## The Telegram

Scene: Telegraph office in Houston.

| Enter handsome black velour cape, trimmed with jet and braid, with Tibetan fur collar, all enclosing lovely young lady.
Young lady | Oh, I want to send a telegram at once, if you please. Give me about six blanks, please. Writes about ten minutes. How much will this amount to, please?
Clerk | Counting words. Sixteen dollars and ninety-five cents, ma’am.
Young lady | Goodness gracious! I’ve only thirty cents with me. Suspiciously. How is it you charge so much, when the post-office only requires two cents?
Clerk | We claim to deliver messages quicker than the post-office, ma’am. You can send ten words to Waco for twenty-five cents.
Young lady | Give me another blank, please: I guess that will be enough. After five minutes’ hard work she produces the following: “Ring was awfully lovely. Come down as soon as you can. Mamie.”
Clerk | This contains eleven words. That will be thirty cents.
Young lady | Oh, gracious! I wanted that nickel to buy gum with.
Clerk | Let’s see. You might strike out, “awfully,” and that will make it all right.
Young lady | Indeed I shan’t. You ought to see that ring. I’ll give you the thirty cents.
Clerk | To whom is this to be sent?
Young lady | It seems to me you are rather inquisitive, sir.
Clerk | Wearily. I assure you there is no personal interest expressed in the question. We have to know the name and address in order to send the message.
Young lady | Oh, yes. I didn’t think of that. She writes the name and address, pays the thirty cents and departs. Twenty minutes later she returns, out of breath.
Young lady | Oh, I forgot something. Have you sent it off yet?
Clerk | Yes, ten minutes ago.
Young lady | Oh, I’m so sorry. It isn’t the way I wanted it at all. Can’t you telegraph and have it changed for me?
Clerk | Is it anything important?
Young lady | Yes: I wanted to underscore the words “awfully lovely.” Will you have that attended to at once?
Clerk | Certainly, and we have some real nice violet extract; would you like a few drops on your telegram?
Young lady | Oh, yes: so kind of you. I expect to send all my telegrams through your office, you have been so accommodating. Good morning.