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Be a force for good in your community
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============================================================
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>Find out how to give the gift of an out, learn about the power of positive intent, and more.
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>Image by : opensource.com
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Passionate debate is among the hallmark traits of open source communities and open organizations. On our best days, these debates are energetic and constructive. They are heated, yet moderated with humor and goodwill. All parties remain focused on facts, on the shared purpose of collaborative problem-solving, and driving continuous improvement. And for many of us, they're just plain fun.
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On our worst days, these debates devolve into rehashing the same old arguments on the same old topics. Or we turn on one another, delivering insults—passive-aggressive or outright nasty, depending on our style—and eroding the passion, trust, and productivity of our communities.
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We've all been there, watching and feeling helpless, as a community conversation begins to turn toxic. Yet, as [DeLisa Alexander recently shared][1], there are so many ways that each and every one of us can be a force for good in our communities.
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In the first article of this "open culture" series, I will share a few strategies for how you can intervene, in that crucial moment, and steer everyone to a more positive and productive place.
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### Don't call people out. Call them up.
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Recently, I had lunch with my friend and colleague, [Mark Rumbles][2]. Over the years, we've collaborated on a number of projects that support open culture and leadership at Red Hat. On this day, Mark asked me how I was holding up, as he saw I'd recently intervened in a mailing list conversation when I saw the debate was getting ugly.
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Fortunately, the dust had long since settled, and in fact I'd almost forgotten about the conversation. Nevertheless, it led us to talk about the challenges of open and frank debate in a community that has thousands of members.
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>One of the biggest ways we can be a force for good in our communities is to respond to conflict in a way that compels everyone to elevate their behavior, rather than escalate it.
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Mark said something that struck me as rather insightful. He said, "You know, as a community, we are really good at calling each other out. But what I'd like to see us do more of is calling each other _up_."
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Mark is absolutely right. One of the biggest ways we can be a force for good in our communities is to respond to conflict in a way that compels everyone to elevate their behavior, rather than escalate it.
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### Assume positive intent
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We can start by making a simple assumption when we observe poor behavior in a heated conversation: It's entirely possible that there are positive intentions somewhere in the mix.
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This is admittedly not an easy thing to do. When I see signs that a debate is turning nasty, I pause and ask myself what Steven Covey calls The Humanizing Question:
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"Why would a reasonable, rational, and decent person do something like this?"
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Now, if this is one of your "usual suspects"—a community member with a propensity toward negative behavior--perhaps your first thought is, "Um, what if this person _isn't_ reasonable, rational, or decent?"
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Stay with me, now. I'm not suggesting that you engage in some touchy-feely form of self-delusion. It's called The Humanizing Question not only because asking it humanizes the other person, but also because it humanizes _you_.
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And that, in turn, helps you respond or intervene from the most productive possible place.
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### Seek to understand the reasons for community dissent
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When I ask myself why a reasonable, rational, and decent person might do something like this, time and again, it comes down to the same few reasons:
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* They don't feel heard.
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* They don't feel respected.
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* They don't feel understood.
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One easy positive intention we can apply to almost any poor behavior, then, is that the person wants to be heard, respected, or understood. That's pretty reasonable, I suppose.
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By standing in this more objective and compassionate place, we can see that their behavior is _almost certainly _**_not_**_ going to help them get what they want, _and that the community will suffer as a result . . . without our help.
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For me, that inspires a desire to help everyone get "unstuck" from this ugly place we're in.
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Before I intervene, though, I ask myself a follow-up question: _What other positive intentions might be driving this behavior?_
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Examples that readily jump to mind include:
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* They are worried that we're missing something important, or we're making a mistake, and no one else seems to see it.
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* They want to feel valued for their contributions.
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* They are burned out, because of overworking in the community or things happening in their personal life.
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* They are tired of something being broken and frustrated that no one else seems to see the damage or inconvenience that creates.
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* ...and so on and so forth.
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With that, I have a rich supply of positive intent that I can ascribe to their behavior. I'm ready to reach out and offer them some help, in the form of an out.
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### Give the gift of an out
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What is an out? Think of it as an escape hatch. It's a way to exit the conversation, or abandon the poor behavior and resume behaving like a decent person, without losing face. It's calling someone up, rather than calling them out.
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You've probably experienced this, as some point in your life, when _you_ were behaving poorly in a conversation, ranting and hollering and generally raising a fuss about something or another, and someone graciously offered _you_ a way out. Perhaps they chose not to "take the bait" by responding to your unkind choice of words, and instead, said something that demonstrated they believed you were a reasonable, rational, and decent human being with positive intentions, such as:
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> _So, uh, what I'm hearing is that you're really worried about this, and you're frustrated because it seems like no one is listening. Or maybe you're concerned that we're missing the significance of it. Is that about right?_
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And here's the thing: Even if that wasn't entirely true (perhaps you had less-than-noble intentions), in that moment, you probably grabbed ahold of that life preserver they handed you, and gladly accepted the opportunity to reframe your poor behavior. You almost certainly pivoted and moved to a more productive place, likely without even recognizing it.
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Perhaps you said something like, "Well, it's not that exactly, but I just worry that we're headed down the wrong path here, and I get what you're saying that as community, we can't solve every problem at the same time, but if we don't solve this one soon, bad things are going to happen…"
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In the end, the conversation almost certainly began to move to a more productive place, or you all agreed to disagree.
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We all have the opportunity to offer an upset person a safe way out of that destructive place they're operating from. Here's how.
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### Bad behavior or bad actor?
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If the person is particularly agitated, they may not hear or accept the first out you hand them. That's okay. Most likely, their lizard brain--that prehistoric amygdala that was once critical for human survival—has taken over, and they need a few more moments to recognize you're not a threat. Just keep gently but firmly treating them as if they _were_ a rational, reasonable, decent human being, and watch what happens.
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In my experience, these community interventions end in one of three ways:
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Most often, the person actually _is_ a reasonable person, and soon enough, they gratefully and graciously accept the out. In the process, everyone breaks out of the black vs. white, "win or lose" mindset. People begin to think up creative alternatives and "win-win" outcomes that benefit everyone.
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>Why would a reasonable, rational, and decent person do something like this?
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Occasionally, the person is not particularly reasonable, rational, or decent by nature, but when treated with such consistent, tireless, patient generosity and kindness (by you), they are shamed into retreating from the conversation. This sounds like, "Well, I think I've said all I have to say. Thanks for hearing me out." Or, for less enlightened types, "Well, I'm tired of this conversation. Let's drop it." (Yes, please. Thank you.)
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Less often, the person is what's known as a _bad actor_, or in community management circles, a pot-stirrer. These folks do exist, and they thrive on drama. Guess what? By consistently engaging in a kind, generous, community-calming way, and entirely ignoring all attempts to escalate the situation, you effectively shift the conversation into an area that holds little interest for them. They have no choice but to abandon it. Winners all around.
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That's the power of assuming positive intent. By responding to angry and hostile words with grace and dignity, you can diffuse a flamewar, untangle and solve tricky problems, and quite possibly make a new friend or two in the process.
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Am I successful every time I apply this principle? Heck, no. But I never regret the choice to assume positive intent. And I can vividly recall a few unfortunate occasions when I assumed negative intent and responded in a way that further contributed to the problem.
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Now it's your turn. I'd love to hear about some strategies and principles you apply, to be a force for good when conversations get heated in your community. Share your thoughts in the comments below.
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Next time, we'll explore more ways to be a force for good in your community, and I'll share some tips for handling "Mr. Grumpy."
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--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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作者简介：
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Rebecca Fernandez is a Principal Employment Branding + Communications Specialist at Red Hat, a contributor to The Open Organization book, and the maintainer of the Open Decision Framework. She is interested in open source and the intersection of the open source way with business management models. Twitter: @ruhbehka
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--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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via: https://opensource.com/open-organization/17/1/force-for-good-community
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作者：[Rebecca Fernandez][a]
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译者：[译者ID](https://github.com/译者ID)
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校对：[校对者ID](https://github.com/校对者ID)
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本文由 [LCTT](https://github.com/LCTT/TranslateProject) 原创编译，[Linux中国](https://linux.cn/) 荣誉推出
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[a]:https://opensource.com/users/rebecca
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[1]:https://opensource.com/business/15/5/5-ways-promote-inclusive-environment
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[2]:https://twitter.com/leadership_365
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成为你所在社区的美好力量
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============================================================
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>明白如何传递美好，了解积极意愿的力量，以及更多。
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>图片来自：opensource.com
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激烈的争论是开源社区和开放组织的标志特征之一。在我们最好的日子里，这些争论充满活力和建设性。他们面红耳赤的背后其实是幽默和善意。各方实事求是，共同解决问题，推动持续改进。对我们中的许多人来说，他们只是单纯的娱乐而已。
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然而在我们最糟糕的日子里，这些争论演变成了对旧话题的反复争吵。或者我们用各种方式来传递伤害和相互攻击，或是使用卑劣的手段，而这些侵蚀着我们社区的激情、信任和生产力。
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我们茫然四顾，束手无策，因为社区的对话开始变得有毒。然而，正如 [DeLisa Alexander最近的分享][1]，我们每个人都有很多方法可以成为我们社区的一种力量。
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在这个“开源文化”系列的第一篇文章中，我将分享一些策略，教你如何在这个关键时刻进行干预，引导每个人走向更积极、更有效率的方向。
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### 不要将人推开，而是将人推向前方
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最近，我和我的朋友和同事 [Mark Rumbles][2] 一起吃午饭。多年来，我们在许多支持开源文化和引领 Red Hat 的项目中合作。在这一天，马克问我是怎么坚持的，当我看到辩论变得越来越丑陋的时候，他看到我最近介入了一个邮件列表的对话。
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幸运的是，这事早已尘埃落定，事实上我几乎忘记了谈话的内容。然而，它让我们开始讨论如何在一个拥有数千名成员的社区里，公开和坦率的辩论。
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>在我们的社区里，我们成为一种美好力量的最好的方法之一就是：在回应冲突时，以一种迫使每个人提升他们的行为，而不是使冲突升级的方式。
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Mark 说了一些让我印象深刻的话。他说:“你知道，作为一个社区，我们真的很擅长将人推开。但我想看到的是，我们更多的是互相扶持 _向前_ 。”
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Mark 是绝对正确的。在我们的社区里，我们成为一种美好力量的最好的方法之一就是：在回应冲突时，以一种迫使每个人提升他们的行为，而不是使冲突升级的方式。
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### 积极意愿假想
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我们可以从一个简单的假想开始，当我们在一个激烈的对话中观察到不良行为时：完全有可能该不良行为其实有着积极意愿。
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诚然，这不是一件容易的事情。当我看到一场辩论正在变得肮脏的迹象时，我停下来问自己，史蒂芬·科维（Steven Covey）所说的人性化问题是什么：
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“为什么一个理性、正直的人会做这样的事情？”
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现在，如果他是你的一个“普通的观察对象”——一个有消极行为倾向的社区成员——也许你的第一个想法是，“嗯，也许这个人是个不靠谱，不理智的人”
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回过头来说。我并不是说你让你自欺欺人。这其实就是人性化的问题，不仅是因为它让你理解别人的立场，它还让你变得人性化。
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而这反过来又能帮助你做出反应，或者从最有效率的地方进行干预。
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### 寻求了解社区异议的原因
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当我再一次问自己为什么一个理性的、正直的人可能会做这样的事情时，归结为几个原因:
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* 他认为没人聆听他
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* 他认为没人尊重他
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* 他认为没人理解他
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一个简单的积极意愿假想，我们可以适用于几乎所有的不良行为，其实就是那个人想要被聆听，被尊重，或被理解。我想这是相当合理的。
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通过站在这个更客观、更有同情心的角度，我们可以看到他们的行为几乎肯定 **_不_** 会帮助他们得到他们想要的东西，而社区也会因此而受到影响。如果没有我们的帮助的话。
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对我来说，这激发了一个愿望：帮助每个人从我们所处的这个丑陋的地方“摆脱困境”。
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在我介入之前，我问自己一个后续的问题：是否有其他积极的意图可能会驱使这种行为
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容易想到的例子包括:
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* 他们担心我们错过了一些重要的东西，或者我们犯了一个错误，没有人能看到它。
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* 他们想为自己的贡献感到有价值。
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* 他们精疲力竭，因为在社区里工作过度或者在他们的个人生活中发生了一些事情。
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* 他们讨厌一些东西被破坏，并感到沮丧，因为没有人能看到造成的伤害或不便。
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* ……诸如此类。
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有了这些，我就有了丰富的积极的意图假想，我可以为他们的行为找到原因。我准备伸出援助之手，向他们提供一些帮助。
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### 传递美好，挣脱泥潭
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什么是 an out？（类似与佛家“解脱法门”的意思）把它想象成一个逃跑的门。这是一种退出对话的方式，或者放弃不良的行为，恢复表现得像一个体面的人，而不是丢面子。是叫某人振作向上，而不是叫他走开。
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你可能经历过这样的事情，在你的生活中，当 _你_ 在一次谈话中表现不佳时，咆哮着，大喊大叫，对某事大惊小怪，而有人慷慨地给 _你_ 提供了一个台阶下。也许他们选择不去和你“抬杠”，相反，他们说了一些表明他们相信你是一个理性、正直的人，他们采用积极意愿假想，比如:
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> _所以，嗯，我听到的是你真的很担心，你很沮丧，因为似乎没有人在听。或者你担心我们忽略了它的重要性。是这样对吧?_
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于是乎：即使这不是完全正确的（也许你的意图不那么高尚），在那一刻，你可能抓住了他们提供给你的台阶，并欣然接受了重新定义你的不良行为的机会。你几乎可以肯定地转向一个更富有成效的角度，甚至你自己可能都没有意识到。
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也许你这样说，“哦，虽然不完全是这样，但我只是担心，我们这样会走向歧途，我明白你说的，作为社区，我们不能同时解决所有问题，但如果我们不尽快解决这个问题，会有更多不好的事情要发生……”
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最后，谈话几乎可以肯定地开始转移到一个更有效率的方向。
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我们都有机会让一个沮丧的人挣脱泥潭，而这就是方法。
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### 坏行为还是坏人？
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如果这个人特别激动，他们可能不会听到或者接受你给出的第一台阶。没关系。最可能的是，他们迟钝的大脑已经被史前曾经对人类生存至关重要的杏仁核接管了，他们需要更多的时间来认识到你并不是一个威胁。只是需要你保持温和的态度，坚定地对待他们，就好像他们 _曾经是_ 一个理性、正直的人，看看会发生什么。
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根据我的经验，这些社区干预以三种方式结束:
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大多数情况下，这个人实际上 _是_ 一个理性的人，很快，他们就感激地接受了这个事实。在这个过程中，每个人都跳出了“黑与白”，“赢或输”的心态。人们开始思考创造性的选择和“双赢”的结果，每个人都将受益。
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> 为什么一个理性、正直的人会做这样的事呢?
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有时候，这个人天生不是特别理性或正直的，但当他被你以如此一致的、不知疲倦的、耐心的慷慨和善良的对待的时候，他们就会羞愧地从谈话中撤退。这听起来像是，“嗯，我想我已经说了所有要说的了。谢谢你听我的意见”。或者，对于不那么开明的人来说，“嗯，我厌倦了这种谈话。让我们结束吧。”（好的，谢谢）。
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更少的情况是，这个人是一个“_坏人_”，或者在社区管理圈子里，是一个“搅屎棍”。这些人确实存在，而且他们在演戏方面很有发展。你猜怎么着？通过持续地以一种友善、慷慨、以社区为中心的方式，完全无视所有试图使局势升级的尝试，你有效地将谈话变成了一个对他们没有兴趣的领域。他们别无选择，只能放弃它。你成为赢家。
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这就是积极意愿假想的力量。通过对愤怒和充满敌意的言辞做出回应，优雅而有尊严地回应，你就能化解一场战争，理清混乱，解决棘手的问题，而且在这个过程中很有可能会交到一个新朋友。
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我每次应用这个原则都成功吗？见鬼，不。但我从不后悔选择了积极意愿。但是我能生动的回想起，当我采用消极意愿假想时，将问题变得更糟糕的场景。
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现在轮到你了。我很乐意听到你提出的一些策略和原则，当你的社区里的对话变得激烈的时候，要成为一股好力量。在下面的评论中分享你的想法。
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下次，我们将探索更多的方法，在你的社区里成为一个美好力量，我将分享一些处理“坏脾气先生”的技巧。
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--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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作者简介：
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丽贝卡·费尔南德斯（Rebecca Fernandez）是红帽公司（Red Hat）的首席就业品牌 + 通讯专家，是《开源组织》书籍的贡献者，也是开源决策框架的维护者。她的兴趣是开源和业务管理模型的开源方式。Twitter：@ruhbehka
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via: https://opensource.com/open-organization/17/1/force-for-good-community
|
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|
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作者：[Rebecca Fernandez][a]
|
||||
译者：[chao-zhi](https://github.com/chao-zhi)
|
||||
校对：[校对者ID](https://github.com/校对者ID)
|
||||
|
||||
本文由 [LCTT](https://github.com/LCTT/TranslateProject) 原创编译，[Linux中国](https://linux.cn/) 荣誉推出
|
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|
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[a]:https://opensource.com/users/rebecca
|
||||
[1]:https://opensource.com/business/15/5/5-ways-promote-inclusive-environment
|
||||
[2]:https://twitter.com/leadership_365
|
||||
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Reference in New Issue
Block a user