. I was writing you a letter to send with it when it -goes back to you. I regret—"

+goes back to you. I regret—"

"Never mind the regrets," said Dawe, grimly. "There's neither salve nor sting in 'em any more. What I want to know is why. Come now; out with the good points first."

"The story," said Westbrook, deliberately, after a suppressed sigh, "is -written around an almost original plot. Characterization—the best you -have done. Construction—almost as good, except for a few weak joints +written around an almost original plot. Characterization—the best you +have done. Construction—almost as good, except for a few weak joints which might be strengthened by a few changes and touches. It was a good -story, except—"

+story, except—"

"I can write English, can't I?" interrupted Dawe.

"I have always told you," said the editor, "that you had a style."

-

"Then the trouble is—"

+

"Then the trouble is—"

"Same old thing," said Editor Westbrook. "You work up to your climax like an artist. And then you turn yourself into a photographer. I don't @@ -6312,7 +6267,7 @@ know what form of obstinate madness possesses you, but that is what you do with everything that you write. No, I will retract the comparison with the photographer. Now and then photography, in spite of its impossible perspective, manages to record a fleeting glimpse of truth. -But you spoil every dénouement by those flat, drab, obliterating strokes +But you spoil every dénouement by those flat, drab, obliterating strokes of your brush that I have so often complained of. If you would rise to the literary pinnacle of your dramatic senses, and paint them in the high colors that art requires, the postman would leave fewer bulky, @@ -6336,7 +6291,7 @@ hotly. "I'll tell you what she'd say in real life. She'd say: 'What! Bessie led away by a strange man? Good Lord! It's one trouble after another! Get my other hat, I must hurry around to the police-station. Why wasn't somebody looking after her, I'd like to know? For God's sake, -get out of my way or I'll never get ready. Not that hat—the brown one +get out of my way or I'll never get ready. Not that hat—the brown one with the velvet bows. Bessie must have been crazy; she's usually shy of strangers. Is that too much powder? Lordy! How I'm upset!'

@@ -6375,7 +6330,7 @@ lioness that has been deprived of her cubs is dramatically as far above her customary whine and purr as the kingly and transcendent utterances of Lear are above the level of his senile vaporings. But it is also true that all men and women have what may be called a sub-conscious dramatic -sense that is awakened by a sufficiently deep and powerful emotion—a +sense that is awakened by a sufficiently deep and powerful emotion—a sense unconsciously acquired from literature and the stage that prompts them to express those emotions in language befitting their importance and histrionic value."

@@ -6402,8 +6357,8 @@ the square to set and think?"

'The Alarum of the Soul' caused you to throw it down?"

"When Gabriel Murray," said Westbrook, "goes to his telephone and is -told that his fiancée has been shot by a burglar, he says—I do not -recall the exact words, but—"

+told that his fiancée has been shot by a burglar, he says—I do not +recall the exact words, but—"

"I do," said Dawe. "He says: 'Damn Central; she always cuts me off.' (And then to his friend) 'Say, Tommy, does a thirty-two bullet make a @@ -6412,12 +6367,12 @@ from the sideboard, Tommy? No; straight; nothing on the side.'"

"And again," continued the editor, without pausing for argument, "when Berenice opens the letter from her husband informing her that he has -fled with the manicure girl, her words are—let me see—"

+fled with the manicure girl, her words are—let me see—"

"She says," interposed the author: "'Well, what do you think of that!'"

"Absurdly inappropriate words," said Westbrook, "presenting an -anti-climax—plunging the story into hopeless bathos. Worse yet; they +anti-climax—plunging the story into hopeless bathos. Worse yet; they mirror life falsely. No human being ever uttered banal colloquialisms when confronted by sudden tragedy."

@@ -6453,7 +6408,7 @@ down to my last dollar, with two months' rent due."

"I have applied the opposite of your theory," said the editor, "in selecting the fiction for the Minerva Magazine. The circulation has -gone up from ninety thousand to—"

+gone up from ninety thousand to—"

"Four hundred thousand," said Dawe. "Whereas it should have been boosted to a million."

@@ -6478,10 +6433,10 @@ Mrs. Dawe up some evening soon, and we'll have one of those informal chafing-dish suppers that we used to enjoy so much."

"Later," said Dawe. "When I get another shirt. And now I'll tell you my -scheme. When I was about to leave home after breakfast—if you can call -tea and oatmeal breakfast—Louise told me she was going to visit her +scheme. When I was about to leave home after breakfast—if you can call +tea and oatmeal breakfast—Louise told me she was going to visit her aunt in Eighty-ninth Street. She said she would return at three o'clock. -She is always on time to a minute. It is now—"

+She is always on time to a minute. It is now—"

Dawe glanced toward the editor's watch pocket.

@@ -6491,10 +6446,10 @@ time-piece.

"We have just enough time," said Dawe. "We will go to my flat at once. I will write a note, address it to her and leave it on the table where she will see it as she enters the door. You and I will be in the dining-room -concealed by the portières. In that note I'll say that I have fled from +concealed by the portières. In that note I'll say that I have fled from her forever with an affinity who understands the needs of my artistic soul as she never did. When she reads it we will observe her actions and -hear her words. Then we will know which theory is the correct one—yours +hear her words. Then we will know which theory is the correct one—yours or mine."

"Oh, never!" exclaimed the editor, shaking his head. "That would be @@ -6524,7 +6479,7 @@ vanished quality. Sic transit gloria urbis.

A block or two north of the Park, Dawe steered the editor again eastward, then, after covering a short distance, into a lofty but narrow -flathouse burdened with a floridly over-decorated façade. To the fifth +flathouse burdened with a floridly over-decorated façade. To the fifth story they toiled, and Dawe, panting, pushed his latch-key into the door of one of the front flats.

@@ -6538,13 +6493,10 @@ it there when she went out this morning."

He picked up an envelope that lay on the centre-table and tore it open. He began to read the letter that he drew out of it; and once having begun it aloud he so read it through to the end. These are the words -that Editor Westbrook heard: - -


-

-"Dear Shackleford:
-
-      "By the time you get this I will be about a hundred miles away and +that Editor Westbrook heard:

+
+

"Dear Shackleford: +"By the time you get this I will be about a hundred miles away and still a-going. I've got a place in the chorus of the Occidental Opera Co., and we start on the road to-day at twelve o'clock. I didn't want to starve to death, and so I decided to make my own living. I'm not coming @@ -6552,17 +6504,9 @@ back. Mrs. Westbrook is going with me. She said she was tired of living with a combination phonograph, iceberg and dictionary, and she's not coming back, either. We've been practising the songs and dances for two months on the quiet. I hope you will be successful, and get along all -right! Good-bye.
-
-             -             -             -             -             -"Louise." -

- -
+right! Good-bye.

+

"Louise."

+

Dawe dropped the letter, covered his face with his trembling hands, and cried out in a deep, vibrating voice:

@@ -6574,8 +6518,8 @@ by-words of traitors and fiends!"

fumbled with a button on his coat as he blurted between his pale lips:

"Say, Shack, ain't that a hell of a note? Wouldn't that knock you off -your perch, Shack? Ain't it hell, now, Shack—ain't it?" -

PAST ONE AT ROONEY'S

+your perch, Shack? Ain't it hell, now, Shack—ain't it?"

+

PAST ONE AT ROONEY'S

Only on the lower East Side of New York do the houses of Capulet and Montagu survive. There they do not fight by the book of arithmetic. If you but bite your thumb at an upholder of your opposing house you have @@ -6626,7 +6570,7 @@ seen.

"Raus mit der interrogatories," said Buck Malone to the officer. "Sure I know who done it. I always manages to get a bird's eye view of any guy that comes up an' makes a show case for a hardware store out of me. No. -I'm not telling you his name. I'll settle with um meself. Wow—ouch! +I'm not telling you his name. I'll settle with um meself. Wow—ouch! Easy, boys! Yes, I'll attend to his case meself. I'm not making any complaint."

@@ -6669,13 +6613,13 @@ a signboard over a second-story window. He had heard of the place as a tough "hang-out"; with its frequenters and its locality he was unfamiliar. Guided by certain unerring indications common to all such resorts, he ascended the stairs and entered the large room over the -café.

+café.

Here were some twenty or thirty tables, at this time about half-filled with Rooney's guests. Waiters served drinks. At one end a human pianola with drugged eyes hammered the keys with automatic and furious unprecision. At merciful intervals a waiter would roar or squeak a -song—songs full of "Mr. Johnsons" and "babes" and "coons"—historical +song—songs full of "Mr. Johnsons" and "babes" and "coons"—historical word guaranties of the genuineness of African melodies composed by red waistcoated young gentlemen, natives of the cotton fields and rice swamps of West Twenty-eighth Street.

@@ -6690,7 +6634,7 @@ goes among the tables seeing that dull care does not intrude. Now, what is there about Rooney's to inspire all this pother? It is more respectable by daylight; stout ladies with children and mittens and bundles and unpedigreed dogs drop up of afternoons for a stein and a -chat. Even by gaslight the diversions are melancholy i' the mouth—drink +chat. Even by gaslight the diversions are melancholy i' the mouth—drink and rag-time, and an occasional surprise when the waiter swabs the suds from under your sticky glass. There is an answer. Transmigration! The soul of Sir Walter Raleigh has traveled from beneath his slashed doublet @@ -6710,7 +6654,7 @@ joyless laughter, the wine-born warmth, the loud music retrieving the hour from frequent whiles of awful and corroding silence, the presence of well-clothed and frank-eyed beneficiaries of Rooney's removal of the restrictions laid upon the weed, the familiar blended odors of soaked -lemon peel, flat beer, and peau d'Espagne—all these were manna to +lemon peel, flat beer, and peau d'Espagne—all these were manna to Cork McManus, hungry for his week in the desert of the Capulet's high rear room.

@@ -6718,7 +6662,7 @@ rear room.

swiftness, and sat opposite McManus at his table. Her eyes rested upon him for two seconds in the look with which woman reconnoitres all men whom she for the first time confronts. In that space of time she will -decide upon one of two things—either to scream for the police, or that +decide upon one of two things—either to scream for the police, or that she may marry him later on.

Her brief inspection concluded, the girl laid on the table a worn red @@ -6748,7 +6692,7 @@ considered to be a card, accompanied by a letter of introduction and references.

"No, thanks," said the girl, raising her eyebrows and choosing her -conventional words carefully. "I—merely dropped in for—a slight +conventional words carefully. "I—merely dropped in for—a slight refreshment." The cigarette between her fingers seemed to require explanation. "My aunt is a Russian lady," she concluded, "and we often have a post perannual cigarette after dinner at home."

@@ -6778,7 +6722,7 @@ aunty lets us at home. And my name ain't Maudy, if you please; it's Ruby Delamere."

"That's a swell handle," said Cork approvingly. "Mine's -McManus—Cor—er—Eddie McManus."

+McManus—Cor—er—Eddie McManus."

"Oh, you can't help that," laughed Ruby. "Don't apologize."

@@ -6810,7 +6754,7 @@ Street push. Morgan's cab horse casts a shoe every time the old man sticks his head out the window. Me! Well, I'm in trainin' down the Street. The old man's goin' to put a seat on the Stock Exchange in my stockin' my next birthday. But it all sounds like a lemon to me. What I -like is golf and yachtin' and—er—well, say a corkin' fast ten-round +like is golf and yachtin' and—er—well, say a corkin' fast ten-round bout between welter-weights with walkin' gloves."

"I guess you can walk to the door with me," said the girl hesitatingly, @@ -6836,7 +6780,7 @@ locking doors. Frank pulled down the green shades of the front windows carefully. Rooney went below in the dark hall and stood at the front door, his cigarette cached in the hollow of his hand. Thenceforth whoever might seek admittance must present a countenance familiar to -Rooney's hawk's eye—the countenance of a true sport.

+Rooney's hawk's eye—the countenance of a true sport.

Cork McManus and the bookbindery girl conversed absorbedly, with their elbows on the table. Their glasses of beer were pushed to one side, @@ -6853,24 +6797,24 @@ It is the law.

"Say," said Cork McManus, almost covering the table with his eloquent chest and elbows, "was that dead straight about you workin' in the -bookbindery and livin' at home—and just happenin' in here—and—and +bookbindery and livin' at home—and just happenin' in here—and—and all that spiel you gave me?"

"Sure it was," answered the girl with spirit. "Why, what do you think? Do you suppose I'd lie to you? Go down to the shop and ask 'em. I handed it to you on the level."

-

"On the dead level?" said Cork. "That's the way I want it; because—"

+

"On the dead level?" said Cork. "That's the way I want it; because—"

"Because what?"

"I throw up my hands," said Cork. "You've got me goin'. You're the girl I've been lookin' for. Will you keep company with me, Ruby?"

-

"Would you like me to—Eddie?"

+

"Would you like me to—Eddie?"

-

"Surest thing. But I wanted a straight story about—about yourself, you -know. When a fellow had a girl—a steady girl—she's got to be all +

"Surest thing. But I wanted a straight story about—about yourself, you +know. When a fellow had a girl—a steady girl—she's got to be all right, you know. She's got to be straight goods."

"You'll find I'll be straight goods, Eddie."

@@ -6882,7 +6826,7 @@ places like Rooney's after midnight that are like you."

The girl flushed a little and lowered her eyes. "I see that now," she said meekly. "I didn't know how bad it looked. But I won't do it any more. And I'll go straight home every night and stay there. And I'll -give up cigarettes if you say so, Eddie—I'll cut 'em out from this +give up cigarettes if you say so, Eddie—I'll cut 'em out from this minute on."

Cork's air became judicial, proprietary, condemnatory, yet sympathetic. @@ -6894,16 +6838,16 @@ the stub of her cigarette to the floor.

"At times and places," repeated Cork. "When I call round for you of evenin's we'll hunt out a dark bench in Stuyvesant Square and have a -puff or two. But no more Rooney's at one o'clock—see?"

+puff or two. But no more Rooney's at one o'clock—see?"

"Eddie, do you really like me?" The girl searched his hard but frank features eagerly with anxious eyes.

"On the dead level."

-

"When are you coming to see me—where I live?"

+

"When are you coming to see me—where I live?"

-

"Thursday—day after to-morrow evenin'. That suit you?"

+

"Thursday—day after to-morrow evenin'. That suit you?"

"Fine. I'll be ready for you. Come about seven. Walk to the door with me to-night and I'll show you where I live. Don't forget, now. And don't @@ -6961,8 +6905,8 @@ please! Don't crowd! There's no danger."

Among the last, Cork and Ruby waited their turn at the open panel. Suddenly she swept him aside and clung to his arm fiercely.

-

"Before we go out," she whispered in his ear—"before anything happens, -tell me again, Eddie, do you l—do you really like me?"

+

"Before we go out," she whispered in his ear—"before anything happens, +tell me again, Eddie, do you l—do you really like me?"

"On the dead level," said Cork, holding her close with one arm, "when it comes to you, I'm all in."

@@ -6979,8 +6923,8 @@ the cops off, anyhow."

A number of men then entered the dark room, feeling their way about. One of them, Rooney himself, found the switch and turned on the electric -light. The other man was a cop of the old régime—a big cop, a thick -cop, a fuming, abrupt cop—not a pretty cop. He went up to the pair at +light. The other man was a cop of the old régime—a big cop, a thick +cop, a fuming, abrupt cop—not a pretty cop. He went up to the pair at the table and sneered familiarly at the girl.

"What are youse doin' in here?" he asked.

@@ -6991,7 +6935,7 @@ the table and sneered familiarly at the girl.

"Not later than one o'clock."

-

"Get out—quick!" ordered the cop. Then, "Sit down!" he countermanded.

+

"Get out—quick!" ordered the cop. Then, "Sit down!" he countermanded.

He took off Cork's hat roughly and scrutinized him shrewdly. "Your name's McManus."

@@ -7010,7 +6954,7 @@ under Cork's collar. "Come on!" he ordered roughly.

Cork glanced at Ruby. She was pale, and her thin nostrils quivered. Her quick eye danced from one man's face to the other as they spoke or -moved. What hard luck! Cork was thinking—Corrigan on the briny; and +moved. What hard luck! Cork was thinking—Corrigan on the briny; and Ruby met and lost almost within an hour! Somebody at the police station would recognize him, without a doubt. Hard luck!

@@ -7020,7 +6964,7 @@ stumbled back two or three paces.

"Don't go so fast, Maguire!" she cried in shrill fury. "Keep your hands off my man! You know me, and you know I'm givin' you good advice. Don't -you touch him again! He's not the guy you are lookin' for—I'll stand +you touch him again! He's not the guy you are lookin' for—I'll stand for that."

"See here, Fanny," said the Cop, red and angry, "I'll take you, too, if @@ -7050,18 +6994,18 @@ for you."

Cork put the wad of money carefully into his pocket, and said: "Come on, Fanny; let's have some chop suey before we go home."

-

"Clear out, quick, both of you, or I'll—"

+

"Clear out, quick, both of you, or I'll—"

The cop's bluster trailed away into inconsequentiality.

At the corner of the street the two halted. Cork handed back the money without a word. The girl took it and slipped it slowly into her hand-bag. Her expression was the same she had worn when she entered -Rooney's that night—she looked upon the world with defiance, suspicion +Rooney's that night—she looked upon the world with defiance, suspicion and sullen wonder.

"I guess I might as well say good-bye here," she said dully. "You won't -want to see me again, of course. Will you—shake hands—Mr. McManus."

+want to see me again, of course. Will you—shake hands—Mr. McManus."

"I mightn't have got wise if you hadn't give the snap away," said Cork. "Why did you do it?"

@@ -7106,15 +7050,15 @@ one side of the closed front doors. Cork drew her firmly up the steps. "Read that," said he.

She looked at the name on the plate, and gave a cry between a moan and a -scream. "No, no, no, Eddie! Oh, my God, no! I won't let you do that—not -now! Let me go! You shan't do that! You can't—you mus'n't! Not after +scream. "No, no, no, Eddie! Oh, my God, no! I won't let you do that—not +now! Let me go! You shan't do that! You can't—you mus'n't! Not after you know! No, no! Come away quick! Oh, my God! Please, Eddie, come!"

Half fainting, she reeled, and was caught in the bend of his arm. Cork's right hand felt for the electric button and pressed it long.

-

Another cop—how quickly they scent trouble when trouble is on the -wing!—came along, saw them, and ran up the steps. "Here! What are you +

Another cop—how quickly they scent trouble when trouble is on the +wing!—came along, saw them, and ran up the steps. "Here! What are you doing with that girl?" he called gruffly.

"She'll be all right in a minute," said Cork. "It's a straight deal."

@@ -7122,15 +7066,15 @@ doing with that girl?" he called gruffly.

"Reverend Jeremiah Jones," read the cop from the door-plate with true detective cunning.

-

"Correct," said Cork. "On the dead level, we're goin' to get married." -

THE VENTURERS

+

"Correct," said Cork. "On the dead level, we're goin' to get married."

+

THE VENTURERS

Let the story wreck itself on the spreading rails of the Non Sequitur Limited, if it will; first you must take your seat in the observation -car "Raison d'être" for one moment. It is for no longer than to -consider a brief essay on the subject—let us call it: "What's Around +car "Raison d'être" for one moment. It is for no longer than to +consider a brief essay on the subject—let us call it: "What's Around the Corner."

-

Omne mundus in duas partes divisum est—men who wear rubbers and pay +

Omne mundus in duas partes divisum est—men who wear rubbers and pay poll-taxes, and men who discover new continents. There are no more continents to discover; but by the time overshoes are out of date and the poll has developed into an income tax, the other half will be @@ -7141,7 +7085,7 @@ dictionaries. To the knowing each has a different meaning. Fortune is a prize to be won. Adventure is the road to it. Chance is what may lurk in the shadows at the roadside. The face of Fortune is radiant and alluring; that of Adventure is flushed and heroic. The face of Chance is -the beautiful countenance—perfect because vague and dream-born—that we +the beautiful countenance—perfect because vague and dream-born—that we see in our tea-cups at breakfast while we growl over our chops and toast.

@@ -7155,9 +7099,8 @@ disturbing to the cosmogony of creation. So, as bracket-sawed and city-directoried citizens, let us light our pipes, chide the children and the cat, arrange ourselves in the willow rocker under the flickering gas jet at the coolest window and scan this little tale of two modern -followers of Chance. - -


+followers of Chance.

+

"Did you ever hear that story about the man from the West?" asked Billinger, in the little dark-oak room to your left as you penetrate the interior of the Powhatan Club.

@@ -7207,7 +7150,7 @@ there seemed to be always playing da capo.

Fancy came to him that he would dine at some cheap, even dubious, restaurant lower down in the city, where the erratic chefs from all countries of the world spread their national cookery for the omnivorous -American. Something might happen there out of the routine—he might come +American. Something might happen there out of the routine—he might come upon a subject without a predicate, a road without an end, a question without an answer, a cause without an effect, a gulf stream in life's salt ocean. He had not dressed for evening; he wore a dark business suit @@ -7218,7 +7161,7 @@ in their shirt sleeves.

the more cheaply you dine, the more surely must you pay. All of the thirteen pockets, large and small, of his business suit he explored carefully and found not a penny. His bank book showed a balance of five -figures to his credit in the Old Ironsides Trust Company, but—

+figures to his credit in the Old Ironsides Trust Company, but—

Forster became aware of a man nearby at his left hand who was really regarding him with some amusement. He looked like any business man of @@ -7231,12 +7174,12 @@ turned a half-embarrassed smile upon the other's grin of amusement.

"All in?" asked the intruder, drawing nearer.

-

"Seems so," said Forster. "Now, I thought there was a dollar in—"

+

"Seems so," said Forster. "Now, I thought there was a dollar in—"

"Oh, I know," said the other man, with a laugh. "But there wasn't. I've just been through the same process myself, as I was coming around the -corner. I found in an upper vest pocket—I don't know how they got -there—exactly two pennies. You know what kind of a dinner exactly two +corner. I found in an upper vest pocket—I don't know how they got +there—exactly two pennies. You know what kind of a dinner exactly two pennies will buy!"

"You haven't dined, then?" asked Forster.

@@ -7245,18 +7188,18 @@ pennies will buy!"

You look like a man who would take up one. Your clothes look neat and respectable. Excuse personalities. I think mine will pass the scrutiny of a head waiter, also. Suppose we go over to that hotel and dine -together. We will choose from the menu like millionaires—or, if you +together. We will choose from the menu like millionaires—or, if you prefer, like gentlemen in moderate circumstances dining extravagantly for once. When we have finished we will match with my two pennies to see which of us will stand the brunt of the house's displeasure and vengeance. My name is Ives. I think we have lived in the same station -of life—before our money took wings."

+of life—before our money took wings."

"You're on," said Forster, joyfully.

Here was a venture at least within the borders of the mysterious country -of Chance—anyhow, it promised something better than the stale -infestivity of a table d'hôte.

+of Chance—anyhow, it promised something better than the stale +infestivity of a table d'hôte.

The two were soon seated at a corner table in the hotel dining room. Ives chucked one of his pennies across the table to Forster.

@@ -7281,7 +7224,7 @@ which you do not find signboards informing you of what you may expect at its end. I am like the clerk in the Circumlocution Office who always complained bitterly when any one came in to ask information. 'He wanted to know, you know!' was the kick he made to his fellow-clerks. Well, -I don't want to know, I don't want to reason, I don't want to guess—I +I don't want to know, I don't want to reason, I don't want to guess—I want to bet my hand without seeing it."

"I understand," said Forster delightedly. "I've often wanted the way I @@ -7290,7 +7233,7 @@ coming. Suppose we have a bottle of Moselle with the next course."

"Agreed," said Ives. "I'm glad you catch my idea. It will increase the animosity of the house toward the loser. If it does not weary you, we -will pursue the theme. Only a few times have I met a true venturer—one +will pursue the theme. Only a few times have I met a true venturer—one who does not ask a schedule and map from Fate when he begins a journey. But, as the world becomes more civilized and wiser, the more difficult it is to come upon an adventure the end of which you cannot foresee. In @@ -7300,7 +7243,7 @@ a wall and 'get away with it.' Nowadays, if you speak disrespectfully to a policeman, all that is left to the most romantic fancy is to conjecture in what particular police station he will land you."

-

"I know—I know," said Forster, nodding approval.

+

"I know—I know," said Forster, nodding approval.

"I returned to New York to-day," continued Ives, "from a three years' ramble around the globe. Things are not much better abroad than they are @@ -7311,7 +7254,7 @@ and when an elephant or a rhinoceros falls to the bullet, I enjoy it about as much as I did when I was kept in after school to do a sum in long division on the blackboard."

-

"I know—I know," said Forster.

+

"I know—I know," said Forster.

"There might be something in aeroplanes," went on Ives, reflectively. "I've tried ballooning; but it seems to be merely a cut-and-dried affair @@ -7322,7 +7265,7 @@ of wind and ballast."

"Three months ago," said Ives. "I was pottering around in one of the bazaars in Constantinople. I noticed a lady, veiled, of course, but with a pair of especially fine eyes visible, who was examining some amber and -pearl ornaments at one of the booths. With her was an attendant—a big +pearl ornaments at one of the booths. With her was an attendant—a big Nubian, as black as coal. After a while the attendant drew nearer to me by degrees and slipped a scrap of paper into my hand. I looked at it when I got a chance. On it was scrawled hastily in pencil: 'The arched @@ -7330,7 +7273,7 @@ gate of the Nightingale Garden at nine to-night.' Does that appear to you to be an interesting premise, Mr. Forster?"

"I made inquiries and learned that the Nightingale Garden was the -property of an old Turk—a grand vizier, or something of the sort. Of +property of an old Turk—a grand vizier, or something of the sort. Of course I prospected for the arched gate and was there at nine. The same Nubian attendant opened the gate promptly on time, and I went inside and sat on a bench by a perfumed fountain with the veiled lady. We had quite @@ -7343,12 +7286,12 @@ I couldn't work something into the metropolitan papers about it."

"I've canoed through Canada," said Ives, "down many rapids and over many falls. But I didn't seem to get what I wanted out of it because I knew -there were only two possible outcomes—I would either go to the bottom +there were only two possible outcomes—I would either go to the bottom or arrive at the sea level. I've played all games at cards; but the mathematicians have spoiled that sport by computing the percentages. I've made acquaintances on trains, I've answered advertisements, I've rung strange door-bells, I've taken every chance that presented itself; -but there has always been the conventional ending—the logical +but there has always been the conventional ending—the logical conclusion to the premise."

"I know," repeated Forster. "I've felt it all. But I've had few @@ -7410,7 +7353,7 @@ I seen a gentleman arrested in a public restaurant for swindling it out of a dinner."

"All right," said Forster, calmly. "You are entitled to see a Christian -die in the arena as your pousse-café."

+die in the arena as your pousse-café."

Victor came with the glass of water and remained, with the disengaged air of an inexorable collector.

@@ -7446,12 +7389,12 @@ to be married a month from to-day."

"Right; I am going to add to the assertion. I am devotedly fond of the lady; but I can't decide whether to show up at the church or make a sneak for Alaska. It's the same idea, you know, that we were -discussing—it does for a fellow as far as possibilities are concerned. -Everybody knows the routine—you get a kiss flavored with Ceylon tea +discussing—it does for a fellow as far as possibilities are concerned. +Everybody knows the routine—you get a kiss flavored with Ceylon tea after breakfast; you go to the office; you come back home and dress for -dinner—theatre twice a week—bills—moping around most evenings trying -to make conversation—a little quarrel occasionally—maybe sometimes a -big one, and a separation—or else a settling down into a middle-aged +dinner—theatre twice a week—bills—moping around most evenings trying +to make conversation—a little quarrel occasionally—maybe sometimes a +big one, and a separation—or else a settling down into a middle-aged contentment, which is worst of all."

"I know," said Ives, nodding wisely.

@@ -7493,7 +7436,7 @@ in his grandmother's home that gave such a warning.

And then down the stairs and into the room came Mary Marsden. She was twenty-four, and I leave her to your imagination. But I must say this -much—youth and health and simplicity and courage and greenish-violet +much—youth and health and simplicity and courage and greenish-violet eyes are beautiful, and she had all these. She gave Ives her hand with the sweet cordiality of an old friendship.

@@ -7576,25 +7519,25 @@ his thoughts ran.

I'm going abroad. The steamer sails at four. That was a great talk we had the other night, and it decided me. I'm going to knock around the world and get rid of that incubus that has been weighing on both you and -me—the terrible dread of knowing what's going to happen. I've done one +me—the terrible dread of knowing what's going to happen. I've done one thing that hurts my conscience a little; but I know it's best for both of us. I've written to the lady to whom I was engaged and explained -everything—told her plainly why I was leaving—that the monotony of +everything—told her plainly why I was leaving—that the monotony of matrimony would never do for me. Don't you think I was right?"

"It is not for me to say," answered Ives. "Go ahead and shoot elephants if you think it will bring the element of chance into your life. We've got to decide these things for ourselves. But I tell you one thing, Forster, I've found the way. I've found out the biggest hazard in the -world—a game of chance that never is concluded, a venture that may end +world—a game of chance that never is concluded, a venture that may end in the highest heaven or the blackest pit. It will keep a man on edge -until the clods fall on his coffin, because he will never know—not +until the clods fall on his coffin, because he will never know—not until his last day, and not then will he know. It is a voyage without a rudder or compass, and you must be captain and crew and keep watch, every day and night, yourself, with no one to relieve you. I have found the Venture. Don't bother yourself about -leaving Mary Marsden, Forster. I married her yesterday at noon." -

THE DUEL

+leaving Mary Marsden, Forster. I married her yesterday at noon."

+

THE DUEL

The gods, lying beside their nectar on 'Lympus and peeping over the edge of the cliff, perceive a difference in cities. Although it would seem that to their vision towns must appear as large or small ant-hills @@ -7612,11 +7555,11 @@ love to sit upon the ground and tell sad stories of the death of Kings.

New York City is inhabited by 4,000,000 mysterious strangers; thus beating Bird Centre by three millions and half a dozen nine's. They -came here in various ways and for many reasons—Hendrik Hudson, the art +came here in various ways and for many reasons—Hendrik Hudson, the art schools, green goods, the stork, the annual dressmakers' convention, the Pennsylvania Railroad, love of money, the stage, cheap excursion rates, brains, personal column ads., heavy walking shoes, ambition, freight -trains—all these have had a hand in making up the population.

+trains—all these have had a hand in making up the population.

But every man Jack when he first sets foot on the stones of Manhattan has got to fight. He has got to fight at once until either he or his @@ -7630,7 +7573,7 @@ or only the price of a week's lodging.

The battle is to decide whether you shall become a New Yorker or turn the rankest outlander and Philistine. You must be one or the other. You -cannot remain neutral. You must be for or against—lover or enemy—bosom +cannot remain neutral. You must be for or against—lover or enemy—bosom friend or outcast. And, oh, the city is a general in the ring. Not only by blows does it seek to subdue you. It woos you to its heart with the subtlety of a siren. It is a combination of Delilah, green Chartreuse, @@ -7675,7 +7618,7 @@ be picked out from them if it weren't for your laundry marks."

"Camembert," finished William. "What's that? Oh, you've still got your hammer out for New York, have you? Well, little old Noisyville-on-the-Subway is good enough for me. It's giving me mine. -And, say, I used to think the West was the whole round world—only +And, say, I used to think the West was the whole round world—only slightly flattened at the poles whenever Bryan ran. I used to yell myself hoarse about the free expense, and hang my hat on the horizon, and say cutting things in the grocery to little soap drummers from @@ -7694,11 +7637,11 @@ have changed from a maverick into a butterick."

"Don't see exactly what you are driving at," said William. "I don't wear an alpaca coat with blue trousers and a seersucker vest on dress occasions, like I used to do at home. You talk about being cut to a -pattern—well, ain't the pattern all right? When you're in Rome you've +pattern—well, ain't the pattern all right? When you're in Rome you've got to do as the Dagoes do. This town seems to me to have other alleged metropolises skinned to flag stations. According to the railroad schedule I've got in mind, Chicago and Saint Jo and Paris, France, are -asterisk stops—which means you wave a red flag and get on every other +asterisk stops—which means you wave a red flag and get on every other Tuesday. I like this little suburb of Tarrytown-on-the-Hudson. There's something or somebody doing all the time. I'm clearing $8,000 a year selling automatic pumps, and I'm living like kings-up. Why, yesterday, I @@ -7715,7 +7658,7 @@ comes to it accepts a challenge to a duel. Abandoning the figure of the leech, it is a juggernaut, a Moloch, a monster to which the innocence, the genius, and the beauty of the land must pay tribute. Hand to hand every newcomer must struggle with the leviathan. You've lost, Billy. It -shall never conquer me. I hate it as one hates sin or pestilence or—the +shall never conquer me. I hate it as one hates sin or pestilence or—the color work in a ten-cent magazine. I despise its very vastness and power. It has the poorest millionaires, the littlest great men, the lowest skyscrapers, the dolefulest pleasures of any town I ever saw. It @@ -7745,7 +7688,7 @@ breath at what he saw, though he had seen and felt it a hundred times.

Far below and around lay the city like a ragged purple dream. The irregular houses were like the broken exteriors of cliffs lining deep gulches and winding streams. Some were mountainous; some lay in long, -desert cañons. Such was the background of the wonderful, cruel, +desert cañons. Such was the background of the wonderful, cruel, enchanting, bewildering, fatal, great city. But into this background were cut myriads of brilliant parallelograms and circles and squares through which glowed many colored lights. And out of the violet and @@ -7758,20 +7701,13 @@ despoil, elevate, cast down, nurture or kill. Thus the flavor of it came up to him and went into his blood.

There was a knock on his door. A telegram had come for him. It came from -the West, and these were its words: +the West, and these were its words:

-


-"Come back and the answer will be yes.
-
-             -             -             -             - "Dolly."
+

"Come back and the answer will be yes.

+

"Dolly."

-

He kept the boy waiting ten minutes, and then wrote the reply: "Impossible to leave here at present." Then he sat at the window again and let the city put its cup of mandragora to his lips again.

@@ -7781,8 +7717,8 @@ won the battle against the city. So I went to a very learned friend and laid the case before him. What he said was: "Please don't bother me; I have Christmas presents to buy."

-

So there it rests; and you will have to decide for yourself. -

"WHAT YOU WANT"

+

So there it rests; and you will have to decide for yourself.

+

"WHAT YOU WANT"

Night had fallen on that great and beautiful city known as Bagdad-on-the-Subway. And with the night came the enchanted glamour that belongs not to Arabia alone. In different masquerade the streets, @@ -7806,18 +7742,18 @@ Turkish bath or a side street, and inquire into his private and personal affairs, the police court'll get you.

Old Tom was tired of clubs, theatres, dinners, friends, music, money -and everything. That's what makes a caliph—you must get to despise +and everything. That's what makes a caliph—you must get to despise everything that money can buy, and then go out and try to want something that you can't pay for.

"I'll take a little trot around town all by myself," thought old Tom, -"and try if I can stir up anything new. Let's see—it seems I've read +"and try if I can stir up anything new. Let's see—it seems I've read about a king or a Cardiff giant or something in old times who used to go about with false whiskers on, making Persian dates with folks he hadn't been introduced to. That don't listen like a bad idea. I certainly have got a case of humdrumness and fatigue on for the ones I do know. That old Cardiff used to pick up cases of trouble as he ran upon 'em and give -'em gold—sequins, I think it was—and make 'em marry or got 'em good +'em gold—sequins, I think it was—and make 'em marry or got 'em good Government jobs. Now, I'd like something of that sort. My money is as good as his was even if the magazines do ask me every month where I got it. Yes, I guess I'll do a little Cardiff business to-night, and see how @@ -7831,7 +7767,7 @@ looked at a wall clock, and then put on his coat.

James Turner worked in one of those little hat-cleaning establishments on Sixth Avenue in which a fire alarm rings when you push the door -open, and where they clean your hat while you wait—two days. James +open, and where they clean your hat while you wait—two days. James stood all day at an electric machine that turned hats around faster than the best brands of champagne ever could have done. Overlooking your mild impertinence in feeling a curiosity about the personal appearance of a @@ -7919,7 +7855,7 @@ when one walks among the "stranger bands." For in New Bagdad one, in order to survive, must suspect whosoever sits, dwells, drinks, rides, walks or sleeps in the adjacent chair, house, booth, seat, path or room.

-

"Say, Mike," said James Turner, "what's your line, anyway—shoe laces? +

"Say, Mike," said James Turner, "what's your line, anyway—shoe laces? I'm not buying anything. You better put an egg in your shoe and beat it before incidents occur to you. You can't work off any fountain pens, gold spectacles you found on the street, or trust company certificate @@ -7960,7 +7896,7 @@ and inquiringly.

The caliph searched his pockets and collected small bills and change amounting to four dollars.

-

"I am worth," he said, "forty million dollars, but—"

+

"I am worth," he said, "forty million dollars, but—"

"Lock 'em up," ordered the sergeant.